Edited
By
Blazikenking
I'm working off of the '01 storyline with a little bit of the latter years mixed in. This is meant to combine both MLP: FIM and Bionicle.
~Toa Coy~
Chapter one: It begins
In the time before time two alicorn brothers fought over the fate of the world. One of gold coat and black mane with the mask of Life as his cutie mark, facing his dark brother with a black coat and blood-red mane with the mask of shadows as his cutie mark.
"Brother we do not have to fight. We are meant to work together and bring peace to this land and others." The one with the mask of life said using a barrier to stop his brother's magic.
The black stallion just laughed, and then in a deep booming voice replied, "You are wrong my brother for it is I who will rule this world and all beyond it for I am the most powerful being in existence."
The black stallion then put all of his power into one attack and wounded his brother but he himself was open to attack. With a heavy heart the golden stallion took his chance and defeated his brother.
The two may have defeated each other but neither of them truly die. The golden stallion used the last of his power to make an island that ponies could live in peace and to keep them safe should his bother return. The black stallion created two beings from himself on that day, one from his chaos and the other from his darkness. The chaos being, later known as Discord, went to wreak havoc on the land of Equestria and the darkness buried itself into the ground to grow stronger and reform the black stallion and would later change Luna into Nightmare Moon.
The island bore a different types of ponies; earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi were still there but alicorns were there as well as Sea ponies that can become earth ponies on land.
This is where our tale begins, a red unicorn pony with a blue mane, gold hooves, and a blue pakari on his flank trotted from a castle-like building over a river of lava. He seemed like a normal Ta-pony, if not for his blue mane, going to the fields to get lava fruits for his lunch. But this was the famous/infamous Takua, fame chronicler and known troublemaker. He has helped many of the turaga when they lost their staffs, but he has also caused some glass to break when he was daydreaming.
As a matter of fact he was doing that right now when he ran into another Ta-pony, that was red with a golden mane, golden hooves, and a golden hau on his flank and an annoyed look on his face.
"Takua be more careful. You know that if you cause just one more problem that you will have to help Turaga Vakama again and you know how boring that can be." He said shaking his head at Takua.
"Sorry Jaller," Takua said rubbing the back of his head with his hoof. "It is just I've been having these weird dreams lately."
"What are they about?" Jaller asked as he started on his way to the guard post, he was the captain after all.
"About somepony named Tahu, but it is like a flash and then it is gone."
"Well talk to Turaga Vakama after we finish our shift."
With that the two entered the outer guard post.
Elsewhere in the land of Equestria six stones started to move from their hiding places to the island and with them they bring six heroes.
Later that day, Takua was trotting over to a large stone hut with a roaring fire in the center of it and by it was an old pony that had an orange coat and a graying red mane with an orange noble huna. Takua was about to speak when a wise and aged voice.
"You may enter Takua." the aged pony said without taking his eye off the fire.
"Yes Turaga." Takua said with a slight bow and entered the hut.
The two sat there for some time only the sound of the fire and the ponies outside filled the air. Takua had been a chronicler for Vakama and the other turaga for a long time and felt that in the middle of a story they would stop as if they were about to tell a secret. He had asked Matoro, a Ko-pony and Turaga Nuju's translator, if he knew anything. The Ko-pony replied, "To know what has yet to be seen can change who you are." Takua didn't get it but took it for an no.
Takua was about to leave when Vakama raised his front left hoof and began to speak.
"You seem to be troubled by something. What is it?"
"I have been having these dreams about a group of ponies taller than any of the others around the island taller than even you Turaga."
At this the turaga looked at the Ta-pony, expressions came and went quicker than Takua could blink. But three were always a constant; surprised, fear, and wonder. Takua was about to speak when Vakama beat him to the punch.
"Takua, I want you and one of the other Ta-ponies to go to the volcano and look for my mark on a rock enter the rock and then return here." The turaga said taking his eyes of the fire and scanning the village outside.
"Yes Turaga I will, but who do you want me to take with me?"
"Take Kapura with you he has always been a wise choice for traveling company."
"Yes Turaga." With that Takua left the hut and a worried turaga behind.
"Mata Nui help us if it has come again." Vakama said as he turned back to the fire.
A few minutes later...
Takua trotted off to a mountain path that lead to the Plas-ponies settlement and then the top of the volcano, the Mangai Volcano. With an unicorn that was another Ta-pony; this one had a dark red mane, a light red coat, and dark red hooves with a dark red Ruru. This Ta-pony was who the others sought for wisdom and was the second in command of the Ta-koro guards, Kapura.
Takua groaned as he waited a few minutes for Kapura to catch up to him.
"What he has in knowledge he lacks in speed." Takua thought to himself.
It was fourth time in the past hour that Takua had to wait for Kapura and when he looked back he was still nine pony strides away from him. So far, Takua had started collecting different types of stones to trade with the Fe-ponies the next time he goes that way. He started to daydream a little when a voice drew him back to the island and to Kapura looking at the colt.
"You know this is how the tortoise beat the hare." Kapura said as he turned and continued to move up the path.
Takua shook his head, ruffling his mane, and followed Kapura. The got to the road that the Plas-ponies used to come down the path. Then they saw a Plas-pony, he was an unicorn that had a light orange mane with a white stripe that hung over an orange eye, a dark orange coat, and white hooves with a white Kualsi on his flank coming towards them. Takua noticed the cutie mark and called out.
"Hey Ion." Takua said waving his front left hoof and got a smile from Ion.
"How have you been my friend?" Ion said walking over to the other unicorns.
"Fine. I got to do an important thing for Turaga Vakama and I have Kapura to help me if need be." Takua replied pointing at Kapura. "So where is Zat and Tion?"
"At the glass making plant, which you are still banned from by the way." Ion said getting serious at the end.
"I said I was sorry." Takua said rubbing the back of his head with an apologetic look on his face.
"You still set us back by a week for the next month." Ion said as started to move around the other two. "Now if well excuse me I have to get to the glass factory to help keep us ahead of schedule."
With that Ion left the two to be on their way, Takua was about to follow him when Kapura nudged him with a hoof.
"Those who are always looking for adventure may miss the one in front of them." The Ta-pony said walking up the path.
Takua wondered what that meant but followed his companion up the trail. It took another hour to get to the area Vakama meant. The two started to look for The turaga's symbol, his cutie mark and flames behind it. So far Takua looked the area ten times and not found it, while Kapura has yet to even get half way around it yet. This frustrated Takua to no end he was unable to do this important thing he thought that would get him banished for sure.
While Takua was having a freak out moment, Kapura walked by a big boulder that seemed like a huna and a red light like a flame behind it. Kapura checked it again and made sure that this was the item that they were looking for, it was and he went over to the daymaring Takua.
"Takua I have found it." Kapura said then he noticed that Takua was curled up in a petting his tail as if to calm himself. Kapura knew that Takua is a pony that doesn't normally act like this. He just tapped him with a hoof. "Takua what is the matter?"
"I'm going to be banished by the turaga for failing this." Takua said having not heard what Kapura had said. Kapura rolled his eyes and use some of his magic to lift Takua over to the boulder.
Takua looked at Kapura and then at the boulder and said, "Why did you bring me here?"
"This is the place Turaga Vakama said to be at." Kapura replied.
"I don't see any thing it is just a rock."
"To always be on the move is to miss the small things that may help you later on."
Takua was about to say something when he stopped and saw a small hint of light and then it hit him. Due to his rush to find the symbol he missed it, but having somepony there to help you out when you are going too fast to notice what others see.
"Thank you Kapura." Takua said as he hugged Kapura.
"Not a problem Takua." Kapura replied.
Takua broke the hug and moved to examined the stone. He knew that Po-ponies used special tools to make ornate carvings, like this, on stones and each carver has a small mark that is unique to them and them alone. As far as he could tell there wasn’t one, but there was a small raised area that seemed out of place. Takua wondered what would happen if he pushed it.
When Takua pushed the raised area in the stone, it started to shake. Takua jumped back and watched as the stone slid over revealing a hole in the wall. Takua was about to rush in and see what was inside but Kapura stopped him and said "It is better to look before you leap for it may just save your life."
Takua nodded and slowly walked into the cave followed by Kapura. When they got in they saw a cherry red stone sitting on a pedestal hanging over a river of lava.
"Should we use magic to get it?" Takua asked Kapura.
Kapura looked the cave over to see if there were any runes that would cause them not to use magic. It took a few minutes to look over every inch of the cave but in the end he nodded his head. Takua used his magic to slowly lift the stone off the pedestal. As the stone slowly lifted off the pedestal and nothing seemed to happen, Takua breathed a sigh of relief as nothing happened. Then the cave started to shake violently, this startled the two Ta-ponies and caused them to run out of the cave.
"See what did I tell ya? Adventure right in front of ya." Kapura said out of breath.
"Ya that was heart pounding." Takua replied out of breath. "So I wonder what is so important about this stone?"
The two made good time getting back to Turaga Vakama.
Later that night in the land of Equestria.
In the town of Ponyville, most of the lights of the town were off except for the library. The light was in the high room near the observation platform, where a purple unicorn mare with a purple mane with a hot pink stripe running through it was looking through a telescope and at the stars, when she noticed a meteor shooting through the night sky.
"Hmm that's strange there weren't any meteors predicted for tonight." the mare said to herself and kept watching the meteor.
As she watched, the meteor sailed through the sky and then explode into six balls of light which stayed in place. This confused her and she wrote down what she saw. She then charted where they were and continued to watch it until three in the morning and went to sleep.
Takua awoke the next morning with a jolt. He turned his head and said aloud to himself.
"Another dream but this one was different. Who was that pony?"
Takua got up and shook the sleepiness out of his body. Then he left his house and headed towards Turaga Vakama's hut.
"I wonder where Turaga Vakama is going to sent me first?"
Flashback
"Takua you and Kapura have done a good job, but I'm afraid that you need to rest up for this is the beginning of another journey for you, Takua." The Turaga said to the colt as he placed the stone that the two collected into an indentation in the wall of his hut.
The two colts nodded and started to head out of the hut when Vakama called out to them.
"One more thing, Kapura. Takua shall be excused from any and all guard duties from this point on."
"I understand Turaga, I will inform Jaller in the morning." Kapura replied with a nod.
Vakama then turned to Takua, "I want you to come here first thing in the morning for further instructions."
"Understood turaga." Takua replied and with that he and Kapura left the hut.
Takua took a deep breath and then let out a sigh with a frown taking the place of his trademark smile. Kapura notice this and asked why was he sad since he was going on an important journey for the Turaga.
Takua, still with the frown, looked at the slow but wise pony.
"I love going on these types of adventures, but I prefer to stay here and hang out with you guys. You are like my brothers.”
Kapura understood that it took awhile for everypony to accept Takua for his strange ways, but now he was like everypony's little brother.
"But what about all your other friends you met since your last adventure, don't you think they will be happy to know that you are going to visit them after a long time of not seeing you?"
Takua thought about it and nodded in agreement.
"You’re right, I do miss my other friends but that is what makes all my journeys double edge swords."
Kapura nodded and said, "Good night Takua."
Kapura headed to his house and Takua walked to his home alone. Neither of them noticed the six new stars in the night sky, but an astronomer on the island did and went to their turaga.
End of Flashback
Takua entered the hut of the turaga but didn't see him there. This confused Takua and he started to search for a note of some sort to tell him what was going on. He searched until he saw a piece of parchment that read:
Takua,
I received a message from Nokama that one of her ponies noticed that six new starts appeared last night. I am heading to the Ce and Ga-pony villages with Jaller and Kapura as my guards. I want you to follow me to the village, Nokama is sending you a boat with one of her best sailors to take you to the village. Take care for I see dark times ahead of us.
-Turaga Vakama
Takua reread the parchment twice and left the hut, still with the parchment in his mouth, and headed home to get something. When he got there he started to search for his blue backpack. It took a few minutes, but he found it and placed the parchment in the backpack.
"There," Takua said to himself. "Now I better get to the beach." With that he slipped his front hooves through the straps and ran out of his house.
It took ten minutes to get to the Ta-wahi beach where Takua saw a large green boat with nopony within sight and it made he wondered where the mare that was to take him to the village was.
"I wonder where she is?" Takua said to himself.
"Hey Takua!" a soft female voice came out of nowhere.
Takua jumped up ten feet into the air when he saw where the voice came from; She was a Ga-pony, currently in her sea pony form, that had a short blue/cyan mane and a sky-blue coat. He couldn't see her cutie mark but he remembered her from that time she saved him from that crazy octopus.
"Hey Macku, how have you been?" Takua asked the sea-pony.
"Fine, Turaga Nokama told me to come and get you but you took longer than normal to get here so I went for a swim." Macku said as she jumped five feet out of the water and changed into an earth pony.
Takua let out a long whistle, he had seen Ga-ponies do this many times but it always amazed him. Now that she was in her earth pony form he could see the dark blue huna against her coat.
"I'm flattered that you find the change amazing but we got to get to the village soon." Macku said as she hopped onto her boat.
"Right behind ya." Takua said following her onto the boat.
Macku used her mouth to turn the key that started the boat and then put it in reverse to get into the open ocean. Once there she turned to her passenger.
"Best hang on Takua. We need to go fast if we are to make it on time."
Takua nodded and wrapped his hooves around one of the seats. And not a moment too soon for he was through back into his seat as the boat zipped to Naho Bay.
Meanwhile
Twilight had written a letter to Princess Celestia about what she observed last night and asked her if she or Luna did this. When had finished writing it Twilight had to wake up Spike to send it, much to the young dragon's dismay.
"Why do you want me to send this so early anyways? You know you don't have to have a friendship report every week." Spike groaned as he covered his head back up with his blanket.
"Spike this is important," Twilight said using her magic to levitate the little dragon out of his bed. "And this isn't a Friendship report. This a letter concerning the fact that last night I saw a meteorite explode and turn into six stars that weren't there last night."
"Why didn't you wake me up when that happened? It sounds cool." Spike asked.
"Because your still a baby and need a full night's sleep." Twilight replied lowering him to the ground. "Now can you please send the letter?"
Spike nodded he then took the rolled up parchment and used his magic fire to send the letter.
"Hopefully we get a reply soon." Twilight said as she headed to her study.
"Ya hopefully." Spike knew that it would likely come at the least opportune time.
----
hey I'm looking for names for the Fe, Ce, De, Plas, Ma, Lighting, Ba, Plant, and Av-ponies Ocs for this fic The Ta, Ga, Le, Ko, Po, and Onu-ponies will be based on bionicle characters
ARgh, I've already seen that pic on a fic... that was Bionicle.
489884
If it was used on Deviantart by JFPierre then you saw my account on there
489901
No... on this site.
Oh well I guess I'm not the only one who wanted to use it
Wow! You've done your research!
490025
For the past ten years I have been a bionicle Nerd and working of it make it easier. Ponies just add to it and make better
490046 I have all the comics from the beginning. I grew up on this stuff.
Bring honor to the Bionicle.
Bionicle? Haven't heard that name in a while.
I have vague memories about that. I saw one or two of the movies...
Impressive for a starting chapter. The only thing I could pick you about are a few spot grammar errors.
I've nothing to say otherwise. Can't wait to see what you come up with!
hmm not bad i think it was alright i think idk why the Bionicle pony crossovers have sprung up even tho its been about 3-4 years since its trajet and very arupte end.
Well this seems interesting; a few minor mistakes, but nothing really serious.
I have to admit, I was not expecting there to be more than the six basic elements.
good luck! I'll be tracking this story like an "energy hound".
Also do the sea-ponies have a unicorn horn? Seems like between the shape-shifting and magic, that they'd be a bit too over powered.
Another bionicle brony!? That's what's up! Your story is great and cannot wait to see more!
God. I have not heard nor seen from Bionicle since the good old days of 2002. I think youve just brought me back into it
490454
That is just the cover art, In the story the Ga-ponies are earth/seaponies
490608
On Deviantart we have a club call MLB-DiM, which is the name came from. join us we have mocs and artwork as well
490148
because of how in some of MLP reminds old bionicle fans of there childhoods
Oh man, the nostalgia. I used to spend days straight with my friends building/playing with Bionicle. I still have a whole big bin in my basement filled with parts and stuff.
490991
I still got a lot of mine together but with three bins of parts say a lot.
Oh, Man. I did Grown up with Bionicle. It was my childhood. And now, Mixed with my actual Sub Obsesion (Being the first all stuff related to Army and/or war), I just don't know what to think...
There is a difference between Sea Ponies and Mer-Ponies. Sea Ponies have fins instead of forelegs and curling seahorse-style tails. Mer-Ponies by contrast have forelegs, and fluked whale-style tails. They also don't have the use of "Shoo be doo" in their songs as a common trait.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for throwing out certain retcons from later in the Bionicle.
Someone rang?
>A/N
A/Ns are generally discouraged, because they are seen to be amateurish. If you're going to have one, at least tag it with "A/N:" and a scene break, something to separate it from the actual story.
>It begins
Capitalize your titles properly. "It Begins"
>In the time before time two alicorn brothers fought over the fate of the world.
Read this aloud, and I dare you to tell me that you wouldn't be skeptical if you were not the author. Missing comma after the second "time".
>One of gold coat and black mane with the mask of Life as his cutie mark,
>facing his dark brother with a black coat and blood-red mane with the mask of shadows as his cutie mark.
Incomplete sentence. Horrendous colour scheme aside, "mask of Life", "mask of shadows" is inaccessible to people not familiar with Bionicle. Inconsistent capitalization for "shadows". Also, infodumping.
>"Brother we do not have to fight.
Brother, we
>We are meant to work together and bring peace to this land and others." The one with the
other," the one
Stilted dialogue. As in, this sounds like something a puppet would say, on account of being cliche, and completely emotionless. There's no context to tell us what's going on. There's no context to give us a reason to care why this is going on. There's supposed to be tension, but the buildup required for it - you know, actual plot events - are missing, and so there is no tension.
>...mask of life said using a barrier to stop his brother's magic.
Inconsistent capitalization for "life". Comma after "said". Lack of details. What kind of barrier? What kind of magic? This isn't a scene, this is a sentence, with as little weight as such.
>"You are wrong my brother for it is I who will rule this world and all beyond it for I am the most powerful being in existence."
Read that aloud. No, seriously, do it. Ran out of breath yet? Well, what makes you think Mr. Alicorn McOP wouldn't? Because he's the most powerful being in existence?
Now imagine this line. Except, it's by someone else. Someone else has decided to write an alicorn, an evil alicorn, who is the most powerful being in existence. Now, how would you feel? Maybe not outright disgusted, but maybe at least wary. Or derisive. There's a reason why overpowered characters are not loved at all. It's because they're bloody unbalanced, and unrealistic as characters. They don't function as more than caricatures.
>The black stallion then put all of his power into one attack and wounded his brother but he himself was open to attack. With a heavy heart the golden stallion took his chance and defeated his brother.
Now read this one out aloud and imagine, this time, a nine-year-old. He has decided to write about an epic battle.
Prove to me that this line isn't something that would come out straight from his story. Because that's what I'm seeing.
The writing is poorly basic. Basic, as in it doesn't show as an epic battle. It glazes over it, removing all the details of what makes an epic battle epic, rendering it into a husk of scene. There is no struggle, because it's been glazed over. "The golden stallion" earns you nothing but a sad laugh. Have you tried envisioning this at all? And hell, if the black alicorn (shudder) was so powerful, why did the golden alicorn survive? If his final attack was so poor as to only injure him, and not even to fatally immobilize him, heck, he doesn't sound like he's worth the hype at all.
>The golden stallion used the last of his power to make an island that ponies could live in peace and to keep them safe should his bother return
Run-on sentence. And, as amusingly, accidentally accurate as it is, "brother" is not spelled as "bother".
>The black stallion created two beings from himself on that day
Ooh. Looks like Mr. Golden did a shoddy job of it. You'd think he'd at least check, but nooooo. See, that's what you get for voting liberal, folks - you get half-hearted government service who can't follow through properly, even when the bloody balance of existence hangs in the balance.
>The chaos being, later known as Discord, went to wreak havoc on the land of Equestria and the darkness buried itself into the ground to grow stronger and reform the black stallion and would later change Luna into Nightmare Moon.
And this is where I stop.
Discord is easily my favourite character. He's a character, with an amazing personality, very fun to write, the one with the most potential for villiany.
And you go and make this ridiculous attempt to make him a spinoff of your own character.
See, you can't expect us to just swallow it whole like that, on account of this being just plain silly. If I were not in a good mood, I'd even go as far as to say that you insult his characterization by tying such a vivid character to - what - some garish PonyCreator product who is, self-proclaimed, "the most powerful being in existence".
All fiction is the author's whimsy. But what's your whimsy isn't ours. You're on Fimfic. The ponyverse takes precedence. A colleague of mine has mentioned that this is, stylistically, based on Bionicle, which explains somewhat why things happened the way they did. To which I must say, well, bugger. Because it doesn't make much sense at all to me, because I'm not familiar with it. Kinda doesn't help that you were the one who recommended it, which implies that you want us to read it. Which, to a
damnvery limited extent, I have.I cannot recommend this, for the severity of errors noted above. However, I hope you can take this as a learning experience, and improve on this feedback.
Oh, also, we'll ban your ass if you pull this again. Because, y'know, you read the rules and broke them deliberately, and we don't take too kindly to that.
God, I remember Bionicles. I can't believe I got here from /mlp/, but finding so many Bionicle-loving bronies there was amazing. I'm glad I visit that board.
As for this fic, I guess it's kinda average, at least at this point. The attention to Bionicle lore is certainly impressive, and I gott hand it to ya on that. If the formatting and flow were better, then I'd fave it, but for now I'll just leave it on the "Read Later" list and catch up bit-by-bit. With any luck, your writing and proofreading will improve as I go on.
1550401 I completely fail to see what about this makes it different from other crossover/ AU works on this site to the extent that it makes the author ban-able. If you ask me (which, admittedly, nobody did, and I don't blame you), you're being far too harsh on this guy, aside from those spelling and grammar errors and whatnot, especially since I think you've forgotten that crossover stories are made for people familiar with both involved universes.
499793 So would The Dazzlings technically be mer-ponies?
Interesting... You have my attention!