• Published 4th Mar 2015
  • 2,302 Views, 73 Comments

Pulling Pranks With Ponies - Godiswithus3



A human who decides to pull pranks on his pony friends and faces the consequences for them.

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Applejack and An Itch

My attempt to humiliate Rainbow Dash has taught me a very valuable lesson. The next time you pull a prank on the ponies, DON'T STICK AROUND, OR THEY WILL RETALIATE! When that devious colorful mare caught me, she decided to take me up to the skies and demonstrate her latest tricks. THAT WAS NOT FUN! She performed twists, loops, zig zags, and dives! Jeez that was scary as hell. Thank goodness she did not do the sonic rainboom, I don't know how much I would have taken it. When she finally put me down, I was so discombobulated that it took me a good five minutes to recover. When I came to, she got up to my face and in a mockery tone gave me a warning.

"Nopony pulls a prank on Rainbow Dash and gets away with it," she smirked and prodded my chest.

I will have to lay low for now and catch her when she has her guard down. For now, I have other targets in mind. The whole time Rainbow Dash had pinned me down and announced my unfortunate flight to the skies, none of her friends tried to stop her, not even Applejack and Pinkie Pie. It is for this reason that they have become my targets and I have an itchy plan for AJ.

It took me a couple of weeks to get everything I needed, but I eventually got them. The only thing I needed to do was wait for Tuesday, which was the day Applejack would be the only pony harvesting besides myself. Big Mac, her older brother, would go into town to buy more supplies from the Ponyville's equivalent to Home Depot.

When Tuesday arrived, I got up at two o'clock in the morning and went to execute my plan. Since I slept in the barn, I didn't have to worry about waking up the Apple family and made sneaking around easier for me. I grabbed the stuff I hid behind my hay bed and went outside. The day before, I asked Big Mac where we were going to harvest next, which gave me ideas on where Applejack was going to buck. I did not want to ask Applejack herself, fearing that she might get suspicious and start asking unwanted questions. I jogged to the tree where I knew Applejack was going to buck and got to work. The tree was at least four hundred yards away from the house, so nopony would be able to see me from that far, unless they have binoculars which made me glad they didn't. I took out the stuff I was carrying and started putting them carefully on the leaves and branches of the tree. It took an hour, but I was able to accomplish my task. It would be an hour before the "early birds" start waking up, so I jogged back to the barn. When I got back, I hid the container back behind my hay bed, no need to display my evidence yet. I changed my sweaty shirt for a clean one and went back to sleep. Even though it was only going to be an hour sleep, it was better than no sleep at all.

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"G'mornin sleepy head."

That was the sound of Applejack's voice. I usually hate alarm clocks or rooster noises that force me away from my dreams. The voice of AJ's country accent was much more smoother in comparison and I would prefer to have her be my wake up call. Still it is always hard to force myself up, especially now that I got less sleep last night. I opened my eyes to see my familiar employer with those big green eyes.

"C'mon and git up," AJ said as she shook me up, making me sit up right. I started to get up and stretch myself, making the kind of noises you let out when you are tired and getting out of bed. AJ cocked her head in concern. "Ya didn't git enough sleep, David?"

I did not want to give away my plans yet, so I waved in dismissal. "Don't worry about it. What's for breakfast."

Applejack seemed unconvinced at my reassurance but nonetheless turned towards her house. "Follow me." She replied as she started trotting away and I followed.

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I ate breakfast with the Apple family, which I always enjoyed doing. As I was eating and listening to the conversations, I keep glancing at Applejack who was looking at me with a slight frown. As much as I tried to look normal, it looks like my tired face was betraying me. I just hope I can keep the ruse until it is too late for her.

"What were ya doin last night that ya didn't sleep that well?" AJ asked with some suspicion.

I put some food and in my mouth and started chewing, trying to come up with the best answer that will not give away my intentions. I swallowed and responded.

"I spent some time reading a book, hoping that it will tire me to sleep," I lied.

AJ narrowed her eyes at me like if she just caught me. Inwardly, I was getting nervous. She knows I'm hiding something! I better be careful here.

"I'm finished!" Applebloom said, interrupting AJ's interrogation.

AJ looked around and saw that everypony was finished. "Al'right, let's pick up the dishes," she said happily. The family and I picked up the plates, cups and utensils and put them in the dish washer for Granny Smith to clean. Applebloom got ready to go to school and went with Big Mac, who went to the barn and carried a cart out of the property. With the two of them gone, it was just Applejack and I. We got outside and started to get to work. I did my best to keep it cool so that I don't give AJ any more reasons to suspect me.

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Applejack and I spent the morning apple bucking (the orange pony with her legs and me with a sledge hammer). The weather was clear with no winds whatsoever, relieving me of any worry that my trap would be screwed. It was thanks to a pegasus who let me know ahead of time of today's weather, which was another reason why I chose today to pull the prank. Lunch time was approaching and Applejack was approaching the 'trap' tree I was working on. Learning from the last time, I did not want to stick around when she finally got to the target area. With that in mind, I was going to ask Applejack if I can use the restroom, but before I had the chance she turned to me with a serious face.

"David, I need ya ta tell me the truth," AJ said firmly. Oh crap here it comes. "What were ya really doin last night? Ya better not be lyin again." She finished by pointing her hoof at me with an accusing expression.

I needed to think of something fast because for whatever reason, she knows when I'm lying and I can't afford to say anything that might jeopardize my plot, especially when I'm so close. Then an idea came to my mind.

"Okay you got me," I conceded with my hands in the air. "It's kind of a secret and I don't want to tell you yet. Not until the time is right." I put my hands down, hoping she will accept my answer.

"Al'right," her face softens. "But next time don't lie to me again. ah don't like it when I'm lied to. clear?" I nodded. "Let's take a break and head back for lunch."

Crap. Thinking fast I asked, "You still want to know?" She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me with a inquisitive face. "Tell you what, I propose a challenge." I pointed at the 'trap' tree. "If you can buck that tree and make all the apples land in the basket, not on the ground, I'll tell you about last night." I finished with a challenging look on my face.

Applejack took a moment to think, tapping her chin with her hoof. Then she put the hoof down and looked at me with a smirk on her face. "Deal." She walked up to the tree and placed her baskets carefully on the ground.

I stood a careful distance away, crossing my arms with a grin on my face. This is it!

Applejack gave the tree a good bucking. The tree vibrated and dropped not only apples, but huge chunks of brown powder. "What intarnation is this?!" Applejack groaned, wiping a lot of powder from herself. All of sudden, she started scratching herself intensely with her fore-hooves. She groaned at her discomfort as she continued to unsuccessfully relieve herself of the itch she was experiencing all over her body.

I burst out laughing, rolled on the floor and was holding my stomach. In case you haven't guessed, the stuff I used was an itching powder I bought from a store in Ponyville. The reason it took me a couple weeks was because I needed to accumulate the money I needed to purchase them, plus I needed to wait for the perfect day and weather. Everything went according to plan and it was perfectly funny.

"DANG IT DAVID!" The angry farm pony yelled while she continued to scratch herself. "YA SHOULDN'T HA....AHM GONNA...AH HORSE APPLES!" She couldn't take it anymore. She ran to her house, which was quite a far distance from where I am.

I just kept laughing, pounding the ground with my fist and enjoying my victory. "What's the matter AJ?!" I called out. "YOU ITCHING TO GET HOME?!" I just couldn't stop cracking up.

"DANG IT DAVID!" AJ yelled from afar.

After I recovered from laughter, I got up, I grabbed the apple-filled baskets, put them on the cart, and decided to head back. I made sure to keep the apples stained with the itching powder separated from the rest. I would need to clean those up later.

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After lunch, I headed out to continue working while I was holding the sledge hammer over my shoulder, whistling the Yankee Doodle tune. I got to the 'trap' tree and smiled. Man, that was so perfect. I made a mental note to try and clean up the tree later. Wouldn't want to leave it like that.

I got to a tree that had empty baskets underneath and raised my sledge hammer for a horizontal swing. I saw something out at the corner of my eye and lowered my tool for a better look. When I fully turned, my eyes went wide with terror and my jaw dropped. Applejack was running towards me with fire in her eyes and rage all over her face.

[You might want to play Rainbow dash and Applejack are running in the 90's from youtube]

"OH CRAP!" I dropped my sledgehammer and made a run for it. Why didn't I learn my lesson from last time! I should never had stuck around and now I am going to pay dearly for my shortcoming.

"GIT BACK HERE, YA DIRTY LIL' CRETIN! AHM GONNA HAVE A WORD WIT YA!" Damn she sounds pissed! I didn't think she would get mad over a prank. No time to ponder, I gotta the hell out of here before she gives me her piece of mind!

"CrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAAAAAAP!" I yelled, running for my dear life.

I can't run a straight line or she's going to catch me. I started running around the trees in zig zag and trying to create a distance between my angry pursuer and I. I couldn't afford to let up though because AJ is a great athlete and she's used to running around obstacles at full speed. She's not gaining, but she's not falling behind either, I need to do something fast because I'll be running out of trees soon. I looked ahead and saw an opening into a forest. Not the safest to run into I admit, but desperate times calls for desperate measures. I stopped zig zagging and sprinted for the forest. If I can get in there, I can lose her there even if she comes after me in there. There are plenty of hiding spots in there and a lot more obstacles I can use to slow her down. I'm almost there, just a few more steps and -

"OMF!"

Something strong wrapped around my arms and torso, caused me to fall on my back and started pulling me back away from the forest at a high speed. Before I realized it, I came to an abrupt stop and found myself looking up at an angry farm pony glaring daggers at me with one hoof holding my chest, breathing very hard at my face through her nose. I realized then that she lassoed me, which I gotta give her credit for her foresight. All I can do now brace myself.

[Stop the music here]

"What's up?" I asked with a nervous smile, which was not a smart comment at the moment. SMACK. She hit me across the face and put her hoof back on my chest, almost stomping it. Damn those hooves hurt.

"Now ya listen ta me real good," she scolded and lightly pressed my chest. "Da next time ya pull a prank on me, do not touch mah trees ever again. Damaging the trees is damaging mah livelihood!"

I struggled to breath. "Didn't Pinkie and RD.......do something similar to you?"

"And Ah told them not ta do it again, and they respectin mah wishes."

"Why....am I not...getting the same warning." Her hoof on my chest starting to really hurt, which I'm glad she lifted it slightly to let me breathe.

She lifted her her and took a moment to think. Then soften her face and looked at me. "Point taken." Then she leaned and glared again. "But ya still gonna clean up that mess and pay for the damages. Ya better promise that ya will not mess with mah trees again, understood?"

What she was proposing sounded reasonable. I can pull more pranks on her as long as I do not touch her trees. That way I won't face this kind of punishment again. "All right, All right. Trees off limits," I conceded. I remained adamant on one point. "But I'm still gonna pull pranks on you, that I promise." I had a defiant smile on my face.

"Hm," she smirked. "Ah would'n have it any other way." Then she gave a sinister smile. "Speaking of which. Ya know how long it took ta get that itch off of me?"

"Do I look like I care?" Still smiling.

Her smile got wider. "As soon as ah finished gettin the itch off, I went ta the barn and found this." She pulled out a container from her saddle bag with her hoof. It was my itching powder She must have suspected that I hid that container in the barn when she put two and two together.

My eyes went wide at the realization at what she was going to do. "Ooooh no!"

She gave an evil chuckle. "hehehehehe, Oh yes. Now ya gonna get a taste of ya own medicine." She pulled the cap out of the container with her teeth and held the container in her hoof, holding over my head. "Ya ready, sugarcube?"

I mentally curse myself for failing to empty the whole container earlier as I gave a weak reply.

"no~"

Author's Note:

I've got a few ideas of what I want to do next, but I'm open to suggestions. Tell me what kind of pranks David should pull on the mane six or other ponies, along with the proper retribution for those pranks. Keep the suggestions rated teen and under please. You can either make the suggestions in the comments or pm me.

Hoped you enjoyed this.

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