Meet the little filly...
"We thank you Spike, one again for saving our land." a Crystal pony said.
"Hey, it's no problem!" Spike said, enjoying the attention a little to much.
It was the party to celebrate the defeat of King Sombera, and all of the attention was on Spike. Twilight and her friends, including Cadence, were getting highly annoyed by Spikes antics.
"Hey Spike!" Twilight called, "Come on, it's time to go home!"
"Twilight," Spike said as he dragged himself towards Twilight, "Do we really have to go now? The party was just starting to get good!"
"It's also starting to end Spike," Cadence said with a grin, "Besides, you look pretty tired."
"No I'm no-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Spike said, falling asleep mid-sentence.
Twilight picked up spike and put him on her back. She signaled her friends that they were Finally going home.
"Thank you Cadence for inviting me," Fluttershy said, "I would like to get together sometime, I mean, if that's ok with you..."
"Oh, Fluttershy, of coarse we get together again," Cadence said, hoping to lift the mares spirits.
"This party was EPIC!" Rainbow Dash said, "You should totally have another party soon, the crystal punch is the best punch I've ever had!"
"Rainbow, I'll send you some, how does that sound?" Cadence said.
"That sounds awesome! Thanks Cadence."
"That was ah right good party thar Cadence, I still like to think that the apple cider is better," Applejack said.
"A.J., I wouldn't know that, considering, I NEVER GET ANY CIDER!" Rainbow said in fury.
"Look, about you come to mah house before it starts and I can get you a mug, how's that sound?" Apple Jack proposed.
"Oh, oh, oh, is it my turn, is it my turn?" Pinkie said excitedly, "Well Cadence, I just want to say... Thatthispartywasamaizingandinevercoldtopitpleasetellmehowyougotapartthisgoodpleasepleasepleaseohlookitstimetogobye!"
"Um, bye?" Cadence said, obviously confused.
"Oh, darling," Rarity said, "I want to thank you so much for giving me the crystal material. I can't wait to make us some cloths!"
"You are very welcome Rarity," Cadence said, happy she could understand her.
Rarity bounced out of the room like Pinkie pie does when she is excited. The only one left to say goodbye to was Twilight, who came over and gave her a hug.
"I am going to miss you Cadence," She said, ready to cry, "I can't wait to see you again."
"Oh, Twilight, "Cadence said with a laugh, "Don't you remember, I am bringing Shining to Pony Ville on his birthday. We will still get to see each other then.
As Cadence watched her friends leave, she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was her royal guard, Flash Sentry.
"Oh, hello Flash," Cadence said with a smirk, "How can I help you?"
"There are some elderly ponies that need to be taken home and the rest of the guard is cleaning and keeping watch. would you be willing to take them home?"
"Oh, Flash," Cadence said, still smirking, "Of coarse I will, only if you escort Twilight and her friends home."
"Uh, you highness," Flash said, blushing, "I really need to be going back to work, I ah, will see you later!"
Flash started to leave when he bumped into something firm, Shining Armor.
"Flash," He said in disappointment, "It isn't like you to refuse orders, go, do what she said to do."
Flash started to leave but turned back to glare at them.
"So," Shining asked, "What are you up to?"
"Oh, I just have to escort some ponies home, no biggy."
"Alright," Shining said, "Don't take too long."
Cadence took the elderly ponies home and on her way back to the palace, she heard a noise. it sounded like a whimper. She listened again, it was coming from the alley way. Who would be in an alley this late at night?
"Hello?" Cadence called, "Is anypony there?"
She heard the sound of cans rattling and what sounded like a pony trying to run away. Cadence flew towards the sound to see the culprit. When she saw it, she gasped. There, in the alley, was a white, crystal, alicorn filly.
"What in the Cristal Empire!" Cadence gasped, she had never thought that this would be possible. All Cristal ponies are earth ponies!
"Hello there," She called out sweetly, "What are you doing out here so late?"
The filly just stopped, she turned around and when it saw Cadence, she gasped.
"Oh, oh," She stuttered, "Your highness, I am sorry, I disturbed you and I should not have. I'll just go."
"Wait!" Cadence called out, "I sound like I'm desperate, calm down.
The filly just looked at Cadence, waiting for her to speak.
"Yes you majesty?" she said in a squeaky voice.
"Where do you live," Cadence asked, "so that I may walk you home."
"I don't have a home," she said with a tear, "my family threw my out because, to them, I was a freak..."
"Oh, you have a home now!" Cadence said, matter of factly.
"Where," The filly said, skeptically, "how could I possible have a home, when I have been living here since I was three?"
"You live with me now," Cadence said, letting the ruler in her come out, "Now come, it is late and we must be getting to the palace."
"Woah, woah, woah," The filly said, agitated, "What makes you think that I will just up and come with you, you barely even know me!"
"I expect you to come with me," Cadence said, "Because you have no other place to go."
The filly was silent, thinking hard. Finally, she sighed, and said reluctantly:
"Fine, I will come with you..."
"Good, because I would have hated to eat all of the leftover Cristal icecream by myself," Cadence said, watching drool fall down the filly's face, "So, what is your name?"
"I don't got a name..." She said, nearly in tears.
"It's I don't have a name and why don't you? Have a name I mean." Cadence said, ready to cry.
"Because my "parents" never named me, I swear that I could just kill them..." She said in disgust.
"Oh, please don't do that," Cadence said, "Hey, how about I give you a name."
"Sure," She said bored, "Go ahead."
"Hmm, this is a tough one," Cadence said, trying to think of a good name, "Well, what is something you like?"
"Oh, I like lots of things!" She said in excitement, "Like apples, and apple cider, an balloons and that crystal material, those awesome spells that unicorns do, I like to try and fly but mostly I glide. OH, and I like lilies! No, strike that, I LOVE lilies!"
"Wow, that's a lot," Cadence said, impressed.
"I also like those tiny huse or sheep thingys you see around here!" The filly said.
"Well, let me think about it," Cadence said, "Oh look, here we are!"
The filly stood in awe about how big the castle was. While they walked inside, all of the servants stopped just for a second to see what on earth had just come in beside the princess. The guards did the exact same thing, except for flash who had just made it back from escorting Twilight and her friends home.
"Well hello there!" Flash said to the filly, "My name is flash, Cadence, do you have a room ready for her?"
"No, I do not," Cadence said, "Why?"
"I will get right on that!" Flash said, "A cute little filly like this should have a room. How about near your room, eh Cadence?"
"Since when do you call me Cadence?" She said with one eyebrow raised.
"Since I got your sister-in-law to go on a date with me!" He said hopping away to make a room for the filly.
"Who the he-"
"No swearing"
"Sorry, who on earth was that?" The filly asked.
"That was one of my royal guards, Flash Sentry." Cadence told the filly, "And by the looks of this, I think he likes you!"
"No-pony ever liked me," She said under her breath.
"I like you" Cadence said, giving the filly a hug.
"And I like her too." A random voice said.
"Oh, Shining, hello!" Cadence walked over to her husband and gave him a nice kiss on the nose.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh, so me being kissed on the nose is gross, eh?" Shining said with a smirk.
He grabbed Cadence, surprising her, and kissed her.
"You asked for it," the filly said, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ok, Shining, that's enough," Cadence said, "I have to show this little filly around the palace."
"You two do that," Shining said, "In the mean time, I need to have a little talk with Flash."
As Shining left, the filly poked Cadence and asked:
"Who was that anyways?"
"Oh, that was my husband," Cadence explained, "Shining Armor is Twilight Sparkles brother, the one that Flash is going on a date with."
"Oh, I see," The filly said, starting to yawn, "I'm tired, can I go to bed?"
"Oh yes," Cadence said, "Let me show you to your room."
At just that moment, Flash came flying with great speed into the room.
"CADENCE!" He nearly yelled, "Help! Shining wants to kill me!"
"What?!" Cadence said surprised, "Flash, go the long way and take this little filly to her room."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you," he said relieved, "Come on lets go."
"SHINING ARMOR! GET YOU BUTT OVER HERE NOW!" Cadence yelled in fury as she stormed to where Shining was.
"Um," The filly said a little scared, "Will he be alright?"
"Oh," Flash said nonchalantly, "He will be fine, they do stuff like this ALL the time."
"Oh," The filly said doubtfully, "So, how far to my room?"
"About a ten min. to get there, no biggy." Flash told the filly.
As they walked to her room, the filly told Flash a lot about herself. Mostly the things she told Cadence. When they finally got to the filly's room, the filly had fallen asleep. Flash carried her inside, put her on the bed, and quietly left. Once he was outside the room, for he had assigned himself to watch the door, his face lit up.
"That's it!" He exclaimed, quietly as to not wake the filly, "Her name shall be, Crystal Lily!"
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Awesome job sweety, I did find one spelling mistake that I shall show you
should be
5649098 I DID THAT GOOD!?!?!?!?!?!
5649098 I REALLY DID THAT GOOD!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
5649124 yes you did
5649129
5649209 I had no idea.... great, I make a good story and now someone says I stole something that I had no idea about....
5649238 but, does it give you the right to report her, she did not know, so, no it don't give you the right to report her, I am sure she did not know that it was someone else's stuff, and because she did not know, you don't have the right to report her for it
5649233 I'm on your side sweety
5649278 my question is this, how would she even know who's OC it is, I did not even know until I clicked on your link, so I ask, if she said that she did not know, do you believe her on that, or did you just want to report someone for the sake of doing it
come on, I await your philosophical answer for that one
5649294 I know that much, but still, you cannot hold her at fault, she did not know
I will be honest with you. This story needs to go back to the drawing board. It is in desperate need of an editor's touch. Also, it would also benefit the author to study up on proper grammatical rules and formatting for electronic media. I would also suggest learning a basic understanding of 'showing vs. telling.'
The established characters are out of character as far as I see it. My suggestion is going back and watching the show with episodes of your main characters and study how these characters act and then apply that to your story telling. Also, while I am a big proponent of original characters, I will suggest to you that you don't start with an alicorn OC. Unless you can provide solid reasoning for your OC being an alicorn, avoid making them. Many will hammer alicorn OCs unless they are well established.
Please take this as honest criticism and use it to improve your writing style.
-Zodiacspear
5649312 and here we go with an alicorn OC hater
5649323 You misunderstand me. I don't HATE alicorn OCs. I never once said I hated them or even gave off the vibe that I did. I was merely stating a well known fact in the fandom. I say this because I have SEEN it happen. IF you had bothered to read my entire comment you would realize what I was trying to say.
So, please do yourself a favor. Think before you post, or else you only make yourself look like a fool.
5649332 thank you, now if you had offered to help her first instead of going crazy and reporting her, this discussion would have been unnesscary
5649338 what I meant is that you let the fact of an Alicorn OC cause you to dislike the story, even when it is a goodstory
5649355 im just defending my friend from people that will bash her story, and if your going to help her, why not say that in the first place, I am sure she would accept your help
5649352
To be fair, that isn't what Zodiac said at all. Zodiac never said anything about disliking the alicorn OC, either.
He simply recommended that the writer not start off with an alicorn OC because of the hate that they generate. Nowhere did Zodiac say that he disliked them. In fact, the only thing Zodiac disliked about any of the characters was how the established characters from the show were acting out of character and didn't align with their canon personalities.
5649372
5649209
5649312
5649129
CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HECK I DID WRONG! YOU ALL ARE GOING MENTAL OVER SOMETHING YOU DON'T CARE TO TELL ME ABOUT! SOMEONE JUST TELL ME ALREADY! LOOK, I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE OTHER OC, I WAS IN LALA LAND WHEN I THOUGHT OF IT! SO CREATING SOMETHING IN LALA LAND MAKES YOU A THEIF?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? PEOPLE, JUST SHUT THE **** UP ALREADY!
5649496 they think you stole your cover art and the character Crystal Lilly
5649498 I DID NOT YOU IDIOTS! I WAS IN LALA LAND, DAYDREAMING, IN ANOTHER WORLD WHEN I THOUGHT OF IT!
5649496
It'll be okay. Maybe you should join the "Art for Fanfiction" group and someone could create an OC for you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
5649520 I am not saying you stole it, I am just trying to get rid of the ones who say you did. please, calm down
5649522 thanks abbey, good to have someone backing me up on helping sweety
5649526
I second that. If you calm down, you can perhaps find a solution to this sudden predicament. I could help you out.
5649538 that's why im here, I just want to help sweety
5649526
5649522
I refuse to respond until I change my avatar...
5649496
Whoa there, partner. There's no need to fly off the rails. Zodiacspear gave what I think is fair and constructive criticism of your story, suggesting that you edit your writing more thoroughly and/or find someone who might be willing to edit for you, which is easier said than done but doable. What I did was defend Zodiac's criticism from Thunder Lightning.
As for the OC, I think the issue here is that you didn't credit the creator of the artwork that you used. If you don't credit people who make the art that you use (especially for OCs, people can get rather protective over those), then others will accuse you of stealing it. I'm not saying that you did anything intentionally, but even when it's unintentional... ignorance isn't really the best excuse.
5649541
We'll be waiting. I hope we could help.
5649543 all right man, your the main reason this crap is going on, because you accused sweety of theft, when she did not even know it was someone else's OC, and just because it is an Alicorn OC, does not mean it is a bad story, so, I SUGGEST YOU BACK OFF AND QUIT BASHING MY FRIENDS STORY
5649549 how can she give credit if she don't know who made it?, answer that question
5649543
5649549
I NEEDED A STUPID COVER ART FOR THIS STUPID STORY AND THIS PICTURE WAS THE CLOSEST TO WHAT I HAD IN MIND! I HAD A WHITE, NOT CREAM, CRYSTAL ALICORN WITH BLUE HAIR WITH A FEW PINK STREAKS! DOES NO ONE CARE TO ASK WHAT I HAD IN MIND?!
5649554
I second that also! Just because someone has an alicorn OC for their story and/or personal use automatically does not make it a crappy story! Also, I encourage people to use a wonderful invention called "fair criticism"
5649565 it makes me mad when someone rages on a story just because it has an alicorn OC, but when it is one of my friends they attack, they have made a mistake, on the images, she had no idea who owned them or who even made them, she cannot be accused of theft if she did not know anything about the owner of the image, I actually think the only reason the clan guy came here was to just rage on her story for ne reason, just so he could see how angry he could make sweety
5649562
1. I encourage you to calm down.
2. Perhaps you could either use a base off of DeviantART and credit the user for making it or draw your OC on paper and scan it.
5649558
Then I would question where and how she found the artwork. Even it was from a google image search, most websites that you take images from will have a link on them that credits the creator. Our community is normally pretty good at crediting artists for what they make, especially when it comes to OCs.
5649562
Like I said, there's no need to shout. I'm not accusing you of theft or reporting you. I understand that you needed cover art, we all do when it comes to posting stories. And of course people care about what you have in mind. That's why they read your stories. But, unless you made the cover art that you used for the story, it's really important to credit the person who made it. It's common courtesy, really.
5649566
Common sense
5649573 still, does that make her a criminal, does she deserve to get herself and her story reported for something as pointless as a simple image, honestly, people just want to see how mad they can make people, not saying your one of them, but still, I don't think you should join Clan's side, he just came to rage on her story, just because of a simple image and the fact that it has an Alicorn OC
Yelling! Excitement! This comments section is great! I'mma go get some popcorn!
5649565
5649098
do you know what your talking is making me want to do to you.......
YOU GUTS UNDERSTAND ME!
5649209
5649312
5649372
as for you guys....
Cupcakes.....
5649543 I know why your doing this, you see that image, know it is someone else's and think, oh, I can report her for this, then I can comment rudely and see if I can either make her mad, hurt her feelings, or something else, people like you don't belong here, sweety has done nothing wrong, so, Clan, please, kindly leave my friend alone, go find another story to rage at your worthless son of a bitch
5649592
Here. I'll do you a favor. After I read this story, I'll draw your OC on paper and scan it into my computer. I'll PM the illustration to you. Sound like a deal?
5649592 Everybody knows that threatening to murder people is the best way to get taken seriously!
5649590 dude, GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF HERE
5649601 sounds good! think you can do it for this story and one more?
5649592
EDIT: And it's gone. Disregard this.
5649592 your welcome sweety
5649595
Yeah! This entire time she didn't know if it was someone else's OC!
5649584
"Criminal" is an extreme word in this case and I never alluded your friend to being one. I never said that this was a "crime," but that trying in earnest to give credit to the artists who's work we use for our stories is polite. I'm also not taking The Syreth Clan's side; he/she clearly has their own reasons for getting involved on this. I also don't care that a crystal alicorn OC is being used.
5649592
I can see you're not going to be calming down anytime soon. I should warn you, though, that posting Cupcakes (something mature) on a non-mature story is probably worse than any spat about cover art. The cover art thing might not be warrant enough to remove your story, but doing that certainly is.
5649604 Hey, I'm just enjoying the drama! Can't fault a guy for that, right?
5649606 sweety, I would remove the cupcakes video, if a mod sees that, you could get banned