Equestria Wars: The Magic Unleashed

by sonicdash123

Chapter 1: Invasion of the Droid Factory

Four massive star destroyers flew over the Everfree forest in a blockade formation to make sure no one leaves the location. A shuttle bellow one of them flew out of the destroyer and into the forest. TIE Fighters fired as the shuttle flew past them and landed at a safe distance away from the battle that is going on. The ramp lowered and a red unicorn wearing a long black cape walked down. As he touched the surface of the forest, he looked around to see the battle progression at a massive building that is in front of him. He then began to walk to the direction of the droid factory as a trooper ran past him and got shot in the head. An officer ran next to him as the shuttle lifted off and reported, "Charming Thunder, we were ambushed upon arrival but, I have the situation well in--" He then began to get chocked by unicorn magic and got levitated off of the ground.

"I have no interest in your failures, commander," Charming Thunder said. "I'm here on a mission of my own." He then released the officer and continued to walk. He then stood behind a barricade where the troopers fired at the battle droids. He then leapt to a droid and stabbed it with his crimson blade. He blocked the laser bolts as he wiped out the rest of the droids. Once they were destroyed, he gestured the troops to move up. One of the soldiers planted a charge on the door and took cover as the charge blew up. The other soldier next the door threw a detonator and three droids blew up by it. "Your report, commander."

"Sir, we ran a scan on the building and my squad have planed to plant charges at specific locations," the commander began. "While we do that and you take care of your bug problem, try to find the data files on the droids and meet us back outside."

"Very well. I'll keep that in mind."

"Lets move out, boys." Charming Thunder walked in straight as he encountered heavy resistance along the way. Two super battle droids opened fired at him as he deflected the bolts and attacked them.

"Unicorn, whatever you want you won't find it here," a pony said as he walked out of the shadows. "Turn back."

"You cannot disguise yourself from me, changeling." The pony then transformed to its true form and blasted him. Charming Thunder then dodged and activated his lightsaber. The changeling grabbed his vibro blade and struck first. Charming Thunder blocked the strike and head butts him. The changeling tried to fly way but was caught by unicorn magic and thrown back to the ground. He then walked up to him as the changeling got up and tried to strike. Charming Thunder's strong strike made it drop its blade and pushed back to the ground. The red unicorn then levitated it in the air and threw it to a wall. He then threw it to another wall and then back to the ground in front of him. He then charged up his magic as the changeling got up and then blasted him through a door which lead him to a place he was heading. He walked up to the changeling and stood there as the changeling slowly tried to stand back up. He then levitated it in the air and chocked the changeling as he was about to finish him off. "Did Chrysalis send you to do this?"

"She would never do it since the Lunar Wars ended. So I had to- ack!"

"And now you will meet your fate. As all traitors did." As he raised his lightsaber, he heard a baby cry which caught his attention. He turned to see a changeling larva peeping out of its cradle. "A child."

"Leave him alone!!" the changeling shouted. Charming Thunder then used his magic to snap his neck and dropped him to the ground. He then deactivated his lightsaber and placed it on his belt as he walked up to the cradle. As he walked up to the young changeling, an officer along with two soldiers arrived to the scene.

"Charming Thunder," he said. He then noticed the child and ordered his soldiers to ready their weapons and aim at it. Charming Thunder used his magic to shield the cradle as the blaster bolts got deflected to the wall.

"Are you crazy, commander," he said angrily. "Ordering my troops to kill a harmless larva? WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?"

"But...its a changeling larva and-"

"Yes I know. Stand down. I'll take care of this. Clear the building and get me a blanket for the child." The officer and the troops ran out of the room as Charming Thunder turned to the computer terminal and gathered what he needed. He then walked back to the changeling larva and lifted it out of the cradle. "Come with me, little fella. You'll be safe with me." He then walked out of the room with the baby changeling and as he stepped outside, the building began to explode and collapse to the ground. The officer then came to him with a blanket and the red unicorn used his magic to wrap the larva up and walked up the ramp of his shuttle. The larva nudged his chest and he began to smile at it. "Don't worry. I'll get you home soon." The ramp began to raise up and the shuttles engines began to roar. It then lifted off the ground and folded its wings then flew towards a star destroyer. Charming Thunder's mission was complete and now has to report to his aunt Celestia about the success of the mission and of the changeling larva he found.

Comments

[Elric of Melnipony]

Pick a tense and stay with it; you keep changing between past tense and present tense, sometimes in the same sentence. Your "action" scenes just read like a list of things that happened. YouTube links within the text really interfere with any attempt at immersing the reader in the story. There are also some technical errors, mostly punctuation.

[Pirate Jesus]

I rage quitted after I read that our protagonist's name was Charming Thunder.

[The Guardian and Friends]

Self Insert Gary Stu much?

[ShadowblazeCR]

4859721

I was thinking of adding one of his other ones to the folder. Specifically episode three.

[The Guardian and Friends]

4859811

Is episode 3 the worst?

[ShadowblazeCR]

4859821

Check it out. I'll be waiting for you here.

[The Guardian and Friends]

4859827

If I'm going to read this shit saga, I should start with episode one.

[ShadowblazeCR]

4859837

Good luck, I'm not going to since I've seen the whole Star Wars saga. I'm not sure about you but I'm a pretty big fan of the show, so I can tell that the whole thing is just dialogue of the movie being ponyfied.

[The Guardian and Friends]

4859877

I'll PM you what I think of this.

[Your Local Daemonhunter]

Honestly, this story is having the same problems as the others. Re-read the comments on your stories. ALL the comments. Charming Thunder is the same as ever: Boring, Flat, annoyingly perfect. Either listen to what your audience is saying or quit putting these up

[sonicdash123]

4859369 can you post them for me and say the changes for each one please? It will be much useful for me.

[Elric of Melnipony]

4876700
Try the "Looking for Editors" group.