The Adventures of Derpy, Lyra, and Octavia

by IsabellaAmoreSirenix

Time Is a Lie! Fight for Sentence Rights!

"That last fifteen minutes just may have been the single worst thing of my entire life!"

Octavia glanced over the top of her book. "Who do I send my bouquet of flowers to?"

"Oh no, Lyra!" cried Derpy, running to tackle the distraught unicorn in a hug. "What happened?"

Lyra screwed up her face in pain. "I... can't..."

"Please, be strong!" Derpy clung to her even tighter than before. "I know it must be sad, but you can say it!"

"Not if... both my lungs... rupture," said Lyra, turning a delightful shade of blue.

Derpy gasped and backed away, as if Lyra were a hot stove. "Oopsie." She blushed.

"Just tell us whatever you need to so you can get out," Octavia said.

"You can't just trivialize my feelings, heartless wench!" Lyra exclaimed before fishing for a piece of paper in her saddle bag. "That's a pretty good line," she mumbled, "maybe I can use it in my next chapter.... And tada!" With a flourish, she stored her quill in her bag.

For a second, all Lyra did was stare at her two roommates with the biggest smile imaginable.

"Here it comes," Octavia said.

"Oh, it's horrible, simply horrible!" Lyra cried while placing a hoof to her forehead. "How could she, how could she? What have I ever done to her to deserve this? What have I ever done to the universe?" She started shouting to the almighty cosmic forces of the ceiling fan. "Is this righteousness, to wallow in despair as I do?" she shouted. "Or is this amusing, huh? Is it? Is there some sort of satisfaction in causing misery to lesser creatures? Answer me, oh cruel world!"

"It's almost as if you were but a mere character for some higher creator to write about as he or she saw fit," commented Octavia. "Having a writing outlet is probably the only reason you haven't started a civil war."

Lyra staggered back and forth across the room in her distress.

"Oh, for the love of Celestia," Octavia said, "just sit down before you knock over something on my side of the room."

"Why do I have to listen to anything you say, evil changeling alien?"

Octavia raised an eyebrow and gave Lyra the infamous look.

With a sigh, Lyra collapsed face-first onto her bed. "Cat strangler," she muttered grumpily.

"Hey, I thought we were over that by now!"

Eternally faithful, Derpy rushed to Lyra's side as the unicorn started screaming into a pillow. "Lyra, what happened?" Derpy asked, tears beginning to well in her own eyes.

"Kid, I don't know if you're able to hear this," Lyra said.

Derpy took Lyra's hoof and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I can," she insisted. "I want to be able to stand and help you, just like we did in the rebellion against the minator-selkies, remember?"

Lyra stole a guilty glance at Octavia's flute case. Oh well, it wasn't like a little grape jelly could hurt it much. "Yeah," she whispered, wisps of a smile beginning to form on her face at the memory.

"And the march into snarglemachoo territory, and the skydiving off the Merderr lords' palace!"

"Grape jelly really is useful," Lyra noted.

"Yeah!" Derpy said. "And I'm like that jelly, ready to help you out! Please, Lyra, if you can't tell me regularly, can you at least confide in me in Hippoloogian?"

Lyra sniffed and mumbled, "Ma herdoooooooo tantiooooooo gasdervonoooooo mu latrenoooooooo, Detu-samoooooooo."

And Derpy replied, "Nett, Octaervonooooo nett bitujoooo serdoniooooooo."

"Ooooo?"

"Oooo. Ooooo-oooo ooo oooooo."

"Faust above, end it now," said Octavia, holding out her forelegs like a crucifix.

Ooooo," said Lyra, shaking her head.

"How about Snobbinese?" Derpy asked. "Mien herten-money, money-money-give, est benrere trophy wife gutentangerine mansion yandurie, I-am-an-absolute-prick?"

"No, no, Derpy," said Lyra. "If I'm going to say it, I want to not sound like a cat with brain damage from being strangled in a bassoon."

"I...! I...!" Octavia was at a loss for words.

Lyra took a deep breath as tears ran down her face. "I was... was... criticized!"

Octavia slammed her head into her book. "I'm dead, aren't I?" she asked herself. "I've died in sin after I played that wrong note at my recital, and now I'm paying for my crimes."

Derpy's eyes widened. "Oh! Well, umm... that sounds really bad, I guess. You know, the c's and the z together. Scary. Not that there's anything wrong with c's and z's! They're just..."

"Just an F sharp!" Octavia lamented. "Is that the way of the world, that one little F sharp is so important that karma should bring this upon me? Oh, I wonder how long I've been dead. I hope my family didn't take it too hard... no wait, would that mean they didn't care too much about me then? But I don't hope they're too sad, either! Hmm, wonder what dress they buried me in."

"It was the worst, Derpy!" Lyra continued. "I was there in the library with Miss Flyleaf, and as she was reading my short story, she... she... she wrote on it with red ink!"

"But isn't that the color she's supposed to use to edit your story?" Derpy asked. "I've never really understood why though. Red's such a scary color. Sometimes, though! On the fall leaves and ice cream and candy, it looks really nice! But on paper, with the c's and z's, it's... oh dear, I'm doing it again..."

"Again and again and again!" Octavia said. "I must be in a time loop of despair! But then, what is time? Am I dead? What does this mean?"

"Huh, Derpy?!" Lyra cried, showing her the blemished paper. "What does this mean? 'Your sentences are too long'? That is a perfectly punctuated sentence! Why should its life be cut short before its time? When the world become such a scary place for an innocent compound-complex sentence?"

"Since the creation of c's and z's," said Derpy, slightly trembling. "Since the creation of crazy Lyra's and crazy Octy's."

"No, that's too crazy!" Octavia shouted, now addressing one of Derpy's stuffed bunnies. "And yet it's the only thing that makes sense! That one--" she pointed a hoof at Lyra, "--has been a time traveler all along! I really am a demon alien changeling! Oh, what a cruel world!"

"I can't stand for it!" Lyra yelled. "I won't have it! From this day forward, Lyra Heartstrings will fight towards equal treatment of compound-complex sentences, and she will protect them, as she uses them in place of natural dialogue! As we tunneled through a submarine, there was a charm bracelet, and it winked in the grocery bag! A painting sailed to China, but a grasshopper fell down a rabbit hole, while the goalie made a trip! Yes, and yes I will say, while I enact this perfect plan! Haha, and haha, as haha, haha, haha, ahahaha!"

Derpy got up and backed away from Lyra, who was now more cross-eyed than the pegasus. "Oh, hehe," she chuckled nervously. "I really need to get going; there isn't much time until--"

"TIME DOES NOT EXIST! IT'S A LIE, A LIE!"

From out of nowhere, Octavia did a ninja flip through the air to kick Derpy's alarm clock off the stand. The cute puppy face with its sparkly minute and hour hands was nothing more than a smoking pile of scrap metal.

As Derpy scrambled to the door, she realized that there was only one letter she should be afraid of: the letter to a mental institution.

Author's Note:

Day 10, and I don't know what's going on with my life anymore.

Comments

[IsabellaAmoreSirenix]

5254291 It's probably a mistake. I'm just fighting to get to 50,000 words for the sake of the contest, so I haven't been editing at all. Thank you for pointing it out so I can fix it in December!

[Ledgion]

So....who's up for a tea party?????

[ConningOfficer]

"That's a pretty good line," she mumbled, "maybe I can use it in my next chapter.... And tada!"

I actually said something close to this in the office yesterday. What's happening to us (well, to me at least)?

I didn't get Hippoloogian, but I sure got Snobbinese! Wow! I thought that Derpy was about to take sides for a second, and then Lyra went berserk and Octavia killed her clock. Only Ron Burgundy can sum up my thoughts on this chapter after a touching Chapter 9:

classicforwards.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/that-escalated-quickly-will-ferrell.jpg

Good luck keeping the momentum going!

[ShadowLDrago]

Lyra took a deep breath as tears ran down her face. "I was... was... criticized!"

Wat.

As Derpy scrambled to the door, she realized that there was only one letter she should be afraid of: the letter to a mental institution.

Agreed.