Where am I?

by zombiesurvivor123

Crash

Blaine Rawlings stood in the early morning mist. Today would be his first mission after his enlistment in the Lafayette Escadrille, a group of American pilots who joined the French air force. The year was 1916, with The Great War (World War 1) in full swing. The Germans were pushing the allies back with every passing day. "Hey Rawlings", called his friend Robert. "Are you gonna just stand their all day or fill up your planes fuel tank?"

Rawlings laughed nervously. Several hours had passed and he wasn't to anxious to take flight. Several soldiers stood near the front of the planes propellers. "Contact!",yelled Rawlings, pulling the ignition while the soldier spun the prop. The engine roared to life. Sgt. Hoobler walked over to Rawlings plane and handed him a m1911 pistol. "What's this for?",asked Rawlings. "If your plane catches fire you have three choices. You can stay in it and burn all the way to the ground, you can jump from several thousand feet, or you can take the quick and painless way out."

Ten minutes after take off, Rawlings squadron ran into a group of German tri-planes. Gunfire rang out as the two squadrons opened fire at each other. German Tri planes and Sopwith Camels flew after one another. Several Krauts were taken down by the large caliber bullets of the French machine guns. Rawlings immediately opened fire at the black eagle, an infamous German pilot who had shot down more pilots than one could count. A dogfight soon emitted as they played a game of cat and mouse. The two pilots opened fire at each other, flying directly at one another. Rawlings pulled left on the control stick and banked left, narrowly avoiding a head on collision with the Black Eagle. While the Black eagle continued after another pilot, another Jerry flew after his friend William. Williams plane caught on fire. "Will!" screamed Rawlings as his friend drew his revolve, placed it to his head, and pulled the trigger. Rawlings let out a war cry and perused the bloody Kraut who had killed his friend. Right as he was about to open fire, his Vickers .303 machine gun malfunctioned. Pulling out a hammer, he began pounding on the side of the firing mechanism in an effort to unjam the machine gun. The Black Eagle noticed this and flew right behind Rawlings plane and opened fire. Fear rushed through Rawlings's heart as his bi-plane was fulled with bullet holes. One of the Black Eagle's bullets hit Rawlings fuel tank. The Black Eagle pulled up and perused another pilot as Rawlings plane crashed into the ground in a smoking wreckage.

Coughing from the black smoke emitted from his wrecked bi-plane, Rawlings crawled out of the pilots seat and lay down in the field that he had landed in. Removing his now shattered flight goggles, he took a look at the surrounding countryside. 'Wait a minute, this isn't France', thought Rawlings. Instead of trenches and bunkers and the sound of gunfire, the field was full of plants and animals, with nothing war related around except him. In fact, this whole area looked like it had never even seen war. A few bushes about 20 feet away from him rustled. Drawing his pistol, he aimed at the bushes. "Kommen Sie mit Ihren Händen auf!(come out with your hands up)", he yelled. While he was expecting a German soldier to either step out or open fire, a lavender colored unicorn with a purple mane stepped out of the bushes.'What the hell', thought Rawlings.

Comments

[Fernin]

Hmm... Interesting start.

I feel like the narrative moved a little quicker than it should have-- I would have liked a bit more setting of the scene, especially the last two paragraphs. There's enough content in there to spin out at least half a dozen more paragraphs. Even if you brush by the dogfight (which could have been pretty exciting if fleshed out), the crash and what follows could have provided some good characterization for Rawlings. Plus, the slower pace would have allowed you more time to build the atmosphere of the scene although I'm sure you wanted to get the plot moving along in short order.

Oh, and a few anachronisms-- one, calling it "World War 1" during the first world war is anachronistic. I realize the narrator is the one saying it, but in the paragraph the narration appears to be coming from Rawlings' thoughts, so it's something to consider. Two, if Rawlings is serving with the Escadrille de Lafayette, he'd likely have access to a French Pistole Revolveur Modele 1892 rather than an American 1911. I may be wrong on that last one, but the RM 1892 was the standard French pistol through the Great War and he is in a French military unit.

[Fernin]

Edits have definitely improved this chapter. You're doing a good job.

Also I love that Rawlings is so ballsy as to threaten a presumed German Soldier on the German side of the lines when he's matching a pistol to the hun's rifle.

[toonninja]

Okay, a little less tell, a little more show. It's important to establish setting and such, yes, but it's equally important to establish it naturally, with a bit more, eh, polish.

A little more polish overall would be good, actually. It's a good idea, mind you, but the grammar and structure leave something to be desired.

[Banshee42]

Fokker Dr.I was the only German triplane in mass production during WWI. First flight was in 1917 so there would be no triplane for him to dogfight with in 1916.

.....wow...I really am just such a geek arn't I...

...*sigh*...

....never mind.