A young colt has aspirations of heroism, but swiftly learns that such a dream may not be realistic within the confines of the Marejave Wasteland. Can he overcome the world's callousness, or will he fall prey to it like so many before him?
I would love to go into details and talk long lengths about the little colt with the tummy-auchy... But that would just ruin the rather weird treatment that they come up with for the problem.
Oh uck... I think that it should be my new battlecry!
Nitpicks: "The long, steel syringe felt cool against my teeth," Wait... she uses her unhygienic mouth to administer medicine and not her dexterous wings? I am pretty sure that I have seen pegasi in the show use their wings to manipulate stuff with. " and I took shaky breath before the tears started to fall. " Is it not missing an a? " and just vaguely of pine and rain… my dad’s favorite cologne." Fun fact, petrichor, the scientific name for the scent of rain, comes from the rain hitting the ground, throwing up small traces of dirt and not at least bacteria and viruses into our noses. Its not really the rain itself we can smell, but trace amounts of ground, also why the phenomena is called "Stone-blood"... What I wanted to say is that rain in the clouds would just smell wet, and not amazing as it does down here. "It appeared to a young, earthpony colt." It appear like you are missing a few words here. "
How can we expect readers to enjoy this, if they don't even have to dedicate most of a day to reading a single chapter ?!
I get your point though. I'm trying out shorter chapters, but still trying to find that sweet spot for updates.
I am satisfied to deem Best Pony a few screws loose
Good to have an expert opinion on the subject
But that would just ruin the rather weird treatment that they come up with for the problem.
Mistglider is not one to hesitate when it comes to kicking small children
I am pretty sure that I have seen pegasi in the show use their wings to manipulate stuff with.
Indeed they do, but right now she's trying to hide them for yet unexplained (but probably very obvious) reasons.
What I wanted to say is that rain in the clouds would just smell wet, and not amazing as it does down here.
I did know this, but if I were to stick entirely to smells that would be available to a pegasus who's only ever known the Enclave, I really couldn't think of a wide range of scents available for colognes. Thinking more on it now, she also probably wouldn't know what pine smells like. So I guess I fudged it a bit
And now to correct some glaringly obvious mistakes... dear god I found more.
I would love to go into details and talk long lengths about the little colt with the tummy-auchy... But that would just ruin the rather weird treatment that they come up with for the problem.
Oh uck... I think that it should be my new battlecry!
Nitpicks:
"The long, steel syringe felt cool against my teeth," Wait... she uses her unhygienic mouth to administer medicine and not her dexterous wings? I am pretty sure that I have seen pegasi in the show use their wings to manipulate stuff with.
" and I took shaky breath before the tears started to fall. " Is it not missing an a?
" and just vaguely of pine and rain… my dad’s favorite cologne." Fun fact, petrichor, the scientific name for the scent of rain, comes from the rain hitting the ground, throwing up small traces of dirt and not at least bacteria and viruses into our noses. Its not really the rain itself we can smell, but trace amounts of ground, also why the phenomena is called "Stone-blood"... What I wanted to say is that rain in the clouds would just smell wet, and not amazing as it does down here.
"It appeared to a young, earthpony colt." It appear like you are missing a few words here.
"
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How can we expect readers to enjoy this, if they don't even have to dedicate most of a day to reading a single chapter ?!
I get your point though. I'm trying out shorter chapters, but still trying to find that sweet spot for updates.
Good to have an expert opinion on the subject
Mistglider is not one to hesitate when it comes to kicking small children
Indeed they do, but right now she's trying to hide them for yet unexplained (but probably very obvious) reasons.
I did know this, but if I were to stick entirely to smells that would be available to a pegasus who's only ever known the Enclave, I really couldn't think of a wide range of scents available for colognes. Thinking more on it now, she also probably wouldn't know what pine smells like. So I guess I fudged it a bit
And now to correct some glaringly obvious mistakes... dear god I found more.
Awesome Story!
I'm waiting for the next chapter, though I bet the thing that breaks through to Venture is the power ponies blanket.
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I think you might be right.