Arc I: The Wanderer
Twilight’s horn glowed, her flame ready. The darkened stallion before her circled for a moment, cautious, flaring its nostrils, but it wasn't long before its anger led it to charge her recklessly.
Twilight shifted her stance and conjured a jet of flame to pierce through the darkened's neck. The blade of heat hissed. The darkened gurgled. Twilight stepped to the side as its charging momentum ran it aground where she once stood. After crashing into the earth, it lay crumpled and still.
Rainbow Dash let out a cry. Twilight spun to see the pegasus pinned against the cliff wall, holding a sword-wielding darkened back with the pommel of her spear shoved against its chest.
Twilight watched the two of them struggle, making no move to help. A scowl crossing her lips. "Kill it!" she shouted, glaring at Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash managed a firm kick to the darkened's chest, knocking it on its back and giving her a moment to breathe. She was tiring. Her shoulders sagged from the effort of keeping her weapon risen. She leaned against the cliff wall and rested as the darkened sluggishly began getting up.
The darkened did not let her rest for long before again bearing down on her with its sword. Rainbow Dash brought her spear up in a wide hold and blocked an overhead blow with its length. The sword stopped against the wood of her spear and sat there, quivering as the darkened pushed down on her. Rainbow Dash’s front legs shook with strain.
Twilight summoned her magic and launched an orb of fire at the darkened. The fireball hissed as it sailed through the air and struck the darkened’s side, taking most of its chest with it. Its eyes going blank, the darkened sank to the ground, leaving its sword embedded in the shaft of Rainbow Dash’s spear. Silence filled the ridge, the conflict over.
Twilight clenched her eyes shut while her hooves held her horn, a dull ache coming from it.
Rainbow Dash tipped her head back to rest against the cliff and let out a shaky chuckle. "Life on the road, huh?"
Through the pain, Twilight cracked an eye open to give Rainbow Dash a one-eyed glare.
Rainbow Dash returned to the cave they found and dropped the last branch on top of the others in a pile beside the fire, spitting the taste out of her mouth afterward. She fell back on her haunches and let out a sigh. "That should be enough to last until we wake up. You got a tinderbox or something?"
Twilight tipped her head down so her horn touched the wood. A brief flash of fire shot from her horn, lighting the bed of dry grass.
Rainbow Dash knocked her forehead with a hoof and let out a chuckle. "Well, 'duh'."
Twilight snorted. Lying down by the fire, she rested her head on her forehooves and watched the flames. "It's not as useful as you may think. Fires usually attract more attention than they're worth."
Rainbow Dash held her hooves out by the fire, pulling them back and rubbing them together when they grew hot. "Sure is nice to be warm for a change though, don't you think?"
Twilight gave her a noncommittal shrug. Rainbow Dash turned to her saddlebags and began rummaging through them. Twilight watched as she pulled something out of them, holding whatever it was in her hooves and picking at it. She blew on it and licked her hoof to rub a bit of saliva on it.
"What are you doing?" Twilight asked.
Rainbow Dash glanced up, blinking. "Cleaning a piece of altoroot, so I can eat it. It had a bit of dirt."
Twilight sat up slightly. "Altoroot?"
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, showing her the pale, lumpy root in her hooves. She took a small bite from one end of it, chewing thoughtfully. "You wanna try some?"
Twilight nodded. "I've never heard of any plant called altoroot," she said, accepting a piece from Rainbow Dash.
"Well, that'd make sense, given that it grows on clouds."
Twilight's eyebrows rose, and she glanced down at the piece of root in her hooves. She raised an eyebrow at Rainbow Dash. "It grows on clouds?"
Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Sure, how else do you think we manage to live up in the clouds without coming down? I mean, clouds are water, right? And there's plenty of moonlight up there."
Twilight looked down at the altoroot. Putting it in her mouth, she chewed, curious how a plant grown on clouds might taste, but upon finding out, she immediately spat it out. "Blech! It tastes putrid!"
"Sorta like a mix between garlic and ginger?" Rainbow Dash asked, receiving a nod. "Yeah. It's a lot better as a soup."
Twilight rubbed her tongue as the terrible taste was doing its best to cling to it. "How do you eat this stuff?"
"Not a whole lotta choice, is there? Not much grows on clouds. Ponies who go on patrol try to bring things back: mushrooms, potatoes... but it's not enough to live on." Rainbow Dash took another bite of her altoroot, grimacing slightly at the taste. "I've been eating the rations of these I brought for about a month now, ever since we came down here. They're pretty nutritious, actually."
"How much do you have left?" Twilight asked.
"This is my last one," Rainbow Dash answered.
Twilight frowned. She turned over the piece of root in her hooves, examining it. Placing it between her teeth, she took a bite and winced as its bitter tanginess flooded her mouth.
"Hmm," she hummed as she moved the piece around her mouth. "Garlic and ginger. I can see what you mean."
Rainbow Dash bit off another small piece of her root and swallowed. "So what about you? Where are you from?"
Twilight didn't answer right away, instead staring at the fire. She glanced back at her clothes then stared at her hooves, fiddling with the altoroot. "The Crystal Kingdom," she answered eventually.
Rainbow Dash sat upright, eyes wide. "You came from beyond the north mountains?" Twilight nodded. "Whoa..." Rainbow Dash said, sitting back down. A grin spread across her face. "So did you ever visit the Royal University?"
Twilight paused, shifting. "I graduated from it."
"Aw, no way, you're just bucking my cloud!" Rainbow Dash said with an even larger grin, but as she saw Twilight looking serious, her grin faded. "No way. You're not kidding."
Twilight nodded.
"So you're like... what, nobility? A princess?"
"My father is the Captain of the Royal Guard," Twilight said, crossing her forehooves.
"Huh." Rainbow Dash wrinkled her nose. "So if you were all the way up in the Crystal Kingdom, why did you—"
"I'd rather not talk about this," Twilight said, cutting Rainbow Dash off sharply.
Rainbow Dash flinched, her ears drooping. "Sorry."
Their conversation fell to silence. Each pony pointedly avoided the other’s gaze, staring instead into the fire. The wood crackled as the firelight flickered on the walls. Someplace a way off, a bird—maybe an owl—let a shrill cry out into the night. A howl shortly followed, then a blood-chilling scream cut short.
The hairs in Rainbow Dash's tail stood on end. She let out an audible shudder and edged a little closer to the fire. "Did that sound close to you?"
"Not particularly," Twilight said, shrugging. It had sounded a ways off.
"You sure?" Rainbow Dash asked, eyes fixed on the entrance to the cave. Twilight didn't dignify her with a response. Rainbow Dash picked up another of the small logs to place on the fire, but hesitated as she was about to put it on. Twilight spared a glance up. She knew that look: a look torn between fear of the dark and fear of being found by what lurks in it.
"You just put wood on," she said, sparing Rainbow Dash the decision. "The fire is fine for now."
Rainbow Dash froze up at her voice, but then nodded, setting the log down. Sitting once more, she crossed her forehooves and began rubbing her shoulders. "So what's the deal with those things? You called them darkened, right?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Don’t pegasi have a name for them?"
"Not really," Rainbow Dash said, shaking her head. "We usually just call them 'ponies who've gone dark', 'ponies taken by the night', or sometimes in training we just called them 'hostiles'. Ponies up in Cloudsdale don't like to talk about what goes on down on the surface much. It makes them uncomfortable."
"You mean it makes them feel guilty." Twilight snorted. "They aren't ponies, as I said before, but they aren't mindless, either. When a creature becomes cursed by the dark, they share a sort of... symbiotic connection with its magic."
"Symbiotic?" Rainbow Dash asked, her brow drawing an arch. "Wait, you mean it helps them?"
Twilight nodded. "A pony taken by the dark won't starve, won't thirst, and won't die of age. The second you deprive them of the dark magic, though..." Twilight stared into the fire, the light flickering in the reflection of her eyes. "The masters of magic at the Royal University have tried for centuries to undo the curse. It can't be done. The second you deprive them of the dark, they go limp like a puppet with its strings cut."
Rainbow Dash glanced to the side, where her spear lay against the wall. The polished, sharpened metal of its head gleamed by the fire, the light dancing off of it and making it look as though its edge were molten.
"You'll have to kill one of them eventually," Twilight said. "You must know that."
Rainbow Dash looked at her and gave her a weak nod, her shoulders slumped. "In training we're taught to always fly away if we can, never to risk combat if we don't have to. Our job is to look for supplies that could help the city, not fight." She paused, turning back to her spear. "I always wanted to be a great fighter, to be somepony proud and noble, but what we're fighting down here—there's nothing proud or noble about it, just like there's nothing proud about putting down a rabid animal."
"You don't need to be proud. You need to survive," Twilight said, prodding an unlit corner of a burning log into the fire. "If it consoles you in any way, what they have cannot be called living. It's suffering. Ending that is possibly the greatest kindness you could do for them."
"But it's still a life," Rainbow Dash said, but the words came out so weak she had to stop and let out a sigh. "You're probably right."
"It's something you'll realize for yourself in time," Twilight said. She stood, moving to the side of the fire opposite the cave entrance before lying back down. "We should rest. The sooner we do, the sooner we can begin searching again. Will you be alright to take the first watch?"
Rainbow Dash nodded.
"Good. Keep your spear close and the fire low. Wake me in four hours, and we'll switch."
"Hear me sing, sky midnight lake,
Sweet solace and darkened shroud,
Limbs and backs may break,
But hearts shall stay unbowed."
Rainbow Dash startled awake, her last memories having been of those on watch. She felt sheepish for a moment, but in another moment, the singing resumed, closer. And as they drew closer, the chords of a lyre drifted through the woods.
"Forward tells of wrath and fear,
And therein lies the shade,
Whose dark dampens even the ear,
But the horrors shall find me unafraid."
A unicorn of pale green stepped into the firelight outside the mouth of the cave, her eyes closed as she played her instrument.
"On a soul as light as—" She stopped, taking notice of the campfire, and of Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash reached for her spear. Its point was low, but ready to raise at a moment’s notice. She reached out with a rear hoof and gave a light kick to her sleeping companion. "Twilight—"
Twilight’s eyes were already open. She first looked to Rainbow Dash, then noticed their visitor. Any trace of sleep vanished as she was on her hooves in an instant. The newcomer with the lyre glanced between the two of them, staying her ground.
"Who are you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Lyra," the newcomer answered. She put her harp away in a saddlebag. "I don’t mean any harm… might I share in your fire?"
Rainbow Dash lowered her spear and started to answer, but Twilight’s reply came first.
"We don’t know you," Twilight said tersely. "It would be for the best if you found another campsite."
Lyra stepped forward, now underneath the roof of the cave. "What is a campfire without music or warm food? My bags have mushrooms and herbs, and I know how to make a soup that warms ponies to the tips of their hooves."
Rainbow Dash leaned over near Twilight and whispered, "Why can’t she stay?"
"We don’t know her," Twilight hissed back.
Rainbow Dash sighed, her stomach gnawing from the words ‘mushroom soup’ being spoken. "Look, lady—"
"Lyra of Lyre," Lyra interrupted.
"Look, Lyra of Lyre," Rainbow Dash said again, "thanks for the offer and all, but like my companion said, it would probably be best if you take yourself off to another campsite."
Lyra leaned forward, peering at Rainbow Dash. "You’re a pegasus," she said, raising her brow.
Rainbow Dash snorted. "So?"
Lyra walked up to and right beside Rainbow Dash. Twilight tensed and pointed her horn at Lyra. Lyra, however, either didn’t notice or didn’t care about the threat as she paid no attention to Twilight while she set down her saddlebags and took seat next to Rainbow Dash.
"You look malnourished. What have you had to eat lately?" she asked Rainbow Dash.
"Altoroot, mostly. Rationing to just one a day. Every third day I have none. I just ate the last one I had." Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure whether she should be telling the stranger all this, but the offer of food lingered in the back of her mind. She caught Twilight’s look of concern out of the corner of her eye and tried to shake it off with a grin. "I’ve had a fair amount of water."
Lyra reached into her bags and pulled out a wooden bowl. Beside it, she set some leaf-wrapped packages. She addressed Twilight. "I understand if you don’t want me here, but I can’t walk away and leave this pony to starve. Let me prepare something for her, and then I’ll leave."
Twilight lifted her head, but remained tense.
Lyra set about making the soup. She removed a banged-up pot from her bag, followed by a water canteen which she then poured into the pot. The parchments she laid out were filled with spices, mushrooms, and onions.
"Judging by the weapon, I gather you’re from Cloudsdale, are you not?" Lyra asked.
"Yeah. Been stranded down here for at least a full cycle now." Rainbow Dash snorted. "First time out of the cloud on a basic scouting trip and everything goes as wrong as it can get."
"There are two things it would do you well to learn from that," Lyra said, taking out a wooden spoon to stir the pot. "Life for those of us on the ground hasn’t been nearly as peaceful as the lives you pegasi lead in Cloudsdale. Your friend was right to be cautious concerning me. The danger here is never to be taken lightly."
Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves in front of her chest. "And the other thing?"
Lyra smiled. "The fact that so long as you’re alive and undarkened, there’s always at least one more thing that could go wrong."
Twilight turned away from the two of them, seemingly trying to go back to sleep, but with Lyra there, Rainbow Dash doubted she really would. The fire let out a hiss and pop, and then the embers settled in.
Rainbow Dash studied Lyra. She seemed harmless, stirring the pot and humming to herself, but the Wonderbolts taught recruits to stay away from all earth-bound ponies. Her rather dangerous first encounter with Twilight came to mind.
"You haven’t really told us anything besides your name," Rainbow Dash said.
"There can be much in a name," Lyra answered with a curved lip. "What do you wish to know? Where I grew up? I’m afraid my story is unremarkable, and quite similar to anyone else who has lived on the surface."
"I want to know why you’re here and where you’re going."
Lyra paused for a brief moment in her stirring. "I’m meant to meet someone—a friend. ‘No matter what,’ she said, ‘we’ll meet again by the oak tree at the crossroads out of town,’ so that crossroads is where I’m headed."
"Town?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Ponyville," Lyra answered. "Or so they’ve taken to calling it. It’s a peculiar basketful of ponies who all wound up stuck out here one way or another."
Rainbow Dash straightened. "Would somepony there know their way around the forest here?"
"Quite possibly," Lyra answered, shrugging. She reached back into her bag, pulling out three wooden bowls, and served the soup. The first bowl she held out to Rainbow Dash, the second she held out to Twilight. "Would our sleeping friend like any?"
Twilight shifted, moving her shoulder into a more comfortable position. She answered curtly, "No."
Putting the third empty bowl away, Lyra took the offered one back and brought it to her lips. "All the more for us," she said, and drank.
Rainbow Dash stared down at her own serving. The soup was a light brown with soft, oblong slices of mushroom cap floating in it. Aroma mingling with the steam triggered a pang of hunger. Lifting the bowl to her lips, she tipped it generously, causing a small amount to drizzle from the corners of her mouth down to her chin. The broth was a heaven-send to her dry throat.
She drank until the bowl had nothing more to offer, then set it down. The sudden change in her throat caused a coughing fit. As she sat there, hacking up the broth she had consumed too hastily, Lyra came over and took her bowl, refilling it at the cauldron.
As Rainbow Dash’s coughing fit ended, she looked up to see Lyra offering her another bowl.
Rainbow Dash wiped her face with her hoof, wearing a sheepish grin. "It’s a whole lot better than the other stuff I’ve had lately." She took the bowl from Lyra’s hooves.
"Given how you look, I’d imagine that means better than nothing," Lyra said, chuckling.
"I guess it pretty much does." Rainbow Dash lifted the second bowl to her lips, drinking slower, and when she’d had enough, she set the bowl down. "So is Ponyville far from here?"
"Within a day’s travel. There’s a trail not far from this cave, if you’d like me to take you there." She leaned over near Twilight. "I know I said I’d leave, but I’d truly appreciate the company! You’ll have me out of your hair before a phase’s passage."
Twilight’s ear flicked. "Noon," she mumbled. "Do as you want."
Lyra blinked. She turned to Rainbow Dash. "Is that her way of saying yes?"
"I think so," Rainbow Dash replied.
Lyra shook her head. "Well, good luck with her. If you want a piece of advice: Friends are your best bet to surviving down here. Ponies who don’t play well with others usually don’t last long." Her eyes briefly darted towards Twilight.
The hair on Rainbow Dash’s coat bristled. Her lips drew tight. "She saved me when I was trapped and alone."
Lyra’s features softened, and her ears flattened against her skull. "Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. I understand perfectly where you’re coming from. I have someone who I’d stick through thick and thin with as well… No, I suppose that’s not entirely true, considering what happened." Her smile grew pained. "It would probably be best if we get some rest. I disturbed you rather late."
Rainbow Dash stared at Lyra. After a moment, she lifted her bowl and finished her soup, before wiping her chin and letting out a loud yawn. "Catching some zees sounds pretty good right now." She looked at Twilight. "Hey, Twilight, you good to change shifts?"
Twilight nodded, sitting up. Already she seemed wide awake and alert as ever.
Lyra lay down, folding her hooves beneath her. "Thank you again for letting me in from the cold. It was a kind thing to do."
"Well, hey, after making that great food, we’ll call it even," Rainbow Dash said with a cheeky grin. Lyra smirked and closed her eyes.
Rainbow Dash soon closed hers as well.
Rainbow Dash woke a half moon phase later to an ear-rending scream off in the distance. It bolted Rainbow Dash awake, causing her to accidentally kick her spear’s point. She cursed and sucked on the wound. At least the pain and taste of copper served to wake her. Although she could have done without the condescending look Twilight had given upon seeing her injure herself in such a stupid way.
As Rainbow Dash stepped out of the cave, she looked around, noticing Lyra was nowhere to be seen. "Huh? What happened to that pony from last night?"
"She said something about thanking you for reminding her of her priorities, and that she wanted to leave early to meet up with her friend," Twilight answered, scanning the woods below their cliff. In the darkness of a quarter moon, it was difficult to see anything below the treetops.
Rainbow Dash folded her forehooves in front of her chest. "Jeez, she left without saying so much as goodbye." Her nose wrinkled. She directed her glare towards Twilight. "You know, it wouldn’t kill you to just be a little bit nicer to ponies. Who knows, you might even make some friends."
"Friends are a burden I’d rather not carry, and I don’t need help," Twilight replied, never tearing her gaze away from what she was doing.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. You’ve said it all before." Her brow furrowed. "If friends are such a weakness, why did you let me travel with you?"
Twilight paused. She turned to Rainbow Dash and examined her from head to hoof, then shrugged. "A lapse of judgment." She started down the cliffside trail to the forest below.
Rainbow Dash smirked, shaking her head as she followed Twilight. "I know what you’re doing. You’re just trying to get me to leave. Well, tough, because it ain’t happening until I repay the debt I owe you for saving my life."
Twilight sighed. "Do as you want," she said.
The forest had grown still since Rainbow Dash woke: not a howl nor any other cry. There lay only the steady groan of trees whose pale wood brittled and dried under the cloudless night. Some had leaves, but most did not. It was how most trees were on the surface. Then again, it was how most everything was on the surface. Pale and starved of light. Above the clouds, Cloudsdale had enjoyed the radiance of the moon’s constant light. It was only ever so dark when the moon was new.
Rainbow Dash paused for a moment, walking up to a tree. She lay her hoof on it. It felt smooth, like the river stones the Wonderbolts sometimes brought back, yet there was something haunting about its touch.
Ahead, Twilight carried on. Not wanting to be left behind, Rainbow Dash dropped her hoof from the tree and ran to catch up with her.
"So…" Rainbow Dash began, causing Twilight to glance over her shoulder. "You really are from the Crystal Kingdom, right?"
Twilight nodded. "I was, yes."
"Was?" Rainbow Dash asked. They came to a tree, wide as she was tall, that had fallen across the road.
"No one crosses the Northern Mountains," Twilight replied without looking, gracefully leaping clear over the fallen tree. "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to go back."
Rainbow Dash tried to imitate Twilight and make the same jump, only she fell short and had to scramble to get up on top of it. She jumped down on the other side of it and brushed down her coat. "But you made it across once, didn’t you?"
"And I shouldn’t have survived." Twilight turned to her, fixing her with a stern look. "If I were to cross them again, I would die. And if you meet your friends, that is what you tell them: that no one crosses the Northern Mountains, understand?"
Rainbow Dash sat down and leaned back, raising her hooves. "Okay, okay, I get it. I won’t say anything about you to them." She glanced down, spotting a scuff she’d missed, and straightened it out.
Twilight nodded, satisfied, and continued on the road.
"Sheesh," Rainbow Dash mumbled, getting up to follow her. "So without getting my head bit off, how long have you been south of the mountains?"
"A few years," Twilight answered. "Seven maybe, I guess."
"Seven years?" Rainbow Dash’s eyebrows rose. "You’d have to have just been a kid when you left! You don’t look like you’ve even broken twenty."
"Three years then," Twilight said, irritably.
Rainbow Dash snorted. "Well which is it then? Seven or three? Those two are literally years apart."
Twilight’s hair bristled. "Look, I don’t know how long it’s been. I haven’t kept track of the moon cycles that closely."
"So you hit your head while you were in the mountains then?" Rainbow Dash asked, chuckling.
"In a way, maybe," Twilight said, staring ahead at nothing in particular. "I’d prefer not to talk about the mountains."
"You’d prefer not to talk about most things," Rainbow Dash said. "Think we’re getting close to Ponyville? Lyra said it wasn’t far from the cave."
"Maybe you should ask her yourself," Twilight said, pointing ahead. The road split in three, a signpost marking the paths, and slumped against it sat Lyra, mutedly plucking the strings of her lyre.
Rainbow Dash ran past Twilight, skidding to a halt at the crossroad.
Lyra continued to pluck her strings as though she weren’t there, but only for a few notes more before she let out a sigh and looked up.
"Sorry for skipping out earlier," she said, trying to smile. "What you said the other night really got to me. I wanted to see this place as early as possible." She looked around. "But as you can see, she’s not here."
"Hey now," Rainbow Dash said, trying to give Lyra a reassuring smile. "She could just be late or something. If you just give it a bit of time, I’m sure she’ll show up. She promised you, didn’t she?"
"‘At the crossroad outside home,’ she said. ‘Eleven cycles from today, by the late light of the quarter moon,’ she said." Lyra looked up. The moon hung directly overhead, shining through the clearing at the crossroad. Half its face glowed pale and white, the other half lying in darkness.
"That is no early quarter moon," Lyra said, her gaze falling back to her lyre. She plucked the strings, a vacant, melancholy tune playing from them. "‘No matter what,’ she said. ‘No matter what.’"
Rainbow Dash took a step back, staring at Lyra with unease. She found her smile faltering. "It’s a hectic world out there, I’m sure she’s on her way," she said. She could tell by Lyra’s look that she didn’t believe it.
In the meantime, Lyra continued to play. She began to sing, "Hear me sing, sky midnight lake..."
Rainbow Dash stomped her hoof, startling Lyra out of her playing. Lyra lowered her instrument, looking up at Rainbow Dash through bleary eyes.
"I know you must be thinking that the worst happened to your friend," Rainbow Dash said. "But you don’t know that. You really don’t. She could just be sick or something. I’m not going to try to make you believe that’s the case, but it could be, couldn’t it? If something is keeping her from being here, I just know it must be tearing her up inside. She is your best friend, isn’t she?"
Lyra nodded, wiping her eye. "The best I could have ever asked for."
"Then you have to wait—wait and believe that if she’s out there, she’ll be here." Rainbow Dash walked over and rested a hoof on Lyra’s back. "You owe her as much. As a friend."
Lyra let out a shuddering breath. She smiled, looking up at Rainbow Dash. "Thank you. It’s been twenty cycles. I’ll wait to see her a while longer."
Rainbow Dash smiled and nodded. "And when we get back from finding my friends, maybe you can introduce us."
Lyra’s smile grew, albeit still pained. "She would like that, I think."
"Great, so I’ll just go get them!" Rainbow Dash glanced around, looking at the three dirt paths leading away from the crossroad and away from where they came. "Which of these is Ponyville again?"
Lyra pointed down the road to the right of where they came from as she raised her lyre once more, picking the strings of a melancholy tune.
"Wait for us," Rainbow Dash said. "We’ll definitely be back."
Lyra nodded and began to sing.
"On a soul as light as the moon,
I wander the deep of night astray,
In hopes I may find you soon,
If not this life, then one far away..."
As her voice faded, Twilight and Rainbow Dash carried on down the road towards Ponyville beneath the glow of the quarter moon.
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Posting this today rather than tomorrow because I'm probably going to be busy most of tomorrow.
Have at 'er.
Interesting start can't wait to see where this is going!
Didn't get an notification that this updated, but luckily I noticed the higher word count in the featured stories. I'm still trying to figure out if Lyra is supposed to represent someone from Dark Souls or not. Either way this is a nice crossover. Rainbow even shows some trademark loyalty to a pony she just met.
... I'm sure it's not my place, but I'd recommend a title change. "Darkquestria" sounds like it can only lead to a horribly cliched and overused story...
6079731
Believe me, I tried to think of a better title, but most things that are fitting just sound extremely edgy since they have to do with night/the moon/darkness.
If I think of a good one I'll change it.
This reminds me about a survival movie named "The Road".
Yay, the story's out! Have an upvote.
6080158
"The Road" is based on a Cormac McCarthy book of the same name. Book's worth a read. It's got an unusual tone, and if you like tough vocabulary without really fancy-sounding prose, this one has it in spades. I quit consulting a dictionary halfway through just so I could make steady progress.
Might as well follow this, seems like there's potential to be had.
Go on, dear author.
And meanwhile - have this like.
I must say I'm very glad I took a look at this fic (despite the name), because you have a very well written and quite fascinating story going on here. The mood and mental imagery set by your story is adequately foreboding and grim, with just enough detail to make picturing it all easy without going overboard - which isn't always an easy balance to strike, and goes a long way towards ensuring a smooth and pleasant reading.
And since the quality of writing is high, I can't help but be excited about all the worldbuilding and backstory lore you are no doubt about to reveal as the story goes along - I have always loved worldbuilding, and from the looks of it there should be plenty to go around, as we explore this darkened world through the eyes (sort of) of the almost-clueless Rainbow Dash.
And I'm looking towards all of it - how the civilization on ground is faring (it has mostly crumbled I imagine, with a number of isolated city-states still standing), abut this Crystal kingdom Twilight comes from and what she hoped to find in Equestria that was worth exiling herself over (I get the feeling that the crystal Kingdom might be fairly unicorn centric, and thus probably one of the safest places around that are still standing), about this mysterious darkness that slowly whispers in to everyone's ear and drives them insane, about the full story behind the Pegasi abandoning the surface and the ponies who lived on it (do they even have the whispering darkness issue on their clouds above?) ...
And of course I'm looking towards more of Twilight and Rainbow Dash interacting - it will be interesting to see Twilight wrestling with herself as she deals with this one Pegasus she is inclined to dislike because of that fact alone, along with the ruthless pragmatism the darkened land has taught her, when stacked up against her own sympathetic personality that has always led Twilight to helping others (which still is somewhere in there, as evidenced by Rainbow still being alive, if buried under years of hardship and hard lessons) and Rainbow honestly being a good person, if infuriatingly naive - much easier to dislike this disembodied "pegasus" concept than an actual individual in front of you, an individual who is just clueless and good-natured enough that you would never feel good about abandoning or killing.
And I'm looking towards Rainbow truly exploring this land below they seem to know so little about - hell, she is a scout who is expected to go groundside (so she probably has the best information available drilled in to her to help her odds), yet she outright expected Twilight to teleport (despite the magic being long since lost), and doesn't seem to know how the "darkened" work at all - goes to show you just how detached the pegasi are from the rest of country, and how out-of-date their information is. It will be interesting to see how she comes to grips with how life on land truly is, and that her kind did, indeed, abandon the earthbound ponies to it - especially as we have already seen the loyalty part of her personality sparking up (when Lyra made a jab at Twilight that Rainbow disliked).
So ... yeah - all in all, color me intrigued and eagerly awaiting the next chapter, you have a very strong start here.
Just ... for the love of all that's unholy, please consider changing the name of the story - I almost passed it over based on it alone, because "Darkquestria" just screams "Simplistic grimdark for the sake of grimdark here, wasn't even worth it trying to hide the fact!" - and that's definitely not the case, so it would be awesome if the story gained a title that reflects the actual quality of it, not something that promises seemingly mindless violence and edginess.
6080518
I swear it's impossible to think of a good name! I've stuck with Darkquestria so far because it's the least edgy and has some kind of "identity". I've been considering A Darkened Land, maybe?
Any title to do with the moon, darkness, night, shadow, or related words just comes out sounding even more generic, forgettable, and edgy. I've gone through a couple dozen title ideas in a document trying to think of a good one.
6079203 We say ruins of smth or smth was in ruins.
Instafav before even reading. You are the author of the Equestria From Dust after all.
6080620
A Darkened Land does sound better, yeah - and I admit that trying to tie those specific themes together in a title, it's somewhat hard to avoid :edgy" or "cliche" sounding ones.
How about instead of focusing on 'darkness' specifically (and all the connotations that tends to bring up) , you do the literal opposite? As in, instead of emphasizing darkness, emphasize the absence of light. "A Sunless Land" (or The Sunless Land), perhaps - it accomplishes much the same and implies the same things, but adds a bit more neutral-sounding mystery to the title.
So, how exactly did this end up featured today? Not that it's badly written, but the last update was well over half a year ago and there really isn't much substance to it.
6081148
I didn't even notice the dates until you mentioned it. Well despite the dates of the chapters the story was just published yesterday per my feed. Per GaryOak's comment it looks like it has been in process since 2013. That would at least explain why I didn't get a notification that it updated the second chapter after the initial publication.
If the other chapters are like the first two in terms of date, all readers tracking the story will not be notified when it updates. Might have to make blog posts tagging the story to let people know it updated.
6081271
Huh... Well, that's curious. If that blog post is right, then this really shouldn't have been dated eight months ago. I wonder what's up with that. Oh well, at least that means it isn't already abandoned after two chapters, which is a plus. It gives me this really weird JRPG vibe that I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic over.
6079833 Duly noted. I look forward to seeing what becomes of your story
This is a cool story. You have me hooked.
"A Darkened Land"
Tagged "Dark"
I don't know why I find this so amusing...
6081148
It was only published yesterday as of writing this comment. I actually updated the chapters a couple weeks ago via the google docs upload, but for some reason editing the chapters doesn't cause the chapter date to change. So they're dated back when I first made the story page and chapter pages.
Hmm...a story that carries similar themes and ideas to Dark Souls, yet also has that added bit of characterization to the main characters that isn't just projecting and also possesses a strange underlying sense of hope and happiness under the dark?
...Writer, you have my attention...
6081765
Hm, I didn't get the impression that Twilight is running for her life - well, escaping a pack of bloodthirsty wolves aside. Twilight being Twilight, she would have her reasons for abandoning the presumed safety of the Crystal Kingdom and coming to Equestria, and I'd imagine she would have done so of her own volition, not to escape from anything.
If this story is going to give a nod to the canon events, perhaps she stumbled upon some prophecy in the archives of the Kingdom's magic university? Maybe something pertaining to how to end the endless night and banish the endless darkness - perhaps hints towards the Elements themselves, which would point to Equestria.
Granted, it could very well be something else, but my preliminary guess would be that she is in Equestria because she is searching for something, something she deemed important enough that it was worth effectively exiling herself from her own home.
As for the Darkness that plagues the night, my first guess would be it being some unexpected side effect of the Moon being up for so long. I'm guessing Celestia and Luna either killed each other or managed to get banished together (since neither princess is around) during Luna's Nightmare escapade, and we are seeing the side effects of overexposure to Equestria's magical Moon.
1,000 years worth of dramatically altered past history... leading to the exact same current characters.
Yep, this is indeed a fanfic!
Color me impressed...
6082245 Seriously dude, if its primary flaw is the question of whether or not the right ponie would do it at the right times or survive, then it has an okay start at the moment.
6079481 ; Yeah I know.. Once I got reading it I saw I was soooo wrong and it's a good story.. it just caught me by surprise is all as I was expecting something else when I first started to read it..
I am liking this, I like this sort of story, post-apocalyptic type. Keep it this well written and I'll be back here every day(Then again I think i'll be back anyway
)
6082245 Or a Star Trek episode. Or Fringe. Or a comic. Or you know...Equestria Girls.
What exactly were the pegasi supposed to do? Add to the number of darkened? Make darkened that can FLY? I can only imagine that most towns are fortified now so making darkened that can fly over walls seems counter productive. Hence the importance of recalling all Pegasi to the sky.
6081774 how long is this tale actually?
If Pascoite is on board, than this thing has gone through Verdun, the Somme, and the Tet Offensive of intense editing and back and that is a fact that intrigues me.
Also, it looks pretty neat.
Twilight Sparkle is greatly reminding me of Guts from Berserk.
Such fascinating world-building. ^^ I'll definitely be looking for more.
6081774
Well, that would be that, then. Thanks for explaining.
Okay, so I'm reading the first chapter here and there's a fair bit of confusion going on here. For example:
Alright, so Twilight's got her horn ready here, right? Well, a couple paragraphs down...
Where did Twilight get that sword from?
And another big bit of confusion comes right after Twilight pins Rainbow to the ground.
She pins Rainbow.
Pinning intensifies.
And then Rainbow does this somehow while still being pinned. The whole backing away from the point of Twilight's sword also happens while Twilight has Rainbow pinned to the ground. It isn't until after Rainbow shows Twilight her injured wing that she lets Rainbow up.
6084600
Long story short: in an older version of the story Twilight used to have a sword. The confusion comes from the scene getting somewhat rewritten but old parts of it being accidentally left in. Sword gone, Twilight gets off Rainbow Dash's chest. Should be fixed.
Sometimes when trying to edit I just make wholly new errors.
Huh, colour me interested...
I see you improved the description slightly by making it clear that both princesses are missing.. At least for me it's clearer.. Much better! Did the old name not work for you or something? I had no problem with the old name.... In any case read the second chapter and now I look forward to reading more..
so this is if Nightmare Moon won against Celest, seems legit
6085966
Not exactly won, per se. After all, it seems like Nightmare Moon isn't around either, dontcha think?
6082319 You missed the point entirely.
TEMPORAL LOGIC via 'butterfly effect'. And this is equivalent to a butterfly with a wingspan several hundred miles in diameter. Nothing would be the same with such a drastic historical alteration.
It's the same sort of campiness of the old alt-universe "Star Trek" where they're all evil and have goatees.
Is this a sequel to something?
6086896 it really isn't now is it?
seriously, this is a show fulla talking sapient supernatural equines that are all a diffrerent pastel coloration. where the laws of physics are raped on an hourly basis.
6086928 That doesn't excuse overused fanon tropes.
This exact sort of thing is present in nearly every alt universe fic of every single fanon that has ever existed.
It is a rarity indeed when the popular characters are replaced by originals in a world with a radically altered past.
6086959 Sighs. People bitch and troll me for giving negative critiques, but at least i try to focus on the actual problems.
6086966 I've seen this set-up far too often. It's not very imaginative and it puts me off the whole thing.
6086971
Given that there are an infinite number of alternate universes, the current thoughts about infinite state that if something can happen, given infinite permutations, it will happen. This story takes place in just such a select alternate universe such that events have unfolded as they have.
In more seriousness, you could chalk it up to fate or destiny or something else that causes their paths to run into each other. A common theme in my source of inspiration for this fic is repeating cycles. You could chalk things up to being a part of that.
I think there are worse sins in creativity than the somewhat arbitrary contriving of a scenario. They occur in fiction all the time. Ultimately it boils down to the fact that this is fanfiction and as such I want to write about show characters, but at the same time I want to take some great liberties in building a different lore and world. Even if this story isn't creative in terms of having original characters, I'm fairly confident it's sufficiently creative in other ways.
At any rate, different folks have different turn-offs. I understand if you don't like the story for your given reason.
This definitely looks very interesting! I'm getting a sort of Darks Souls or Kingdom Hearts vibe of the Darkened dudes, which is pretty cool.
I'm definitely wondering what's actually going to happen storywise, and what happened to both Princesses. I'm assuming Celestia could only banish Luna by banishing herself too, but I might be a couple fictional miles off.