Chaos Incorporated

by DontTreadOnMe777777

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Birds chirped, the water slowly rolled past, a rabbit or two quietly hopped about. All in all, it was completely peaceful.

"Water! Yes, you taste so go- aw wait, I can't drink this! Crap!" Well, it was peaceful.

Ricky was currently scrubbing the germ-ridden river water off his tongue, while the rest of the army followed behind him. One Roman had been so generous as to lend him a horse, and although it was an... uncomfortable ride, he had arrived far ahead of everybody else.

The horse was currently taking a deep draft from the clear river as well. 'That ride chafed my balls into next week,' Ricky grimaced as he spread his feet. Inevitably, this made it quite a bit harder to walk. 'Ah whatever, it's not worth it to protect me nads.'

He took in the quiet majesty of his surroundings. 'Wow. This is quite nice.'

"How far off are they?" Ricky looked back over his shoulder, trying to spot his army. Through the trees, it was a fool's errand. 'Oh well, guess I can relax in peace.'

Ricky sat down by the riverbank, feet out. Eventually, he gave in to what his body craved most: complete rest. He laid down, the thick grass supporting and cushioning him. "Ahh." Slowly, his eyelids dropped.

And there he laid, for a time that seemed to be on the verge of eternity.

He didn't notice that the symphony of birds had gone silent.

He barely heard the scurrying of bunnies and other small animals through the bushes.

Only the whinny of the horse prompted Ricky to do anything. And that was to open an eye slowly, quietly scanning the edge of the forest surrounding him.

'Something's here. How to draw it out without risking my skin is the next question.' Ricky pondered this as his senses strained to discover whatever was apparently spooking all the animals.

'Well, I guess I could just do it the old-fashioned way.' Ricky quietly cleared his throat.

"I know someone's there. If you're going to fight me, get out here and do it honorably!" As he called out, he got back up on his feet.

The gladius and Ricky's rifle were both strapped onto the horse's barrel. Slowly, Ricky made his way over to the horse.

He unsheathed the gladius, the ringing sound reverberating throughout the clearing and scaring the horse, which let out a small cry.

Putting his gladius on the ground, he took hold of his rifle and pulled it out as well, opening the bolt. The top of a bullet gleaming back at him, he closed it back up.

"Well?" Ricky turned around to face the clearing again.

“Do not worry about me, creature,” Ricky jumped in his shoes as a deep voice rumbled, “worry about yourself. You might find that you'll need to soon." The bushes to the left of Ricky parted, and the teen turned to face...

'A changeling?' Indeed, it was a changeling, a bit smaller than Chrysalis. His eyes were entirely blue, not having a trace of white. His horn was already aglow with a green shade of magic.

"Hey, changeling." The changeling cocked its head, but said nothing. "I know Queen Chrysalis. If you'd wait a minute, I could go get her."

No response graced his request. Instead, the magic concentrated around the changeling's head grew brighter. "Hey buddy, calm do-" Ricky tried to placate the changeling, only to have a bolt of green whiz past his head, close enough so that the teen could hear the air sizzle where the magic had passed.

Ricky barely had time to aim for a rifle shot before another blast forced him to drop to the ground. The magic passed right through where his chest had been a moment ago.

Now laying on the ground, Ricky didn't have to take as much time to stabilize as usual. As such, he managed to get a shot off quite quickly.

The changeling wildly fired off a bolt as he dodged, which sailed wide. 'Hopefully that'll give the others some warning,' Ricky thought even as he unconsciously reloaded.

This time, he didn't have enough time to fire again, once again having to dodge a green shot that, although not on target, was close enough to unnerve Ricky slightly. 'Alright, time to get in close.'

He switched the rifle to his left hand, the flipped it around so that the stock formed a makeshift club, useful for blocking. He had to dodge another bolt while fumbling with his gladius, but in the end he had both his weapons ready. 'Let's go!' Ricky smirked as he sprinted towards the changeling.

The changeling, not having time to charge up his attack completely, had to postpone his magic in order to protect himself. Ricky swung his club, but with just one hand it wasn't powerful nor fast, and the changeling easily juked it. 'Damn!' Ricky cursed as he mentally relegated the stock-club to a defensive role only.

The changeling, instead of retaliating, backed away a step. 'He's readying his next spell. Gotta keep him focused on me.' Ricky immediately executed this plan, lunging with his gladius ready to pierce.

This time, the changeling sidestepped, letting Ricky pass by him, before striking. With his right hoof, he quickly jabbed into the elbow joint of the outstretched right arm of Ricky.

"Aah!" Ricky cried as his elbow suddenly felt as if it was on fire. 'Shit that hurts!'

Much more threatening than the pain, though, was the dangerous fact that the blow had lamed Ricky's hand for a moment, and now his gladius lay on the grass. Before he could make a move, the changeling ran up and kicked it away, before backing off again.

'Down to my club now. Great.' For all the irony of that statement, there was an upside to this: now he could use it with both hands, and it had a longer reach.

Ricky charged again, as well he had to. The changeling had to be almost done working his magic now.

'I have to finish this quickly.' With that guiding his thoughts, he wound up, just like the baseball bats he played with so often back in school. He scooted the small distance between the two combatants, and then swung.

Even with the new speed of his club, the changeling still had no problem ducking swiftly under the swing. 'God damnit, stop moving!' The red mists began to creep in again, but Ricky fought it off quickly. 'No. Clear head is best head.'

This time, Ricky went for a massive overhead, aiming to, hopefully, drive the horn into the changeling's skull like a massive jackhammer hitting a railroad spike. As he lunged, the changeling refused to move for once. 'This is likely the only chance I'll get. Come on!'

Right as Ricky reached the height of his swing, the changeling's horn suddenly flared brighter. "Oh, SHIT."

The spell hit like a brick wall, right into the center of Ricky's chest. It was so powerful that it threw him off his feet, launching him back a bit.

The rough landing pushed the rest of Ricky's breath out of his lungs violently. 'Ah... ribs... bru-ah!'

Out of a clenched eye, Ricky watched as the changeling slowly sauntered over to the splayed human. "You have a pathetic, basic technique. Have you ever fought before, creature?"

Ricky tried to speak, but the pain in his chest triggered a cough instead. Struggling to draw in breath, he managed to wheeze out a "Not... against... magic..."

"I could tell. Now, creature, prepare for a long period of servitude in the name of your betters." His horn lit up again with magic. Before he could do anything, however, the crashing of branches and trampling of shrubs startled him into snapping his head up. Obviously panicked, he quickly used a spell, and then he vanished in a flash.

'Uuh, tired... sleep...' Ricky's eyes were heavy with fatigue and he wanted the pain that spiked at a mere breath to dull somewhat, if not disappear.

However, through his shrinking vision, three faces suddenly occupied a great part of what was left.

"Ah, shit! Ricky, you've got to stay with us!" Although garbled, as if Ricky was being talked to through a tube full of water, the voice of Flaminitus was still familiar enough for Ricky to recognize. Straining, he managed to open his eyes back up to allow for more view.

Flaminitus sighed in relief. "Oh thank Jupiter. What happened?"

Ricky tried to speak. "Changeling...at-huach!" He broke down into another coughing fit. Flaminitus' expression darkened suddenly.

"Chrysalis." Ricky suddenly took notice of the other two faces swimming in his field of view. One of them was Aeneus, obvious because he was garbed in legionary armor, and the fact that he seemed to stick to Flaminitus like glue.

The other one, surprisingly, was Chrysalis. She had taken her eyes off the teen to level a look at the legionnaire that had accused her. "Are you trying to insinuate that I sanctioned this?"

"Well, you're the changeling queen. You lead them," Flaminitus didn't drop his tone.

"Well, I can assure you I didn't sanction it. The hive is near here, and I had told them to be on high alert. Maybe it was a mistake."

"A mistake?! You should've made sure that there wasn't a mistake to make!"

"Be happy he's not dead! Go get a medic, I'll make sure nothing else attacks him."

"Oh, and leave you here, with him?"

"Your comrade is right the buck here! I can't do anything to him without him knowing," Chrysalis pointed a hoof to Aeneus.

"She's right, Flaminitus," Aeneus joined in, "we need a medic, the faster the better. Go, I'll make sure nothing'll happen." Flaminitus didn't lessen his leer, but he slowly straightened up and abruptly left Ricky's sight. Foolishly, Ricky attempted to pick up his head to watch him go, but the pain spiked intensely, enough to make Ricky gasp.

"No Ricky, just relax. We're getting a medic here soon." Chrysalis pushed Ricky back down gently with a hoof to the forehead.

After a couple minutes of the awkward silence between the changeling queen and the Roman soldier, interrupted only by the occasional sharp breath or cough, respite came in the form of Flaminitus and, remarkably, Jeremiah. 'Must've been ahead in his truck,' Ricky gathered. By now, the pain was becoming familiar enough to stop impeding Ricky's brain.

Jeremiah's look of confusion quickly morphed into one of alarm. Quickly, he jogged to Ricky's side and sat down on his knees. "What the hell happened to you?"

Ricky didn't try to speak this time, just lifted a weak arm and pointed at his ribs.

"Your chest? Ribs, I'm assuming?" Flaminitus curtly nodded to answer the American.

Jeremiah began to press gently on Ricky's chest. A series of short gasps accompanied each push, until Jeremiah mercifully stopped. "Well, nothing's broken," he proclaimed, "but you've got bruised ribs everywhere and then some. You can't move. However, you should, with luck and God permitting, be fine within three days."

"So, what now?" Chrysalis asked.

"We need a stretcher, some way to move him without making anything worse. That means we'll have to wait."

"Alright. I'll go meet up with the hive, tell them to stand down."

"No funny business, changeling." Flaminitus reminded. Chrysalis, unperturbed, merely rolled her eyes. With that, she trotted off, disappearing off along the river.

Eventually, Jeremiah got his stretcher, along with news that the advance scouts had secured the perimeter and that the main column was only minutes away. This meant that, after all, the stretcher was not really needed. Jeremiah sighed good-naturedly. "Well Ricky, just a few minutes more. Then I'll have some painkillers."

'I'm going to go insane if I hear people trampling through a forest ever again,' Ricky thought sourly as Jeremiah came back, a bottle in hand. The rest of the army had stopped, halved by the river, as some had marched across a shallow ford-point just downstream and had camped out on the other side. Many a soldier had stopped by Ricky's side, offering positive sentiments and well-wishes. Indeed, a few circles of troops had formed near him.

The other commanders had not been happy when the news had reached them that their higher-up had been wounded. It was even worse since everyone knew by this point that it had been a changeling. 'I hope Chrysalis knows how to dodge accusations. Or bullets, if it comes down to that.'

"Thank god the Germans had something to the end of painkillers. Here, swallow these if you can." Jeremiah dumped two of the pills into Ricky's hand. Barely, the Scot managed to prop himself up and down the two pills.

"There. Now, can you move your legs?"

Ricky grunted in the affirmative, prompting Jeremiah to smile. "Then we really didn't need this thing after all," he kicked the stretcher. "When you feel good enough, I'll help you up. Then, it's painkillers every two hours for you."

Ricky nodded. 'Good. I don't want the men seeing me bedridden.'

"Well look who it is." A small clamor began rising up through the camp. Ricky tried to turn his head to look, but stopped at a disapproving nod from Jeremiah. "It's just Chrysalis. She's coming over here anyways," he told him.

In a few seconds, Chrysalis popped up in Ricky field of view. "Ricky, I talked with the hive leader. Turns out that it was him himself that attacked you. On my, and his, behalf, I apologize."

Ricky waved a hand, easier than before now that the painkillers were beginning to go to work. "It's," he took a deep breath, "fine."

Chrysalis nodded solemnly. "Also," her eyes were alight, "he said that he'd like to share some reconnaissance information that he's gathered with you about Las Pegasus."

Ricky cracked a small smile at that. "Well, hopefully... we won't... keep him waiting."

"I think you're good enough now to stand." Jeremiah grabbed Ricky's outstretched hand. "3!"

"2!"

"1!" Ricky tensed.

"Go!" Jeremiah pulled up, while Ricky pulled down. The pain threatened to overwhelm his body, but Ricky gritted his teeth and kept pushing.

It felt like an eternity, but it was only a few seconds before Ricky was up on his feet. Gingerly, he began to shuffle over to the small commander's tent across the field.

His movement was greeted by a wave of cheers from the troops, happy that their boy commander was going to be fine after all.

"I ain't happy," Ricky quietly grumbled. Jeremiah heard him airing his grievances.

"Why not? You're not dead," he pointed out.

Ricky chuckled. "Cause, I might be better off dead! This hurts like hell!"

"So, a Scot's weakness is being warm?" Ricky would've laughed harder if he could. 'Of course Jeremiah would play on my words to do that,' he thought in mock exasperation. 'Well, I can shoot back too!'

"No, it's being around idiots." He elbowed the medic.

"Well then, you might not want to go back to the commander's tent after all." Jeremiah snapped with a smile on his face.

"Bwahahah-ack-ack-shit!"

Author's Note:

Thanks to being away from my computer, paradoxically, this got done a bit quicker than what I thought it would have. Enjoy!