There was frantic screaming and a constant flashing of red lights accompanied by the frantic screeching of the Vox caster, built into his helmet, picking up the desperate calls of the imperial guardsmen that were stationed aboard the Dawn's Hammer, Captain Fabien tuned out the frequency that the Guardsmen were using and spoke under his breath "may the Emperor forgive us" his voice was filled with sorrow and regret but it was only a momentary lapse in his usual demeanor. He looked around the bridge of the Dawn's Hammer to see who remained, five tactical marines, an ancient Contemptor dreadnaught known as Darrius armed with a heavy conversion beamer and a contemptor pattern Kheres assault cannon and the Terminator Armour clad Librarian Bramorus, the only survivor of the squad that was sent to destroy the plasma reactors in an attempt to destroy the ship, denying the traitorous scum the spoils that they sought, but as could be seen by his horrendous wounds, they had failed. Through the thick heavy sealed doors of the bridge a harsh guttural voice reverberated throughout the bridge " BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" Captain Fabien thumbed the activation rune on his power sword and held it aloft, his other hand held the plasma pistol that had ended countless live Xenos and traitor alike "FOR THE EMPEROR" the few surviving ultramarines returned the cry as a chainaxe made short work of the supposedly impenetrable blast doors.
Kharn stood staring at the pitiful sight before him "IS THIS IT?" he screamed out in rage at the small collection of survivors, Darrius wasted no time in firing the Conversion Beamer at Kharn and the sound of the conversion beamer firing muted the cacophonous blare of bolter fire, Kharn rolled under the hail of fire as it hit what remained of the blast doors completely disintegrating them, Kharn brought up his plasma pistol as the other remaining space marines began to turn to face him ,Darrius' Assault Cannon began to spin as he prepared to fire "DIE TRAITOROUS SCUM" Darrius' Vox caster seemed to struggle with the sheer volume that the ancient dreadnaught was able to produce.
Kharn let loose two shots from his plasma pistol, all the while strafing towards the Dreadnaught, each shot found their mark downing two more tactical marines. Kharn was no more then a few meters from the dreadnaught now, he allowed the plasma pistol to magnetically lock onto his armor, behind his mask he smiled, he could feel the presence of his god within him urging him to kill, he wouldn't even need Gorechild for this, he flung the mighty axe towards Captain Fabien who sidestepped ,dodging the axe by centimeters, one of his Battle brothers was not so lucky and found that the hefty chainaxe had embedded itself in his chest.
Kharn leaped towards Darrius as the conversion beamer began to hum, Kharn grabbed the hefty weapon and in one swift fluid motion ripped the arm off it's joint, and using the motion to sweep it under the dreadnaughts legs causing it too fall feebly onto its back the Assault cannon firing hopelessly at the ceiling of the ship, he pointed the Beamer at the body of the dreadnaught just as the beam fired. Kharn swung the now useless hunk of metal to the side crushing several navigational screens.
Captain Fabien stepped forward signalling for the remaining two tactical marines to stop firing they complied but never dropped their sights from the traitor before them "Kharn" the space marine walked slowly towards the traitor that was now silent and unmoving " I see no reason that such a" he spat the next words out of his mouth as though they were poison "worthy warrior should die at the bark of a bolter" he pulled out his power sword and thumbed the activation rune, he then put a foot on the chest of one of his fallen brethren and spoke a quick prayer to the Emperor as he pulled the axe out "should you have any honor, you-" he was swiftly cut off by a ball of plasma disintegrating his head, Kharn fired a second shot hitting one of the two remaining tactical marines, the last marine standing opened fire as Kharn closed in on Gorechild. He made a straight beeline into the hail of bolter fire dragging the legendary chainaxe along the floor causing a blazing trail of sparks to run behind him.
The space marine switched to holding the bolter in one hand and unsheathed his chain sword but before he could activate it Kharn had closed the gap and brought Gorechild upwards, gorily slicing the space marine in twain, the Armour offering no resistance, as though it were butter.
Kharn raised his arms and bathed in the shear joy and appraisal that he felt emanating from his patron God, the fight had been long, it had been difficult the only the thing he regretted was the end he turned to look at the trail of death he had etched, he had hoped that the final battle on the bridge would be a magnificent tapestry of gore and violence and yet only one dreadnaught, a single captain and a handful of tacticals were all that he could offer up to Khorne, the sound of a raspy cough laced thick with clotting blood drew Kharn's attention " you whoreson" an injured space marine librarian, leaning heavily on his Force staff, croaked as he coughed up blood "i shall send you into your beloved, Emperor damned, warp" a trail of ethereal fire leaped forth from Bramorus' fingertips, Kharn made no attempt to dodge the flames "YOUR COWARDLY MAGIC WILL HAVE NO SWAY IN THIS BATTLE SORCERER"
Kharn hated all heretical followers of the false god, but none more so then the cowardly psykers. They hid behind their warp spawned powers, but what good were they against his unholy blessing from Khorne.
Beneath his helmet Kharn smiled. He'd have to kill this one slowly and ensure that every last drop of blood left it's body. It might just make up for the disappointing battle.
Rightyo then. I'm chucking this out here so you guys can act as my pre-readers and critics I'm doing this to get any and all possible mistakes out in my first fic before i go writing the main one that i plan on doing sometime after this one (if i get any better of course...but even if I'm sod poor ima still gonna do it anyways) so i want honest opinions peoples.
POINT OUT ALL MAH MISTAKES!!!!!
Short chapter cos i didn't want to start out to big and ponies comin in chapter two...so yeah...
Omg.....I cannot wait for chapter two :D
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!!!!
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133469068319.png
2.bp.blogspot.com/-5bNe7sQanTk/TmXTyVls5eI/AAAAAAAAAmc/1GAbixtZLOA/s1600/Poster+-+Exterminatus+1.jpg
I think people are too blinded by the excessive win to find fault.
Am I the only one who thinks this idea would work better as a comedy?!
MAIM! KILL! BURN!
This is a Khorne-approved fiction.
Kharn hated all heretical followers of the false god but none more so then the cowardly psykers hiding behind their warp spawned powers a trait he shared with his patron God Khorne the chaos lord of war who had gifted him with his unholy protection giving him an immunity to all psykers abilities, beneath his helmet Kharn smiled, he'd have to kill this one slowly and ensure that every last drop of blood left it's body to make up for the disappointing battle.
PUNCTUATION, MAN.
PUNCTUATION.
we've got a multi-sentence pile-up here.
let's see if this helps any:
Kharn hated all heretical followers of the false god, but none more so then the cowardly psykers. They hid behind their warp spawned powers, but what good were they against his unholy blessing from Khorne, a god of the warp? Beneath his helmet Kharn smiled. He'd have to kill this one slowly and ensure that every last drop of blood left it's body. It might just make up for the disappointing battle.
Despite a lack of punctuation, I will definitely give this a track.
KHORNE IS PLEASED!i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/sadisticgear/khorne-800.jpg
As much as I love where this is going, You should REALLY split it up some more, It's like a humongous wall of text!
And dialogue, you can never have enough Dialogue.
Anyway, looking forward for more!
622877 kinda what i wanted to go for but when i had that as one of the tags it failed moderation (mainly due to the fact that there was a serious clusterfuck of tags)
623691 that does sound a whole lot better, cheers
624818 then i shall attempt to remedy this in chapter 2 profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/161636_721626628_1784855919_n.jpg
622481 you make FlutterKharn angry ponibooru.org/_thumbs/30df9c43324572b8901bd40c4ab39b12/thumb.jpg
625138 Your reply is weak... not enough Daka! + Chaos!
img.ponibooru.org/_images/1e4b1db4f17a6626a286628f4778bec3/156738%20-%20blood%20flutterdie%20fluttershy%20heresy%20new_meme%20violence%20warhammer_40k%20Warhammer_40000.jpg
625959 i really should have kicked off with this one first comicbookmovie.com/images/users/uploads/10959/40k%20Awkward%20Moments.jpg
*sniff* I smell.. GOOOREEE Me wantee!
Give us blood and souls of the innocents or we shall smite you with:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/08/LGwashingmachine.jpg/220px-LGwashingmachine.jpg
A WASHING MACHINE!
What do you mean "we"?
I mean you and me!
Since when do you acknowlege me as a part of you?
Umm... Okay, just shut the hell up and let me at least pretend I'm normal and don't have multiple personalities!
Feh, you suck at pretending anyway!
Aaaanyway here's a crowbar for some reason:
westernstageprops.com/miva/graphics/00000001/pm56lr.jpg
Erm... Move along citizen!
RELEASE TRUE CHAOS INTO THE PITIFUL WORLD OF EQUESTRIA!!!!! IT IS TAINTED WITH LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AND MUST BE EXTERMINATED!!!!! THEY BOW TO FALSE GODS AND IN TURN INSULT THE IMPERIUM OF MANKIND!!!!! THEYZ IZ TINY AND EEZY TA CRUSH SO LETS SMASH EM UPZ GOOD BOYZ!!!! FRESH MEAT!!!!! Equestria is screwed. They pissed of the Chaos Gods, the Imperium of Mankind, provided new sustinence for the Tyranids, and have attracted the Orcs/Orks.