Rainbow Dash opened her eyes to a spinning room, her vision bleary. Her wing was folded painfully under her side. She slid it free, wincing.
"Oh! You’re awake."
Rainbow Dash’s head snapped up at the soft, unfamiliar voice. It sounded like a mare. She rubbed her eyes, trying to make things less blurry, but to no avail.
"Where am I?" she asked. Her tongue felt numb. "Where’s Twilight?"
A blurred yellow shape—the pony who spoke, Rainbow Dash figured—approached her. The other pony rested her hoof on Rainbow Dash’s head and pressed something firm against her lower lip.
"Drink up," the mare said in a gentle voice, leaning Rainbow Dash’s head back and tipping the bowl against her lips so liquid touched them.
Her head still foggy, Rainbow Dash did as told
She broke away from the drink container with a refreshed gasp. The drink’s sharp taste served to fully wake her up, and she could feel her dizziness already begin to ebb away.
A soft cloth dabbed at where the medicine had run down the sides of her mouth, courtesy of the soft-spoken pony. "There you are. That should leave you feeling all better."
"Thanks," Rainbow Dash said, offering her a grateful smile. Her smile faltered. "But where am I? Where’s Twilight?"
"You’re in my home," the mare said. She hovered a hoof near her chin and hummed. "Twilight? You mean the other pony you were with?"
"Yeah. Purple mane, purple coat. Unicorn. Has a…" Rainbow Dash shook her head, trying to clear it. "Has a pink stripe going through her mane." The room was gradually coming into focus.
"Oh, yes. I know her. She’s resting in another part of my home. I just finished giving her the same medicine. Well, almost the same. I needed to prepare hers a little bit differently."
"Is she alright?" Rainbow Dash asked, sitting up sharply. She was forced to brace her hooves against the floor for support as the action brought about an onset of dizziness. Her stomach lurched. A hoof rested on her shoulder.
"You shouldn’t try getting up while the medicine is still taking effect," the mare said, gently laying Rainbow down.
Rainbow Dash let out a frustrated sigh, but complied with the other pony’s wishes, not being in much of a state to protest. Her vision was coming back. She could make out the mare’s wavy mane and the color of her eyes. It was then she first spotted the mare’s wings.
"You’re a pegasus!" Rainbow Dash said, the words coming out partially slurred. She stared at the yellow mare in shock briefly, before breaking out into a grin. "What’s your name? Are you from Cloudsdale or Las Pegasus? How long have you been down here?"
The mare shrunk away under Rainbow Dash’s barrage of questions. "Um, my name’s Fluttershy."
"Cool. I’m Rainbow Dash." Rainbow Dash struggled to her hooves, stumbling half a step from the dizziness that followed. Her head grew more and more clear, her words becoming less slurred. "So which one? Cloudsdale or Las Pegasus?"
"Cloudsdale… but I haven’t been up there in a long time."
"Hey, I’m Cloudsdale, too," Rainbow Dash said, pointing to herself. Her snout wrinkled. "So what the heck are you doing on the surface?"
Fluttershy seemed to smile to herself. "I live in this cottage along with all my friends." Her smile grew. "Would you like to meet them?"
Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
Fluttershy looked over her shoulder and called, "Angel Bunny!"
A small, black animal came scurrying from the other side of the room. Once it drew near, Rainbow Dash could make it out as a miniature rabbit. It jumped up on Fluttershy’s back and sat there.
Rainbow Dash reached out a hoof towards it. It leaned forwards, sniffing her, curiously.
"He’s a sooty little guy, isn’t he?" Rainbow Dash said to Fluttershy, chuckling, causing Fluttershy to stifle a giggle. "Almost looks as though he’s been playing in the chimney."
The rabbit bit the hoof Rainbow had extended towards it. Hard.
Rainbow Dash winced and pulled away from it. A few drops of blood trickled down her hoof. "Hey!" she said, turning back to the rabbit to glare at it. As soon as she did though, her glare disappeared, her eyes growing wide.
Black skin. Like charcoal from a fireplace. Its eyes vacant, yet hateful.
Rainbow Dash took a step back and pointed her good hoof at the rabbit in alarm. "That thing is darkened!"
Fluttershy glanced at the rabbit on her back, then turned back to Rainbow Dash, tilting her head. "Darkened?"
"Their skin, when it’s all blackened like that, like it’s been burnt, those are darkened." Rainbow Dash licked her injured hoof before setting it down. "Get away from him! They’re dangerous."
"Dangerous?" Fluttershy repeated, one brow raised. "But all my animal friends are like that. They’re not dangerous."
"All your…" Rainbow Dash began, but paused when she heard a rumbling sound coming from across the room.
Blinking, she noticed for the first time that two dozen pairs of glowing eyes were watching her from the darkness. In the center of the room lay an enormous darkened bear: the source of the rumbling that now steadily rose to a growl. Out of its paws stuck long, razor-sharp claws that scraped across the wood floor.
Rainbow Dash’s pupils dilated, her tongue going dry.
Fluttershy rounded on the bear, scolding it. "That’s enough, Harry! Rainbow Dash is our guest."
The bear stopped and raised its head, staring at her. Then, letting out a whimper, it rested its chin on the floor. Rainbow Dash let out the breath she had been holding.
Fluttershy turned back to Rainbow Dash with an apologetic smile. "I’m sorry. They sometimes get a little worked up around strangers."
"H-how did you do that?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Oh, well…" Fluttershy crossed her hooves, rocking forward and back. "Ever since I fell out of Cloudsdale as a filly, I guess I’ve just had a way with the forest critters."
One of the darkened, a ferret, scampered over to her and climbed up her front leg and neck before taking perch in her mane atop her head.
Fluttershy giggled and extended a hoof up towards it. It took the cue to jump onto her hoof, clinging as she brought it down beside her cheek and nuzzled it.
She glanced up at Rainbow Dash and extended her hoof with the ferret towards her. "Would you like to try holding him?"
The ferret glanced back at Fluttershy, then looked at Rainbow Dash. It growled.
"Oh, whoa." Rainbow Dash fervently shook her head with an uneasy smile, thinking of ways to escape the room filled with darkened beasts. "Nooo thank you. I’d probably wind up holding him wrong or something, and besides, animals don’t like me."
"Nonsense, I’m sure you two will become fast friends," Fluttershy said. Before Rainbow Dash could protest, she reached up and placed the ferret in Rainbow’s mane.
Rainbow Dash’s entire body froze as she felt the added weight. Looking up cross-eyed, she saw the ferret, poking down over her forehead to look at her.
"Uh, hey," Rainbow Dash said to it, forcing a broad smile.
The ferret pulled its lips back in a snarl and hissed. It disappeared from her view, and she felt it walking around on her head and digging its claws into her scalp.
"Ow, ow, ow!" Rainbow Dash hissed, wincing as the ferret clawed and climbed its way down the back of her neck—and after, down her leg. It walked back to Fluttershy’s side while still growling at Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy picked up the ferret and placed it back on top of her head, smiling as if nothing had happened. "Would you like something to eat?"
At the mention of food, Rainbow Dash felt a pang of hunger. "Listen, I really need to get back out there along with my friend. We’re looking for two more of my friends that I got separated from."
"You can’t go out there," Fluttershy said, eyes immediately going wide. "It’s far too dangerous!"
Rainbow Dash glanced around the cottage filled with darkened, biting the tip of her tongue to keep from retorting. "Well, that’s exactly why I need to find them. I need to make sure they’re alright."
Fluttershy’s bottom lip quivered. "B-but you only just got here, and what if something happened to you, too?" She started sniffling. "I’ve never h-had any pegasi friends, n-not even back when I lived in Cloudsdale."
Rainbow Dash’s jaw clenched, her sympathy in low supply as her patience wore thin. Her frustrations welled up inside her, and she glared at Fluttershy, preparing to shout at her, but she stopped. A tingle ran down her spine, the hairs on her neck standing up straight. She glanced around the room.
All the darkened creatures gathered in the room had been watching Rainbow Dash intently with eyes full of bloodlust and hate, but now their bodies had tensed, ready to tear and slash and gouge her apart.
Both the anger and the blood drained from Rainbow Dash’s face. She walked over to Fluttershy posthaste, resting a hoof on her shoulder. "Hey now, I-I’m not planning on going anywhere."
Fluttershy sniffed, reaching up and rubbing one of her eyes. "You’re not?" she said, hopefully.
"Not without you, I’m not," Rainbow Dash said, giving her a grin. "Ponies of the feather stick together, right?"
Rainbow Dash’s words teased a smile from the corners of Fluttershy’s lips. "Is that what they say in Cloudsdale?"
"Uh, sure, all the time!" Rainbow Dash said, nodding. "So why don’t we both go and find my friends? They’re pegasi, too, so all four of us should be sticking together."
The smile that was starting to form on Fluttershy’s lips disappeared. She hung her head. "I can’t… I can’t walk."
Rainbow Dash glanced down at Fluttershy’s legs and then back up at her. "What’re you talking about? Sure you can. I’ve seen you."
Fluttershy shook her head, biting her lip. "When I fell out of Cloudsdale I hurt my legs quite badly. I’ve had trouble walking ever since." She took a few tiny steps around to demonstrate, her legs shaking when she lifted them. "I can walk around my home, but I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to do much more."
"What about your wings?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Fluttershy unfurled them. "I use them to get around outside, but I’m afraid I’m not a terribly strong flier. I’ve never been far from my home since flying for more than a few minutes is exhausting. Besides..." She looked around at all the darkened animals in her home. "I couldn’t possibly leave all my friends alone for more than a few moments. They might get lonely and scared."
Rainbow Dash sat and ran a hoof down her face as she sighed. "No, I don’t suppose you could, could you?"
"Sorry," Fluttershy said, staring at the ground and blushing. She raised her head with a smile. "But it’s okay. We can stay here together."
"Can I at least see Twilight?"
Fluttershy looked thoughtfully at her for a moment, then nodded. "I suppose so… I don’t see why not," she said, turning, and nodded for Rainbow Dash to follow her.
She led Rainbow to a set of stairs, and they went up to the second floor. The first door they came across Fluttershy opened. Inside the room, by the door, a darkened wolf stood watch, and on the floor sat Twilight, still wrapped in her robe.
Rainbow Dash felt a smile tug her lips at seeing Twilight alright. She ran over to her side and grabbed her by the shoulder. "Hey, Twilight."
Twilight didn’t react to Rainbow Dash’s touch or voice, her eyes glazed and unfocused.
Rainbow Dash shook her. "Hey! Twilight!"
"Um…" Fluttershy stepped forward. "She may not exactly be able to hear you right now."
"What did you give her?" Rainbow Dash asked through clenched teeth.
Fluttershy flinched at her tone. "M-medicine," she answered. "When I brought her here, she was dangerous. I’m trying to make her better."
Rainbow Dash huffed and turned back to Twilight. She lifted Twilight’s chin so she faced her, but Twilight’s eyes remained spread and unfocused. There wasn’t so much as a hint of recognition.
Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy and stomped her hoof. "That’s it! No more of this stupid game. Me and Twilight are out of here."
"But you can’t go! You’re meant to stay here and live with me." She forced a smile across her her mouth, her lips trembling. She walked up to Rainbow Dash, a mad sort of desperation in her eyes as she straddled the line between watery eyes and full blow tears. "Ponies of the feather stick together? Right? Ponies of the feather stick together forever. That means you’re not allowed to leave."
Rainbow Dash glanced around the room. There was a window opposite the door she and Fluttershy had come in through. With the darkness of the late cycle, there was no telling what the landing would be like, especially if she had to carry Twilight.
Fluttershy looked teary-eyed at Twilight’s still form. The corners of her mouth twitched. "Is she the reason you’re upset with me?"
Following Fluttershy’s gaze, Rainbow Dash took a defensive stance in front of Twilight. The darkened wolf in the room with them began growling.
Fluttershy’s trembling stopped. Her whole face spread into an unsettlingly kind smile. "Please step aside. I only need to see her for a moment."
For a split second, the room stood silent and still. Rainbow Dash tensed, preparing to make her move at any moment as she glanced between Fluttershy and the wolf. After a few seconds of their standoff, she decided to make the first move and grab Twilight.
The moment she reached for Twilight, the wolf watching her snapped its teeth and lunged across the room in two gigantic strides, its speed a blur.
Rainbow Dash halted what she was doing, pivoting as the wolf leaped. Her rear legs wound up and snapped out with all the force she could muster. She was rewarded by the sound of bones crunching as her hooves planted firmly in the wolf’s chest.
Limp as a ragdoll, the wolf’s momentum reversed and it slid across the floor, lying still once it stopped.
In one quick motion, Rainbow Dash lifted and slung Twilight over her back in preparation to leave. She turned to face Fluttershy, waiting to see her reaction.
Fluttershy stared at the crumpled form of the darkened wolf, her chest falling and rising with quick breaths. Turning to Rainbow Dash, her eyes had shrunk to mere dots. Her lips pulled back in a snarl, her teeth bared.
A terrible, bone-chilling cry came torn from her lips. The animalistic, howling scream froze Rainbow Dash on the spot. It was a horrible piercing sound the likes of which Rainbow Dash had never heard.
The animals downstairs all joined Fluttershy in her cry. Barking, howling, and squalling. Their chorus rose to a deafening pitch.
Panic gripped Rainbow Dash. Her attention snapped back to the window, back to her plans of escape. She bolted across the room and jumped out the window, blindly into the night abyss. For a few brief moments, she plummeted. Then her hooves met the ground and buckled with shock. The tingling wore off quickly, however, as she heard a door slam open and animals howling after her.
She sprinted away from the cottage, Twilight saddled on her back. Behind her there were shouts from Fluttershy’s pack of darkened animals, searching for her.
Even tired, even weak, she was the fastest pegasus Cloudsdale ever saw, flying or no. As she leaped and dodged through the trees, the howls of the darkened faded. She kept running long after their voices had faded, trying to put as much distance between her and the insane pegasus.
The forest disappeared to a blue-green sea of grass, the haunted pale of the Everfree on the other side. Rainbow Dash ran out into the center of the field, then turned west, heading in the direction Zecora had told them to go.
Rainbow Dash ran west until pain stabbed her muscles with every movement. Until her throat grew dry and her breathing ragged. She didn’t know whether Fluttershy or her animals were still searching for them, but if she didn’t get as far away as possible, she was sure she would find out.
Overhead, the moon continued to fade to new, the land becoming ever more lightless.
The river grass between the two forests seemed to stretch on forever. In the hours Rainbow Dash had spent running west, she wondered more than once whether she was running on the spot. But then, up ahead, there lay a gouge in the earth, a gaping crevasse running across the river grass and well into the two forests. At the gouge the Everfree seemed to halt. Its pale, skeletal trees ran no further than the cliff, and instead the other side of the gorge stretched into a seemingly endless plain of silvery wheatgrass.
In the crevasse she looked around to see familiar structures—a ruin, the one where she hid for nearly a cycle after being separated from her squad, and where she had eventually met Twilight. She knew of someplace safe they could hide.
Her legs felt ready to give beneath Twilight’s weight. If she stopped for even a moment, she had no doubt they would. At this point her momentum was the only thing keeping her going. It only had to last until they reached someplace safe.
The smell of moss and damp stone greeted her as the plains faded. She continued to run through the ruins, until she finally slowed to a stop by the top of some stairs which descended beneath the ground. Legs shaking, she carried Twilight down them, down into a narrow corridor. At its end was a turn and the body of a slain darkened, a hole burnt through its heart.
Her legs moments from giving up, she forced them to walk forward. She swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped over the body. Around the corner lay one last hall, then the melted door of the cell where she met Twilight.
She started towards it, but as soon as she took a step, her leg quivered and she was brought to her knee. The stumble caused Twilight to slip towards the side. Without the strength to regain her standing, Twilight’s weight forced her further off balance and dragged them both down. Unable to prevent her fall, she toppled over towards a wall, cringing as she unintentionally slammed Twilight into it, feeling the weight of the impact through Twilight’s body.
The two of them slid down the wall and fell to a heap on the ground. Tired, exhausted, and pain flaring from every muscle in her body, Rainbow Dash couldn’t prevent it as her eyes slipped shut.
Well then... That happened.
I still enjoy this. People who are giving you that "consistent feedback" are merely impatient. I encounter the same thing with my stories. They don't stop to think to themselves, "Okay, my questions will be answered as the fiction goes along." Instead, they think," What the hell? Why isn't the author explaining anything that seems pretty obvious is missing?" As a result, you get readers that complain about plotholes that aren't really missing, stuff that that. Its simply something I've comes to terms with. Writing in Alternate Reality is hard, because you cannot just info dump everything that is different in a chapter or two. The mark of a good tale has the differences spread out over several chapters and beyond, with each one showing the readers something new. The tradeoff is that people seem to forget the story their reading is an Alternate Reality, and expect things to be explained right off the bat. Not all readers do, this is true, but enough do to the point it starts to get weary.
Anyway, keep this up for sure. Really liking it so far.
I must say this story of one of the best I've read in almost a year.
Wow, that's the creepiestly written Fluttershy I have ever seen. Brrrrr
Not creepy at all, Fluttershy.
A very interesting version of empathy, and darn chilling in a good way.
6182723
That was the stance I took on it. It is what it is, and what it is is something written to fit with more of a novel format in mind. Since I wrote the first 8 chapters all at once before publishing, I didn't really consider how they'd work being posted one-by-one. It is what it is at any rate. I'm hoping that the more chapters that come out, the more of a non-issue it is for new readers who decide to read the fic.
Yes.
Dammit. I read it too fast and now it's over.
If you gradually flesh out the world people whine about the unanswered questions.
If you dump out all the answers at once you end up with a horrible chapter and less interesting story.
Ignore the whiners! The way you are taking this story is excellent! The build up is gradual and interesting! I can't wait for more!
Also...
A mad Fluttershy is a fearsome Fluttershy.
Yeeeeah, you aren't unhinged at all, Fluttershy. So the reason she kidnapped them was because she wanted more 'friends' in her cottage of doom and gloom that none are allowed to leave? That's all sorts of messed up, though I guess that comes with the territory of living alone in the middle of a forest, surrounded by darkened animals. One has to wonder whether there have been any other "guests" Fluttershy has hosted over the years, and what ultimately happened to them ...
Anyways, it was nice to see Rainbow getting her moment to shine - should help her confidence some, seeing as she has been feeling sort of useless next to Twilight, so it must feel pretty good being able to return the favor and be the one that does the saving. Though I don't expect this to be the last time they get to meet the nutty pegasus ...
jeshua xristos, man
We're only 5 chapters in! Plenty of the best tales do world building as they go for the first half of the book.
Honestly, I wouldn't have enjoyed this half as much if the first chapter had just been long winded historical explanations.
World building takes time, and I like the fact that you're doing it right, by introducing the world when it's natural for us to reach that point, rather than just shoving it down our craw from the get go.
I think that the readers here tend to be spoilt by the fact that the general setting is well known so world building doesn't need to be done for the most part; combine that with the average bar for quality being set fairly low...
But I'm not going to rant about that here. I'll just say that, personally, I think you're doing a stellar job, and this is rapidly turning into a favourite for me. Keep it up!
It's really hard to find a story with an unhinged Fluttershy that manages to be both sympathetic and terrifying at the same time. Very nice, very nice. Good to see Rainbow Dash get some action in as well.
.... yeah this fluttershy is a bit unhinged.... More than a bit.
Yet at the same time she is somehow able to make darkened calm. Or at the very least make them behave like normal animals rather than unstable monstrosities.
Though i am kinda hoping that fluttershy would not have hurt them regardless.... Least in the sense of wanting to cause lasting damage. I have a feeling this is far from the last time they will see fluttershy, for a very particular reason. Her having that willingness would kinda invalidate her, insanity or no.
Regardless, somepony gotta get her outta there.
Though i am a little suspicious here. Having drugs and potions? I think a certain zebra might have been involved with this half feral fluttershy.
So far story goign well. Just hope it all ends more or less well. The world has be dark long enough. We now need someone who will bring it together and turn on the lights.
Oddly enough, it was rainbow dash who lead to the connection originally........
Why! What'd you do to FLUTTERSHY!!
lol this is like, the second story I've read where Fluttershy was a crazy pony.
Soooooo good! Absolutely love dis story! Can't wait for more! (And I'm totally digging the cool, silent, and awesome Twilight!
I will say that i am immensely curious about how fluttershy can tame the darkened animals. From what i can gather, the darkened cease to function normally. They do not need to eat, and they are consumed by pain and rage.
Yet somehow, fluttershy is able to completely bypass the curse's effects and bring their little animal minds out from the brink. And its not like she just controls their wills either. They may be a bit compelled, but it seems to be for the same reasons the sane fluttershy's animals are loyal.
oh thats not good twilight ha to actively fight the darkness and flutters just druged her
Nice story so far, good work.
Damn, gotta say, I didn't expect Fluttershy to be quite that vicious. It makes a sad sort of sense, though. She did dart and kidnap them at the end of last chapter.
I'm excited to be caught up on this so I can start reading it live. It has a very interesting premise and I love the slow way you're building up the lore. I'm always about a well-written AU.
6182781 At least she didn't use "The Stare" on them.
Crazy, creepy Fluttershy hanging out in a forest of doom.
Fav'd.