Chapter 3
MLP: FiM
Caught Between a Rock and a Pie
By: Calm Wind
Chapter 3:
“Pinkie… where are we?” Braeburn asked as they came to a stop in an open field lightly spotted with trees. They were far from the road and more importantly… “I thought ya said Boulder fell off a train, why aren’t we anywhere near the railroad?”
“Boulder is resourceful,” Maud answered as Pinkie looked around the field with binoculars. “He would probably try to find his way.”
“Even after fallin’ off a train?” Braeburn scratched his head. “Sounds like a tough feller…”
“Look alive matey’s!” Pinkie yelled as she shoved the binoculars into Braeburn’s face.
“Ah!” Braeburn yelped as he grabbed the binoculars and looked through them. “Uh… Pinkie? What am I lookin’ at?” he asked as he looked back and forth with the binoculars. He flinched as Pinkie face shot up in front of the lenses, her face distorted by who close she was standing.
“Nothing, I’m lost!” Pinkie said with excitement.
“Lost?!” Braeburn put down the binoculars and stared at her in disbelief. “Why do you sound happy about that? Or do I wanna know?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow. Pinkie bounced up and down in place while sticking her tongue out.
“Because being lost makes it even MORE of an adventure! Plus you can’t escape now, tough shit, you’re stuck with me,” she said without losing the smile.
“But—” Braeburn blinked as Pinkie began bouncing around the cart as Maud sat still and occasionally blinked. “Guess yer right there…” Braeburn said, defeated. He didn’t know why he was hoping Pinkie would let him go. Convincing Pinkie off a crazy trail was like a parakeet trying to push a freight train. You just knew before it even tried that it was going absolutely nowhere.
“Let’s go ask the locals!” Pinkie suggested eagerly as she jumped out of the cart, Maud climbing down right behind her.
“Locals? Er… what locals?” Braeburn asked as he stepped down from the cart as well.
“The trees, silly!” Pinkie turned and smiled brightly at him.
“The rocks too,” Maud added as they kept moving. Braeburn observed that there were indeed rocks and trees everywhere… but… what?”
“Gosh darn it, I must be going crazy…” he said while shaking his head. If it were anypony else, Braeburn would think they were insane. But when Pinkie pie suggested something absolutely ridiculous, it had a funny way of actually working.
“Have you seen my friend boulder?” Maud abruptly stopped and asked a small rock in the grass. She stopped so suddenly that Braeburn walked right into her before stepping around and following Pinkie. “No? Okay, I’ll ask your neighbor,” Maud said as she moved to a rock a few feet away. Maud was starting to creep Braeburn out a little. He wondered how this Boulder friend of hers lived with it.
“Ooo!” Pinkie spoke up as she hooked her arm with Braeburn’s. “Let’s ask those five!” she said while dragging Braeburn over to a small circle of five trees that were all close together in a tight pentagon formation. “Hey guys! We’re lost! Can you give us directions?!” she asked happily to the tree at the back point as they walked into the middle of them. Braeburn rolled his eyes.
“Hate to break it to ya Pinkie, but trees can’t—”
“Sure, where to?” the tree replied, causing Braeburn to scream like a filly and jump three feet into the air.
“Whoa!” The tree to the right reacted, one of its branches swaying towards and pointing at Braeburn. “You’re friend seems a little high strung!”
“Huh?” the tree to the left snorted. “What’s going on?”
“Lost, candy colored, miniature cartoon horses,” the tree behind them to the left spoke up.
They were talking… TREES were talking. All of them were male voices of varying pitches, or at least the first four were.
Braeburn froze as he felt something brush up against the back of his neck. He slowly turned his head to see the tree behind them to the right, REACHING a branch down and lightly stroking his long mane. The tree at the front sighed.
“Stine… you’re scaring him…”
“But Chris… he’s so pretty!” the tree petting Braeburn spoke in a female voice.
“You say that about every pony we see…” the tree to the left of the front spoke.
“Don’t ruin this for me, Justin,” the female tree said casually as it continued to pet the frozen Braeburn.
“But you do say that about every pony we see,” the back left tree agreed.
“You’re not helping Connor…” the female tree huffed as it seemed content to continue petting Braeburn.
“Heehee! You guys are funny!” Pinkie stated, not even fazed by the fact trees were talking to her as Braeburn remained perfectly still… and Maud continued questioning every rock she found.
“So where are you trying to go?” the front tree asked again. Pinkie rubbed her chin as she pondered.
“Oh! We need to find the train tracks, which way are they?” she asked while bouncing in place. The tree paused and swayed back and forth.
“Hmm… to be honest, I’m a bit directionally challenged…” the front tree turn to the tree on the right. “Mitch, can you help them?”
“The north south line?” the right tree spoke up. It reached a branch out and pointed it behind Pinkie. “Just go in that direction, you haven’t strayed too far, you’ll see it in no time.”
“Thanks!” Pinkie said as she turned and looked at Braeburn. She looked up and saw the tree petting him and smiled. “Oo! Oo! Can you pet me too?!” she asked.
“Only one at a time,” the female tree stated. “But Connor might want—”
“WAY AHEAD OF YOU!” the back left tree was already reaching down and scratching Pinkie behind the ears.
“Heehee! That tickles!” Pinkie giggled as she started thumping her back hoof.
“Oh Connor, you’re such a silly pony,” the right tree said jokingly.
“Mitch… you know Connor’s not a pony…” the left tree said seriously.
“Yes Justin, I know,” said the right tree.
“What are you guys talking about?” the front tree chimed in.
“Mitch thinks Connor is a pony,” the left tree answered.
“You know…” the front tree began. “That Connor’s a tree right?”
“Yes, Chris I know…” the left tree said in frustration.
“I’d like to be a pony…” said the back left tree.
“THAT’S IT! I CAN’T TAKE THIS! LET’S GO!” Braeburn grabbed Pinkie, picked her up and sprinted back towards the cart.
“Wheeeee! Seeya guys!” Pinkie waved to the trees as they left.
“Aww… I wanted to pet the pretty pony more…," the back right tree whined.
“Okay, we know where t’go, so let’s go!” Braeburn said as he shook his head out continuously, wondering if he somehow got drunk along the trip… what other explanation was there for talking trees?
“The rocks haven’t seen Boulder,” Maud spoke as she was suddenly sitting beside Braeburn in the cart. Braeburn flinched hard, but held his breath and sighed.
“Well gosh darn, that’s a shame… can we just get movin’?” Braeburn suggested. He was a little frustrated… but… he didn’t want to admit that this strange little adventure they were on was taking his mind off his troubles. It was hard to think about your problems when you had talking trees petting you and stone-faced sisters of your best friend staring into your soul.
“TOGETHER WE RIDE!” Pinkie yelled before firing the party jets and sending the cart flying towards the railroad tracks.
---To Be Continued---
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Talking Trees... well, you did warn us that it's gonna be crazy but that was just...wow, just wow.
this story has just taken a turn for the Crazy
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/025/e/8/twilight_sparkle_have_seen_crazy_things_by_grumbeerkopp-d4nkkrg.png
dem tree's encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSbYL_doQ9stnYDQgyR967shdzWGrDwr5MOJYcqp96MHOs48k8x
I'm pretty sure those trees were the Posse..
As soon as he discovers they were after a pebble the whole time...
Maud is just the best, truly!
5659268 That's the reference!
you. magnificent. bastard.
Heh heh, you'd think we'd be used to talking trees by now, but it's good here.
"I want to pet the pretty pony" ^^
Oh god! Over a Barrel reference!!!
......The heck?
Talking trees...wow
Suspected crazy, but not that crazy!
And lol, 'I'd like to be a pony' compared to Flutters's 'I'd like to be a tree'
It's official ladies and gentlemen. Calm Wind is a mad genius.
“”Mitch… you know Connor’s not a pony…” the left tree said seriously.
“Yes Justin, I know,” said the right tree.
“What are you guys talking about?” the front tree chimed in.
“Mitch thinks Connor is a pony,” the left tree answered.
“You know…” the front tree began. “That Connor’s a tree right?”
“Yes, Chris I know…” the left tree said in frustration.
“I’d like to be a pony…” said the back left tree.”
LOL ohmygosh.:
10139543
Here we have it, everyone. Witness the glory of nonsensical comedy and continuity, or inverted continuity.
The trees, they're so precious!!! EEEeee!
Bring them back, I beg you!
10343574
The tree's are actually named and based on the irl owners of the Squad Zero OC's in PTH (My name is Chris)
I think this may just be the best story you’ve written so far. At very least the most entertaining one.
10344450
It's a nice change of pace from my usual careful planning 
Pinkie Pie allows me to just barf a rainbow of randomness onto a page