Epilogue: One Year Later...
Epilogue: One Year Later…
Cherish was surrounded by a swarm of well-wishing ponies with make-up pads and sticks of mascara. She felt every poof of the pads as they patted her face again and again, placing more powder onto her face. The mascara was put onto her eyes, and she blinked them afterward. Everypony is making such a big deal about this! And nopony else made a bigger deal than her sister, who had to be led away after falling into Cherish’s hooves sobbing. Shaking her head at her sister’s reaction, Cherish earned a glare from the ponies around her. Going back to staying still, she fought the urge to sigh angrily.
After the make-up was put away, she was told to stand there and wait. They returned after a couple minutes, with a dress held carefully between two of them. Cherish really did sigh at this point, They really are being too careful with it. Shaking her head as they made their way to her, she sighed again, this time with resignation. They made her go slowly into the dress, hissing with derision when she tried to go any faster. She wanted to get this over with; she hated leaving Needle Wings waiting. She shivered with a sudden excitement as she thought of him standing there next to the pastor pony.
Once the dress was finally put on her, she moved over to the corner where her saddlebags were. She drew out a small jeweled box, encrusted with rubies with a fire-ruby in the shape of a heart as the latch. Walking over to the mirror, she looked deep into her reflection’s eyes. She looked nothing like she had before, her mane brushed and styled in curls. Her dress was a dark blue, with lace at the cuffs and collar. It suited her, the dress-maker said. Cherish knew nothing about dresses, but she figured that the professional would know best. Staring at herself in the mirror, she knew she had made a good choice trusting the Boutique’s owner. She supposed that she looked “flawless”, but it was missing something.
Caressing the box, her eyes traced the rays of light that sparkled from inside the rubies. She opened it slowly to reveal a mass of red velvet. Unfolding the velvet, she revealed an orange-red feather nestled in a protective spell. Taking it out of its enchanted place, she placed it into the hair right behind her ear. One of the ponies who were in charge of making her look “perfect for her big day” rushed over to her.
“Oh dearie! You can’t possibly wear that in your mane! It clashes with the entire dress!” The pony made to take it out of her mane, but had her hoof slapped by Cherish instead.
“The feather will stay where it is, regardless of fashion purposes. It means more to me and Needle than you will ever know.” Cherish’s tone was cold, unlike the feather in her hair. The pony stepped back, looking hurt at Cherish’s words. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take it out. It belonged to a good friend who saved our lives once when we thought all was lost. He managed to save our love at the price of his life.” She heard the wedding music being played, muted by the walls of the dressing room. “That’s my cue, are you coming?”
She walked out of the room, feather reflecting the sun’s fiery light.
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A very good epilouge, hope you make a sequal on this story.
aww i wanted to see the embarrasment of needle and cherish in the after wedding party
and maby if its the right timeline their meeting with twilight and the crew.
but oh well great job anyway.
649252
Sorry, I really liked the story and I was probably just hoping that it would deal with the entire change from changelings being emotion sucking monsters, to them using shapeshifting to leech love instead.
I loved the hell out of this story bro, and cant wait to see with what you come up next!
ok then.
Loved it.
How is Needle still alive if he can't feed?
MAKE A SEQUEL WITH A BABY!!! WOOO!!!
649880 He is fed emotions by Cherish. He CAN receive love as food you know.... meaning... well, he is set until she dies... cough cough
651620 Another one is already in the works Compony! Chapter 1 and part of Chapter 2 are finished, just waiting on some cover art to be made before I publish it, wouldn't want to waste my time on the front page after all
651651 Wohooooo
Sheesh, finally! My computer really didn't want me to read this story.
Not bad, not bad at all. A bit rushed at times, and some scenes were just awkward, but for the most part it was well written and kept me entertained. The premise wasn't all that original, but it was still interesting and engaging, albeit a bit predictable. Keep up the good work!
However, I am disappointed with that ending. Why is it so happy? I hate happy endings.
I demand and alternate ending that isn't so sappy.
Okay, fair warning: negative review ahead.
I didn't particularly care for the writing. There were a few issues with spelling and grammar, but nothing major. More importantly, it felt rushed; you had things happening one after another without allowing long enough for the emotions to fully establish. I don't like stories that dwell too long on flowery descriptions or scenes where nothing of import happens, but this one went too far in the other direction. Your writing doesn't leave the reader much room to breathe. Basically, I think you need to slow down a bit and take your time. Embellish a bit more, throw in some stuff that's just for fun or thought. Not everything must drive the main plot at all times.
Your characters suffer form the previous point. The only one I felt was developed to any significant extent was Needle Wings, and even he suffered from having too little definition. A character's personality should come through not just in their major conflicts or at critical plot points, but in the ordinary details of their behaviour. You didn't have enough of that.Cherish, in particular, was utterly flat. Torturing a character is a lousy way to develop depth. Bright was a fuller character because she actually did stuff that revealed her personality. Again, my advice to you would be to take your time more.
Phoenix Wings was too much of a Marty Stu. No, killing off a character does not excuse them from being irritatingly heroic and "special" and having the plot bend over backwards to showcase their awesomeness.
So, in the end, I didn't like it. The basic structure of a good story is there, but you need to put more effort into pacing the story and especially into fleshing out your characters.
All that said, I don't want to discourage you from writing or to insult you personally. A lot of people did like your story, as the ratings bar evidences. I hope that I at least offered a different perspective.
654422 thank you for this review. Quite a few people though the same.
Aww man, I wanted to see them say, "I do."
great job. I loved it
and now
some music for the mood
654422 I agree with this review in every particular except!: it was earnest and genuinely entertaining, which can cover a multitude of sins, so I truly like it in spite of its flaws.
exuse my tone here(being said to comment no9)
but chaoticharmony DONT YOU DARE KILL CHARISH!!!
Even after death, Phoenix was still in the friendzone.
You are aware of the powers a phoenix feather hold, aren't you.