Princess Pile Drinking Games

by GaPJaxie

Image

This story was attempt to say something profound about identity, based on a conversation with Pav. It isn't bad, but it didn't work out quite how I wanted. The hook was very strong, which I enjoyed, but... I don't know. It somehow never seemed to quite click in the end.

***

Fluttershy was sometimes given to wonder if two wrongs could make a right. Of course, she would never admit her doubts. Such questions, safe in silence, became dangerous when spoken aloud. But there were times she noticed that the arc of the world was not so simple as Celestia and Harmony might portray it. Like today. For surely it was wrong, upon hearing her friend romantically engaged, to sneak a peak in Rainbow's window. It was a gross violation of her privacy. And yet, the things Twilight and her had seen.

The upraised wings. The flushed features. The tail, lifted in the throes of passion. The eyes clenched shut, and the blissful smile that spoke of joy without words. Long legs, and graceful feathers, and flanks, adorned by a bright star, surrounded by five others.

And here Rainbow sat in Twilight's library, crying as earnestly as she ever had, begging her friend's forgiveness. Fluttershy wasn't sure what to think of that.

"No, Rainbow! You're not sorry! You're sorry you got caught!" Twilight bellowed, her rapid steps carrying her all over the library. Her wings were aroused, but not with ardor, and it wasn't lust that kept her features flush. "I can't believe you, Rainbow. I can't believe you. I trusted you!"

The other Twilight had no opinion of the conversation. She didn't seem to have an opinion about much of anything, when not specifically animated by some magical command. She just stood in the corner, staring straight ahead, still as a statue. Though she was physically indistinguishable from Twilight, Fluttershy had no thoughts of difficulty distinguishing the two. Even when awoken, they did not act the same.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Twilight." Rainbow's voice was broken by little gasps and sobs, as the tears ran down her face. "Please don't stop being my friend."

"Oh, so we're friends." Twilight curled back her lip, and lashed her tail. "That's the way you'd describe our relationship, is it?"

"Twilight, that's enough." Fluttershy stepped up behind Rainbow Dash, and lowered her head to nuzzle behind Rainbow Dash's ears. "You have every right to be upset. And to punish her, if you see fit. But this is becoming cruel."

"Cruel? This is cruel?" Twilight sucked in a sharp breath, and her eyes narrowed. "After what she did to me, all I do is yell at her, and you think I'm cruel? I'll show you cruel you dumb-!"

Twilight's horn lowered, and Fluttershy quickly shielded Rainbow Dash with a wing. Across the library, she stared down Twilight, as Twilight drew her breath in quick, angry gasps. Twilight's breaths grew sharper with each repetition, her eyes wider, until finally she let out not a word, but a scream. Her head turned sharply to the left, and a blast from her horn shattered one of the spare tables into a thousand pieces.

Rainbow and Fluttershy said nothing, as Twilight proceeded to smash the remains of the table until they were nothing but toothpicks, and her breath was ragged. She sat there in the corner, staring at the wall, until her panting subsided and she was able to breathe once more.

"I'm sorry, Twilight," Rainbow said, her voice so soft it was almost a whisper. "Of course I want to be your friend. You're the best friend a pony could ask for. That should have been good enough." She let out a loud sniffle. "No. It was good enough. It was great. But I was greedy. And... and I broke it."

Twilight didn't answer right away. She leaned her head forward, until the tip of her horn brushed the wall, and held her position there for several long breaths. Her ears were folded nearly all the way back, and her wings out and loose, but gradually she forced her body back to a more steady pose. Her ears lifted with her head, and her wings returned to her side.

"Tell me where you got it," she finally said.

"A little magical curios shop in Trottingham. Baubles and Bangles. I was hitting the town when I was out there with the weather team, and I walked in and..." Rainbow Dash trailed off, and turned her head away, her gaze resting on the ground beneath her. "I saw it."

"Fine." Twilight's words were sharp, and she still didn't turn around, her eyes fixed on the wall. "Go home. I'll let you know when I decide if we're still friends." When Rainbow failed to move, Twilight turned her head, just in time to catch Rainbow's rising gaze. Their eyes met across the library. "I said get out."

Rainbow's eyes filled with fresh tears. She rose, turned, and fled the library.

The door slammed behind her, and for a time, all was quiet. In the wake of her departure, Twilight snapped: "You want to go comfort her, you can go ahead after her."

"I..." Fluttershy swallowed, her ears and jaw pulling back a few degrees. "I do want to go comfort her. But I also want to comfort you. And... and to make sure. Um." She took a breath. "That you're okay, Twilight. This is the angriest I've ever seen you. And it's frightening."

Fluttershy opened her jaw, then shut it again. "I really thought you were going to hurt Rainbow. I thought..."

Fluttershy trailed off, and looked away to the side. Twilight did the same, neither pony willing to meet the other's eyes.

"I wasn't going to hurt..." Twilight began, her voice quieter. "I'm not going to hurt Rainbow."

"That's good," Fluttershy said, her own voice sinking as well, until she was mumbling and barely audible. "Because... you know. You have a lot of power, Twilight. And sometimes it's... that is..."

"I know. I know." Twilight lifted a hoof to rub her face. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy didn't answer right away. When she did, it was only to ask: "Are you going to Trottingham?"

"Yes." Twilight glanced up at the clock. "Yeah, I am. I'll catch the early morning train."

"I... um. I think I should go with you. You could use the support. And... yeah." When Twilight didn't object, Fluttershy continued. "You should go write Princess Cadence. Or your brother. Or somepony you can vent too. And... try to get some sleep. I'm going to get rid of the... golem. And go take care of Rainbow. And I'll meet you here in the morning. Okay?"

After a moment of silence, Fluttershy repeated: "Okay, Twilight?"

"Maybe. I don't know." Twilight's wings fluffed outwards. "How are you going to get rid of it?"

"The rock grinder at the quarry. It's just made of dirt and stone, right?" After Twilight nodded, Fluttershy went on. "Then that will be fine. I'll see you here in the morning, Twilight?"

Finally, reluctantly, Twilight nodded. "Okay. I'm going to... I don't know. Go write Cadence. Or something." She turned and marched upstairs, leaving Fluttershy alone downstairs.

Fluttershy watched Twilight until she was lost to sight, then listened until her hoofbeats faded away. Only once the library was completely silent did she step up towards the other Twilight. She stood there, as still as she had been an hour ago, her eyes unblinkingly fixed on the middle of the room. Lifting a wing, Fluttershy brushed her side, and exalted the gentlest touch of pegasus magic through the tips of her feathers.

The other Twilight blinked.

"Hey there, beautiful," she spoke with Twilight's voice, taking a half-step forward, until her nose just barely touched Fluttershy's. Her breath was hot, and curled along Fluttershy's cheeks. "I missed you today."

"It would be sexy," Fluttershy said, without intonation, "if you followed me to the quarry, silently, without drawing any attention to yourself, then threw yourself into the rock grinder."

"Oooh, kinky." The other Twilight giggled. "But if that's what you want." She took a half-step to the left, so she was following Fluttershy by the tail. They she stopped, and stared straight ahead, waiting for Fluttershy to move.

Fluttershy took a half step to the left. The other Twilight did as well. She took a half step to the right, and that action too was mirrored. She watched the golem behind her, studying its face for a few long seconds.

Then, Fluttershy left, and the golem left with her.

***

The merchant, Fixer, was pleased to see them. Pleased to see Twilight. He'd never had a Princess in his shop. There was no concern in his expression when he welcomed them inside at first opening, save a mild surprise at the early hour. A trace of hesitance showed when Twilight ignored his questions and asked after his golem stocks, but he lead her into the back of the shop just the same. The golems were up on the second floor, in a little display room all their own. Posed on chairs with little dime-store novels, like they were reading.

There were five, in total: one Princess Twilight, one Princess Celestia, one Spitfire, one Prince Blueblood, and one Prince Luna who was posed with a smirk that made it clear he enjoyed being a shapeshifter.Very clear.

"Well, here we go, your Highness." Fixer stepped to the left to clear Twilight's view as she entered, and bowed to her again once more for good measure. "I'd like to think it does you justice."

Comments

[Reese]

Hm. Yes, interesting, but I too feel the... lack-of-clicking, I think. There just seems to be something about it that doesn't fit.

[AcademicPony]

An interesting study. I can see three things that led to it feeling incomplete for me:

- First, while you make it pretty clear that the golems are nonsapient, I still had part of my mind expecting there to be a twist ending where it cries out or otherwise acts more lifelike during destruction. Most likely this is because of all of the other stories that go that route (there have been several interesting looks at "Too Many Pinkie Pies" from that angle; "The Closest of Sisters" is probably my favourite in that genre).

- Second, the ending scene is ambiguous as to Twilight's emotions and intentions while at the store. The previous scene suggests that she's angry and wants the golems destroyed, but I've seen enough "flawed pony is a hypocrite" stories to have been expecting her to be walking out with a Celestia golem as soon as the story's setup occurred. If that temptation isn't going to be the story's final conflict, telegraphing that a different one will occur is probably a good idea.

- Third, the final scene has a setup but no resolution. The resolution doesn't have to be shown, but should at least be hinted at ("Twilight feels temptation", or "Twilight starts powering up to level the place", or "Twilight is angry but realizes that the most she can legally do is require that likenesses be used only with consent", or something else).

Given that none of the above points have to do with identity as such, there are probably a few other things missing (telegraphing the specific issues you want to explore to the reader, showing the sides of the conflicts involved in those issues, and showing a resolution or at least a wind-down of tension at the conclusion).

What exactly were you trying to explore? The question of whether a person is attracted to the object of their affection vs attracted to an imaginary version of the object of their affection? The question of whether, and how, a person's identity is distinct from the impressions they make on others?

[Myrandall]

The introduction paragraphs are really confusing. Who were watching through whose window seeing what, exactly? It's very confusing.