Episode 3: Party Pooper
"Let's Part-Tay!" Minty cried out, throwing some confetti into the air.
All of the ponies trotted over to the cake, showing various degrees of hunger. But one pony had a scowl on her face. The flower-loving periwinkle pony was not pleased.
"Don't you just love it?" A lavender pony said to her, staring in awe at the small pink flower garnish on the side. Wysteria, another flower lover, thought the garnish was a nice touch. But the periwinkle pony was not so pleased. She gave Wystie a grumpy look.
"What's wrong? I thought you liked flowers?" Wystiria asked Daisy Jo, a confused look on her face.
"There should be more. Doesn't Sweetberry have any respect for other ponies' interests?" Daisy said grumpily.
She trotted up to Sweetberry as she was about to give a speech.
"This isn't a cake! It is an abomination!" Daisy Jo yelled at Sweetberry. "Don't you have any respect for flowers?"
"I... Uh... I put a flower garnish on it..." Sweetberry stuttered. Sweet was surprised at Daisy's angry reaction.
"I refuse to eat this horrible cake!" Daisy Jo said as she stormed off.
"Well, that was awkward!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed before taking a huge bite and yelling, " Dig in!"
But Sweetberry still felt sad about what Daisy Jo had said to her. She wanted to face up to the mean mare. She worried that some ponies, Wysteria in preticular, since she was also a friend to the flowers, would hate it as well.
"Uhh..." Wysteria approached the unhappy equine. "I apologize for my friend's actions. She was very inconsiderate." she explained.
"I still don't feel like I am being considerate to her." Sweetberry said sadly, as Minty trotted up to them.
"Hi guys, why so glum?" Minty greeted them cheerfully. "I thought you'd be celebrating like everypony else!"
"Uhh... Daisy Jo..." Wystie started.
"Ohhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Minty exclaimed. She had heard the whole thing, but so had everypony else. "We've got to give her a taste of her own medicine!"
"But Minty, that might just make her do it more!" Wysteria exclaimed.
"True, true" Minty mused.
"What are you dumb mares standing around for?" Daisy Jo's voice called out.
"Err..." Wystie stuttered shyly.
"Daisy, I heard that you don't appreciate our cake's design?" Sweetberry inquired of Daisy, raising one eyebrow.
"Yeah, didn't I tell you already? Now, you can appreciate what we made for you, or keep your muzzle shut, please?" Sweetberry scolded.
"Uhh... Well.. I just though you weren't thinking of me, not making it all things that I like..." Daisy apologized. "But I've got my eye on you!" Daisy said before running away.
"You showed her!" Minty said, punching the air.
"Well, she was being a bit of a party pooper!" Sweetberry said smiling.
The ponies dug into the cake as they partied throughout the night.
Anypony have any advice on improving my writing? Also, what is a good number of chapters for me to do?
4562089 I see one thing right away, your chapters are way to short. You need longer chapters so you can properly describe events and interactions. Beyond that I can't say anything else at the moment.
There are three things that are certain in this world: death, taxes, and that Minty is best pony. There's some wiggle room in the first two but none in the third.
As for advice on writing, I offer this: keep writing. It's the only way to keep improving. And take other people's input with a grain of salt - the Internet is full of self-important people who think their opinions matter (and who think screaming loud and often will make it true). You can't write something that will please absolutely everyone, so write to please yourself.
I find this website to be quite helpful with writing: TVTropes It breaks down various works of fiction (from TV shows to movies to books, etc.) into their basic components.
As for my personal opinion, I enjoyed this. I like cute fics, and that's something lacking on this site. Chapter length is a relative thing. Some folks can make a 2,000 word chapter work ("Flash Fog" comes to mind) while others routinely write 20,000 word chapters ("Well Of Pirene" is a good example). The best way to increase the chapter length is to slow down the story's pacing.
Overall, more than anything else, please continue.
4562089
Very nice start, it actually feels like a G3 adventure. the biggest advice I can give has already been given. See if you can expand chapter size a little bit.
Thanks, everypony! I'll keep working on it, and chapter length will get longer as I dive deeper into the story!
So Looks like your second work is up glad to see and read The plot of this story is well genius, role reversal on rainbow dash ha! Sounds like a plan to me.
As for advise I completely agree with the previous comments. Especially AlwaysDressesInStyle, hit it right on the nail there. Just keep going because I can already I can see an improvement!
Like I said you had potential and still plenty more.
Carry on Pegasister
Thanks! Glad you find my story funny, DarkShadow! I am planning on lots of chapters, so everypony keep reading!