hmm... i like the concept and your writing style, however you need to break up your paragraphs a little more, and start a new one each time you change who is speaking.

aside from that my only other gripe is the trivial fact that the chapters are a litle short, but that's not major.

keep up the good work

Okay never mind about my last comment. This is good, I can now see why the organ thing, and other stuff works.

interesting...
you have my attention, the black ops style picture of rainbow dash is enough to get me in here, and the story looks good. i expect great things from you.

Tracked for later, the premise sounds a bit like Gungrave, if you asked me.

Old-fashioned voodoo, eh? I love it. I'll be interested to see where you go with this.

493540 Never even heard of gun grave XD is it good?

493928 Yes. The anime is slow, but the game is one crazy shoot-'em-up.

493937 sounds cool ill have to check it out!

I thank you all for your tips and advice! i edited chapters 1 and 2 to what ive learned. i havent changed the story much so if you dont feel like re reading it you wont be lost later! Thanks again for the advice and ill get working on the following chapters ASAP!

need more chapters nao!!!

Nice pic from the Dead RD Tumblr. Liked and Fav'd

*SQUEE!!*

So, those no one knows Rainbow Dash dies?