A couple of hours after Sunset and Luna had started studying the book, Luna lit her horn and closed it. The candles had burned very low by this time and Luna stifled a yawn. She then looked across the closed book to Sunset. "I think I understand," she said.
Sunset looked rather excited, her ears forward. "Do you want to go over it again, maybe? I don't mind!"
Luna chuckled softly. "Have you no fatigue, Sunset Shimmer?"
Sunset blushed and folded her ears. "Oh... sorry Princess. I'm used to studying all night and it's been a long time since I've learned so much. Your magic is amazing!"
Luna made a thoughtful sound and nodded, standing up. "I thank you for your assistance. It's very clear that you understand a great deal about magic. If the situation were different, I might have enjoyed teaching you myself."
Sunset blushed further and turned her head. "Thank you, Princess Luna."
Luna nodded towards Ulfrid, who stood as well. He dipped his head and spoke gently. "So all is understood now, my liege?"
Luna nodded again. "I believe so, Ulfrid. Based upon the components of the spell that Sunset Shimmer was able to cast, and the remnants of magic left in the Alicorn Amulet, it would appear that the charge of the amulet along with the curse will have transferred to my sister. She must be very confused."
Sunset stood as well. "That means, if we follow correctly, that she has regained her full power, possibly even more."
Luna frowned, "Most certainly more, I would say. In her greatest tempers I have never seen her flare as she did when she confronted me. And that was before she took away my powers."
"Then there is the additional drain from Equestria that you mentioned, Ulfrid," added Sunset. "Although I have to admit that I still don't understand exactly what that means."
Luna nodded back to Sunset. "It has not been a subject of much research in the past, largely due to the scarcity and responsibilities of landed alicorns. Really, it is mostly known to alicorns by tradition and legend. I was not sure that I believed in it myself before we found Equestria. But it made us both feel... complete."
Sunset hesitated for a moment, and then shook her head. "But then why did you work so hard to overthrow Celestia and take over? I mean, I got from your diary that you were frustrated and that you felt neglected by Equestria, but... I just don't understand why."
Luna's expression fell and she turned her head away, looking first at Ulfrid, and then at the blank stone wall itself. "It was not Equestria I was angry at, so much..." she said, very softly. "I might have tolerated that."
Sunset cast a glance at Ulfrid, who merely nodded once back towards Luna. Sunset remained quiet and looked back at Luna, waiting for her to finish.
After a moment longer, she did. "It was Celestia I was angry with. Whenever I tried to confide in her, she would brush me off. After hundreds of years of being the only pony I could ever talk to, she suddenly didn't have time for me."
Luna's jaw tightened, and her face hardened. "All because of these little ponies who came up and kissed her hooves at every opportunity... who would make opportunities just to kiss her hooves. For whom I was just the sister of the Great Solar Princess, a token symbol that nopony had any interest in, no matter how hard I worked!"
Her head came around rapidly and she fixed Sunset Shimmer with a glare. "How would you feel if your entire world vanished overnight, leaving you just a lonely face in the shadows?"
Sunset frowned right back at her. "Oh, I don't know," she began with a defiant note in her voice. "Except that's exactly what you did to me. You took away my teacher, you took away my future, and you reduced me to a fugitive who was afraid that every hoofstep was the guard coming to take me away."
Luna met Sunset's glare for almost a full minute, and then her face softened. She laughed softly. "If we manage to come through this intact, Sunset Shimmer, you shall be forgiven." She paused, and then spoke more softly. "Perhaps one day you will even forgive me."
Sunset didn't relax quite so quickly, but she did nod slowly. "I guess, maybe..." she responded. "Do you think that you and Celestia will be able to work things out?"
Luna's eyes betrayed an otherwise hidden flinch, but she responded confidently. "We won't know until we break this curse."
"And just how are we supposed to do that?" asked Sunset.
Luna frowned anew, this time in concentration. "I am uncertain. I have already tried talking to her; she would not listen to reason even before she took away my powers."
"There's the feed from the land... if we could break that, would she burn up the rest?"
Luna mused it over for a moment. "I am not even certain that is possible..." She turned her head back to Ulfrid. "Ulfrid, you seem to know something about our connection to the land, is there anything that you can offer?"
Ulfrid dipped his head slowly. "There is nothing I can offer, my liege. The contract with a landed alicorn is for life. The Oath welcomes her."
Sunset tilted her head. "Oath? What oath?"
"So long as they act in the interests of the land, the land welcomes them," replied Ulfrid gently.
"How can you possibly say that Nightmare Moon was in the best interests of Equestria?" Sunset demanded.
Ulfrid dipped his head in deference to Sunset. "That I cannot answer, young pony."
Luna frowned at Sunset's question and spent a moment looking at her hooves, her expression flickering between angry frustration and embarrassment.
Before she could reply, however, there was a sudden clattering of hooves on the staircase, followed by Sterling Honor launching himself into the room. He landed in a bow and spoke quickly. "Your Highness!" he exclaimed. "I apologize for the intrusion, but we have a report from the unicorns stationed near the Crystal Mountains. A fireball was seen streaking north into the Frozen Wastelands, and they have detected powerful magic. It can only be Celestia."
Luna considered for a moment and glanced down at Sunset. She then looked back to Sterling. "Captain, take Sunset Shimmer and provide her with provisions for a travel to the Frozen North. We will leave by air in fifteen minutes. You will collect a mixed squad and follow after us... we will expect you by midnight."
Sterling stood and saluted. "At once, my liege."
"Wait!" called Sunset. "Princess, I can't fly!"
Luna stretched out her wings. "I have recovered enough to carry you. We will evaluate the situation, and assess what we can do. We will discuss your plan on the way."
Sunset blanched. "But I don't have a plan, Princess!"
Luna smiled. "You will develop one," she replied. She turned her head. "Ulfrid?"
"I will accompany you, my Liege," he responded. "But I shall travel by paw. Wolves were never meant to fly." He smiled, showing his fangs.
"Can you keep up?" asked Luna.
Ulfrid bowed, "I serve," he replied.
Luna nodded, "Very well. Sunset Shimmer, go with Captain Sterling Honor now, and meet me back here in fifteen minutes. It is a long flight to the Frozen North. I cannot think of many things that she might be doing up there..."
"Do you think maybe she's just going into hiding?" asked Sunset.
"If her magic is flaring, then she must be preparing some form of spell." Luna paused a moment and then continued. "But we shall have to see what it is. Go now."
Sunset nodded and followed Sterling out of the room. Luna watched them leave and then stood silent for several minutes. Then, slowly and without a word, she began to walk along the walls of the room to where the shattered remnants of Nightmare Moon's armor lay. Her horn lit and the fragments glowed as she approached them, each lifting up and following her. Each shard locked into its proper position as it was acquired, and when the pieces were complete she lifted them over her body. The armor settled upon her body and then adjusted magically to fit snugly. Luna broke her silence by speaking tiredly as she donned the battered armor.
"This could be my last journey, Ulfrid," she confided. "I have no strength for a battle with my sister."
Ulfrid approached and sat down next to her. "Yet you intend to confront her all the same," he observed.
Luna sighed softly as her helmet rose from a small chest. Since she was not wearing it during Celestia's attack, it shone smooth and undamaged. Luna rotated it slowly in the air before herself for a moment before settling it gently over her head, where it was likewise adjusted to fit. "I must," she replied. She was quiet for a moment longer, and then spoke again, more softly. "Sunset Shimmer was correct," she said.
Ulfrid looked to her. "About what, my liege?"
Luna's gaze fell to her hooves. "Equestria has rejected me. I have not felt the welcome of the land's power since I returned from the Moon. Nightmare Moon did not act in the land's best interest... at least at first."
Ulfrid was quiet at that. After a moment, Luna continued.
"Celestia has all the power of the Alicorn Amulet, and the power of the Nightmare magic I absorbed, and on top of that you believe that she still has the welcome of the land. I have only my alicorn magic, and that restores slowly. Perhaps... perhaps she truly was meant to rule all along, without me."
Ulfrid looked at her curiously for a moment, and then he spoke. "Do you truly believe that your sister means you harm?" he asked gently.
Luna replied without looking up. "The intent was there," she replied. "I could feel it."
"But she is not herself."
"No," replied Luna quietly.
"So," prompted Ulfrid. "Do you truly believe that your sister means you harm?"
Luna half raised her head to look at him. "Does it matter what she means?"
"It matters a great deal, my liege."
Luna sighed softly and raised her head again, studying the ceiling. Her eyes saw through it to the grand expanse of the night sky beyond. After a minute's contemplation, she responded. "Celestia would not intentionally hurt me, no."
Ulfrid bowed deeply. "That is all you require to save her, your highness."
Luna looked at him again and this time her expression was wistful. "And if, by some miracle, I do manage to put things right with Celestia again, then what? Another thousand years locked away as punishment for my crimes? Should I just accept my fate and hand Equestria back to Celestia?"
Ulfrid shook his head slowly. "I cannot advise on that, my liege. But you should speak with your sister before you resign yourself to a fate that may not come."
Luna closed her eyes for a moment, her chest tightening. "I know that I made a lot of mistakes," she started. "But I thought that I had made at least some of it right again."
Ulfrid smiled reassuringly. "The story is not yet over, your Highness. Have confidence in yourself and in your sister."
Luna sighed and lowered her head. "Whatever," she responded.
Ulfrid cleared his throat quietly, and then spoke again. "Appearances, my liege. Sunset Shimmer and Sterling Honor return."
Luna looked at him, tilting her head curiously, and then she heard the clattering of hooves on the staircase. She drew herself to her full height and stood facing the doorway.
Sterling Honor entered first, dropping into a low bow. He had changed into a heavier armor, a plate-mail that covered his flanks as well as his forelegs. "We are prepared, Your Highness," he stated. "Sunset Shimmer is prepared and my squad will be ready to follow you within half an hour."
Sunset followed after him a little more slowly and with considerably heavier breathing. She was equipped with thin chain-mail that draped over her head and down her neck, containing her mane. Additional chain covered her body and strapped atop that were two heavy-looking saddlebags bearing the crescent moon symbol. "Don't you ever get tired?" she snapped between breaths. She started to lie down, fussing with the chain.
Princess Luna chuckled. "Was the chain-mail really necessary, Captain?" she teased.
Sterling remained in his bow. "I thought it best to be prepared for any eventuality, your Highness."
"At least you were quick," noted Luna, turning her attention back to Sunset. "On your hooves, Sunset Shimmer," she ordered. "You may think that you are tired now, but I am the pony who must carry you and your provisions for the next several hours."
Sunset looked up guiltily, finally looking at Luna. She gasped as she recognized the armor Luna wore. "Nightmare Moon!" she whispered.
Luna nodded, "Yes, Nightmare Moon," she responded. "Now come, we have a long journey ahead of us."
Well, that's good to know. I was a bit worried. It has been a while since you updated last.
The main six appear in this story, right?
7519936 Not really. For most not at all. The mane six never rose to prominence in this version of the history. I know where they all are and what they are doing, but unless special reason arises they won't be written in. (And at this point I don't expect any more of them... there's just the one cameo at the moment. ;) )
I like the idea behind this story, and I think it has some good emotional moments. The focus on Luna and Celestia's shared history is one that I always enjoy seeing explored.
However I can't help but feel disappointed by how shallow the world-building is. So much about what happened during the ten-year time jump is left vague or simply glossed over entirely. The result is a story that feels like it takes place on a stage, rather than in a world of its own.
7520133 You're not the first to mention this... it was not my intention to cover the intervening time. To me that's an entire book of its own which would be a distraction to this story. At the same time, what you and others have rightfully pointed out is that it leaves you with a thin world that takes you out of the story again.
It's on my mind how to improve that, but right now I am more focused on getting to the end. This may be a small disservice to the people kind enough to follow along as it's written, but if I figure out what I want there I can go back and flesh out the world better in the earlier chapters. I had intended that the history chapter, with its three or four sentences about the world, would provide enough baseline to figure out where things lay (or at least to the point of setting off). It sounds silly to say that written down, but that's how the entire FiM series kicked off, and it was enough for us to know what was going on in the first story (which is why I lifted that intro -- to say 'this is the world you know except for this part...'). Still... it makes sense to me that there is opportunity to say a LITTLE bit more, and there are some good suggestions in the comments field here. So I need to find that happier middle ground. :)
Either way, I appreciate the feedback. Random thumbs downs leave me guessing, but actual words help shape the thought processes.
Honestly, I don't think it's something the story is actually missing all that much. It's clearly a more character-focused thing than one that actually centers on the world and the changes caused. In a pretty big way, the events of the intervening years don't actually matter to the plot. They can be glossed over because, honestly, they aren't really important to anything. "Conservation of detail" and all that - unless a part of the world is relevant to the story in some way, it should only be described as much as at all necessary. Digressing into that would have taken attention away from the more immediate things, which is the relationship between the big four main characters of this story. Well, five, if you count Ulfrid, but he's more of a mystery option.
7520222 For my part, I think my issue stems more from the way things are framed. It's not necessary to chronicle the events of the past 10 years in detail, but their passing should be felt. As it stands, it could just as easily have been 10 months, and not much would have changed. This is now a land of eternal night but, except for a few scenes early on, it never really feels like one.
The focus of the story is, and should remain, on Celestia and Luna. But then there are characters like Sunset and Sterling, who don't seem to have much depth. They're defined by their devotion to their respective Princesses, and not much else. Besides personal loyalties, there's not much to suggest either really cares who rules Equestria, so the struggle isn't very interesting.
As it stands, the story is straddling an awkward line; not enough world-building to support the setting, but the setting is too intrusive to ignore.
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Honestly, if you put too much thought into it, the entire idea of a world of eternal night kind of falls apart from the outset - there's not really anything you can say to justify "people are still alive instead of frozen stiff or starved to death from the widespread famines that are caused by plants no longer growing." To a degree, ignoring all of that is the best the story can even do, because if you don't, you find yourself in an endless circular situation where the more impossible aspects of the story setting must be explained somehow, the solution to which must then be explained itself, which then needs more explanation and so on.
That's the kind of thing you can do for one of those 200k-plus word epics... but that's not really what this story is. The logistics of the story just don't really allow for it. The story would probably be a quarter as far into the plot as it is right now if it actually paid the attention to all of these aspects that they'd need to be fully realized.
I can agree that it's insufficiently explained just why Sterling serves Nightmare Moon so fanatically, however. That's a pretty central facet of his character and needs a good justification, which we haven't gotten yet.
7520549 I agree, to a point. There's rarely a need to explain the mechanics of Equestria's day/night cycle unless that is the focus of the story. However, it is an aspect of the setting that should be properly framed here. Is the world teetering on the edge of collapse? Are there stirrings of rebellion from a frightened and desperate populace? Is it incidental, and nopony actually cares that much? The story touches on this, but it never maintains a consistent tone.
This may not seem relevant at first glance, but Celestia is an important character here. How her subjects have been treated in her absence and what damage her sister has caused to the kingdom should be relevant to her interests (or it should be, but its absence here is a bit noticable). Likewise, without properly framing the situation, Sterling's fanatical devotion to Nightmare Moon feels insubstantial; what has she done to earn his loyalty?
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I can see where you are coming from there. At the same time, though, I think that while these things may not be outright stated, they are visible in their implication. The setting isn't really unformed in those regards. We never hear it said that the ecology has seamlessly adapted to the eternal night... but it clearly has, because none of the characters ever speak of hunger, rationing or especially inclement weather. We aren't told that there must have been a period of limited unrest... but the presence of the guard and the military is clearly much stronger than it used to be. There are no mentions of war damage or hints that named characters have died, so we can assume that while a stronger armed force was called for, it never came to open fighting. The civilian characters don't react with the kind of fear and suspicion to guard characters that they would if there had been open oppression and repression - but at the same time, Trixie undergoes a routine seizure and search, which is something that is not present in the original setting. It's things like that which paint a fairly full picture of what kind of world this is taking place in, I think. It's never made explicit, but it's all present when you look for it.
As mentioned, I can agree with you about parts of the characterization, though. Sterling, in particular, is well-characterized in his actions - we know very definitely how he feels about Nightmare Moon and his duty. We have little idea why he feels that way, however. That is something I think could be improved on.
Wooooooooo! So glad to see an update. Im curious how things will turn out.
7520650 Guys, I really appreciate this conversation, thanks for that. I can't say that everything will be fixed, of course, I've never written anything this large before. But it's giving me a lot to think about.
In regards to the physical mechanics of the world and thus the implication of endless night, yeah. There is deliberate glossing over of that because it's really hard to figure out how the heck things work when they are going properly, let alone now. If Luna and Celestia raise the sun and moon (and the show's legends tell us a score of unicorns did it before them), is this for the whole planet? (Is it flat??) What about other kingdoms, like the gryphon or dragon lands where they clearly think of the Princesses as some kind of joke, and yet they must also benefit from the day cycle. We hear that Luna refused to lower the moon to 'make way' for the sun, but we see sun and moon up together when the Princesses go missing - was that just dramatic storytelling? It's a thin foundation to start with, and I didn't want to stack too much on top of it.
Survival of the world, likewise, I only loosely touched on. 'Magical lanterns' (and rationing of light) to hint that there is some order to that part of life. As for uprisings... well... I think the ponies had their basic needs met. My Nightmare Moon came to rule, not to throw creatures of darkness across the land as Lauren originally suggested. (It gets complicated fast when other lands come into play, as such, I'd rather leave them alone for this one.) Would they fight for the sun? Maybe some would, but I don't see entire (pony) lands rising against her. Did anyone die? Well, I don't want to bring death in. Believe it if you like, don't if you don't, the world has room for either view, but I won't write it in. Abuse, however, yeah, that happened. It still happens sometimes (note Sterling's original questioning of Impulse). But again it's not really a part of the story. If I go too deep onto that side of things, I have to explain why Nightmare is still in power, and why she doesn't feel threatened by the populace (only Celestia scares her). It's a tricky balance.
The impact of Night, or lack thereof, has been noted a few times, and I think it's true that it might be as simple as a further flashback or a little more interaction with the world itself. A couple of scenes might establish it a little more clearly -- that was my original intention of Night Shift, in fact, to have Luna go out into the world and learn how the citizens were actually getting on... to give HER something to think about. I lost a little bit of that thread and wouldn't mind revisiting it.
Characterization... it's interesting to hear that you wonder about Sterling's past. In truth while he's well formed in my mind his history is not! (Contrast to Stratosphere who has a history but no personality! ) I can put some thought into that as well. For Sunset, I thought her loyalty was explained in the same way as Twilight's is in the real show - she's her mentor. A few more sentences might cover that. Ulfrid we're about to learn a /bit/ more about - he has been a mystery on purpose.
I'm rambling a bit here, sorry about that. Just trying to internalize what was written and work through some of my own thoughts. In the end it's helpful to me, so thanks!
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That's been pretty much the impression that I have also been getting. In the end, taxes went to a new guy but life didn't really change and "tomorrow was going to be pretty much the same as today," which Terry Pratchett's Lord Vetinari so eloquently suggests is what the average person really wants out of its government. There's no big discussion of the great changes the nation went through because, ultimately, there weren't really any, short of higher household expenses on latern oil. It's actually pretty much what I would expect to come of that situation, if Nightmare Moon isn't played as Stupid Evil, so that really worked pretty well for me.
And yeah, I think Sunset is the one character who really doesn't need a whole lot of additional characterization for her motivations. It's rather obvious and something we are already thoroughly familiar with. This is an alternate universe where she never ran off into the mirror. That pretty much explains it all. It would be a lot like expecting every story to go into a detailed explanation for why Twilight is so obsessed with Princess Celestia. It's just part of the source material.
As to Sterling... it's less his past that's really in question and more his reasons, I think. As mentioned, he is visibly very devoted to Nightmare Moon, but we are never really told what motivates him. Something must make him believe she is worth that kind of dedication, some kind of personal reason that makes him have loyalty not to simply his duty, but her personally. That's the kind of thing that really should be given a bit more detail. It immediately matters to how he acts and why he acts that way.
i'm loving the story so far , it's a shame it's getting a little while for new updates. i just hope it doesn't stop suddenly like many other great stories i've read
7556362 Thank you! I'm trying not to be another "one of those". ;) The last six months or so have been pretty intense with work, and I've lost a lot of the free time blocks I was previously using to write. But I'm in the 'catching up' phase now, hopefully will work that out soon. ;)
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That's great news! Thanks for the reply