The Adventures of Derpy, Lyra, and Octavia

by IsabellaAmoreSirenix

Survival Chances at Zero?! First Day Troubles at the Academy!

"I am sorry about what I did to Mrs. Bubbles."

Unlike yesterday's doom-and-gloom atmosphere, today was absolutely perfect. The sun was shining, the fall leaves were like flowers in full colorful bloom, and little squirrels scurried under the many benches scattered around the academy courtyard. It was the perfect day for being outside, and many students were taking full advantage of the nice weather by biking, walking, or just sitting and enjoying the warm sun before Monday came and sealed them in the coffins of the spirit called cram sessions. Octavia and Vinyl were no exception, as the two of them were sitting on one of the benches in the park. Vinyl's smile was as bright as the sun. Octavia wished she had brought sunglasses.

"I know you are, Tavi," Vinyl said, "but come on, what did that poor cat ever do to you?"

"What did I ever do to the universe to deserve this cruel fate?" Octavia deadpanned. "It's the nature of existence, Vinyl."

"Sheesh, don't be so dramatic. You'll get your room sooner than you think."

"No, it's... well actually yes, that's cruel too, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when I pulled Mrs. Bubbles out of the bassoon. Her... her eyes. They may be cross-eyed, but I felt like both of them were burning into my soul." Octavia shuddered at the memory. "I don't know who that pegasus is, but she has powers beyond this life, Vinyl, I swear. I don't know how I'm going to survive this next month."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad," Vinyl reasoned. "Just say sorry a couple dozen times, pay the veterinarian bills, and maybe by the end of the month that pegasus will stop looking at you like you're a demon out of Tartarus. Though to be honest, Tavi, you've got some anger issues. Maybe you should... I don't know, see somepony about that."

"Thank you for making me feel so much better, Vinyl," said Octavia with a downcast expression. "Honestly, I probably will have to take your advice if those two mares are as crazy as I think they are."

"Look who's talking, Cruella di Vil," Vinyl muttered under her breath.

Then Vinyl crumpled under 'the look.'

"Nothing, nothing, nevermind." Vinyl cleared her throat. "Are they really that bad? I came by your room this morning, and the unicorn seemed pretty friendly."

"She has a bin of foals' letter blocks."

"Oh."

"Yup, my thoughts exactly."

"Well, hey, it can't be all bad!" Vinyl said with a smile that looked painful.

"Oh really?" Octavia raised an eyebrow. "And just what makes you think that?"

"You'll get to meet new ponies!" Vinyl replied. "Take me for example. Turns out that roommate mix-up got me paired with Neon Lights of all ponies! Do you have any idea how many concerts he's done across Equestria? If he hears my remixes and likes them, who knows what that could do for my career! I'd be top of the charts, my name in lights, and—"

Octavia stood up. "You know, I've never really appreciated the beauty of dying nature before," she said, her eyes blades of steel. "Maybe I can find a fallen tree branch around here and hit you on the head with it!"

Vinyl audibly gulped, and she scooted to the other side of the bench.

"Oh, look at me!" Octavia cried, collapsing onto the bench and holding her head in her hooves. "Just one night with those two has turned me into a psycho-manic!"

"So now you realize it," Vinyl muttered.

"I can't go on like this," Octavia said, determination burning in her eyes. "Something has to be done. And I think I have just the perfect idea!"

"I guess I'll assume that idea has nothing to do with accepting the circumstances and finding the bright side?" Vinyl asked.

"Oh Vinyl, don't be ridiculous," Octavia chided, already trotting away. "It's already far too bright out here."

---

"Ahh! Doctor, that's way too bright!"

"Oops, you're right, Derpy," said the Doctor, tucking his hoof held flashlight into his pocket, "terribly sorry. Good news is that Mrs. Bubbles will be quite alright. Though honestly, with that kind of mare staying in your dorm, I'm not sure I can say the same for you."

"Oh, it's okay, Doctor," Derpy said brightly as she gathered her little golden tabby in her front hooves. "She did say that she was sorry, so I don't think she'll ever do something like this again."

"I still feel like we should report her though," the Doctor said.

"On her first day? Oh no, that won't do at all. She must have worked so hard to get into this school; I don't want to ruin things for her. Besides, that was just one day. I'm sure she's really a nice pony on the inside once you get to know her! Remember what we all thought about that donkey who came to Ponyville? Now he comes to all of Pinkie Pie's parties!"

"Yes, but this isn't Ponyville, Derpy," said the Doctor, lifting her face to have one eye gazing into his. "I want to make sure you can take care of yourself."

"What makes you think that I can't?" Derpy asked, the beginnings of a pout forming on her face.

The Doctor nervously shuffled his hooves. "It's not that I think you're not capable," he started, choosing his words carefully, "just that academy life is a strange place. There will be good ponies, sure, but also some not too good ones."

"And where have you seen evidence of that?" Derpy asked. The Doctor was taken aback by her seriousness. "On your travels to other planets? Well, you can't use that experience to predict everything that happens here, you know that, right?"

Derpy reached up and patted her friend on the shoulder. "Equestria's a peaceful place," she said. "I know it's surprising to you, but it is. The magic of friendship is stronger here than anywhere else you've visited, right? Well, I want to consider that mare a friend."

"And I appreciate that you want to help me," Derpy continued. "You're a really, really good friend. But... I can handle myself. You'll see. You have absolutely nothing to worry about."

The Doctor sighed in defeat, not because of her argument, but her eyes. Seriously, the cuteness was utterly terrifying at times. "Alright," he conceded, "though I truly hope this month goes by fast. My roommate is such a slob, he's always playing guitar, and honest to Celestia, I think his name's Brad or something by the way he talks."

"Oh, cheer up, Doctor!" Derpy said as she hovered by the door. "You have the chance to make another super-duper best friend!" And with that heartfelt sentiment, she took off, her little pegasus wings fluttering like a hummingbird.

As the door swung shut, the Doctor could just hear Derpy call across the hallway, saying, "Ooh, you're giving out candy? That's so so nice of you! Oh my gosh, this school is the best!"

The Doctor sighed. "Oh Derpy, you're... you're..."

---

"You're not going to believe this!" Lyra exclaimed.

Bon Bon flattened her ears against her head. "You know what else I'm not going to believe? That you are physically capable of keeping your voice at a normal volume. For Celestia's sake, there are other ponies around!"

But Lyra wasn't paying attention. "You wouldn't believe it! The limp body in her hooves! The deranged look in her eyes! The little pegasus, sobbing under her ruthless gaze! I'm boarding for a month with a villain right out of our old comic books, Bon Bon!"

The other mare sighed as she idly pushed around a dry salad with her fork. "I thought you said you hated this girl."

"Oh, absolutely!" Lyra said with no less enthusiasm. "She's bossy, doesn't use the Oxford comma, and hasn't even touched The Immortal Game. As a pony? Forget about it. But this is the beauty of writing! In my world, I can appreciate everypony, even if their mere presence makes me want to puke!"

Bon Bon continued munching away at her daisy sandwich. "Honestly, sometimes I can't understand the way you think. Haven't you considered just once that some ponies can be normal, with normal bad days that are... normal?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Lyra asked. "And please, for Celestia's sake, find a thesaurus."

"Of course," Bon Bon said, rolling her eyes as she sat in the relative peace of their lunch table. "Well, putting that mare aside, how was your day, Lyra?"

"It was wonderful," Lyra replied. "The cafeteria's selling some great cookies today."

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's it? No alien sightings or crusades for flufflepuff independence or another story about those hum--"

"I just keep thinking about that mare, that's what! I... Seriously, Bon Bon, this is the best thing I've seen in so long." On impulse, the unicorn roughly pushed aside her tray and stood up with a dramatic flourish of her front hooves, causing the table to nearly tip over. "You... You've gotta meet her!"

"Wait, now? Lyra, I don't know--"

Her daisy sandwich flew out of her mouth, but both Bon Bon and Lyra had been long gone. Now they were nothing more than two multi-colored blurs racing up the East Tower.

"Lyra, what in Equestria is wrong with you?!"

But Lyra only tugged impatiently on her hoof as the two mares flew down the hallway. All of a sudden, just as she was about to turn the corner, Lyra skidded to a stop.

"...imagine it!" came a voice from within Lyra's dorm room. "Sleeping under the trees with a full night sky of Princess Luna's stars! Much better than being trapped here in a cramped and stuffy dorm room with two strange mares, aren't I right?"

"And I thought we were the English majors," Bon Bon whispered in awe. "That mare's got a silver tongue."

Lyra's smile glowed with pride. "I know. Isn't she the perfect antagonist? You and me, we're writing her death scene."

"Would it be like camping?" asked another, squeakier voice. "I love camping!"

"Exactly!" the first voice answered. "Just like in one of those romance novels! Ooh, have you read The Trip of Our Hooves? I love the star watching scenes in that book so much!"

Just then, an inequine roar pushed down the door with a terrifying slam. Then in the doorway, right in front of a face palming Bon Bon, was Lyra, her eyes livid.

The Trip of Our Hooves? Lyra wanted to scream. The Trip of Our Hooves?!

"Unacceptable."

Author's Note:

I have no regrets.

Comments

[ConningOfficer]

Octavia stood up. "You know, I've never really appreciated the beauty of dying nature before," she said, her eyes blades of steel. "Maybe I can find a fallen tree branch around here and hit you on the head with it!"

Now, I don't know all the ins and outs of the Octavia-Vinyl pairing... but this is hilarious!

"Ooh, you're giving out candy? That's so so nice of you! Oh my gosh, this school is the best!"

I think you're finally getting me to understand Derpy... and I like it. Candy from strangers, yeesh...

And, I'm glad you have no regrets - this is a riot!!! Keep the coffee on and the chapters coming!

[IsabellaAmoreSirenix]

5220027 Thanks, I'm glad you find my rambling coherent and funny! I went back and actually reread this chapter, and I can't for the life of me remember writing that ending part. Tomorrow will be my first attempt to juggle this and school. Oh, this can only end well...

[RemareShadows]

pfftttttttttt, death scene. I'm the one die'n

At lest that's my body on the floor.

[Commissar Derpy Hooves]

Honestly i would give them all snuggles cause cooteness levels are off the charts! I love it!

[Morning Dusk]

"UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!"
"12 years dungon, no trials" so you can continue writing unimpeded

[jollymusician]

Brad, Flash Sentry's alter ego.

[redmar]

I don't see what Lyra thinks is so good about the Immortal Game.
I wonder what kind of roommate Bon Bon got.