Chapter 9: Princessly Highjinks
“Private Penny!” The private jumped to attention upon hearing his name, in the process knocking over the chair in which he’d been sleeping. He stumbled and moved to salute the incoming princess. A loud clang rang out from above his head and the private’s helmet went flying. It clattered to the floor somewhere behind him.
Remembering his spear, Private Penny set it upright at his side and saluted with the other hoof. Luckily for him, he wasn’t more coordinated; otherwise he would have surely lost an eye. And what would the princess think of him then?
“Y- Yes, Princess,” he hollered in the way that his superiors had taught him, all the while buying time to search for his helmet. It was nowhere to be found, thus Penny opted to continue saluting and hope that they wouldn’t notice.
“We are looking for Princess Luna.” Princess Celestia began as she approached the private. They didn’t notice, thankfully.
“Either one,” the other Celestia added as she followed up the rear.
Private Penny did a double take; two Princess Celestias standing before him. He began to sweat slightly and stammered out a response, “No, sir- Er, ma’am. Ma’am” Penny corrected and shook his head, “Not seen her all day, Ma’ams.”
“Oh.” The first Celestia seemed disappointed.
“B- but I will tell you as soon as I do, Princess” Private Penny offered, still holding his stance.
“That’s quite all right, private. I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually,” The other Celestia waved a hoof to dismiss the guard, much to his relief.
Meanwhile, somewhere inside the Canterlot records chamber, Princess Luna stopped mid-sentence and looked up from her hand of card-scrolls. She stared off into the distance for a long while. At length, Sweetie Belle grew concerned and gave her a prod breaking her out of her stupor. “What is it?” She asked.
Luna shook herself, “I feel like...” She trailed off again, glanced to her hand of scrolls, and levitated another from the stack between her and Sweetie Belle, and then continued, “I am not quite sure. I feel that my sister may be up to something.”
“What did you need Luna for anyway?”
“We have a meeting with the noble ponies today, something about fountains. Luna was meant to oversee, and help me retain a little sanity.”
“Oh, yeah...” Celestia trailed off as she though back to her duties from the previous loop, “...I remember that.” Celestia went silent for a moment, a twinkle in her eye was seen and her entire face lit up as an idea took hold, “Hey!” She pat herself on the chest—not herself-herself per se, but rather her other self, the one standing in front of her with a raised eyebrow. “What if I came to help you with it?”
Princess Celestia frowned, “I don’t know about that. How would they react if two Celestias showed up? The nobles can be quite... Excitable.”
“Pfft, it’ll be fine, you’ll see. I can simply wear a disguise.”
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Celestia settled into her place in the ornate seat heading up the throne room whilst the other Celestia fumbled with a zipper on the back of her yellow suit.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” She gave the zipper one last yank with her magic and it slid all the way up her back, leaving a clean seam, though only for a short while. Within minutes Celestia’s multi-spectral mane had returned. It phased magically through the suit and continued to wave in its imaginary wind, “Me damnit.”
She was just about to redo the zip when a loud click sounded through the hall and the front door cracked slightly ajar, “Hurry!” Princess Celestia shouted in a hushed tone as she waved herself over to get into position, “He’s here!”
Prince Blueblood inclined his head to the guards, or at least he would have if he’d notice them as they held the doors open for him, and headed through. Inside he was faced with Princess Celestia, as expected, patiently waiting for him in her throne. There was also a strange yellow figure standing beside her that, as he got closer, appeared to have the face of a pony the long, elongated shape of a banana, and the mane of a celestial princess.
“Prince Blueblood! How lovely to see you,” Celestia welcomed him, with the best smile she could muster; warm and kind, firm but not too harsh.
Any greater pony would have immediately picked up on it not being completely sincere, or would point out the slight contempt she bore or the fact that she appeared to be withholding a parade of giggles. We are not, however, dealing with any greater pony. This is Prince Blueblood. Thus he did not notice any of these subtleties and instead proceeded to address the princess as always. “It is an honour,” He bowed, “For you to meet me, Princess Celestia.”
Both princesses ground their teeth at that remark, but did not say anything. The first one began, “Where is your beard?” She glared at Blueblood, and his unremarkably smooth chin.
“My beard?” This seemed to take him by surprise. Blueblood looked up to the princess, just now noticing the bread that she wore. He also remembered how the guards had beards, much like every other pony he’d met that day, too. “Why would I have a beard?”
“It is national beard day,” Celestia stated, “Every pony must wear a beard, by law.”
“Oh.” Blueblood ran a hoof over his chin, suddenly very aware of how cold it felt, “... should I,” he glanced back to the exit, “Should I come back then?”
Celestia shook her head, “No, it’s too late now. I will have to add this to your record.”
Blueblood nodded, “Very well then.”
“Now let us get started then,” Celestia motion towards the yellow figure, the other Celestia, standing beside her, “I would like to introduce the, uh-”
The figure leaned over and whispered into Celestia’s ear. She nodded and continued, “The Duke of Banana. He will be overseeing the proceedings as part of an ongoing peace treaty. I expect you to treat him with the utmost respect.” Celestia nodded; her expression stone serious.
Prince Blueblood raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing as he decided it best not to question the Princess’ methodology. He bowed again, “Yes, Your Highness.”
“Now,” Celestia adjusted her seating and pressed her hooves together to glare down at the noble pony before her with her ‘this is business’ look. “Why have you come to speak with me?”
“It is a matter of the fountains, Your Highness.” Prince Blueblood began. He picked up his briefcase and opened it up, to levitate a large stack of papers over to the princess, which she promptly ignored, “I have multiple complains from the Montgomery estate that it is too close to their property.” There was a faint sigh from the near vicinity of the throne, and both Celestia and the Duke of Banana seemed to deflate visibly, though Blueblood did not notice, too preoccupied with the subject at hoof. “They cannot get their chariot out of the driveway, Your Highness.”
“Prince Blueblood,” Celestia began, in a calm tone, adjusting her position once more, “Is this the fountain on the corner of Mane?”
“Yes, Your Highness.” Blueblood nodded.
“The one that was installed a little over four moons ago?”
He nodded again.
“The same fountain that was installed by your request, and that you came to me two moons ago with complaints of it being too close to the Capulot house even though it was in the exact centre of the square at the time?” Celestia’s face remained calm, save for the occasional stress marks below the left eye. Her tone, however, told a very different story; one that even a pony as dull as Blueblood could detect from a mile away, “The very same one that was moved closer to the Montgomery estate?”
“Uh,” Blueblood tentatively nodded his head again, “Y- Yes, Princess.”
It is at this point that the Duke of Banana butted in, expertly defusing Princess Celestia’s inevitable outburst. He whispered into the princess’ ear and her expression lessoned as she regained her composure. She turned back to Prince Blueblood, “The Duke of Banana has just one question for you: Do you like mmmm bananas?” She cracked a smile upon seeing the confusion on the noble pony’s face.
Blueblood glanced between the Duke and the Princess, not quite sure what to say.
“Go ahead, answer the question.” Celestia encouraged.
Blueblood gulped, “Y- yes, princess.” He nodded frantically and wracked his brain for the best answer. In the end he decided enthusiasm to be the best approach, “Yes, I love bananas!”
Princess Celestia gave out a loud gasp, and clapped her hooves to her mouth, “Prince Blueblood!” She shouted in abject horror and then turned to the duke and began to apologise.
Blueblood was taken aback, his mouth dropped and he immediately turned his statement around in hopes of fixing this, “No, no, I mean I hate bananas!” He shook his head frantically.
This, unfortunately, only seemed to make things worse for the pony. Celestia looked to him in disgust, “Blueblood, I have had just about enough. First the beard and now this!? This behaviour is very unbecoming of a noble pony, especially one such as yourself. I am very disappointed,” she waved a hoof, “Banana guards!”
“Wait! No, Princess I didn’t mean t-” He made to approach the throne but was stopped by a yellow hoof on his shoulder. Turning around, Prince Blueblood was welcomed by two guards in banana suits at his side, both glaring down at him.
The first one spoke, “Please come with us.”
“Princess, I can explain!” He tried to pull away from the guards but they were too strong for him. They held him back firmly by the withers, “I mean I neither like them nor despise them, I feel no strong feelings either way.”
Celestia would have none of it, instead addressing the guards, “Take him away, perhaps an afternoon in a nice cell will allow Blueblood to think on his actions.
The guards saluted and dragged the muttering and crying pony away after them.
Once they were sure they were gone, both Celestias broke out into fits of laughter with the first one lying back in her seat clutching at her sides whilst the banana-suited one rolled around on the floor, “That was pure gold!”
“I know.” The other Celestia replied between gasps for breath, “So who’s the next one?”
Princess Celestia pulled out a note from behind the throne, “Fancy Pants.”
“Ooh, I rather like him.”
Celestia broke from her laughter to agree with herself, “He is a reasonable pony, let’s go easy on this one.”
“Agreed.”
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do you like mmmmbananas
BANANA!
looked up from her hand of card-scrolls
glanced to her hand of scrolls
It phased magically through the suite and
1. Hoof.
2. Hoof.
3. Suit.
What's the matter Blueblood? Feeling a little... yellow? At least the Montgomery's didn't get their son involved with the Capulet's daughter in this. Yet.
7427879
why could it not be a hand of cards?
7428520 Terminology issues.
7427879
Hand, with reference to the scrolls rather than how she's holding them.
She can be holding a hand of clubs in her right hoof. (though the name of the game is not quite so clear)
7429087 True enough. Terminology in the fim community is quite split nonetheless.
7429123
Indeed.
I will ponify things where it makes sense, but sometimes that's just not possible without confusing a bunch of people.
Got a question, I haven't read the original fic so I don't know if it was answered there, but why does Celestia wake up screaming? It's a funny enough thing for her that I've decided to add it to my headcanon.
For a moment there I thought that they were going to make Blueblood alter the fountain to be a bunch of bananas.
7441866
The screaming is not really explained anywhere. Perhaps just a side effect of having to run the country for so long, or maybe she has odd dreams. More than anything I'd say it's just stress.
Corrections offered without malice.
Princesses Celestia
midsentence
per se
a Princess Celestia.
you,”
Your Highness (each time)
8141379
Corrections made!
I laughed so hard at all the banana parts
Damnit Luna, It's pinkies job to break the fourth wall, not you.
8141379
mid-sentence