Lost Fate

by Fluxxdog

Prologue

PROLOGUE

Silver Shield was on patrol. This was not unusual. What was unusual was he was 10 minutes early for his route. He was doing his last round for the night early so he could be there when the donuts came in. Every week, they had donuts brought in from Donut Joe’s. When they would bring them in today, he would just happen to be there. Since he was already there, he might as well have just one. Just one with sprinkles. The thought started to make him drool a…

“WHO GOES THERE?” Hooves caught his attention and they were coming towards him. They weren’t being quiet. Finally, around the corner came fived cloaked and hooded figures, talking amongst themselves, paying him no mind. He bellowed “HALT IN THE NAME OF THE GUARD!”

This time they paid attention to him. One of them came towards him. In the early morning, before the sunrise, he could see she was friendly from the smile on her sky blue face. She trotted up innocently and asked, “Sorry, are we somewhere we shouldn’t be?”

He felt like he was completely in the wrong. However, not a bit of that was betrayed in his voice or face. “No, just not common for anypony to be out and about here at this time of night. Just my duty to ask.”

She smiled sweetly like a little sister asking for a cookie. “Oh, okay. We’re just getting a head start on the day. My friend and I,” motioning to another cloaked figure, “are going to the Wonderbolts tryouts. If we make it, we won’t be back for some time. So we’re looking at getting our celebration in a bit early. We’re thinking of starting at Donut Joe’s.” They could see the reaction as his mind drifted to sprinkles.

He said with a smile, “Well, don’t let me keep you then. And good luck to you two!” He went back to his patrol with a little quickness in his step. If he hurried, he could still be there right when the donuts were delivered and snag a donut with sprinkles.

As soon as the guard was out of sight, two of the cloaked figures flew over the library wall. A third lifted the remaining two and tossed them over the wall. They hurried to a window. One of the pegasi quickly went to the roof and looked around. She waved one hoof indicating it was clear to proceed.

One of the other leaned down to the ground. Only those close to her could hear her whisper and even they couldn’t make out any of what she said. Several of the blades of grass started to grow, reaching around the window. They slid in and lifted the single-pane of glass out of the mounts, carefully moving it aside. Two others leapt in through the opening.

Once inside, they pulled back their hoods. The unicorn started casting a spell while the other went to the barred door and watched. He quickly came back. “Something’s up. I swear I just saw Twilight Sparkle.”

The other was concentrating. “Either you did or didn’t. It’s not like she isn’t famous.”

“No, I mean, it looked like her but… I don’t know. She was sneaking around, dressed in a black outfit. It loo-”

“Go back and tell me if we need to run. Let me work until then.” She concentrated. Something was making her job difficult and she had to focus. The pegasus went back to his position. After a few minutes, he saw the Twilight Sparkle look-alike walking back, mumbling to herself. What looked like a baby dragon came up behind her and said, “Uh, Twilight?”

Twilight looked back. “What is it, Spike?”

“Isn’t this where we came in?”

This time a pink pony sprung her head up with a smile. “Cool! Can we climb in the window again? That was super fun!” The Pegasus ducked back. He was sure she had seen him. For a moment, he panicked. He looked to the unicorn. She was still casting her spell and appeared to be narrowing in on her target. The pink one’s voice caught his attention. “Maybe we should ask somepony in the Starswirl the Bearded wing!” She pointed and he bolted. He ran right to the unicorn. “It’s Twilight! We got to go now!”

The unicorn was levitating down a tube. She took the scroll out and levitated it back up in place, an irrational calm on her face. “I found it. Let’s go.” They ran to the window and dived out just as they heard “Twilight! The guard!” The unicorn whispered to the plant whisperer, “Put it back! We’re done!” The grass holding the pane slid it back into place, as if nothing happened. The blades of grass then just fell behind nearby bushes. They headed for the wall, which was easy enough to jump over from the inside.

As they landed, the 5 of them started galloping towards Donut Joe’s.

---

Halfway there, they met their real target. Another unicorn addressed them, “Did you get the scroll?” The unicorn who found it floated it over to him and he put it in a pouch at his side. He looked to one of the pegasi, the one who flew to the roof. “Anyone see you or follow you?” She shook her head, but the male pegasus said, “I think I might have been seen by Pinkie Pie.”

All of them stared at him wide-eyed. The female unicorn said, “What? Why didn’t you…”

He stopped her and said, “I told you I saw Twilight Sparkle. I don’t know for sure if Pinkie saw me, but nobody followed us.”

The male unicorn said, “If it really was the most famous party pony in Equestria, then she might not have thought anything of it at all.” As the sun rose, he opened another pouch and floated out 5 pieces of paper, giving one to each of the others. “These are the dead drop locations for your payments. The papers will dispel the illusion hiding them. After that, we don’t know each other, we never saw each other, it’s just coincidence we just all decided to leave Canterlot on business.”

They walked their own directions and the male unicorn unrolled the scroll. As he looked at it, he felt a shift. It was odd. It tasted like purple and then that purple was pulled out of his mouth. The last time he felt like that, the researcher he worked for was experimenting with very small-scale time spells. He looked at the scroll he was hired to steal and found the symbol he needed. It was a circle with two… no, it was three triangles pointing at each other. Why would he think it was two? The stress must have been getting to him.

After this, he could breathe easier. Just deliver the scroll, get the money to the doctor, and his sister should be better. It would take time and he couldn’t stay, but he promised her, he would do everything he could.

What he didn’t know was, by unrolling that scroll, he did exactly what he was meant to do.

Comments

[Sunlight Blaze]

Alright, while looking up adventure stories involving the Mane Six, I came across one that actually looked interesting...and one where the author actually invited criticism!!! Alright, this time on Sunlight Blaze's Story Reviews: Lost Fate!!!
To those of you new to my reviewing style, it is somewhat similar to those of Joshscorcher on Youtube: starting off by giving a basic summary of what happened in each chapter (with some snarky commentary here and there), and then a TRUE review at the final chapter followed by letter-grade ratings that include four of the following categories:

Story --- Interesting plotline, steady and well thought-out.
Writing --- Yeah, I'm a Grammar Nazi at times. Mostly, this involves penmanship, but I also want the non-OC characters to be portrayed in a believable manner.
Humor --- Quality over Quantity; the humor that is used in the story is done well and makes me laugh; if more humor is used but is of low quality, the grade here ends up being low.
Moral --- Available only when a story is tagged with "Slice of Life," I analyze the Life Lesson and how applicable it is in the real world, as well as how well the plot goes with it
Ending --- a story's ending must leave the writer with a feeling of satisfaction and closure; leaving room for a sequel gives bonus points.

Okay, now you know how my ending review is going to work. Without further ado: let's get started!

[Sunlight Blaze]

(Warning: the following review may contain sarcastic, serious, thoughtful, joking, or downright unnecessary comments and/or flutter-censored swearing. Viewer discretion is advised.)

So we start this prologue right outside Canterlot Castle with one of the Royal Guard, Silver Shield, on patrol.

“WHO GOES THERE?” Hooves caught his attention and they were coming towards him. They weren’t being quiet. Finally, around the corner came fived cloaked and hooded figures, talking amongst themselves, paying him no mind.

*sarcastically* Gee; five hooded ponies, walking this close to the castle, in the middle of the freaking night, deliberately ignoring an officer of the law; I wonder if they're planning anything sinister?

So he manages to get them to stop, and they explain why they're there: looking to get a head start on their celebrations on getting in the Wolderbolts Tryouts by going to Doughnut Joe's Cafe.
Then, why would they need to be going this close to the castle? Doughnut Joe's is out in the city.
Anything suspicious here, Mr. Royal Guard?

He said with a smile, “Well, don’t let me keep you then. And good luck to you two!” He went back to his patrol with a little quickness in his step. If he hurried, he could still be there right when the donuts were delivered and snag a donut with sprinkles.

...........And I thought Doughnut from "Dusk's Dawn" was an idiot.

"Hmph....Must've been a cat or something...." ----Doughnut of the Royal Guard, Dusk's Dawn

*Sigh* I'm not going to get that animation out of my head anytime soon...

So once Silver Shield is gone, the five of them sneak into the castle (you do realize that Unicorns don't need any incantations to cast spells, right?), when one of them spots...Twilight? *remembers story description* Oh yeah...that one episode that I...never really saw the point of when I watched it... Hmm...Giving a seemingly pointless episode some fanfiction plot relevance....interesting....

This time a pink pony sprung her head up with a smile. “Cool! Can we climb in the window again? That was super fun!”

It's Pinkie Pie; don't question it. (Seriously, people; don't try to figure out Pinkie; you'll get a headache...personal experience here!)

So, the five thieves find the scroll they're looking for and head to Doughnut Joe's, where they meet up with another Unicorn who points them all to their payments. And we learn that he has a sister that needs help, and a cliffhanger that just screams "this guy's a main character!"

Not a bad start; it could stand to give us a bit more description of the characters when their appearances are visible to the camera (if it were animated); the last guy there wasn't wearing any cloak, so we could have seen his coat color and even his cutie mark, and we get no description other than the fact that he's a Unicorn...
Oh well; this is just a prologue, and those hardly ever give us anything other than the plot intro and conflict setup. And this did exactly that.

Alright, on to the next chapter.