never trust a shifty metal man, director

I'm kinda hoping to see if either of the princesses or the mane 6 will show up at some point. I mean that would be pretty awesome seeing the interact with Tinman.

Also I hope Tinman finds a chance to say:
images.wikia.com/en.futurama/images/e/ed/Bite_My_Shiny_Metal_Ass_by_Red_Flare.jpg

526241 Gentlereader thank you for your comments. Eventually the princesses will show up, but towards the end of the story. Personally I prefer not using the mane six, because I don't like being locked into other people's canon. Also, I find that usually people have an idea of how they feel the mane six should be portrayed, and any deviation from that ideal means they will be unhappy.

Tinman may or may not eventually utter the catchphrase depending on whether or not Bender is willing to offer favorable terms for the use of his trademark.

526241 *polishes Tinman's metal ass to a mirror shine* :D Same here. OMG, same here.

526426 Most likely Tinman would say suck my gargantuan metal cannons.

526441 Bender did say "Biite my colossal metal ass" once.

I'm calling it right now.

Sugar pie is either Pinkie pie's niece, or Daughter and she died in the fire.

527890 Thank you for commenting gentlereader. Actually Sugar Pie was made up on a lark, I knew I wanted a bubbly pony to contrast I made her a baker because I figured the muffins needed to come from someplace, and as a gift from her made the sharing of muffins more meaningful then just here's some muffins i picked up from the cafeteria. I gave her a personal tragedy, so that she would know loss and ground her, as opposed to an off the walls silly Pinkie Pie we all know and love. I came up with the name Sugar Pie, because I was furiously writing and needed a name stat. It was originally going to be just a placeholder, but in the end I liked it and so decided to keep it. And so that's how Equestria was made, or rather Sugar Pie.

I'm sorry if my reveal that Sugar Pie has no connection to Pinkie Pie disappointed you, but take solace in the fact that she is there in spirit. By sharing the innocence and joy that is the Element of Laughter. Until next time!

Once again, you offer a marvelous chapter within a brilliant scenario. The Muffin memory was powerful and vibrant for me, and the perfect choice. I felt longing and yearning from it. Perfect. That is smart writing.

Tinman is deliciously loathsome and the danging frisson of whether or not he might gain a heart - the lack of yellow bricks notwithstanding - is a constant tickle. The population around him are wonderful, and I am becoming attached to them all, even the AI Winston.

I also thank you for including cameos of Ginger and Nutmeg, I am so very honored. And having them blast off again, well.

I don't think I have enjoyed a sapient mech story as much since the original manga of Gunhed, and basically.... you and this story, rock.

It would be too easy to say you had me at 'gigantic mech', because mechs alone are not enough for me. You have made a memorable set of characters, and a fantastic scenario, and I cannot wait for more.

528044 Thank you for your comments Lady Chatoyance. It pleases me greatly that a writer of your caliber is enjoying my tale.

Regarding Tinman, he gave up his flesh to be strong like steel, but in the end lost something irreplaceable.Whether Tinman gains a heart like his namesake, even with a lack of wizards and ruby slippers remains to be seen. I think his situation is something akin the man who gained the whole world but lost his soul in the process. He may be an immortal god of war now, but we see that even gods sometimes yearn for something more.

After having read The PER: Michelson and Morely - The Speed Of Right, i knew they were exactly what I was looking for in PER antagonists, the blast off was both a nod to you and Team Rocket.

Ironically I originally was planning on making him be the traditional cyborg, humanoid form etc (along the same lines as all the king's horses), but when I saw the picture I knew to tell the the story Tinman needed to be as far removed from humanity as possible.

Fear not gentlereader I shall continue to tell Tinman's tale, and whether he should find damnation or salvation at the Phoenix Bureau, I fully intend to leave a satisfying conclusion.

Once again than you for reading gentlereader, until next time.

I'm pretty sure the seventh memory will be mating...
Because of what the PER pony said in the black market: “I’ll bet you just can’t wait to try out track seven, mating season, can you?”
And he copied Sugar Pie into this memory...
...
...
...
Awkward moment incoming !

527930

Eh, Doesn't really matter to me. That actually makes it better.

528132 Actually that is correct, he didn't remember what that track was just that it was supposed to be interesting. Tinman probably won't care too much though, beyond becoming more curious about her. He only copied Sugar Pie, because the pony in the muffin eating memory looked a lot like her. So Tinman tried to make the memory as real as possible by taking things from his reality and substituting them for objects in the memories he's experiencing. He's experiencing the emotions of the subject of the memory as it occurs, but because they are so alien to him he can't comprehend the emotions once the memory is over. So essentially he knows he felt something, but once the memory has ended he hasn't the slightest idea of what he just experienced.

528742 Are we going to see more combat in the next chapter? I find the chapters where all they do is talk slightly irritating.
I want to see less of this:
2.bp.blogspot.com/-Rba9ZUp_-uA/T3HSTfdh5LI/AAAAAAAAAC0/br0qQLh8Qu4/s760/blahblah.jpg
And more of this:
deviantart.com/download/32986988/battletech_akuma_at_factory_by_flyingdebris.jpg
And, if you can fit it into the story, some of this:
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8634bf464516227320e6c5e677821174/168038%20-%20blood%20death%20Dreadnought%20duplicate%20gore%20jelly_filled_pi%C3%B1ata%20p%E2%80%8Binkie_pie%20robot%20warhammer_40k.jpg

529765 Not so gentlereader thank you for your comments. I understand if your bellicose nature demands mayhem and carnage in your choice of fiction. Pray tell, how much violence is required to sate your lust for blood? While violence is not the foci of this literary work, I plan on using it, as a special treat to you my not so gentlereader I will include a battle scene of epic proportions, there will be blood. However I hope that the majority of this work being non combat related and dialogue, will not be too great a disappointment. Hopefully this will placate your wrath. If not, well I can only say that if you try to please everypony you'll end up pleasing no pony. Regarding pony torture, Tinman will not engage in such behavior due to his current contractual obligations, but the HLF might as time and budget permits.

Thank you for reading not so gentle reader, until next time.

530566 The talking sections don't realy bore me as much as I made it sound like they do. I do enjoy action, violence and huge explosions. As for the bloodlust, I doubt you could make this story violent and gory enough to satisfy me; after all, I thought the infamous "Cupcakes" fic was hilarious. I'll still continue reading your story though, as, like I said, the talking sections aren't as boring to me as I made them sound. It also has a giant battle mech, which is pretty damn cool.

532760 Then you will love the next chapter. The siege of the Mormon stronghold Fort Ricks will not disappoint in that regard.

532774 Sounds awsome!

The memories are a nice detail. HWS's have to re-experience the flesh every now and again or become as hard and unfeeling as their chassis. It's oddly poetic.
I have to admire our protagonist's skills at manipulation. You know you're good when you can manipulate people even after you've told them what you're doing.
Also, Tinman trolling ponies with the horrors of war is both horrible and entertaining in a way that makes me stop and examine myself as a person.

536212 Thank you for your comments gentlereader. The requirement of cybernetic lifeforms to experience new sensory input, is what prevents their minds from calcifying. As long lived as Tinman is he's forgotten most of what he might consider Fleshbag emotions, since he's unsure how to handle these unfamiliar emotions, he's attempting to recreate his known reality inside the borrowed memories so he can make sense of it all. Regarding the trolling of ponies, he's a cyborg that enjoys his job.

Whelp, I've read the three available chapters and like it so far! The only real problem is that I want to beat you with the blunt end of a typwriter until commas, full stops and semi-colons fall into their correct places. You're a serial abuser of punctuation and someday there's going to be an interrobang with your name on it.

Other than that, I like your characters and your world quite a lot and do hope you keep writing in it. A sarcastic hulking behemoth is always fun to read about, especially when it detests ponies, humans and everything almost as much as it detests being unemployed or de-weaponized.

One small thing, though - work on giving your main character a more consistent personality. I can buy that Tinman's been metal so long he's forgotten what it's like to be flesh, but he is hardly emotionless. I felt when he was conversing with Peachy Keen about his battle history that you were attempting to make him more machine than he is in temperament when you've already established he enjoys baiting and trapping and scheming as much as anybody. He has a sense of humor and emotions plenty, so work more on how they would differ rather than how to hide them. If you're portraying him as hiding them from himself then find a way to let us, the readers, know that even when he himself doesn't.

542280 Thank you gentlereader for your critique. Perhaps if you could give me a few examples of my more egregious misuses of the colon and semicolon it would help me avoid them in the future.

Regarding Tinman, he has trouble with what he considers the weak fleshbag emotions, things like joy, love, happiness, and kindness are quite alien to him. He was only acting that way with Director Peachy Keen because he was dealing with his boss. He's a two faced lying SOB, and if Peachy Keen caught wind that he was manipulating him he would have been locked down. You'll notice with everyone else he acts differently.

542325 Well, I don't want to make too much of a mess, but here's a few things from the latest chapter:

> The world corps had ‘approved’ memories containing sensory data to help prevent calcification from occurring,

You've italicized 'approved' there, as well as putting it in single quotes. One or the other is sufficient. With the double emphasis, the actual meaning is obscured.

> Greatest Pony Hits, containing such popular favorites such as: spending time with friends, surprise party, breeding season, love at first sight, defecation, and eating a muffin. Tinman was about to ask if they had any memories about battlefield surgery, preferably without anesthesia available. When he kept thinking about what Sugar Pie had said last week,

the "and" in "and eating a muffin" shouldn't be in italics, but I'm pretty sure that's just a typo, as the "and" isn't part of a title. Worse, here, is

> "When he kept thinking".

That "When" should read more like: Tinman was about to ask if they had any memories about battlefield surgery, preferably without anesthesia available, when he thought about what Sugar Pie had said last week,

The "When" belongs to the previous action, it's part of the same sentence. It could begin its own sentence, but it would need to be worded differently, something more like

> When Tinman thought about what Sugar Pie had said last week, he did something, "speech speech speech".

That qualifying action is missing and it's necessary to make it a whole sentence rather than a fragment.

There's also things like

> “Finally,” Tinman thought, excited about the possibility of being discharged from his contract.

Thoughts aren't in speech marks, they're thoughts, not speech. Essentially, you do with them exactly as you do with speech, but without the speech marks. If the thoughts are non-verbal then they follow more standard narrative rules - they are in a more passive, third-person voice, so they feature words like "he". If they are first-person spoken thoughts, then they're in a first-person voice, so they feature words like "I". Some like to put "verbal thoughts" in italics. I do, but it is not necessary.

There are other issues, but they are generally things like this:

> Lost in thought, he didn’t even notice when the bright pink shape of Sugar Pie flitted around him, in an effort to gain his attention.

That comma between "him, in" is unnecessary (though arguably it can be there, but for clarity in context it should not). There are other places where you have unnecessary commas, but I don't know if you want me to go through and find them all... I'm not sure I have time, either. My suggestion is to read a sentence to yourself aloud - a comma is a pause, if you don't pause when speaking it, the comma probably shouldn't be there (unless you don't know how to speak clearly, but that's a whole other problem).

I should really learn to make notes when I read a fic I'm going to comment on about later...

542555 Thank you for your critique gentlereader it is much appreciated. I shall endeavor to improve future entries with better grammar. I'm kind of disappointed I missed so much, because I usually read aloud each chapter six times before posting them during my final editing process.

Thank you for taking the time to point out my errors, I hope to ensure that future installments won't be as poorly written.

542566 You write better than many, it's just a case of practicing. We all get it wrong quite regularly, and if comma abuse is your biggest sin then you've not got too much to worry about.

542629 Thanks for your words of encouragement, and hopefully you'll like the next chapter. It should be ready for consumption in a few hours.

542637 woohoo!