My Little Pony: Idiocy Is Magic

by Jaohni

A new beginning Ch.1

so a little author's note here, i just thought i would mention that again I'm still trying to improve my writing skills, and have no editor, so that's why my writing sucks, just thought I'd put that out there, anyway, this is A LOT better than my first draft (I made at least 5 searches for huge words, the average reader wouldn't have understood more than half of it) anyway, back on to the story, enjoy!

A story written by Nokanomi
My Little Problem: Idiocy Is Magic

Now, when most people think of a silent night, they don’t picture the word “SCREENPEAKER!” being echoed through the town of Saskatoon, but of course, that’s what happened on our humble east side of the great river, course, the person making the noise was one of my three best friends.

The self proclaimed anti-brony, Tom (the same Tom that got me sent to the principles office many, many times already). Tom has straight blond hair, blue eyes, was 5’ 7” and weighed 123 pounds, so he was about average, possibly a bit on the skinny side, then there were two other people present.

there was George, the “equinophiliac”, he had pure green eyes, and curly brown hair, he was about, 6’ 2” and weighed about 147 pounds, so he was also kind of skinny, but he was tall, so girls still digged him, but he always turned them down, since he preferred horses…I know, weird right? Anyway the last friend here was Shay, the brony.

He was about 5’6” (and Tom always made fun of him for his height, and…tastes in TV shows), Shay was more less normal, he had sort of a roman complexion, with very chiselled looks, he had brown eyes and weirdly enough, I know it sounds unbelievable but he had reflective hair, it was caused by a huge content of aluminium in his body, which expelled itself through his hair, so nobody really knew what his hair colour was, but most people who didn’t know about the aluminium thing said it was gray, anyway the last person I haven’t explained yet is me.

I don’t know why I’m doing this since I already know how I look and it’s not like this is going to be turned into somebody’s fan fic for the sole purpose of improving their writing skills, but anyway I am about 6’, exactly, have black hair and…well, weird eyes, you see, I have a ton of weird chemicals in my eyes, and the constantly change colour, so nobody really knows my eye colour, but I just like to call it kaleidoscopic, also, I suffer from equinophobia, that’s right, fear of horses, one of the reasons I refused to watch my friend’s favourite show, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, I mean I have heard of it, but never watched it, anyway the reason I didn’t tell anyone about the clothes we were wearing is because we all had on the same outfit, jeans with a white unmarked T-shirt, we always did that for sleepovers, just a habit I guess, anyway-

“ James, I’m getting the crap beaten’ out of me” said Shay, my partner for this game of Halo: Reach, so I went back into the game, not thinking about much else…for about 5 minutes, when we failed to notice a heat haze starting to surround us, I noticed it before the others (being the martial artist, studying the style of Togoshijiweye, or way of the setting sun for the less Nokarion inclined)anyway, after noticing the haze I said

“ Hey guys, you see that weird…heat rising out of the ground?” now, if most people said that they would have called that person high, but I am me, so my friends looked and noticed it too and asked themselves in their minds at the same time,

“What th-” the reason they didn’t finish their thought was because there was a huge flash of rainbow-like light, and it transported us away, to some other dimension…now most people, when they think of dimensional travel, they think huge portal, sweet sound effects, and possibly Que (from Star Trek) but you see, that’s not how it works, no you should think, spinning, rainbows, sea sickness (even if you don’t get sea sickness, or motion sickness for that matter) so, I almost vomited, but I’m glad I didn’t, it would be embarrassing for the first thing for me to do after leaving my mansion of a four story house, to throw up, but as it was, I was in the middle of a town, full of rainbows, the town itself looked fairly seventeen to eighteen hundreds, with architecture composed mostly of wood, thatching and glass, but the problem wasn’t the area…it was the inhabitants, they were ponies…my friends were unconscious and I suffer from equinophobia. Naturally, I was almost in tears, but I wasn’t, I was however sweating enough to fill a pool.

But, then a there was a flash of rainbow coloured vengeance charged towards me shouting

“FOR CELESTIA!!!!” now, what most people don’t understand about martial artists and fighters is that when they are cornered like an animal, they get scared, then they lash out, usually instinctually, which I did, right then and there, to my eternal regret, I sidestepped the charge of that cyan and rainbow…Pegasus, that’s right, right out of Greek mythology, course, I got a good look at it as it looked like it was moving in slow motion, to me, but, then it got a bit close for comfort, and…I well, sort of…did a backward, mid-air summersault, with my right leg extended, hitting the thing in the ribs, and cracking a few of them, then I pushed off of it with my left leg, now to the casual bystander, it probably looked like this happened in the blink of an eye, but after kicking off of the Pegasus…pony the poor thing ran into a wall, and I would have checked to see if she was all right ( pro tip: I could tell it was a girl from the voice) but an orange coloured one stepped forward, and I dropped into a combat stance (accidentally) and backed away step for step, but that one said angrily

“Now what in tarnation was that for?” now, most people would have laughed, but I was a bit queasy, as my eyes darted around in fear, now, again, most people wouldn’t have seen the pony as a threat, but I’m A) a martial artist and B) an equinophobiac. So I started backing away, but remembered my friends were unconscious…that was until, Shay sat up, causing the orange pony to jump, and shouted (probably at the top of his lungs)

“MUFFINS!” I (and the orange pony as well) could have been classified as “surprised” to say the least, but then Shay looked around and almost started salivating…almost, fortunately, course, then a pink one with…what looked like a painting of balloons on it’s flank (I just noticed that the one that I beat up had a rainbow cloud and a lightning bolt, like the Greek drachma (coin of the gods, basically) and the peach one had a mark that looked like a trio of apples… weird right? ANYWAY) it looked at Shay while BOUNCING and said ecstatically and in a voice that could only belong to someone of a bubbly personality

“Youlikemuffinstoo?!?*gasp*SodoI!Let’sgoeatmuffinsnow!“ this confused me and I could make out what she said, but I was wondering what was going on when I noticed that Shay had a stupid grin on his face and said

“Hi Pinkie” now, I don’t care how he now that…pony, that was the worst thing he could have said, because now the ponies know that he knows about them…I briefly had my life flash through my eyes as I considered whether or not ponies were fans of torture…but I had totally forgotten about the orange pony who tried and failed miserably to tackle me, the reason she failed is that I heard her charging and did a back flip when ANOTHER (I know, horrifying right?) pony stepped forward, this time purple, as it said in a confused voice

“You know these creatures pinkie?” I almost laughed when I realized the pink horse had the name of “Pinkie” but the thing is, I again have a deathly fear of all things horses so then, Shay started talking all about random stuff…I think anyway he said something like this

“ You are my TOTAL favourite pony, pinkie!” this confused everyone there except Shay…at that point I just would have fainted…but then I got hit by something that flew in the air…and it knocked straight into the ground, and knocked me out.

“Oh come on Twi, it wasn’t my fault I thought he was attacking us, and he broke my rib” said a tomboyish feminine voice that sounded quite familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

“But you still shouldn’t have knocked him out!” by now, I was awake, but I didn’t let on, because of a trick I learned from my Sensei, I kept my eyes shut and tried learning everything I could from what I could hear smell and feel, it smelled like a forest crossed with…books and possibly a stable? I could hear the voices echoing a bit so I could tell the place was big, and what I was laying in felt soft, so I assumed it was a bed, or a couch, and I didn’t feel any restraints, so I could jump fast if need be, I didn’t hear any of my friends though, so that worried me, I felt a little uplifted by the next voice, it sounded quiet and feminine, but relaxing…it was weird, anyway it said

“Um I-” said the voice before the second one interrupted it

“Not now flutter shy, we have work to do” OK I won’t lie, I may be afraid of horses, but no one should be totally stepped on like that, so I did the only (il)logical thing I could think of at the time so I rolled to my right, where the voices were coming from sticking my left arm out and putting my palm flat, while turning pushed off with my left arm and right leg, doing a 150 degree turn while flipping to a flat angle…but I forgot something…I jumped over a ledge leading to a ten to fifteen foot drop, of course I stuck the landing even though it hurt…a lot, I landed in the same position the halo Spartans use for armour lock…with my head aimed down, I then turned my head up and gave my best killing stare at the cyan/rainbow pony that had knocked me out, she looked back, startled, as was the purple pony called “Twi” and the yellow pony called “Fluttershy” (first nations name much) the whole stare down thing continued for what felt like a minute (but was really just a few seconds, most likely) when the purple one said, surprised (who wouldn’t be?)

“Oh…I see you’re up, I’m Twil-” she was of course cut short by the sound of something smashing against the ground, when I noticed the yellow one, Fluttershy, was missing, so while the other ponies looked for the perpetrator I asked

“Where’s the yellow one?” this caused a big shock for both ponies, firstly because I hadn’t spoken before and secondly because they realized who made the sound…

“Flutter shy…” said the purple one as she face palmed (face-hoofed?), then the other one, the rainbow one, grabbed quote on quote Fluttershy out from behind a couch and said,

“Get out from there Fluttershy” said the rainbow one, while groaning a bit.

“Sorry about her, she’s a little…skittish” said Twilight apologetically, “anyway, I’m Twilight Sparkle and that’s” she pointed a hoof to the cyan one with those accusing purple eyes “ Rainbo-” she said as the cyan-ish one charged at me, letting go of Fluttershy “-w Dash” finished twilight, wincing as I used a karate chop on Rainbow Dash’s neck after sidestepping yet another pony’s charge

“Huh?” said Rainbow Dash as she fell unconscious on the floor, in a rather unflattering pose, netting me an angry glance from Twilight Sparkle, who promptly made her horn glow and making me fly into the air, of course, my equinophobia ran right back in, since I was now being levitated by a magic horse…needless to say I ALMOST peed my pants…almost, anyway as the situation currently stands, I was incapacitated by an angry pony who said

“ENOUGH, what did you do to her?” I could barely move, and it wasn’t the magic that stopped me, I couldn’t even form a comprehensible sentence let alone explain so my eyes rapidly started darting around and I started sweating, again, and Twilight noticed something I hadn’t “you look pale, are you humans allergic to magic or something?” said Twilight in concern (though I personally doubt I would show any sympathy at all to an enemy)

“N-no, I h-h-ha-v-e e-eq-q-quin-no-p-pho-b-ia” I barely got out, so Twilight pieced it together slowly then her eyes widened when she realized why I could barely move, she released me and said sympathetically

“I am SO sorry I didn’t know” she started walking toward me (probably to lend a hoof, so to speak) then she remembered “Right, uh anyway how did you get here” she said as her eyes regained their original light of curiosity returned, she looked at me expectantly going WAY too close for comfort, it was a good thing that, there was a loud sound of a slap, and I heard someone familiar shout

“OW!” so Twilight ran out of the house, and Fluttershy hid away even more scared than before, when I realized who shouted, and why I heard a slap…

“George…” I said face palming, I can’t look away for 60 seconds without you getting slapped can I?

Comments

[suckmyponycock69]

This description, my god.
I can barely read it before getting bored shitless, seriously. Tl;dr version pweeeease?

[makmix]

I like title, it represents me cause I consider mysel a freakin idiot beyond comprehension

[pvtspoon]

Huh.... Bit quick on the pacing but has potential. I will watch this, for now.

[Jaohni]

419773 sure thing, I'll whip one up right now

[Jaohni]

419786 i kind of thought it was too slow, thanks for the advice, guess I'm just paranoid

[makmix]

Paranoia equals pissing yourself In bed from a scary ass dream OOOORRR an awesome idea that becomes a work of art because of something that bothered or is bothering you

Though I see here THAT IS NOT THE CASE with you stay crazy my good aquaintance

[Dumbgamer99]

It's... alright.

For the love of god though, spelling and capitalization... My mind hurts from trying to piece that together without having it already done for me. You know, like it should be. Now I understand you haven't wrote anything in awhile, or that you don't have an editor, but at least you shouldn't be making this constant, glaring errors on simple spellings and capitalization.

I... may need to withhold my vote, or a track, until I see more improved chapters, or just a revamp of what you got. All in all, it's not a bad story. Many antics could be had, but...

Seriously, friend-- SPELLING.

[Chill Mists(Chilly)]

You kept changing from Fluttershy to Flutter shy. Decide on the correct one. (Hint: It's Fluttershy) I really think this is interesting though and I look forward to reading more.

[Jaohni]

420198 sorry, i guess I'll pay more attention to that in the future then... but, I am getting back into the swing of things so you will see A LOT less errors than there was in this chapter, i may also go through this again and see if I can find any errors I missed on my first 5 read-through(s)

[Jaohni]

420825 agh, sorry about that, i just sort of used microsoft word (and an old version of it too boot) so it kept changing Fluttershy to Flutter shy, I'll try and be more careful in the future, anyway, hope you enjoy this, it's going to be a really fun read later on

[nonameguy0010]

Description sounds very interesting. I'll give this a go.

[nonameguy0010]

Okay.. after reading the first chapter I have a few comments about the story-line and the writing style.
First off, the story-line: I liked reading this, it was an interesting story and the characters had more realistic reactions to things going on around them. (Unlike the stories where everything is always fine and dandy) The interaction between characters was rather fun to read. Overall, I am liking the plot.

Next, the writing style: There are a lot of places where I got a bit confused. This was mostly because of the choppy dialog. You should work on making it so the reader knows who is talking. Many times when I was reading this story, I was lost and thought a kid was talking when it was actually one of the ponies. Use less commas in your writing, they shouldn't substitute a period. Pretty much just read the story a few times before putting it out to make sure it is an easy read. If there is any part that get hung up on, even if you think it would be fine, try to find ways to change it and make it flow better.

I do like this story and I can't wait to see where their adventure goes. If you need any help with looking for grammatical errors, I will be more than happy to help.

[Jaohni]

422278 thanks for the advice, as a general rule of thumb, i try to say who's speaking before the dialog, but if the mainstream is putting it after in the past tense, well anything to suit my audience

[nonameguy0010]

422299 I'm not saying to change your writing style, just make it more clear to the reader as to what is happening.

[Jaohni]

422313 i see, can do, shouldn't be too hard.

on a side note, for all the trackers of this series i will upload chapters on all days that end in an even number, ie: tomorrow, Tuesday, Thursday, etc.

[nonameguy0010]

Oh wow... I just realized what happened at the end. George you noob. There is an unconscious pony in the corner yet you have to mess with the sweetest pony there. Shay will not be happy when he finds out what you did to Fluttershy.
Fav part of the story is the dialog between Twilight and the main character. :3

[Jaohni]

OK I just finished editing the entire thing, mostly fixing a couple of capital letters, in case anyone really bothered to check for capitalized letters in the dialogue boxes, anyway, I'm still writing the next chapter, so uh, hope you don't mind the wait