• Published 4th Mar 2015
  • 2,299 Views, 73 Comments

Pulling Pranks With Ponies - Godiswithus3



A human who decides to pull pranks on his pony friends and faces the consequences for them.

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Here Comes Trouble!

When I arrived in Ponyville, I headed straight to the library with my book bag on my back, the contents of which included everything I needed for my trip to Canterlot, especially my ticket and bag of bits. Of course I had discarded the items I used in my last prank, making my bag a little lighter. When I came in, I told Twilight of my plans for the rest of the day and she didn't mind at all. She was kind of happy that Spike has a close friend whom he can hang out with. Since I had nothing else to do, I helped Spike with his chores so that he can finish his work quickly. Afterwards, we both spent a lot of time talking, playing board games, telling jokes, guys stuff. I always enjoyed Spike's company and the feeling was mutual for him. When the night approached, Twilight and Spike went to their beds for some shut eye while I crashed in a guest bed. After spending a week sleeping in a couch at the farm house, it felt good to lay on a mattress again.

I woke up the next day and had breakfast with Twilight and Spike. We ate PANCAKES! I always love those and was enjoying myself. Spike of course was eating gems, never got used to that but oh well. While we ate, Spike decided to strike up a conversation.

"Man I had so much fun last night. We should do this again!"

I nodded in agreement. "The feeling is mutual. So what are you two gonna do today?"

Spike swallowed his gem before he responded. "I'm going to Rarity's house to help her with her errands." Of course you are. You and your crush with the fashionista. Spike point at Twilight and continued, "Twilight is going to hang out with Rainbow Dash today."

"Oh?" I asked with curiosity in my face. "Your going to Cloudsale." I began drinking my soda.

"Oh no," Twilight shook her head and smiled. "The Pegasi got everything done yesterday, so Rainbow got the day off today. She's going to meet me here soon."

That revelation caused me to spit out my drink into the cup and I coughed hard, trying to catch my breath. Spike and Twilight looked with concern, the latter running up and patting me on the back. "You okay?"

I finished coughing and forced a smile. "Swallowed at the wrong hole." I replied.

"...Okay," Twilight skeptically responded. If she suspected something, she didn't show it and chose not to pursue the matter.

We continued eating in silence. My mind was heavily distracted with what Twilight just told me. I'm screwed! Rainbow Dash wasn't supposed to be in Ponyville today! I swallowed my food hard. I need to leave the library immediately. I don't want to be around when that angry colorful mare shows up to carry out her threat. After we ate breakfast and cleaned up the dishes, I motioned for Spike to meet with me at the second floor. When I was sure that we would not be eavesdropped, I turned, knelt down and spoke with Spike in a low monotone.

"Spike, I need you to do me a huge favor."

"What is it?" the Dragon asked curiously.

"On your way to Rarity's house, I need you to drop my book bag at the train station for me."

"Why can't you do it yourself?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I was a little embarrassed to respond at first. After a few moments of silence I said, "Rainbow and Rarity."

Spike immediately knew what I was talking about. I'm assuming he must have heard about what happened. "Oh that?" Then he looked at me with an upsetting face and pointed at me. "That wasn't cool what you did to Rarity by the way."

I sighed. "I will apologize to her when I get back. Right now I need to avoid Rainbow Dash. I was counting on her being in Cloudsdale for the day. Now that I know otherwise, I have to get to the train station immediately. But I don't want to take any chances in case she finds me. I no doubt will have to haul ass away from her, and having my book bag on me will slow me down. That's why I need you to take my bag, along with everything I have inside, and take it to that secret spot I showed you once near the train station."

Spike pondered about what I said for a few minutes while scratching his chin with his claws. Then he looked at me and nodded. "All right, I will do this for you. But you owe me after this." He finished his last sentence by pointing at me.

I sighed in relief. "Thank you. All right, go get my-"

I was interrupted by the sound of knocking at the front door. I froze and feared the worst. "I'll get it!" I heard Twilight yelled as she started making her way to the door.

Spike whispered to me. "Dude, that's Rainbow Dash. If you want to get out, now's the time."

"How?!" I harshly whispered. "She'll see me the moment I get down stairs."

"You can use the balcony." Spike whispered as he pointed at the door leading to the balcony. I looked at him with an 'are you kidding me' expression. Noticing this, Spike reassured me. "Relax, it's not that high. Besides you can climb down easily. I've seen how good you are at climbing stuff."

That is true, I thought. I had no other choice. If I'm going to escape getting nasty bruises from Rainbow Dash, I have to climb down the balcony. "All right, let's do this. And thanks again." He nodded went to retrieve my book bag.

I immediately went to the balcony, closed the door behind me and looked over the edge. I can see Rainbow Dash from where I was, so I crouched and remained unseen. I was able to hear the door open, with the two mares exchanging greetings to each other. When I heard the door close again, I looked over to make sure Rainbow went inside. Good, now's my chance. Climbing down was going to take a lot of time I didn't have, so I went to the edge, swung my legs over the balcony fence, lowered myself, and grabbed the edge as my legs hang idly below. "Please don't let my legs break. I let go and braced myself. As I hit the concrete floor, I rolled so that I could reduce the impact of my fall. I got up and checked myself for any injuries. I'm not hurt, good. As I dusted myself, I was able to hear some talking inside from a nearby small window, the last line making me nervous.

"David's here, huh?" That was Rainbow's voice. "I would like to have a word with him. Where is he now?"

That last line sounded very malicious. "Oh crap," I whispered. Not wanting to waste time, I sprinted away from the library. Twilight is probably gonna tell Rainbow Dash that I'm on my way to the train station the moment they realize that I'm no longer in the library. With that in mind, I ran in the opposite direction so that Rainbow Dash will not be able to spot me the moment she starts flying. I will have to take the long way around and avoid Rainbow Dash as much as possible. If I make it out of here without that vengeful pegasus catching me, I'm going to have to give Spike the biggest diamond I can find as a present, even if I have to venture to Diamond Dog territory to get it.

I owe him that much.

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I traversed through the town, keeping an eye on the sky just to make sure Rainbow Dash was not flying nearby. I was walking nearby these houses that were very close to each other, separated from each other between five to eight feet away. These particular houses seem to have flat roofs, which is not the case for the rest of the town. Hmm. Anyway, when I made a decent distance from the library, I decided to walk the long way towards the train station, still keeping my eyes on the sky. I'm just hoping I can remain incognito before she-

"AHA! I CAUGHT'CHA! GIT YER FLANK OVER HERE!"

(Recommend that you listen to the extended version of Running In The 90s by Max Coveri while you read this)

I glanced back to see who was yelling at me. "Was that..." I gasped at what I just saw. Applejack was running towards me with an expression that says she was going to murder me.

....Oh....Craaaap....

"GAHHHHHHHHH!" I sprinted down the street, screaming incoherently as the wrath of a farm pony was racing after me. "AHH! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! AH! AH! AH! AAAAAAAAAH!"

"YA BETTER BE RUNNIN' YA' DIRTY LIL' CRETIN!"

How the hell could I have been so stupid?! I spent all this time worrying about Rainbow Dash that I forgot to put Applejack into the equation. OF COURSE SHE WAS GOING TO LOOK FOR ME IN PONYVILLE! She knew that my train was not going to leave until today, so she had no reason to look for me yesterday after I pulled the prank, knowing full well that I was not going anywhere until later on today. Plus, she knew I was at the library, meaning even if Rainbow Dash had not arrived I still would have needed to leave in a hurry. Another important thing I overlooked, while I was keeping my distance from the library earlier, I was actually heading in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. ANOTHER STUPID MISTAKE! One that made it easier for Applejack to find me without having to look for me in a big town like this. I assumed that she was on her way to the library when she saw me. REAL SMART DAVID! Now I'm going to pay for my idiocy!

I dared not glance back, but I can hear her galloping hooves, indicating that she was catching up. No matter how fast I run, I can never outrun these damn ponies even if my life depended on it, which is the case right now. I looked in desperation and saw a building up ahead of me with an open door. I ran in, closed the door, locked it, and put myself against it.

BOOM

The door busted open and sent me flying across the room. BAM I hit my back against the wall.Okay that was stupid of me! If Applejack can buck big trees and cause them to vibrate, why did I think I stood a chance against her strong hind legs?! I staggered and saw Applejack at the doorway, scratching her hoof against the ground like a bull ready to charge. I saw an open window nearby and quickly jumped out. "OMF!" I grunted as I landed on my stomach. I quickly got back up and started running again.

"YER NOT GETIN' AWAY THAT EASILY!"

"OH CRAP!" I kept running, trying to increase my distance between myself and an angry powerhouse! I then saw a two story building that was under construction, with a staircase that led to the roof. An insane idea came to my head, which could lead to my death. Ah screw it! "GET OUTTA THE WAY!" I yelled as I raced past the construction workers and ran up the stairs.

"Hey! You two can't be up there!"

I ignored the construction workers as I frantically climbed the stairs with Applejack on my tail. I reached up the roof and ran towards the edge. I'm gonna die! I jumped with all might and landed in the next building. Whew! When I jumped into the next building, I turned back thinking I just won and was catching my breath. "How do you...like tha-" I stopped speaking and saw that Applejack was still after me and was about to jump to where I was. "AH CRAP!" I continued running and jumping between buildings.

"YA GONNA HAFTA DO BETTER THAN THAT!"

Great! Another stupid mistake I made. Applejack is an athlete! She can run and leap between buildings with efficiency. I shouldn't have stopped at all. Minutes into this chase and I am already making mistakes left and right, suffering under Murphy's Law! My heart was racing as I was running and jumping, fearful of both heights and a determined cowpony. I have already lost track of time as Applejack and I leaped from building to building.

"Yer gonna run out of roofs sooner or later!"

Oh crap she was right! I was about to be cornered when I saw something at the street below. A cart carrying a large pile of hay. I'm about to do something dangerous here. Time to go Assassin's Creed here! I jumped off the edge of the roof, screaming as I descended down below.

THUD!

(Stop the music here)

I landed in the hay feet first, relieved that the pile broke my fall.

"Hey, get out of my cart before I buck you out!"

You don't have to tell me twice. I stumbled out of the cart and collapsed on the floor, feeling a little dizzy. A few moments later I recovered and staggered back to my feet, looking up at the building I just jumped out of. Applejack was standing there with her jaw opened, looking at me like if I am the most craziest person in the world. I probably am. "IN YOUR FACE AJ!" I taunted the annoyed cowpony as I turned to run down the alley way.

"YA WON'T GIT FAR DAVID! AH KNOW WHERE YA HEADIN'!"

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I ran quite a distance away from Applejack, not wanting to give her a chance to catch up. After ten minutes of speedily jogging away, I stopped nearby an alley way, facing the busy street in front of me. I spent a few minutes catching my breath with my hands on my knees. When my steady breathing recovered I started talking to myself, which sometimes helps me to collect my thoughts.

"Okay. Got away from that angry cowpony this time. She is one persistent mare," I commented and started looking up. "Now I just need to......Oh no.."

I looked in horror at the pony I've been avoiding for the past week or so. She was standing twenty feet away from me, her eyes locking with mine and carrying an evil smile on her face. Chills went down my spine at the look of her face, which bore the expression of a predator wanting to tear her prey apart, piece by piece.

"I told you that I would find you," said the vengeful colorful mare. She crouched down and got ready to pounce at me. "It's payback time."

I needed to do something fast, because there's no way that I will be able to outrun this Pegasus if she takes to the sky. But then I remembered something about Rainbow Dash, her cocky attitude reigns supreme when her anger is not prevalent. Right now, she's not mad like she was last week, she just wants retribution. With that in mind, I grinned as an idea popped into my head.

Rainbow Dash noticed my grin and was quite surprised. "What are you up to?" She asked, not letting her guard down.

I crossed my arms with a smile on my face. "I propose a challenge." This got her attention as she lifted her head up. "Try to catch me without using your wings."

"Why would I want to do that?" Rainbow Dash asked as she frowned and narrowed her eyes at me.

"One," I replied and put up my fingers as I counted. "If you are able to do this, then in addition to beating the hell out of me, you will get fifty bits from my account. Two, I know that the great Rainbow Dash will never run away from a challenge." I noticed that she still wasn't convinced, so I pressed on. "Unless you're admitting that you can never catch me on foot and that I'm too fast for you."

That last sentence certainly got her, because she folded her wings and had a grin on her face. She probably figured that she can catch me anyways, whether she uses her wings or not. At least I have a chance now. She scratches the floor and was ready to charge. "Nopony can outrun Rainbow Dash. Even without my wings, you will not be able to last for more than five seconds." We'll see.

"You better do it now," I remarked as I pointed behind the arrogant pegasus. "Because Applejack is behind you and she might catch me before you do."

Rainbow Dash was confused and looked back, which gave me the opportunity to sprint down the alley way and make my getaway. What a moron she is!

(I would recommend you listen to the extended version of Rainbow Dash Theme from My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic)

"HEY! THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK!" Yelled the annoyed cyan pegasus as I heard rapid clopping hooves heading for my way.

"WELL IT WORKED DIDN'T IT?" I taunted as I continued to run down the alleyway.

When I exited the alley way, I ran down the street, dodging pedestrians along the way. I glanced back and noticed that Rainbow Dash was speedily gaining on me. OH CRAP! I FORGOT SHE CAN DO THAT! Her wings may be limited, but that restriction doesn't apply to her super speed ability. I should have thought of that when I challenged her earlier. Another stupid mistake of mine! No time to dwell on the past, I need to do something quick before she catches up to me. All the roofs around me are not flat, so I can't use the same tactic I used against Applejack. Plus, I don't think Rainbow Dash will play fair if she can't catch up to me on the roofs. I've seen her cheat a couple times. The only option I can think of is using tight turns, narrow spaces, and placing obstacles between myself and my pursuer.

I looked ahead and I noticed that I was blocked by stallions who were pulling wagons, filling up the street like if they were setting up a road block. NOT GOOD! At a building next to the wagons, I saw a huge wooden plank that led up to the front porch roof, leading to a metal bar sticking out of a building, and then a rope hanging from the roof. Time to do this Nathan Drake style! I sprinted to the plank, ran up on it and jumped to the front porch roof. With the roof barely supporting my weight, I ran across, jumped to the metal bar and swung to the rope, grasping it tightly. Using my momentum I swung and let go of the rope, landing on the other side of the road block. I rolled onto the floor and continued sprinting down the street to the right.

I glanced back and saw that Rainbow Dash had the same idea, except she leaped from the front porch roof to where I landed, skidded to a stop and continued pursuing me.

"Nice try David, but I can do better!" Dash gloated.

"Dammit!" I yelled and turned my attention forward. "Oh crap!" I was about to run into a group of ponies, who stood there with shock on their faces. On instinct, I jumped over the ponies, one after another, like those track racers in the Olympics. After that 'fun' exercise, I continued running with that colorful mare on my tail. I can't afford to make anymore mistakes!

I continued running, using whatever obstacle I can use to slow the cyan pegasus down, but she keeps passing through them with ease. I'm running out of options and fatigue was starting to set in, and I know full well that Rainbow Dash is not even breaking a sweat. I need to do something quick! I then saw a banana peel on the floor, giving me an idea. I grabbed it and ran into an alleyway nearby.

"You moron! I can catch you easily in there!" Rainbow Dash confidently yelled as she started increasing her speed.

We'll see who's the moron, I thought as I turned a corner in the alley way. I immediately turned around and tossed the banana peel on the ground where the arrogant pegasus was going to pass through. Just in time too, because she immediately slid and hit face first on the wall with a huge crashing sound. Oooo, that's gotta hurt. Without hesitation, I ran out of the alley way, leaving the unconscious cyan behind.

(Pause Music)

When I got out, I slowed down to a jog, wanting to catch my breath and move at the same time. That colorful mare gave me the run for my money, and that was just her not using her wings. If this chase was any indication, I don't think I would have lasted twenty seconds had she chosen to fly in pursuit. Right now I'm just glad that she-

"THAT DOES IT!"

(Resume Music)

"What the hell!" I glanced back and my fears increased as I saw Rainbow Dash hovering in the distance. How the hell is she not unconscious anymore?! Oh crap, I'm so boned right now!

"ALL BETS ARE OFF! I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN MY WAY NOW!" She started diving towards me with 'yaaaaaaah' yell, causing me to flee in panic.

C'mon, think! I'm not going to last much longer! Up ahead to my right, I saw what looked like a large pond of sticky syrup lying on a floor, surrounded by wooden edges and a caution sign nearby. It was the same syrup I saw in a race between Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight and the other ponies during the fall. I remembered Rainbow Dash getting stuck on one of those and had a hard time moving. There's my chance! I ran near it and waited for Rainbow Dash to tackle me.

Just as she was a few yards away, I stopped and leaned away to the left as she passed by me. I grabbed her left front hoof with both my hands, and used her momentum to swing her around and threw her into the syrup puddle.

SPLASH

(Pause Music)

I took advantage of the situation to catch my breath and admire my quick plan. Rainbow Dash got stuck on all four hooves, her wings and her torso, arching her back with her hind raised in the process as she struggled to get off the puddle. As I looked, the dark side within me started to creep out and I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. This is definitely going to come back to bite me hard, but as I told you: I am a masochist. So knowing what's ahead, I stepped forward and gave Rainbow Dash a gentle but firm smack on her flank.

SLAP

"HEY!" Rainbow yelled as she turned her head and glared at me while she was gnashing her teeth.

"See you later Rainbow Crash," I taunted as I turned to run. "I gotta say, your butt felt good!" I laughed as I continued to run.

"GET BACK HERE YOU PERVERT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!

Well, now she's pissed! I approached an intersection and slowed down to a jog so that I could save my energy. I still needed to get to the train station and I still have time to get there. Rainbow Dash may be stuck in that syrup pond, but it's only a matter of time before she gets loose again. I need to be out of Ponyville by then, knowing that she's gonna-

"I GOT'CHA NOW!"

(Resume Music)

"What the?!" I looked to my left and saw Applejack coming at me. "OH CRAP! NOT AGAIN!" I immediately turned right and sprinted down the street. YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT ABOUT AJ AGAIN! I mentally cursed myself as I continued running with the farm pony in hot pursuit.

I noticed something unusual though. I didn't hear her galloping hooves increase in sound. She's not catching up, even though the streets were empty. What the hell is going on? I glanced and saw that Applejack readied her rope and threw it in attempt to lasso me. Oh no. Not this time. I let the rope catch my left arm and I quickly stopped and held my ground. Applejack tugged with her teeth and tried to force me off my feet, but I held firm and pulled back. Moments passed as the two of us 'played' tug of war. Applejack is stronger than me, so she was pulling me in her direction and forcing me to slightly slide on the ground. I knew I wouldn't win in this struggle, but I had another idea in mind. As soon as Applejack heaved in an attempt to pull me off my feet, I rushed forward and caused her to lose balance as she fell backwards. I went up to her and quickly tied her legs before she had a chance to react. After tightening up the ropes, I took a look at my handiwork and smiled in triumph.

(Stop the Music Here)

"When I git outta of these here ropes, yer gonna regret tyin' me up, ya hear me?!" Applejack growled as she struggled to loose herself with no success.

I grinned as the masochist inside me kicked in again, so I came up to her rear and...SLAP...gave that well toned flank of hers a good smack. Applejack looked at me and her face turned red signifying her rage. Better get out of here while I still can.

"Adios, Applesmack," I laughed and started running away.

"DAVID YA RANDY CRITTER! THE NEXT TIME AH SEE YA, AH'M GONNA BUCK YA SO HARD, YA'LL WON'T BE HAVIN' FOALS IN THE FUTURE!

Well, I just pissed off a pair of powerhouses with strong personalities. If they didn't want to kill me before, they sure do now. I may have signed my own death warrant by smacking them both in their flanks, but at least I can take these actions out of my bucket list.

I slowed to a jog, wanting to catch my breath again. "Well, I barely got away from those two. I still have time before the train leaves, so I need to stick to the shadows again. Maybe I might not need to. Those two won't be going anywhere for a while. hehe. I will be going down in history as the one who was able to escape from the two most athletic ponies in all of Equestria. "Ha! I'm so full of myself." I set my eyes on my last goal. "Once I'm in the train station, I should be safe. What could go wrong?"

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