I was listening to Winter Wrap Up through headphones while reading My Little Pony fanfictions. Sure, I was supposed to be doing Spanish classwork, but Rainbow Dash was calling me! So, you could say I’m a brony. My whole family knows that I watch MLP. In fact, my younger brother led me to the show. Besides my family, only my best friends know that I watch MLP, and they also watch it. I’ve subtly hinted that I liked it to one of my other friends, but she didn't get the clue. That’s pretty much it.
Anyway, I was listening when suddenly, there was this huge flash of light, and I'm pretty sure I passed out. The next thing I remember, I was walking down a dirt path in a forest. The forest wasn't dark and threatening like the everfree, it was more of a place that someone would go to meditate. I don't know how long I walked, but after a while, I realized that I was dreaming. I wasn't in control or anything, but it was still a pretty cool feeling.
I had walked a bit longer when I noticed movement behind a nearby tree. I spun around and got into a basic fighting stance that I had learned during the three months I took karate in elementary school. There was more rustling in the bushes, and then everything was silent. Well, everything was silent for about three seconds. Then, someone flew out of the bushes. I'm not saying that they were really fast, though they were. They had pale wings, and they were a blur as that someone pounced on me. I struggled a bit, but to no avail. When I finally stopped squirming under my attacker, I actually got a good look at them.
My attacker was definitely not human, and also definitely female. She had pale white wings, and was on all fours. She definitely had hooves. The pale white continued around the rest of her body, although I could see flecks of gold. She had a pony head and large green eyes. She had a dark brown mane and tail. She looked just like a pegasus on My Little Pony. I knew I was in a dream, so I calmed down.
"I'm Callan Firehoof. You remember me, right?" She said. And then I did remember her. She was an OC that I'd made for My Little Pony a few months ago when I was bored. I nodded.
"Could you please get off of me now?" I asked. Callan obliged, and I sat up. I could now see the cutie mark I'd made for her of two crossed blades with wings on either side.
"Alright, Kate. Sorry about that. I needed to make sure that you'd stay still. As you've remembered, I'm Callan," She extended a hoof. I took it and we shook hands.
Woldn't that be that you shook hand and hoof?
Shut up, brain. It doesn't really matter.
"I think you know who I am," I told Callan. She nodded.
"Things are gonna get weird, starting when you wake up. There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. You're turning into me," She said. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the ground. I sat there, gaping like an idiot for a few minutes.
"What?" I said.
You're such a genius, Kate.
Not helping, brain!
"It's about time you woke up, Kate. Things are going to be... different, to say the least," Callan said.
"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?" I asked, but got no reply, as the world dissolved into darkness, and I awoke with a jolt. My spanish teacher was standing over me.
“Umm, Kate, are you okay?” She asked me.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked. Actually, I couldn't really hear my music anymore. Oh, no. No. I slowly lifted my hand to the top of my head and felt through my hair. I hit something. Something that one could only describe as a pony ear. I moved my hand around more and found another ear. My eyes went wide. I didn't care where I was going, I just ran. I found myself in the girls bathroom, looking in a mirror. Yep, I definitely had pony ears.
“What the hay? Wait, did I just say that? WHAT?” I stroked my new ears… this was WEIRD. Celestia, I couldn't go back to class like this… what to do… my phone rang. I picked it up.
“Hello?” I asked.
“This is Meg, has anything… odd happened to you in the past few minutes?” Oh, it was Meg. She’s one of my good friends who knows that I like MLP. I've been friends with her since third grade, when I accidentally knocked her over and had to walk her to the nurse's office. The nurse had a full house that day, and so I ended up staying and talking to Meg. We became friends soon after. Meg's a sensible person, and enjoys cartoons as much as I do.
“Yeah, actually…” I replied.
“What, exactly?” Meg asked.
“Uhh... Ihaveponyearsnow,” I said as quickly as I could. Somehow, Meg figured out what I had said.
“I have a horn...” She said.
“What’s up with this?” I was really confused. I kept reaching up to stroke my new ears, just because I needed to keep proving that they were there. Then I got a text from our friend Matt.
I'd met Matt back in sixth grade, when a mutual friend introduced us. Matt's a burly guy with sandy blond hair, and the quarterback on the football team. He's the goalie on his soccer team, and a bit of a writer too. He has an okay sense of humor, but gets stressed out a bit too easily.
That mutual friend was Zane. Zane plays soccer, and he's a really good artist. In fact, he drew Callan for me. Zane's a cool guy, and he's always cracking jokes. Always. Sometimes it gets a bit annoying, but most of the time it's okay. Zane's a tall guy with bleached hair and lots of freckles.
Matt's got a girlfriend. Her name's Sarah, and she's really enthusiastic about everything. Honestly, if she were any more excited about that new cabinet her uncle's getting, her head would explode. She's not the sharpest tool in the box, but she's a really loyal person. She's extra nice too, but often acts like a six year old on a sugar high.
“Let’s meet up at my house. I just got a text from Matt. I’d better see what’s up,” I said.
“You don’t think…” She said.
“Maybe,” I hung up.
Now, about that text… I checked my texts. Apparently, Matt had grown "holes", whatever those were, Sarah had grown a horn “and was going full Pinkie Pie” about it. Zane developed front hooves and was surprisingly calm about it. I texted Matt back to meet me at my house, and to bring Sarah and Zane. I put away my phone and ran down to the garage. This teacher tried to stop me, but I just ran by them. I reached my car and got in. I started it up and turned on the radio.
“Breaking news! Fans of the cartoon My Little Pony are turning into their OC’s all over the world! Medical authorities are baffled! People are advised to stay in their homes. The authorities are on alert for anyone with this strange illness.” I’d heard enough. I turned off the radio. We were being quarantined? I stepped on the gas. I needed to open up the house for everypony.
A few minutes later, I was at the house. There was a car parked in the driveway, but nopony was outside. I walked into the house, and was surprised that the door was unlocked. Nopony should have been home then... except… my brother also liked MLP. Had he left school too? He’s only twelve, he shouldn’t be ditching school!
And I’m sixteen and also shouldn’t be skipping school.
Not really the point.
My brother's name is Peter. Sometimes I call him Pete. He's a twelve year old kid, and he's pretty annoying most of the time. He's a pretty good artist, and he's a bookworm. He's really smart, and also really obsessed with his DS. He's my only sibling, and sometimes I wish he wasn't. It would be nice to have a sister sometimes.
I stepped inside.
“Hello?” I said.
“Kate?” Meg’s voice came from down the hall.
“It’s me,” I said. Meg ran down the hall and hugged me.
“So. What’s up with Matt?” She pulled out of the hug. She had a six inch horn on her head.
“He’s got some... what did he call them? Oh yeah, holes. Sarah’s got a horn, and Zane’s got hooves. So, a typical day in freaky land. They’re coming over,” I said.
“Uh, Kate?” I heard Peter say from the bathroom.
“Yeah, Pete?” I said.
“I've got two horns on my head... “ He said.
“Alright. We need to figure this out, but we’d better wait until everypony else gets here to check up on anything,” I said.
“Since when do you say ‘everypony’?” Peter snickered. I glared at him. The door opened, and in walked Matt, with Sarah and Zane trailing behind him. They stopped in the doorway.
"Woah..." Matt said.
"Yep. Anyway, let's all get down to the basement and do some research." I said.
"Ey, you sound like Twilight!" Zane joked.
"That's not actually that funny right now," I said on my way downstairs. I made my way to the computer and opened up google.
"So. What do you all know about all this?" Matt asked.
"That it's bucking AWESOME!" Sarah squealed.
"Not exactly my thoughts..." Matt said, "Anypony else?"
"Well, bronies across the world are turning into their OC's, so it's not just us. Authorities want to quarantine us, though. Not looking that good for us," I said, googling 'bronies turning into OC's'. No dice. Just some fanfictions. I tried 'turning into a pony'. Still nothing of use.
"Try a brony site!" Peter said. I got into my favorite site, and there was where we got our answers.
"Alright, brony community. Don't panic. I'm pretty sure we're all going through the same stuff. We're turning into our OC's. Two guys have claimed that they're responsible for all of this. They're holding a convention in Chicago for all that wish to attend. Be careful, though. And good luck," I read aloud.
"I'm pretty sure we're going to Chicago," Meg said.
"I know I'm going. Peter too," I said.
"Sarah and I'll come," Matt declared. Sarah smiled.
"I dunno... I think so..." Zane said.
"Zane, you have to come. Your mom..." Matt said.
"She'd freak. You're right. I'm coming," Zane grimaced. Speaking of moms...
"My mom wouldn't be thrilled if we just left... I'm calling my mom. We're driving to Chicago,"
"But wouldn't a plane be faster?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, but the authorities are on the lookout for us. They'd find us," I said.
"Good point. Any plans?" Matt asked.
"Peter, get some suitcases. Grab your clothes and pack up. And yes, you can bring your DS. After that, you can help Zane grab some snacks. Not too many, or mom'll get mad. Sarah, Matt, start up the car. We're taking your van. Meg, call your dad. He's a reasonable guy. I'll pack my things, call my mom, and book us a hotel by the convention center," I said.
I ran to my room, grabbed a suitcase and stuffed my only MLP shirt that I'd never worn into it. A few plain T-shirts, a black hooded sweatshirt, a pair of khaki shorts, two pairs of sweatpants, and a few pairs of jeans went in. I pulled out my laptop and looked for a hotel. The first few were all booked, but the sixth one had a two bed room that we could rent. I booked it. Then, I closed my laptop and put it in the suitcase. I slipped in a charger, my iPod, and a pair of earbuds. I would have used headphones, but they would have fallen off of my new ears. For luck, I added in my stuffed Rainbow Dash. Finally, I stuffed in a few candy bars and zipped it up. Oh, Celestia. Now for the hard part. I punched my mom's number into my phone and pressed call. I put the it on speakerphone so that I could talk and listen at the same time, what with my new ears. I heard the first few rings and then my mom picked up.
"Hello?" My mom's voice asked. I took a deep breath.
"Mom... have you heard the news reports about people... you know, growing animal body parts?" I asked.
"Yes, honey. What about them?" She asked.
"Well... I, uh... me and Peter kind of... that's happening to us too. Matt, Sarah, Zane, and Meg too. The people responsible owned up and they're holding a convention in Chicago. We're going," I said. There was no sound on the other end, but then there was sobbing.
"Th- this is... you're joking, right?" She said.
"I actually wish it was," I replied.
"Alright, you can go. Keep Peter safe, okay?" She said.
"I promise. We'll figure out what to do," I said.
"I love you no matter what," My mom hung up.
Peter had grabbed a few suitcases and passed them around. He'd also grabbed his prized DS. He and Zane were almost finished getting the food. Sarah and Matt had started up the car. Meg was calling her dad. After a short conversation with him, that didn't involve any yelling, Meg hung up, and we were ready to go. We hauled the suitcases back to Matt's van. We lay them on the floor, so that we could all fit in the van. Matt was driving, with Sarah next to him. Behind them were Me, Peter, and Meg. Zane was stretched out on the seat behind us.
"We're off to see the idiots! The idiots who started this all!" I started to sing. I'm pretty sure that everyone joined in.
Neat concept. I was just thinking about this the other day. But I feel like turning into a anthro version of my oc would be better. At least I would still have hands
5635759 Heh, yeah, hands are good. And this isn't my concept. It's a universe.
5635764 whoops universe, not concept thanks for the correction
5635775 Sorry, not what I meant. It's someone else's universe that a bunch of people are writing in.
5635778 its all good.
5635784 Yep. This was just confusing...
5635786 eyup
There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with spelling or grammar. That's at least half the battle right there. Good on you, first time author.
I think your biggest improvement could be made with more detail. This story progresses awfully fast and doesn't really answer a whole lot of questions the audience might have. That, and it's a self insert. Those tend to get more downvotes just on principle.
Still, you seem to have potential. Keep writing.
Welcome to the verse, new author. We're proud to have you.
We need to care about these characters first. All I know about them is that they're bronies, and that's it. You throw in a bunch of characters, and their development suffers from a new author not really knowing what to do with them. Maybe only have one or two OCs, then expand from there. Also a lot more detail would be nice.
*waves fanfic author veteran cane* Listen to your elders! I've been doing this for 11 years now! ...or was it 12...? Anyway! You need to add a lot more detail. I'm seeing a chapter with 1500 words that covers enough ground that it should be over 10,000! Don't just throw characters and plot points at as in such a rush. That is a common mistake among new comers to writing, you're rushing to get to the 'good part' but in the process accidentally making the parts leading up to that shallow and boring.
Think of it this way; the events of the main character waking up to when she gets to the mirror should have been the climax and conclusion of this first chapter and taken a solid 1000 words just for that... with about 2000 to 3000 words preceeding that giving basic introductions for her friends, and by basic I mean one solid paragraph at least, and the protagonists day leading up to the sudden pony ears. Get the reader invested in the characters before throwing in the plot twist.
Most of all, take your time. Don't feel like you need to pump out chapters as fast as possible. If it takes you a week to make a solid chapter so be it, if it takes you six months then your readers will just have to deal with it.
On another note, if I turned into my OC I'd either end up as a CMC aged pegasus colt... add the fact I live in Australia and you have one grumpy nerd complaining about not only not being able to get to Chicago (bloody Yanks!) but also very likely having to go through puberty again.
Okay, you need to add a lot more detail
Moar details pls.
-Everyone
5636601 Haha, yep. Working on that. The majority of this was written on a tablet later than I usually go to sleep. I'm editing it now.
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5635982
hue hue, i got noticed by OP.
5636341 Thanks for the welcome!
5636610 I just woke up, so that was pretty much a response to all of you. And thanks to everyone for the advice.
5636620 You can respond to multiple people at once by pressing the response buttons of multiple posts. Just in case you didn't know that.
5636673 Thanks... I didn't know.
Awesome story!
5637114 Did you even read it, Caleb?
I like where this is going, but it feels rushed. :( Thumbs up for wanting to join, and welcome to the group. :3 just a friendly suggestion, perhaps adding more to certain parts of this narrative would entice people to read it more. It's kinda barebones, and I'm lost on who the characters are :P one thing I'd totally jump on was explaining why the narrator's mom goes from like 100% chill, to outraged in a mere matter of moments. :/ just food for thought! ^^; I really support your creative ideas here, and can barely contain my thoughts on where this story will go! :)
Um, if you need anyone to discuss ideas for you're story I'd like to sign up. It's your story overall, but I can't help but see the creative potential here! 8D
5637555 That would be really helpful, thanks.
Just finished the updated chapter.
You're still rushing it.
I'll be waiting. . . .
Haha <-- like a chuckle, added to the Overly Stupid Fanfictions group yet so casual. And your story doesn't have a crazy like/dislike ratio like the others I've seen. Good job! Now to start reading.
My god. That's the exact thing that happened to me, except it was my younger sister who led me me to the show. *My younger brother LED not lead me to the show.*
I like it.
Just finished it. The idea is awesome. I like how the OC and friends doesn't just teleport straight to Equestria. Use of good grammar, I approve of that. It doesn't sound very rushed, but maybe the personality of the OC's parent is a bit off. Unless the OC was adopted, the parent/guardian wouldn't just dismiss the problem like the way the guardian/parent did but would try to help the OC.
5666686 Thanks. Yeah, I've gotten that. I'll work on it when I have time. I agree, the idea's pretty good. It's not mine, so I can say that. It was REALLY rushed before, though. Thanks for taking the time to review.
It's a nice start for a story I'll admit, so Welcome to the verse! But um... details and such may need to be added. I could barely follow through this as it is, and there are a lot of things that could use improvements. Perhaps writing it down in a word document and/or Google Docs before reading through it backwards would help some. It's what I do when editing and I always spot a lot more problems when doing so.
This is just a small piece of advice and not a command. You can ignore this comment to your hearts content if you so feel.
Umm... What Grag said
Other than that welcome to the family! Im the overly drunk and perverted uncle
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5744848 Alright, thanks. I'll do that.
5745255
Intresting concept, but you need to add a lot more detail.
L
5776337 Alright, will do. Thing is, I'm the sort of author that has twenty ideas bouncing around in my head, and I don't have any idea how I finished this so quickly. Maybe I'll get to it soon, but probably not. Thanks for the feedback!
5777516
No problem. If you ever need help with something, I'm always willing to help. Just PM me, and I'll do the best I can.
L
5777526 Will do, thanks!
If you need to shove a few OCs at the convention, mine is a black and gray griffin. Her head is gray with black feather spots on her chest. Her head-feathers are tipped a violet, and she has green eyes. Her lion butt is gray, and her torso is black with gray talons as her front legs. Now, just shove some female, human qualities on her.
I hope this proves useful to your story if you need her!