Returning My Feelings

by Amy_Yu_Xuan

Ch 5: Spike?

Author's Note:

I've decided to delete that part. This will be "Everyone" themed.

Twilight? Are the translations ready? I asked, as I combed my purple mane, trying to relieve stress. C'mon Rare, Twilight's need som' er time! Translations must be hard. But she's been in there for hours! I started pacing up and down the library. Your gonna make a hole in the floor continueing... I'm done! Here Rarity! I needed to wright it twice just so you can practise too. Two peices of paper surrounded by purple aura floated next to me. Couldn't you just use this? Pinkie Pie perked up, pointing at a photocopier. Urgh...
Twilight face palmed.

I took the paper and went on my way. The spell must be hard since Twilight took that long to translate. As i neared my home, I saw Sweetie Belle and her friends came running up. "Rarity! We saw Spike behind our home." Sweetie rang. Her friends nodded in agreement. "We were gonna play tag with Snips, Snails and Twist, but you happen to come back so we just told you." The one called Scooterloo said. "Bye Rarity!" Sweetie Belle said as she galloped away to join her friends. I made all those words make sense in my head. I walked slowly behind the Boutique. Was Spike really here? Was he here all the time? These thoughts rang in my head at I walked behind the boutique...

Comments

[Green Hills]

So, after reading this, it had me intrigued and curious. Throughout reading it, it had me hooked on about the disappearance of Spike because of his growth spurt incident, and also the fact that Sparity is one of my favorite shipping pairs . Overall, it does have a good start on your first story.

Now, there are a few things I want to point out. The first is the writing style. If English is not your native language, that's understandable. Another thing is that each chapter is very short, pretty much just dialogue. If you want your chapters to be longer, try and go into detail. Give some background of the characters, how they feel, describe the backgrounds, and don't be too rushed.

There is one thing that I want to point out in the last chapter, where the CMC come in...

"Rarity! We saw Spike behind our home. He was rubbing this big thing that looked like it had milk coming out of it. And he was making all those funny sounds!" Sweetie rang.

If I were you, I would at least rate the story to 'Mature' (as we all know what he really is doing )

So far, not a bad story to start out. A few errors here and there, and it's understandable if English is not your strongest language. Here's a page that will surely help you out with your stories in the future. --->> LINK. Other than that, I will keep watch on this story to see how it will go.

[Amy_Yu_Xuan]

4754311 Umm... thanks for the tips I guess. Look, im just doing it for fun. I have no intention to make it well known and stuff. I guess I should change it to teen or something... but anyway. Tks for the support! ; D Amy.

[OmniFox]

Big thing or big things?

[Hillbe]

150 0dd words don't make a chapter. Nice little start. more please.

[DarkAcolyte]

It could do with some longer chapters, but otherwise I like it. That whacking came out of nowhere though...

[Green Hills]

4755122

I see. My bad . Other than that, it is a good story, and I like how you made the connection to the episode, Secret of my Excess. I will keep watch of it.