Assignment: Equestria

by Naxanz

Prologue

“Sir, we are picking up strange readings from an uncharted planet,” stated a crewman studying a screen on the main bridge.

“What do you mean by strange readings?” asked the captain.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen energy readings like this before sir!”

“What? This ship has the capability to read and identify over 1,000 different types of energy waves and masses, yet you can’t tell me what it is?”

“No sir, I cannot. But whatever it is it could be dangerous… Although the planet does seem to be habitable.”

“What do you recommend we do?”

“Well, if we are going to investigate I believe that we should deploy a squad of F-56 starplanes to reconnoiter the planet.”

“That’s a good idea, call up patrol 3 and tell them to scout the planet and report anything they find.”

“Yes sir!”

--Atropos Docking Sector--

Nick and his patrol containing of their commander, three others, and himself all hurried down the hall towards the F-56 docking sector. Ever since he had launched on this exploration voyage he had not had much action. Of course, they had only been traveling for about three weeks. Nick didn’t usually get spacesick but when the ship had traveled through that wormhole a few days ago he had felt pretty nauseous. But now he could finally get some action; he was going to scout a new planet! Nick had never set foot on another planet before; well, except for Mars, but that shouldn’t count. All Starfleet enlistees had to go to the International Starbase located on Mars for boot camp and training. His thoughts were suddenly put on a hold as his patrol arrived at their five designated starplanes.

“All right listen up!” shouted their commander.

The commander was a burly man and always very strict when on an operation. When not on a mission he was a pretty nice guy and sometimes even talked to them as if they were close friends. He carried the standard sixth generation P99 Laser on him, as did they all. It was a nice gun; handheld laser technology was fairly new and to Nick’s knowledge this was the only pistol so far created with a laser attachment. Of course, you could always switch back to the old fashion bullet gun with the push of a button. They all stood at attention as the commander informed them of their mission and what they were supposed to do. Once finished they all climbed into their F-56 starplanes and fired them up. The slight hum of the engine calmed Nick as they all hovered off of the landing pads and shot out of the Atropos at about 8,000 mph. Nick wondered what lay ahead of him as they all slowly approached the strange and alien planet.

Comments

[SevenVenom]

oi47.tinypic.com/s3mq8h.jpg
Darn it, I thought this was going to be a Starcraft crossover.
The picture of the Hyperion really caught my attention.
But good story.

[FenrirBlackfire]

I undestand how do you feel so I will give you an opportunity... I`m reading this later but I will come back.

[stonedcookie]

596852

Why did I think of Shazbot?

[GlitchyProductions]

Hmm... I read the whole chapter, and I have a feeling that the plot is going to be pretty interesting. (If you manage to pull it off correctly, that is.)

I like it so far, but there is some problems.

1. The detail, the story (and this chapter) seem to be significantly lacking actual detail and description to what the characters are doing. You aren't really going into a large amount of detail about the emotions, actions and behaviors of the characters.

2. The pacing, so Twilight and friends are playing a game and then all of a sudden a human ship flies by... kind of fast don't you think? Maybe an actual prologue before the story happening, like a bunch of humans making a decision to go to Equestria and learning their reasons to why they are visiting. Either that's going to be explained in the future chapters or you didn't think about it in this chapter. You need to slow down the story and atleast go into detail (Like point one) about what was going on.

These are a few of the many problems/nitpicks I have with the story. I do like HiE stories and I definitely think that you have potential for this story, but please make it a little longer and add some more detail for the readers.

Examples:

Original: "Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity were all hanging out over at Sweet Apple Acres playing games one day normal day in Ponyville."

Instead of just saying a normal day, you could go into detail about it being a warn summers day with cool yet brisk winds to compliment the heat, and maybe an actual description of what Twilight and her friends are playing. (Catch? Hoof-Ball? Tag? Hide 'n Seek?) All that other good stuff.

- Glitch.

[Neostar]

Rainbow Dash managed to wreck the Hyperion by kicking it? I kid, I know it was a small craft sent from the Atropolis And serves him right, he fired at Rainbow Dash! She has nothing to apologize for.

Well, I'm glad that the dude was not a brony. That was a good move to keep it interesting. 7.8 billion light years... is further away than most of the sci-fi ships I know can travel, but that's okay! Looks like he's set up for some crazy adventures in Equestria, but watch out for Twilight. She'll never leave him alone.

596892 "Instead of just saying a normal day, you could go into detail about it being a warn summers day with cool yet brisk winds to compliment the heat"

Yay for more weather reports!

[Naxanz]

596892 Thanks I'll keep that in mind. I may add a prologue now too!

[SevenVenom]

596944 Would you not mind if I asked you to change the cover art to a different star ship?

[The_Blazer]

Needs some reviewing, and a prologue would be sweet, just to explain what humanity exactly did in 500 years. But this story looks good, so I will stay tuned on it!

[RoadRunneR]

Read it aswell, and
596892
Totally what he said.

[Naxanz]

596949 Why? As long as it's an epic picture I don't really care I guess

[SevenVenom]

597152 It's just misleading, I guess. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

[Tau]

Wow Rainbow Dash destroyed the F-56 by kicking it, it must have been made out something weak like paper mache or Radditz.

[The Legist]

596852 Yeah I read ya........ sir

[Sonson-Sensei]

The story is interesting but it moves along kind of fast. And Rainbow dash destroying a fighter jet just by kicking it is pretty ridiculous.

[Taffy]

596852
I keep saying that if someone wants to make a good Starcraft crosssover they gotta take a note from the Fallout Equestria people and do more than "Terrans discover strange planet" or something. Think about it, zerglings, changelings, the universe practically writes itself.

[SoullessDCLXVI]

“All right listen up!” shouted their commander.
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".......yes?"