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Talking and traffic

I absolutely hate highway driving.

The endless hours of monotonous scenery, the innumerable diptard drivers with IQs in the single digits, and the traffic; oh sweet merciful Luna the traffic! Don't get me started on the traffic! Maybe it's the tiny kernel of country bumpkin in me that loathes it, maybe it's the fact I was in a car crash when I was little? Who the hell knows?

So my rage should come to no surprise...

"For the love of all that is sacred and holy... Move Your Damn Ass!" I slammed on the horn as we barely inched forward. Of all the damn times to arrive in Dallas, it just happened to be during the rush to work! But sadly, we were stuck bumper to bumper on a bridge over the Trinity. There was no escape for us.

"Is he always like this when he's mad?" I could hear Sage ask Kylie back in the main area. Last time I had looked back, the two of them had been playing some goldfish.

"Runs in the family," Kylie said simply, "you should see Papi when he's watching football. Got any fours?"

Kylie was completely right; the men in our family always tended to get riled up rather easily an-

"Is every driver in this Celestia damned city have their heads up their asses!" I slammed the horn again.

Such a example of self control. Why don't you try some music?

Oh piss off brain, but great idea! Reaching behind me, I shut the door to the rest of the camper and turned the radio to the first channel that I could think of: classic rock.

"~and that was Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen and it's now 9 a.m., now here's the traffic~" I slammed the dashboard in annoyance, I missed Bohemian Rhapsody! I love that song! I wanted to parody Wayne's World damn it; that would calm my nerves.

"~a car colliding with an 18-wheeler on 35-E just north of the McAllen Bridge has blocked up all but one lane of northbound traffic~"

Well that explains the traffic; I hope no one died.

"~a four car pile up has blocked all lanes of the George Bush Turnpike~"

Thank Celestia we weren't going on there. As I continued listening to the traffic report, I couldn't help but notice that there was a lot more accidents than usual, a lot more. Instead of the usual four or five there was nearly thirty all scattered about the DFW area. Were all these extra ones bronies in the same boat as us? I muttered a silent prayer for their safety and our own. Hopefully, these changes wouldn't make it impossible to drive before we reached Chicago.

---ten minutes and a hundred yards later---

"Oh this is just perfect," I giggled to myself as I saw my prey: the little kid in the Toyota Prius to the left of us. He looked no older than Kylie and was currently making faces at me. This little bugger practically had a sign begging for what was coming.

I removed the sunglasses and baseball cap I was wearing and ruffled up my hair, cringing as I pulled away a rather large clump. Once I was sure I looked sufficiently insane, I turned to face the lad with a smile the joker would be proud of.

The kid opened his mouth in a scream of abject horror at my freakish appearance. He quickly turned to get the attention of his parents but when they looked, I had already put back on the cap and shades. I gave them a friendly wave and chuckled as the boys mom smacked him upside the head. The boy just glared at me and I gave him another smile. That ended him.

------

"Sweet merciful Luna," I muttered as we finally reached the source of our traffic issues. The 18 wheeler was more or less perfectly fine as the trailer had taken the beating. But the car was worse... A lot worse.

The car was little more than a mangled mass of steel. The policewoman waved us along as I caught a brief glimpse of the person in the ambulance and I muttered a silent prayer again.

He was definitely in our boat; the neon blue wings attested to that..

I sighed, at least he was alright.

After the bridge, the traffic had practically evaporated and we were soon found ourselves making record time on Interstate 30 as we made our way out of DFW and towards the Arkansas border.

"Can I come in Johnny?" Sage said from behind me as I heard the door behind me open.

Nodding, I kept my attention focused on the road, "come on in."

She sat down in the shotgun seat, "I finally got the eyes."

I turned to face her for a moment and she wasn't kidding. Her eyes looked like they had grown three sizes and had irises turned golden. I sighed; damn it, why do I have to be the only one who got the short end of the stick.

"And you look... Darker."

I frowned; Jeeze, thanks for rubbing it in sister. I had literally been watching my skin goes from bad sun burn to pale black guy for the last two hours.

Noticing my discomfort, she sighed, frowning, "I'm sorry... I'll just be going."

"No, it's alright," I rubbed my eyes, "I just have a lot on my mind." Thoughts of that wounded guy in the ambulance came rushing back to mind. What if that was me, or Sage, or Kylie? Dear god, if that was Kylie, I'd be a dead abhuman walking.

"Yeah, me too. All Dalton's done since we left your place is just sleep. Maybe it's just the whole 'bat ponies are nocturnal' thing but I just can't shake the feeling something wrong."

"Sage," I looked over at her, "his old man practically disowned him. You know he would go to Tartarus and back for his dad if he asked and the old hick disowned him." No need to tell her about the fact that Dalton clamped down on his arm too; that could wait till a later date.

She sighed, "I know, I know... Damn, all this is just too insane to even believe..."

I nodded in agreement and after a few seconds finally spoke. "What... What if this ain't fixable?"

"Don't think like that Johnny."

"You guys aren't the one turning into an emotion eating insect!" I snapped. They're just gonna turn into adorable, fluffy ponies but I'm turning into a filthy Celestia-be-damned cockroach!

I smacked my head against the steering wheel as I let out a scream of frustration. "Buck those assholes in Chicago! Buck Dalton's dad! Buck Doppel! Buck these holes in my arms! Buck everything that has happened since that bucking light! BUCK!"

We can't say buck!?! What's next, using everypony? .... BUCK! It's already happening!

"Johnny," Sage finally spoke, worry in her voice, "pull ov-"

"Don't you 'Johnny' me! You're not my mother!"

Sage sighed, "But she did give me permission to do this," She slapped me hard.

"Pull over this camper now," her voice taking on a authoritative tone, "you need a break."

"But-"

*slap*

"We're supposed to sw-"

*slap*

"Texarkana."

*slap*

"Fine I'm stopping!"

Damn, that woman has one hell of a slap. My cheek still stung like crazy and it had been more than five minutes since we switched places. I was now curled up in the tiny bed of the little bedroom.

I would have preferred the main bedroom but it was far too bright in there. I always like somewhere nice and dark when I slept. And the couch was out of the question because Dalton was currently passed out on it and after this morning....

I shook my head; now was not the time to be thinking of Dalton and his cute butt. Celestia be damned, I just did!

Rolling over, I let out an annoyed groan. All these thoughts of butts were not helping me drift off to la-la land. Might as well resort to the tried and true method; empty my mind and slow breaths.

-~-~-~-

I once again found myself in the school cafeteria. This time the room was devoid of everything except Doppel. The changeling was waiting for me once again at that exact same lunch table with a rather bored expression on his carapace covered face.

I touched my cheek, feeling my now far firmer skin. Was this what was in store for me? "Yes, now get your flank over here!" Doppel's voice answered my thoughts. Right, he can read my thoughts.

As I sat down directly across from him, I noticed something new about him. A small silver necklace with an Emerald heart now hung around his neck. I don't remember giving him any attire when I made him; who gave tha-

"Lance gave me this," he finished my thought once again, his tone a bit softer this time.

Lance? Who the hell was Lance? I never had any OCs with that name? Shaking the thought from my mind, I looked about the abandoned room, "so you here to be a cynical ass to me again?"

He shook his head, "No, I'm here as a creation helping his creator. Anything happens to you, I'm gone like a changeling to the Playcolt Mansion."

Well, that was an... interesting metaphor. "So how exactly are you going to help me?" You are just a figment of my imagination after all.

"One, with some advice," he stated, "and two, fuck you I'm as real as you are in here. He spat a glob of green goop on the floor, "Now here's the advice: keep Kylie close an-"

"Dop! You done yet?" A male's voice called out and I turned about to a grey unicorn stallion up in the main entrance to the cafeteria. A soft smile on his face as he blew some of his two tone black and silver mane.

"One sec sweetcheeks!" The changeling hollered back, a smile on his face.

And then it hit me. Lance wasn't my OC; he was the creation of one of my RPing buds and he was Doppel's boyfriend. Doppel was gay! "I'm not a coltcuddler you genius," Doppel rolled his eyes as he got out of his seat, "changelings are pansexual. Takes 'i can be anything you want me to be' to a whole 'nother level."

Soon, Doppel had made it back up to his lover and gave him an affectionate nuzzle under the neck. I couldn't help but smile at the adorableness a-

*GONG*

What the hell was that?!

*GONG*

The giant gong struck again; this time causing several cracks to appear in the walls and blinding light began seeping through.

"Damn it,*GONG*~ing up!" Doppel yelled

"WHAT?!" I could barely even hear myself think!

*GONG*

One of the bricks columns holding up the ceiling collapsed, sending up a cloud of dust as it slammed into the floor.

*GONG*

-~-~-~-

I jolted awake, slamming my head against the cabinet above the bed. Groaning, I rubbed my head, whatever designer put this cabinet he-

I couldn't breathe! My eyes widened as I began to hack and cough uncontrollably and I struggled to get air to my lungs. I tried to scream for help but all I could manage was a pitiful gargle as something oozed down my lips. Wiping them on my hand I saw a green goop and my eyes widened. Memories of that dream from school came rushing back

Getting to my feet, I fumbled with the door handle and staggered back Into the room with everyone else, my vision already fading. The moment Kylie saw me, she let out a panicked scream.

I tried to say 'help me' but all that came out was a gargle as I fell to the floor.

The last thing I remember before passing out was the sensation of the RV screeching to a halt.

Author's Note:

Questions? comments? concerns? You know where they go!

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