• Published 21st Apr 2012
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Harpflank and Sweets: Season 1 - RTStephens



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Episode 23: Bucking Apple Season

HARPFLANK AND SWEETS

Original story and concept by Arcainum

Opening Titles

Metropony City! Mighty skyscrapers towering over the millions of ponies going about their lives on the streets below! Working, playing or just taking in the weather, Metropony bustles as only the big city can. But! All is not well in this equine metropolis! Below the streets lies a threat - a threat to the happiness and friendship of good ponies everywhere! And the name of that threat is Luna, the exiled Princess who has returned with vengeance in her eyes! With the aid of Her villainous helper Trixie and her army of terrible Lunatrons, She will stop at nothing to destroy the pony way of life! Standing against her, however, are two heroic mares, known only to the citizens of Metropony as...

HARPFLANK AND SWEETS: EPISODE 23 - Bucking Apple Season

Scene 1

The Great and Powerful Trixie once suggested to Her Lady that she could save time walking up and down Luna’s enormous stairway to Her throne by installing an escalator. Luna suggested that if Her loyal subject ever did, She’d curse Trixie’s cutie mark to zap the magician in the flank for every failure that she had.

Trixie suggested that the current system worked just fine.

“At least... this way... the Great and... Powerful Trixie... stays in shape,” Trixie gasped as she finally reached the top of the stairs and plopped before Luna’s throne. “I... am here, my Mistress... ”

“IT PLEASES US THAT YOU HAVE COME!” Princess Luna greeted Her servant, Her Royal Supervillain Voice ringing throughout the vast chamber in which Her throne was located. “WE HAVE MUCH TO DISCUSS.”

“I am at your service, my Lady,” Trixie replied dutifully, finally recovered from her power-stepping.

“YOUR CONTINUED FAILURES TO STRIKE DOWN THIS CITY HAVE NOT GONE UNNOTICED! THEREFORE, WE HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU NEED HELP IN CRUSHING OUR ENEMIES. OUR EMPIRE IS LARGE, AND OUR RESOURCES MORE SO, BUT IT WOULD BE FOALISH TO TURN AWAY HELP WHEN IT IS OFFERED.” Luna stopped talking, much to the delight of Trixie’s eardrums, and clapped Her hooves together twice.

From behind Her throne, a pony stepped into view. It quickly became obvious that he was not one of Luna’s henchponies. He was a unicorn stallion with an impressive build, spotless white coat and a impeccably groomed blond mane and tail. A compass rose adorned his flank. He looked down upon Trixie dispassionately.

Luna spread a wing and raised a hoof towards the newcomer. “MAY WE INTRODUCE OUR GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-NOT-SO-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-PATHETIC-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-”

“Skip a bit, Auntie,” the many times GREAT stallion interrupted in a cultured voice.

“VERY WELL,” Luna agreed. “WE WERE LOSING COUNT, ANYWAY. AHEM. GREAT-NEPHEW, PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!”

“Charmed,” Blueblood drawled.

Trixie stared up at the new unicorn for several moments. Her eyes traveled from his hooficured hooves, up his well-built frame, past his light blue eyes to stop at the impressive horn atop his head.

“ARE YOU WELL, TRIXIE?” Luna asked with some concern. “YOUR FACE IS RED.”

Trixie’s eyes widened in alarm and she hastily lowered her hat to cover her muzzle. “I’m fine! P-Please! Continue!”

Luna seemed to accept this as She spoke, “NEPHEW. THIS IS MY LOYAL SERVANT, THE INEPT AND WALLOWING TRIXIE.”

Trixie blushed harder at the mangling of her title and pulled her hat further down her face. She managed a quick bow before standing upright again.

“NOW THAT INTRODUCTIONS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, WE SHALL EXPLAIN OUR NEPHEW’S PRESENCE. HE HAS RIGHTFULLY DECIDED TO DEFECT TO THE EMPIRE, ADDING TO OUR GROWING NUMBERS. HE WILL BE YOUR PARTNER IN FIGHTING BACK AGAINST THE FOALISH ENEMIES THAT DARE OPPOSE US!”

Trixie blinked and pushed her hat away to direct her gaze at Luna. “A partner? But, my Lady, I’ve always worked alone. Well, besides Snips and Snails, but they don’t count! The Great and Powerful Trixie does her best work solo!”

“AND YET YOUR BEST HAS NOT PROVED ENOUGH,” Luna pointed out, sending a disapproving glare Trixie’s way. The magician hid under her hat again. “THIS IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL JOIN FORCES WITH BLUEBLOOD AND, TOGETHER, YOU WILL CRUSH THE INFIDELS IN OUR WAY!

“DO WE MAKE OURSELVES CLEAR?”

Trixie suppressed a sigh and bowed. “Deafeningly so, my Lady.”

“THEN BE OFF WITH YOU. WE LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING OF YOUR FUTURE SUCCESSES.”

Trixie bowed once more, turned and began heading toward the bulkhead. Behind her, Blueblood bowed as well with a flourish, and cantered after his new partner.

Scene 2

The trot through the steely grey corridors of Luna’s underground lair was an awkward one. Trixie and Blueblood walked side-by-side with neither looking at the other. Occasionally, Trixie sent a furtive glance the stallion’s way then quickly snapped back and faced forward. This continued for several minutes. Finally, Trixie couldn’t take the silence anymore and decided to break it.

“Trixie wonders, not that she cares all that much, what made you decide to join our glorious cause?”

Blueblood didn’t break his stride, nor did he seem to even acknowledge that Trixie had spoken. Rankled that anypony would dare ignore her, Trixie prepared to speak her mind. That is, until Blueblood swept one of his front hooves through his mane.

His carefully groomed hair drew back, displaying his large horn all the more, and then the mane fell back as his hoof finished its arc, settling back onto his forehead once again. Not a single hair had fallen out of place.

Trixie gulped and took deep breaths to calm her furiously beating heart.

“Oh, not much,” Blueblood said casually, not once missing his stride down the hall. “Political backstabbing, corporate espionage and attempted assassinations. The usual. I grew tired of it and wanted a fresh start. When I received a “Thinking of You” card from Auntie Luna, I decided to respond and ask if She would allow me the honor of joining Her court. Of course She agreed, so here I am.”

“Yes, here you are,” Trixie crooned. She blinked upon hearing the desire creeping into her voice and quickly shook her head. She couldn’t do much to cover up the blush on her muzzle though.

“So what is it that we’ll be doing?” Blueblood asked.

The topic of work snapped Trixie out of the daze she was falling into and she replied haughtily, “Trixie’s next mission is a simple task. I am going to attack the very bread and butter of this city. Or at least its apple and orchard. The Apple Corporation is the main supplier of anything apple related to the citizens of Metropony. Apple pie, apple fritters, apple cobblers, apple flavored chewing gum and so on. Should the supply dry up, it will be a major blow to the local economy, and the hapless ponies will cry and cower that their morning apple juice isn’t available. Metropony will be easy pickings for the Empire afterwards!”

Blueblood nodded his head after hearing the plan. “Removing such common fare is something I can agree with.”

“Really?” Trixie looked up at him, her eyes shining.

“Quite. My royal lips would never touch such generic food if it were the last thing in Equestria.”

Trixie smiled at how well things were going. “I think you and I are going to get along splendidly.”

Trixie thrust a hoof forward and proclaimed, “Come! I have a spare Lunatron ready for you to use. I just need to calibrate your magical signature to it and we shall be on our way to victory!”

“I hope that this doesn’t entail... manual labor,” Blueblood said guardedly.

Trixie quirked an eyebrow at the odd statement. “Ah, well, most Lunatrons work best if there are pilots driving them. Most of the work is through buttons, switches and levers, though. Just like a controller for one of those silly video games that are corrupting the youth of today. Only larger.” She stopped her explanation and tapped a hoof to her chin thoughtfully. “Hmm. Taking control of the younger generation through subliminal messages... Perhaps next week.” Trixie filed her germinating idea to the back of her mind and addressed Blueblood directly. “Plus, with you being a unicorn, it will be much easier to handle. Why, with how streamlined Trixie has made her creations, you can just sit there and let it do all the work!”

“Sounds like my type,” Blueblood replied with a dazzling smile.

Trixie made a mental note to ask the minions running the air conditioning units why they were slacking on the job, as she could have sworn that the temperature all around her had climbed without warning.

“Y-Yes,” Trixie stammered. She swallowed and gestured further down the hall. “Shall we go?”

Blueblood nodded primly and trotted past. Trixie watched him go by, mesmerized by the sight, before shaking herself and followed after him.

Scene 3

“So, whaddya wanna do?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

“I asked first. Whaddya wanna do?”

“First in, last out. What do you want to do?”

“Gah!” Lyra threw up her hooves in frustration and slouched in her seat a little more. She, along with her friend and fellow M.A.R.E. agent, Bon-Bon, were sitting beside a large water fountain that was located in the center of Fluttershy Gardens. Dozens of ponies walked past them, some taking advantage of the lovely weather to set up a picnic in the nearby grass while others strolled by with nary a care in the world. Both of them had been watching their fellow citizens with actual plans for over an hour now.

Bon-Bon sighed and offered, “We could check out that record store that just opened up a few blocks from here. Vinyl won’t shut up about it, but she’s been so busy at the lab that she hasn’t had the chance to go. Perhaps we could get something for her.”

“Nah.”

Frowning at Lyra’s quick dismissal, Bon-Bon tried again. “Well then, how about we get something to eat? It’s past noon and seeing all these ponies with baskets of food is getting me hungry.”

“Not very hungry, myself.”

Bon-Bon stamped a hoof to the ground and got up. “Well, I’m tired of just sitting around! Come on! Let’s just walk around and see if we can find something to do.”

“Boring.”

“Oh, you’re impossible sometimes!”

Lyra opened her mouth to whip out a sarcastic response, but the effort died halfway through so she settled for a loud groan.

“Oh! Look! Trixie!”

“Where?! WHERE?!” Lyra sprang to her hooves and looked around for their obnoxious enemy. All she saw after a few seconds of checking the area was Bon-Bon satisfied smirk.

“Gotcha!” Bon-Bon grabbed one of Lyra’s hooves with one of her own and dragged her away from the bench. “And now that you’re up, let’s get moving.”

“Cheater,” Lyra grumbled but followed. “Though with how dull things have been lately, I wouldn’t mind having Trixie pop up and cause some havoc. She’s due anytime, now.”

“I’m sure everypony in the city would mind,” Bon-Bon replied. “Their property and lives are threatened whenever Trixie appears. I’m sure that they wouldn’t lose any sleep if Luna’s Empire were to disappear off the face of the map.”

“Not that they’re even on the map. Even Trixie’s not stupid enough for-”

A beeping sound suddenly rang through the air. The duo looked at each other in confusion.

“Where’s that coming from?” Bon-Bon asked.

Lyra narrowed her eyes, then her horn lit up. Before Bon-Bon could question what she was doing, a hair clip levitated out of Bon-Bon’s mane. The source of the beeping was coming from the clip.

“You don’t think... ” Bon-Bon began to say.

“... I do think,” Lyra finished for her. Lyra fumbled with the clip until a small click was heard and the beeping stopped to be replaced by a static hiss.

“Lyra, Bon-Bon, you there?” came Commander Derpy’s unmistakable voice through the static.

“We’re here, commander,” Lyra answered as quietly and succinctly as she could.

“How in Celestia’s name did she get that in my mane?” Bon-Bon mumbled besides her.

Derpy continued speaking. “I’m glad that I got a hold of you two. We have a situation outside the city. It looks like Luna has sent her goons out there to lay waste to Sweet Apple Acres. If you don’t get out there and stop them, all the apples that the city needs will dry up! I’ll never see another apple flavored muffin again!” There came the sound of weeping, as though the world were coming to an end on the other side of the connection.

“Calm down, commander!” Bon-Bon tried to reassure the crying pegasus. “Don’t worry! We’ll stop them!”

“You will?” Derpy’s small voice asked hesitantly. “I mean, yes! Of course you will! I can always count on you to get the job done! So, get out there and protect my precious muffins!”

“Apples,” Lyra corrected.

“Whatever. Derpy out.” The static hissing from the clip vanished.

Lyra looked over to Bon-Bon and grinned. “Looks like you’ll be getting something to eat, after all.”

“I guess,” Bon-Bon responded casually, though a grin split her muzzle as well. “And you get to wail on Trixie. Funny how things seem to work out this way.”

With that, the two heroes slapped their hooves together and rushed off.

Scene 4

Apple trees spread out far and wide on the hills surrounding the city. Sweet Apple Acres had been around longer than any pony could remember. History books hinted that the family that had started the business were the first ponies to have ever settled in the land and that their talent in raising quality apples had led to the population spike that would eventually become Metropony. Ever since then, the Apple Corporation had only grown larger, becoming the major supplier of apples for the local economy. It was without a doubt a cornerstone of the city.

“Where do you want to start blasting first?” Trixie eagerly asked her companion through her Lunatron’s speakers.

Since a Lunatron wasn’t designed to shrug, Blueblood answered through his own giant machine, “Hmph. It would be unseemly for one such as myself to rush in in so uncouth a manner, so why don’t you start?” It was fortunate that his condescending tone was lost through his amplified voice.

It was also fortunate that Lunatron’s didn’t display the pilot’s facial features, otherwise the muzzle of Trixie’s large contraption would be sporting an embarrassed blush. “Oh! Ladies first, eh? You are a fine gentlepony!” With that, Trixie moved her Lunatron forward and began opening its weapon ports. “Peons! Look and be amazed as the Great and Powerful Trixie burns your insignificant fields of apples to the ground!” A nozzle appeared from one of the ports and began spewing fire over everything, setting trees, barns and farm equipment ablaze.

Below, workers and farmers ran for their lives as Luna’s right-hoof mare rained scorching death upon them. A trio of ponies, one cream, one magenta and one pink, soon joined them as Trixie continued her march through the fields.

“Why? Why?! WHY did this have to happen here?!” Rose screamed as she galloped alongside her friends.

Daisy did not waste her breath to answer, especially carrying Lily’s fainted body over her back.

Trixie laughed as she continued with her carnage, leaving nothing intact in her path. Behind her, Blueblood carefully guided his Lunatron through the destruction, taking pains not to step on anything that would sully his shiny armor.

Taking a moment to check on her partner, Trixie switched her viewscreen to look behind her. She blinked.

“Aren’t you going to shoot something? Do you remember how the controls work?”

“How could you even suggest such a thing?” came Blueblood’s offended response, somehow answering both questions at once. “The guns leave scorch marks and burnt powder all over the place. Getting that stuff all over me will take ages to wash out.”

“Uh, these are war machines. They’re suppose to get dirty.”

There came a long, drawn out sigh, as though Blueblood were being asked to pass the salt over a long dinner table, and nudged a tree near one of his metal hooves over.

“... stupendous work,” Trixie commented dryly. “Um, how about we split up? There’s a lot of ground to cover. I’ll take this half-” Trixie’s Lunatron swept its hoof to indicate a field on her left, “-while you take that half.” The Lunatron pointed right, where a series of barns and silos were located. “Don’t worry about dirt. We just hose these down back at the base.”

Blueblood scoffed at such a thing happening to his Lunatron. Still, he lumbered in the direction that Trixie had indicated. Inside her cockpit, Trixie bit her lip as she watched Blueblood head away, before turning towards her own assignment and got to work.

Scene 5

When Lyra and Bon-Bon finally reached the farm, all they could see were rows upon rows of apple trees burning and sending huge plumes of smoke into the sky.

“This... this is... awful,” Bon-Bon, now dressed in her outfit that identified her as Sweets, struggled to say.

Lyra, garbed as Harpflank, stared at the scene with an uncharacteristic hardness to her face. “Trixie’s gone too far,” she intoned darkly. “Causing mass destruction and chaos in the city is one thing, but this... This is evil beyond words.”

”Pop music, evil?”

Lyra shuddered. “Maybe.”

“Then let’s not stand around! We have to stop her!”

Lyra nodded sharply and took off with Bon-Bon right beside her. It was easy to find the culprit. All they had to do was follow the trail of flaming apple trees and within minutes, Trixie’s Lunatron came into view. The giant ponified machine shot out stream after stream of flame from a nozzle poking out from the Lunatron’s chest, laying waste to anything the fire touched.

“Launch me!” Lyra cried out.

Bon-Bon didn’t have to ask what her partner meant as she sped forward, turned around and stood up on her hind legs. Lyra hopped towards her and landed on Bon-Bon’s outstretched forelegs. With a mighty heave, Bon-Bon flung Lyra over her back and high into the air. Lyra streaked forward and extended out a single leg. Her aim was true and she crashed against the nozzle releasing all the hateful fire. The flamethrower crumbled like tinfoil.

“Ah! What happened?!” came Trixie’s confused voice. Her Lunatron’s head swiveled around and found Bon-Bon and Lyra posing dramatically with flames against their backs.

“You’re going down hard, Trixie!” Lyra shouted.

“Your crimes today will not go unpunished!” Bon-Bon added.

“Harpflank! Sweets! How dare you!”

“How dare you!” Bon-Bon shouted back. “You’re not just threatening the lives of ponies, you’re torching the very livelihood of the city!”

“We won’t let you get away with this!” Lyra added.

Trixie’s maniacal laughter was her response to that. “You are welcome to try... and fail!” The Lunatron lurched forward, moving deceptively quick for such a large machine.

Lyra and Bon-Bon separated, a metal hoof stomping down where they had stood a second before. The two darted towards the underside of the Lunatron, intending to stay out of Trixie’s line-of-sight and begin hacking away at anything they could get their hooves on. Taking out Lunatrons was their specialty and today they wanted nothing more than to tear this one to pieces. Using their powerful equine legs, they leaped up to strike.

A hatch opened above, dropping metal balls down on them. Lyra lashed out at one to knock it away-

-only to receive an explosion to the face. This set off a chain reaction among the other balls, filling the air with deadly fire and flying shrapnel. Lyra and Bon-Bon yelled in pain and surprise, and dropped back to the ground. Both sported burns and cuts, but they remained upright and ready to charge back in.

The Lunatron turned to face them again. “Give up, foals!” Trixie gloated. “My victory is at hoof!”

“Not on your life!” Bon-Bon yelled back. “We’re just getting started!”

The Lunatron’s weapons popped out of their ports and began firing. Once again, the superheroes sprang apart. This time, they hopped and ducked past lasers and rockets, drawing closer to the metal monstrosity. Once they reached the legs, they ran up the sides as though magnets were attached to their hooves and began pummeling the gun turrets faster than they could be targeted. The duo jumped from one section of the Lunatron to the next, smashing anything in their way.

“Blast you, Harpflank and Sweets!” Trixie cursed at them. From underneath the Lunatron’s hooves, exhaust ports opened up. Rockets hidden in the legs fired up and the Lunatron lurched into the air. The sudden force of take-off dislodged Lyra and Bon-Bon from their grips and they fell off. Landing gracefully, they watched as the retreating Lunatron streaked through the sky.

“She’s getting away again!” Lyra said. “After her!”

“You don’t have to tell me twice!” Bon-Bon replied and galloped after their foe.

Scene 6

Trixie’s Lunatron finally landed several miles away. As the titanic machine touched down, its shock absorbers and gyroscopes strained and calculated to keep the Lunatron from falling over. Once Trixie was certain that her device was still functional, she pushed her battered creation forward as hard as she dared. She had to find Blueblood. Together, they would be able to end Harpflank and Sweets’ infuriating existence once and for all.

Her machine traversed the rolling terrain, following the ping on her radar that signified Blueblood’s location. He hadn’t gotten far since she had separated with him and she worried that he had encountered problems of his own. The fact that she spotted plenty of intact buildings, tractors and apple trees on her viewscreen didn’t inspire her with confidence.

Finally, the second Lunatron came into view. It was standing in the middle of a plaza surrounded by dozens of barns, silos and a few wooden houses, not moving. With a great heave, Trixie made her Lunatron leap and come crashing down on one of the barns.

“Blueblood!” Trixie called out. “What’s wrong?! Why are all these building still standing?”

The opposite Lunatron raised a hoof to forestall any further questions. “First of all, you can’t call me by my name while we’re out like this. I realized while I was ordering these plebeians to cut down their trees and tear down their barns that I needed an alias to keep from being identified. So, call me... Wild Stallion.”

Trixie blinked in confoundment the second time today. “Wild Stallion? Seriously?”

“What? You have a problem with that? As if I could ever take you seriously with a name like the Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is a perfect name! It describes all that I am and all that I will be!”

“Hmph. Must be nice to live in a fantasy world.”

“Enough!” Trixie screeched. She pointed a hoof at the lack of destruction and chaos surrounding her. “What about this?! You were supposed to destroy these buildings!”

Trixie had never designed a Lunatron to look condescending, but Blue-Wild Stallion somehow managed to make it do it. “Please. These are royal hooves you are asking to sully. Besides, I’ve always managed to get others to do my work for me and I saw no reason to stop now.” He indicated a group of farmers that had been reluctantly taking apart a barn before Trixie had come. They were now staring up at the two Lunatrons worriedly as they bickered. “Problem is, they are doing it so slowly, that I may have to ask Auntie Luna to bring in some of her subjects to speed things up.”

Trixie pivoted her Lunatron and blew up the half-deconstructed barn with a single rocket. The ponies screamed in terror and ran off. Trixie turned back to Wild Stallion. “You don’t ask them, you terrorize them!”

“Now look what you did,” Wild Stallion pouted. “It took ages to convince them to do that. I even had to bribe them with some of the advance that Auntie gave me. I’ll have to ask Her to increase my allowance if I’m ever going to get anything done.”

“Stop right there!” a voice from atop a silo called out.

“We have you now, Trixie!” another voice spoke besides the first.

Trixie groaned in frustration, and turned towards the new arrivals. “Great! Now Harpflank and Sweets are here! Take aim, and fire!”

Wild Stallion snorted and began trotting away. “You fire. I’m going to see if I can find anything worthwhile to eat around here.”

“You can’t just walk away!” Trixie yelled after him. “We’re in this together!”

“I’ve put in enough effort today. I leave this menial work to you.”

Trixie gave a wordless scream, forcing anypony within a five-mile radius to cover their ears. “That is it! I’ve had enough of you and your attitude! And to think I found you cute, too! I’m going to launch a great and powerful rocket right down your throat!”

“I’ll never marry you.”

“THAT WASN’T A PROPOSAL, YOU IDIOT!”

Atop the silo, Lyra turned to Bon-Bon. “Are we even relevant anymore?”

“Shush,” came Bon-Bon’s muffled response. “This is getting good.”

“Oooooh, candy apples. Gimme.”

Suddenly, Trixie’s Lunatron whirled and pointed at them. “You two! Do what you always do to me every week-” Trixie thrust a hoof in Wild Stallion’s direction, “-and destroy him!” Without waiting for an answer, Trixie opened every remaining weapon port on her Lunatron and fired.

Wild Stallion yelped and backed away from the reckless barrage. “Stop! Stay away!”

“Afraid to get dirty?!” Trixie retorted gleefully. She laughed hysterically and continued her attack.

“Now what?!” Lyra asked above the carnage.

“We stop both of them!” Bon-Bon said, tossing away her finished apple. “Those shots are still hitting the buildings!” With that, Bon-Bon charged and leaped at Trixie’s Lunatron. Lyra headed towards Wild Stallion’s.

Lyra hopped from one barn to the next, gaining momentum. When she judged herself close enough, she launched herself at the besieged Lunatron. Weapons fire rained down around her but fortunately, Bon-Bon was taking care of that on her end, one gun at a time. Lyra punched and bucked at the head of the mechanised pony, trying to bring it down.

“Give it up, you big lug!” Lyra called out as one of her blows nearly severed the Lunatron’s neck. “It’s over!”

“My name’s Wild Stallion!” the pilot sobbed.

“Wild Stallion? Seriously?”

“HARPFLANK! LOOK OUT!”

Bon-Bon’s frantic cry made Lyra look up. She saw nothing but a huge shadowed form filling the sky and getting bigger as it descending towards her. Desperate, Lyra lurched to the side and kicked off the machine’s metal hide. She tumbled to the ground, scrambled to her hooves and ran for all that she was worth.

An explosion came from behind Lyra, picking her up and flinging her through the air. She landed roughly and skidded to a halt, making a furrow several feet in length. Lyra remained still for a while, groaning at all the punishment she had taken. It wasn’t until Bon-Bon galloped up to her that she managed to lift her head.

“What happened... ?” Lyra asked through her exhaustion.

Bon-Bon explained while helping Lyra to her hooves. “Trixie ran out of weapons to use, so she did that rocket thing from before and... body slammed the other guy. It... was kinda cool actually.”

“So... it’s over? We won?”

“I guess so-”

“HA! Take that, you pompous windbag! How’d you like that?!”

Lyra and Bon-Bon looked up and stared as they saw Trixie, silhouetted against the burning wreckage of her Lunatrons, standing on her hind legs and giggling madly. The heroes glanced at each other briefly and trotted up to her.

“Uh, Trixie?” Bon-Bon began. “Stay still so we can capture you and-”

Trixie spun around. Lyra and Bon-Bon took an involuntary step back from the crazed look the magician gave them.

“Thank you for your assistance!” Trixie said with a twitch in her eye. “Today is a great day!”

Lyra gulped and cautiously stepped forward. “Uh, Trixie. You lost. Again.”

“Ha! Shows what your puny minds know! The Great and Powerful Trixie has removed that which confounds all ponies!”

When Trixie didn’t continue, Bon-Bon prodded, “And that is?”

“Stallions!” Trixie exclaimed, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Worthless, the lot of them!”

“Okay... ” Lyra drawled. “Whatever you say... ”

Trixie nodded and began trotting away. “See you morons next week!”

“Wait! Come back-” Bon-Bon was interrupted from grabbing Trixie by Lyra’s outstretched hoof.

“I think it’s best we let her go, for now,” Lyra explained. “Maybe she won’t be so... freaky... next time.”

“You sure?” Bon-Bon asked.

“Positive. You remember that time when Nurse Redheart broke up with that guy a few weeks back?” Bon-Bon nodded and shuddered. “Trust me on this. It’s... better to wait for her to cool down.”

Scene 7

“Mares!”

Princess Celestia looked up from her book and watched as her nephew stormed into the lounge and towards his quarters.

“Things go well with my sister?” Celestia asked innocently.

Blueblood, his hair disheveled and soot covering his body, stomped past her and snorted. “I suppose it’s true what they say. Political espionage has nothing on a mare scorned.” He stepped through his door and slammed it shut.

Left alone once again, Celestia shrugged and went back to her reading.

[Credits roll.]

Epilogue

“SO, YOU’VE COME BACK FROM ANOTHER FAILURE, WE SEE. AND WITHOUT OUR NEPHEW.”

At the mention of Blueblood, Trixie glared up at Her with the power of a thousand supernova. Luna, Mistress of the Night, was taken aback.

“WE... TAKE IT YOU DID NOT GET ALONG WITH HIM.”

“No,” Trixie spit out bitterly. “I didn’t.”

Luna studied Her servant carefully. After a few moments, She spoke again. “WE SEE. WE UNDERSTAND YOUR PLIGHT. THERE IS NOT MUCH IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN STAND UP TO A WOUNDED HEART. ALTHOUGH, THERE IS A SAYING THAT WHICH I WOULD SHARE WITH YOU.”

“What’s that, My Lady?

“TRULY, IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO HAVE NEVER LOVED AT ALL.”

Trixie bowed her head and thought over the words of wisdom Luna had given her. Finally, she gave a disgusted snort, spun around and stomped out of the room.

“SHE TOOK THAT BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT SHE WOULD.”