The Time Has Come...
Here it is everypony, the moment you have ALL (or at least a lot of you have been waiting for I hope) have been waiting for!
The sequel has arrived and the prologue chapter is complete!
Link is here! So get reading this story already! Yes, I will submit it to FiMFiction but I have to get it over the 1k word minimum, so I have to write the entire first chapter tomorrow. Enjoy reading the prologue!
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ALL MY YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
734525 IT R BELONGING TO ME! Mwhahahahahahaha
734620I'm ok with this
734725 Bear in mind that these first chapters were my first ever. I never went back and edited them. I would go read "Of Blades and Brothers" if you want a better read
737176 It was my first time writing a fight scene
not my best, nor is this story.
742810 I realize that these first few chapters are garbage, yes. I never went back and edited them. Cliche is all there is in this world now anyways. Everything has been done before and there is no such thing as "original thought". On that note, happy reading, the next chapters aren't as bad.
742845
This is so not true! I'm constantly shocked by what people can come up with, even in over done genre's like HiE fics.
The real problem I feel is that you're not doing anything with the cliches, you're just repeating them over and over again. Oh look ANOTHER nightmare sequence which doesn't tell me anything. Oh look, once again continued angst and anguish just for the sake of angst and anguish.
"Through the Eyes of Another Pony" proves that you can take every, awful cliche, mix them together, add a dash of creativity and get something hilarious (even if you don't like Cardslafter's style the insane popularity of that fic is hard to deny).
This fic should probably be 2-4x as long as it is now, with a lot of words dedicated to Cherish and Needle Wing's character development. They feel so one dimensional, unlike the Romeo and Juliet they seem to mirror.
Your concept is damn solid and for one-dimensional characters Needle Wings and Cherish do have that 'love-against-all-odds' romance quality and I want to see what happens to them. I want them to suffer through things and earn their happy ending! Perhaps that's why I couldn't get past chapter 7-8ish, because I can see this story could be so much more. There's crazy potential here but this reads like an outline, rather than a story. Again you've got potential, find an editor and proof reader, ask them to go over your story with a tire iron^h^h^h^h^h^h, fine tooth comb and you could have a good story here. Hell just run with the Romeo and Juliet aspect of it, but take your time to do it, explore the concepts in depth and you will make this something amazing.
Or at the very least, please stop abusing dream sequences
Edit: edited for clarity.
743796 well if you read on, I stopped with it at that point. Chapter 8 was the final cliche pile of crap that I put out. It got better from that point on.
743803
I so want this to be true. I'd like to say I'd pick it up tonight but I have a couple of chapters to edit before I go on. I'll see if I can muster up the energy to give it another go after my editing work.
771328 Hm... That is an interesting switch... Most people say it's the other waynaround.
To each their own.
There's a whole bunch wrong with this story, but one stands out the strongest for me. The character interactions are not believable. One second they're hating each other's guts, to use to scene with Phoenix and Needle after their fight as an example, and the next they completely forget about that and it's never mentioned again. It seems to me as if you just made the characters do what you wanted them to do for the sake of rushing through the plot at a breakneck pace. Made them your puppets, if you will, instead of truly creating characters that would be considered "alive".
774442 Yes, this is a thought echoed greatly throughout the readers. I am not too bothered to go and fix it however, because I lack a computer to do true editing and rewriting the fic, which would take a lot of the time that I don't really have.
783470 LOL! Oh I won't.....yet...
That was a nice and sweet story, although at times it felt rushed and/or a bit too short, but hey you did say: "WARNING: To those brought here from Changing Flows, please know that this story is nowhere as well written as Changing Flows."
Apart from that, as I said, it was nice and sweet, I always enjoy reading stories about Changelings as I said in an earlier comment, I think.
Okay I am repeating myself over and over.
Ehm, yeah, anyway, I enjoyed it and am happy to have read it and I will certainly read the continuation "Changing Flows".
Thanks again, for writing this.
See ya!
1188858 Thank you for understanding the label!!!
Yeah, this was written at the START of my writing days, about 4 months ago. First fiction is first.
Anyways let me read so i can give a better judgment
just read the story: Oh my God so much Gary every where.....
but let's see how the sequel works....
1334571 It might take me a while but I will