I love this shipping as much as I love TwiLuna. Keep up the great work.

I like it. Can't wait to see what NM is going to make what seems to be a copy of Twilight do.

First: I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to every update.

Second: I am having trouble understanding the mood you are trying to convey at times. There are points where I know the mood should be ominous with the apparent fear in the characters/twilight, but this is sometimes broken by the dialog.

All I have to say about this chapter other than praise is that the dialog can make the mood change drastically. Also a few spelling/grammar errors spread across the story (as in there are not many errors)

To be honest, the writing is rather poor. For example the lines " Nightmare Moon, feeling her mane, felt it, the new sensation in her mane that was not usually there, the entity of Twilight Sparkle. Nightmare, using her magic pushed the unicorn out of her starry mane." are really redundant and clunky. It seems to jump quite a bit, the thing with NM appearing in the room seconds after TS was handled poorly as well. TS's rather quick acceptance of her slavery and subsequent attachment to NM is incredibly unrealistic. NM's sudden attachment to TS is also rather strange. All of these little things together really give the impression of poor writing and story telling. I would seriously consider rewriting this with better story telling and more concise descriptions in mind.

That said, I like where this is going and hope it turns out to be a great story. However, for that to happen you really need to be made aware the things you're doing wrong. So don't take it the wrong way.

I like the direction this is going so far!

Harsh but not overly so Nightmare Moon. Also the sex comment got a chuckle out of me.

I am very much looking forward to Twilight's descent to the dark side of the pony...

Looking forward to more!

twilightXluna is best pairing
(and yes that does include twilightXnightmare moon)

Great chapter, keep them coming

Yay corrupted twilight

437783
Firstly, so okay you made your point by saying the writing is poor, I understand the writing may not be the best, I accept the critism but frankly, it was during easter when my cousin was writing this and we both had to leave early to visit our family anyway. Therefore, this chapter is rushed but I wanted it out there quicker, but I didn't think I needed it absolutely PERFECT.

As for the rather quick attatchments, that was not what was going on, as you must think, a very cold night and the only warm thing is just a few steps away from you, of course you would want to snuggle against it and go to sleep. I wanted the characters to start having a little confused thoughts about the other, not quick attatchments. Twilight said in her mind 'Shes not that bad of a pony, although she's the worst I've ever seen.' What this means is that she does not think Nightmare Moon would literally go and kill ponies, that is why she cried quickly when she heard the announcement.

One last thing. The feeling of comfort was from the warmth, feeling safe and sound while being very tired is easy.
Thanks for the feedback.

440324
When I was talking about the quick attachments, the part about the snuggling wasn't what I had in mind. I just meant the whole easy going servant stuff with the sort of liking her (sorry if that is not exactly what happened, I'm writing this from memory). And while I agree it doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, there are a lot of very easily fixed things that should be taken care of.

Nightmare seemed to have a personality shift in this chapter to me, like she was a whole different pony from the first chapter... Also what she thinks and what she does do not seem to be anywhere near alike... She thinks Celestia is a tyrant, who needed to be overthrown, yet she herself is proving to be a far worse tyrant... Either she has serious mental issues, or I don't know what...

440670
Key word, 'servant' or 'slave' of course, she doesn't treat her too bad in this part, but she still is just a slave to NMM at the moment..

not read anything other than the description (so far, its kinda late) but it seems like there should be a 'alternative universe' tag?

Hmm, well I'm glad I finally got around to reading this. Good story - I always love a well written MoonLight fic.
Also, just my opinion here, but the emotions in the story seemed a bit rushed. All and all, though, good job. Can't wait to read more.

how long till your ready or feel like updating?

549491
I was planning on having it out by next week now that my broken arm is pretty much healed, in fact, I already have a few of the first paragraphs done right now and am going to have my friend Brandon write a little too because my hands had to get decapitated.

That was a metaphor. My hands are fine. But they do have a stinging pain in them, I think I sprained my wrist the same time I broke my arm.

549640 yia those double whammies are really annoying anyway its great to hear your getting back into the nick of things o and daum 10mil wa-wah... you beat me by 3mil i am so gonna try to surpass you in reading nah lets just have fun reading our good books

it'll be just lovely seeing your next update till then cheers

hay anonymo how ling till your next glorious chapter or... is the story dead?

It's not dead, it's just that I have been extremely busy lately dealing with some issues in real life. I will continue it when I have the time, sorry if I'm keeping you waiting.740353

I really like the story- but Nightmare Moon doesn't seem cruel. At all. I'm not sure if cruel was what you were going for, though...

a great read i look forward to the next chapter

hopefully this weak your chapter will come... hopefully

we need more ;-;

913638

Okay, new chapter next week or sooner, I promise.

945223

... it's been 4 weeks. please give moar

Has this story finally died?m

945223 oh really?

When are you gonna continue with the story

"Side Note - I won’t wait 5 years to upload another chapter."
>first comment on chapter 2 over 125 weeks ago
>clearly no chapter 3
>disappoint.

I hope there is more soon

hope or more soon

Really nice.I love Twiluna shipping and stories around it,so I´m ready to read chapter 3,whenever it comes out.

945223 so is this story dead...or what?