Formatting needs work. Numbers in the text like 'one' or 'two' should always be spelt out and not abbreviated to 1 or 2 in prose, it's very jarring. Same goes for big bold letters saying 'FLASHBACK', just change the text to italics or put a normal page break, such as three asterixes or whatever, and it should be clear from your writing that it's actually a flashback.
Oh yes... and I also wanted to just point out something, this won't be a full out clop, at all. If anything, its more of a romance story. Oh, and the reason why I'm only posting chapters every 3 days or every 2 (Possibly one if I find the time in my schedule.) is because I'm going to spend extra time trying to perfect it. As you see on the prologue, I spent only two hours on it, and I also spent 1 hour doing absolute nothing but going into my living room and doing nothing but standing there wondering why I came down.
Therefore, I came to a conclusion that I wanted this story out today because it may be my only chance today to get it pre-read by one of my friends. So yes, I will try to come out with new chapters every 2-3 days when perfected if I can. Enjoy. (Oh, and I'm going to work on the personalities a bit more, and more specificly, better wording with Nightmare Moon, because she seems to be a straightforward pony.)
This story has a lot of potential, if you screw it up, well, I haven't really figured that out yet. Also, this is just a pet peeve of mine, but please try to avoid being too on the nose with descriptions/names, so instead of "I learned a spell named 'magic bolt'" try " I learned how to throw bolts of magical energy" In my opinion it seems like a more natural form of speech, and more characteristic of Twilight's more academic nature, using larger, more complex sentences. Or don't I haven't slept in 48 hours so that may have something to do with it.
425236 I actually did that on purpose, I tried to make the most basic talking I could for Twilight when the flashback happened, she was supposed to be a very small filly.
While I must say the premiss is one I've seen used alot (Nightmare Moon isnt defeated, and makes Twilight her slave), I'd be lieing if I didnt say it was one of my favorites ^_^ Some areas of the story could use some cleaning up, but that's what revisions are for. I cant wait to see how this goes along, and what sort of twists you can put on it. Keep it up!
This looks to be fun, I can't wait to see where it goes especialy given how forcfull Nightmare is being. I wonder what she has planned that required her to leave the castle so quickly?
do want to see were this is going
MOAR plz
Well only if you want
Great fic, i love moonlight ships
Formatting needs work. Numbers in the text like 'one' or 'two' should always be spelt out and not abbreviated to 1 or 2 in prose, it's very jarring. Same goes for big bold letters saying 'FLASHBACK', just change the text to italics or put a normal page break, such as three asterixes or whatever, and it should be clear from your writing that it's actually a flashback.
Oh yes... and I also wanted to just point out something, this won't be a full out clop, at all. If anything, its more of a romance story. Oh, and the reason why I'm only posting chapters every 3 days or every 2 (Possibly one if I find the time in my schedule.) is because I'm going to spend extra time trying to perfect it. As you see on the prologue, I spent only two hours on it, and I also spent 1 hour doing absolute nothing but going into my living room and doing nothing but standing there wondering why I came down.
Therefore, I came to a conclusion that I wanted this story out today because it may be my only chance today to get it pre-read by one of my friends. So yes, I will try to come out with new chapters every 2-3 days when perfected if I can. Enjoy. (Oh, and I'm going to work on the personalities a bit more, and more specificly, better wording with Nightmare Moon, because she seems to be a straightforward pony.)
Moonlight is best ship, though pretty rare. I think I've only read three or so. Favorited and enjoyed, greatly.
This story has a lot of potential, if you screw it up, well, I haven't really figured that out yet.
Also, this is just a pet peeve of mine, but please try to avoid being too on the nose with descriptions/names, so instead of "I learned a spell named 'magic bolt'" try " I learned how to throw bolts of magical energy" In my opinion it seems like a more natural form of speech, and more characteristic of Twilight's more academic nature, using larger, more complex sentences. Or don't I haven't slept in 48 hours so that may have something to do with it.
YES THIS WILL BE A MOONLIGHT SHIPPING.
The moon be praised!
freakingnews.com/pictures/37500/Praise-the-Moon--37645.jpg
Moonlight is a god-tier ship!
Is it bad that I read this stoned off my ass, and later reread it? Oh well, I like the story AND the update time. Just don't over-stress yourself.
425236
I actually did that on purpose, I tried to make the most basic talking I could for Twilight when the flashback happened, she was supposed to be a very small filly.
While I must say the premiss is one I've seen used alot (Nightmare Moon isnt defeated, and makes Twilight her slave), I'd be lieing if I didnt say it was one of my favorites ^_^
Some areas of the story could use some cleaning up, but that's what revisions are for. I cant wait to see how this goes along, and what sort of twists you can put on it.
Keep it up!
A good beginning for the story!
The one thing I am curious about is how you will explain how Twilight has so much raw power. Is it genetic? Random Chance? Or perhaps it was fate...
Tracking and looking forward to updates.
This looks to be fun, I can't wait to see where it goes especialy given how forcfull Nightmare is being. I wonder what she has planned that required her to leave the castle so quickly?