Chapter 1
The train from Appleoosa pulled into the station with a wheeze of escaping steam. Braeburn Apple adjusted his hat and picked up his suitcase, stepping down onto the platform. He passed a sign at the station warning about transporting dangerous pets on the train and headed down the street towards where he remembered Sweet Apple Acres was located.
It’d been ages since he’d visited his cousins in Ponyville. He felt he owed them a visit, maybe help a little around the farm, get to know some of the ponies here. Worst case scenario- nopony was home and he grabbed the next train out. Well, worst case scenario that he could imagine.
Before he got there, however, he spotted a sweet shop that itself looked rather... sweet, with the entire building decorated like a pastry.
Having not tried anything fancier than pie for months, Braeburn’s mouth instantly began to drool and he nearly drifted through the air towards the bakery on the air currents of the sweet, sweet scent.
Inside, his attention rested first on the display of baked goods, although after few minutes he also noticed the small group of mares around one of the tables. It was the ponies his cousin Applejack had brought along to Appleloosa that one time they were all nearly killed by buffalo.
“Hello Braeburn!” called the purple one, Twilight Sparkle, if he remembered correctly. “What are you doing here?”
“Just got into town,” Braeburn replied. He was about to say more when a sharp poke from behind startled him. Jerking forwards, he looked down to see a jackalope that had followed him into the bakery.
“Look at that!” exclaimed Fluttershy, crouching down to study the antlered bunny. “I’ve never seen this little guy around before.”
“You have a jackalope in your menagerie, don’t you?” asked Rarity.
“That’s right,” confirmed Fluttershy. “I wonder where this one came from?”
“It’s typically a western animal,” Twilight noted. “Braeburn, do you see a lot of jackalopes in Appleloosa?”
“Yuh,” Braeburn muttered, his face covered in cake.
“He says yes,” Pinkie translated. “Although he has a bit of an accent.”
“Those from Appleoosa do have some drawl,” Rarity agreed.
Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Sounds just like a redneck.”
There was a sudden crash as Ms. Cake dropped a glass serving dish. Several customers in the bakery looked sharply in Rainbow’s direction. Even Braeburn paused on the way to his sugar coma to stare at her.
“What?” said Rainbow. “We all know that-”
“You can’t talk about them,” hissed Rarity, “or they’ll show up!”
“But Braeburn’s their family!” argued Rainbow. “Surely they’ll be too caught up in a reunion to get into a hoedown or a mud bog or something.”
“Um,” said Fluttershy, “did any of you see where this other jackalope came from?”
Twilight frowned. “I didn’t hear the door open. I doubt it was here before.”
“Oh no!” Fluttershy’s eyes suddenly went wide. “It’s started.”
“What’s started?” asked Rainbow.
“Jackalopes multiply even faster than rabbits,” Fluttershy explained. “I had mine fixed, but this one could be a problem. Why, even the environment here in Ponyville is perfect for reproduction, much better than in Appleloosa.”
Meanwhile, a third jackalope had appeared. Twilight, grasping the direness of the situation, said, “If they keep going at this rate, soon the whole town will be flooded! They’ll eat everything!”
“How are we to stop them? Rarity asked.
“Feeding them doesn’t seem to help,” Pinkie observed.
“Then stop!” Twilight demanded. "This will be parasprites all over again! We do not need more than one apocalyptic creatures incident!”
A fourth jackalope had already appeared and all indications were that they were going to keep going at an exponential rate. Rainbow, never one to stand idly by, had had enough. “That’s it - I’m calling the rednecks!”
She whipped out a pistol, firing at a piece of scrap metal and intentionally missing the first two times, the third time was a hit. *BamBam- Ding!*
Surprisingly, Big Macintosh ambled in immediately, eyeing everypony calmly and evenly. “Y’all called?” he asked the group in general, though he guessed by Rainbow’s stance it was her who had fired the shots.
“Yeah,” Rainbow asserted, “that was me. We’ve got a jackalope problem thanks to your cousin, mind lending a hoof?”
Big Mac idly glanced around, shifting the sprout of wheat from one side of his mouth to the other. He observed the rapidly multiplying jackalopes and glanced at Braeburn, his eyebrows going up.
Braeburn shrugged at the scrutiny. “Maybe they followed me from Appleloosa on the train.”
“That train goes so slow, Applejack really wouldn’t have needed to pack up that tree she brought in the first place! It could have probably boarded all on it own if it had a brain! Only trees aren’t basically grounded parasprites!” Rainbow moaned, her pistol once more safely holstered, which funnily enough was visible now.
Her spontaneous open-carry aside, that still didn’t solve the issue. And she doubted a one pony marching band would solve the issue either. Bullets might, though, and luckily those were something the Apple family tended to have even more of than apples themselves, guns too.
“Reckon I’d better call the rest,” said Mac. “They’ll want to be here.”
“By the way, nice to see you again,” said Braeburn.
Mac nodded. “Eeyup.” He frowned. “Where's your gun?”
“Eh heh heh, um, I...didn't think I'd need it,” Braeburn admitted, hanging his head. “What can I say, I came from the mild west.”
Mac shook his head and went to the door. There were a few jackalopes outside and more were already appearing. Reaching down to the bench beside the door, he picked up a banjo, probably left over from Pinkie’s ensemble. Settling the strap around his neck, he played a familiar riff that nonetheless made the hair stand up on the back of everypony’s neck.
From across town, in the silence left by the banjo, a replying guitar carried through the air.
It was followed shortly thereafter by the unmuffled engines of giant, rumbling pickup trucks.
Braeburn gulped. Things were about to get country.
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You must be confused, because I think that's a gay pride flag
4864418 I was wondering how quickly someone would point that out!
That's the point, 'Merica and all that~
4864540
It's a celebrate diversity flag. Gun diversity, that is.
4864600 thoseshirts.com/images/diversitybk750.jpg
Where I got the pistol images~
I always wonderd. How should a pony hold a pistol I understand a rifle but .
4864921 It's easy. They lay the gun down on the ground and ram their heads into the side of it until it finally goes off.
Gun battles in action movies in equestria are always interspersed with technicolor horses whacking their faces frantically into pistols until they fire at someone else.
4865081
I would pay to see that.
Better keep him away from Zecora!
4865412 I get that it's a joke but I found that a simple shot that could be used by ponys
Step one
2 foot long steel pipe 3/4 bore diamiter
1 foot long 1 inch in diamiter pipe
Put end cap on bigger pipe and a dowel with nail and to shoot
Ram large pipe forward nail hits primer
Pm me I have a diagram of this " pipe gun "
4866720 yes I know I made a prodotype but I'm afraid to shoot it
Dukes of Ponyville!
4865537 What does that have to do with a racism joke?
4869303 wat did I say wich was racist
4867506 well I'm gona try to but I don't have a welder
4869840 I'll try to work it out some how
4869688 Read my original comment again. I made a joke. Than you said something about blowpipes which had no connection to that whatsoever.
4869979 I am pretty sure he replied to the wrong comment. Another comment was asking how ponies could hold a gun, so that's probably what he meant to reply to.
4869979 I said pipe gun it's a homemade shotgun with no trigger this ponys can use it
Drive faster!! The banjos are getting louder!
Also, a better video of Dixie complete with an offensiveness disclaimer!
So being a gay redneck gets me an M4 carbine, M14, SandW, M1911's, S and W Model 29, M107, HK G36, mossberg 500, m24, P90, M92FS, over and under (ain't gonna ID that, they all look too similar), P08 and a SMLE MK IV?
Time to fly across the globe then. :)