Wut m8? No pic? ;(

That fifth paragraph in should probably be broken up into two or three separate paragraphs because it lingers on and on and on. I mean, I know it's all about describing Carrot, but the fantasy which Derpy had should at least be by itself.

Anyhow, I really hope you continue this, it's sexy~

Break this into more paragraphs.

And then write more.

4775869 i tried including the picture that inspired this. but the full pic was just too big and wouldn't upload, so i cropped it a bit and then it got rejected for being nsfw (there's no actual nudity, but he gave top some pretty massive nips, so i guess i can give 'em that.) so i cropped it even more so that it was basically just top's head and changed the source to kevinsano's sfw blog because i figured that if the image i used was considered nsfw, then the full image would definitely be and they say linking to nsfw images is against the rules and i don't wanna run that risk? but i still wanted to credit the guy so when they said "hey you need to change the source" with no other explanation i just went "fuck it" and had there be no cover image. if you wanna find the image that i had in mind go to derpibooru and type "artist:kevinsano edits, carrot top" into the search bar. there's only two results and one's just a gif version of the other.

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ha ha ha yeah i kinda worried that that paragraph would run long. i was hoping the the italics would break it up visually so it wouldn't be too wall-of-text-y but i guess that didn't work as well as i hoped. i'll see if i can find somewhere natural to break it into a second paragraph (i dunno if i like doing it right at the transition into fantasy because i like that effect, but i'd rather the story be easier to read, even if it is just a dumb clopfic.)
don't worry about me continuing this, i've got two more chapters planned (one for derpy in the shower and one with the actual beach trip, though depending on the length i might just make 'em one chapter) and then i might continue this if i have any more ideas or i might move on to sfw stuff on my other account that i'm not gonna share here because i'd rather keep my porn and my non-porn thoroughly separate. i will at least get to the bit where they have sex on the goddamn beach though.

4775998 Oh well. o3o

LOL. The title is also the name to type of a drink.

Hoooly crap, this is fantastic!
I immediately knew what gave the idea for the fic, yes, didn't even have to guess!
But the description of Top's body.... oh maaan, that is gold!
And then, there is Derpy with that last paragraph, hahah! Beautiful!
Continue, continue this as soon as possible!
This fic is a gem!

-Zeph

Uh, wow. Surprisingly pleased by this. Good stuff!

This seems interesting. I hope the updates come quick.

I am intrigued and wish to see more

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I immediately knew what gave the idea for the fic, yes, didn't even have to guess!

A certain picture by famed clop artist Kevinsano, perhaps?

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Quite so, it seems, heheheh...

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don't feel too special for figuring it out because i've said as much a couple of times, including in the author's notes that the fic was inspired by a kevinsano pic and he's only ever done the one pic with carrot top in it.

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Point is that I knew the thing before I read a single word of your note or the comments, thank you very much.

Write more now. I want this stuff to go down.

4796885 just posted a journal about this, but expect chapter two some time tomorrowish. i wanna read it over again and also i'd rather post it at a time when the site's getting a bit more traffic so more people can see it

4793173 even without outright saying it, i wasnt really very subtle. glat to know people could tell right away before i added the cover image, also; thank you very much for the knd words! it makes this whole "writing porn" thing wothwhile

4776664 man, this is just some random porn im writing cause i got inspired, i ain't putting any real effort into it. but don' worry, there's gonna be plendy of description in the next chapter, i promise you that.

That last paragraph.... Wut?

Each one was easily half again the size of her head,

She could stare at any one part of it for hours and hours

she'd probably be okay with watching her kid sister if you're payin' her.