My Lil' Daddy Chapter 1
My Lil’ Daddy
Daaaaddy, daddy, won’t you pleeeaaase come home~
The radio suddenly cut off. I was greatly saddened by this; I had become quite fond of the device. It had kept me company many a sleepless night, but it had finally worn itself out. Switching it off, I strolled to a large glass window that showed the outside.
The lights outside illuminated the sea floor outside, also giving the water an eerie blue glow. Huge corals that jutted out of the sand created a colorful forest outside the window, while a large sperm whale passed overhead. A huge city, the city I had come to know all too well, lay sprawled out in front of me. Numerous art-deco-themed buildings overlapped in the distance, huge spotlights waving crazily, as if advertising the place. Rapture.
I turned on my heel, abandoning the view. I picked up a small photo, bordered by a plain wooden frame. The faces depicted in the photo made me smile. I thumbed the glass, wiping off accumulated dust. My wife and teenage daughter smiled back at me, the sun shining brightly in the background.
And now they’re gone. All gone… I thought sadly. If only I hadn’t come to this pseudo-paradise, they would still be with me.
Believing that this “Rapture” would be like living in a dream, my family had moved to the city ahead of me since I was held back at my old job, tying up a few loose ends. I ended up being delayed for several months. My wife and daughter would send me a letter every now and then, updating me on their life in Rapture. From what I read, it sounded like a wondrous utopia, and my wife had already found me a new potential job as a mechanic in the city’s main magma core (A boiler of sorts); somewhere called Hephaestus. I thoroughly enjoyed going through these letters, envisioning the life as my eyes scanned the words written on the page.
After the first few months, I stopped receiving the letters. The first week I stopped receiving them, I ignored my gut instinct that something was wrong. I always told myself that postage coming from an underwater city must have many inconveniences, and that they probably ran into quite a few of them.
Another month passed, and my career as an engineer ended with my resignation. I had become so worried, I knew I had to see what was wrong. The fear for my family’s safety was also accompanied by anger, along with my assumption that my wife had found someone else in this utopia, and that this trip was to get to the bottom of this.
When I arrived at the island where the bathyspheres were kept, I was shocked to find that the island was deserted. Last time I had heard about Rapture, there were hundreds of people immigrating to the city, eager to make the best out of the experience. Now, there were rows of empty and rusty bathyspheres, as well as abandoned luggage cast aside. Some luggage was even floating in the water, its contents slowly spilling out with every rise and fall of the ocean.
My fear now overpowering my anger, I quickly hopped inside a bathysphere and pulled the lever. After a five-minute ride to the docking station in Rapture, I stepped out, appalled at the numerous protest signs and burning debris piles scattered about. It looked as if a war had raged through the area.
My horror grew when I first encountered the common enemy in Rapture: Splicers. A splicer carrying a golf club surprised me, nearly clipping me on the jaw with the putter. I recovered quickly, bowling the splicer into a janitor’s closet, selecting a large wrench and finishing him off.
With the realization of the outcome slowly dawning on me, I hurried to the address, avoiding large groups of splicers and fighting if I had to. When I arrived at the apartment where the letter had come from, I remember the horrible feeling when I saw the door broken down.
What followed, I could not remember. I had repressed the thought since every time I recalled the event, I would temporarily lose my grip on my remaining sanity and start to seize until I passed out.
Besides the death of my wife, one other thing was certain: My daughter was not in the apartment, leaving dozens of other options open of what could’ve happened.
Other than those possibilities, I was alone. I had managed to survive by scavenging in the main city, buying what I could from vending machines, or sifting through rotten groceries at the local market. I still hadn’t figured out what drove me to survive here. Suicide was almost always on my mind. I had already stopped myself from walking in front of a turret at least six times. But something kept telling me to stop; it wasn’t my subconscious, either. It was more like an outside mental consciousness, outside of my own mind, calling out for me to stop, survive, and return to them.
I nearly had a heart attack when the phone started ringing. I looked at the device curiously. “Strange… Who out there would be calling me?” I whispered to myself, my hand reaching for the earpiece. I gripped the black earpiece tightly, my hand trembling as I raised it off its hook.
I put the device to my ear, listening carefully. “Hello?” I asked, speaking into the microphone on the front of the phone. A cold female voice replied.
“Greetings, young man.” I was a little surprised to hear another human voice, since the splicers’ voices were much harsher and raspy than hers.
“Who is this?” I asked hesitantly.
“My name is Dr. Sophia Lamb.” She said. She carefully annunciated each word, speaking loudly and clearly. Apparently, she was a skilled orator. “I noticed you’ve taken residence in your family’s old home, Brooks.”
I twitched slightly.
“Who told you about my nickname? Only Barbara knows—”
“That does not matter, Brooks. I only want to ask you a question, and provide a suggestion.”
“What do you want, then?” I growled.
“Do you wish to see your daughter again?”
My brows shot up. The words I was going to say had become stuck in my throat. I was so shocked, I could only manage to reply weakly, “You have her?”
“Yes. She’s safe with me.”
“Let me talk to her!”
“Only if you meet me at Fontaine Futuristics. I’ll be waiting there, at the Little Sister Orphanage.”
I gulped hard. “How will I know that you’ll have her when I get there?” I asked.
“You don’t. That’s why I’m asking you to take this leap of faith.” The cold voice softened.
“Don’t leave your daughter here alone. She needs you.”
I ground my teeth. She’s probably lying! I thought, turning my gaze to the floor, deep in thought. But how did she know I was living in the apartment? And how did she get my nickname? Only my wife and daughter knew me by that name.
And what did I have to lose, anyways?
“You’ve got a deal. I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Very good. You’ve made a young girl very happy.”
I heard a click, and the dial tone returned. I gently set down the phone, walking to my closet full of accumulated clothing and weapons. I removed the .22 Caliber six-shooter from the small streamer trunk inside, loading the shabby bullets into the chambers. I pocketed another couple dozen bullets, careful not to drop any. Pulling on a long trench coat, I ventured outside, closing the apartment door for the last time.
~~~
The sun shone brightly, interrupted by the occasional cloud scuttling across the sky. A lavender pony trotted down the dirt path, her nose buried in a levitating book. She flipped her dark purple mane out of her face irritably. “How could I not have found this book earlier? And I even re-shelved and reorganized the library last week!” The pony exclaimed.
A small purple dragon followed closely behind her. “Yeah! I mean, portals to another world would probably stand out pretty well in comparison to all of those boring encyclopedias. You sure it’s not a new addition or anything…?” He suggested.
The lavender pony shook her head. “No, Spike. If that happened, I’d be the first to know; I’m the librarian, after all.”
Spike scratched his head. “Sorry, Twilight. Just throwing out suggestions.”
Twilight closed the book, tossing it to Spike to hold. “Well, hang on tight. I’m going to see what Princess Celestia knows about this!” She galloped towards the train station, eager to reach Canterlot and see the Princess again, although the eagerness was overlapped by curiosity as to what world they would unlock with this newfound process.
~~~
I discarded the empty pistol, stepping inside the sleek building marked “Fontaine Futuristics”. Carefully looking around for any threats, I cautiously stepped out into the open. “Hey! You called me on the phone, remember?! I’m here to see my daughter!” I called out to nobody in particular. Hopefully, she’ll hear that before someone else does. I thought.
I was relieved when an older woman stepped out into a spotlight shining down onto an upper story. Her features were clean but bold, the light and shadows defining her features even more, giving her a spooky appearance. A wheelchair holding a sleeping girl appeared next to her. Black hair at about elbow length fell down the front of her face, partially covering it in strands here and there. A couple of familiar hair clips held the bangs aside, allowing me to see the face. I nearly fell to my knees, tears rolling down my face with joy. It was her! She was alive!
“Kate!” I called out to the sleeping figure. The older woman stepped in front of her.
“She cannot hear you, young man.” She said simply.
Suddenly unable to control my anger, I started yelling back. “What the hell did you do to her?! You said she’d be okay!”
“In good time, she will.” Came the answer, which made me even angrier.
Before I could continue, I was stopped again. “However, if you wish to see her when she is awake, you must do exactly as I say. If you do not,” She drew a small German Luger from her pocket, aiming at her head. “I will not hesitate to dispose of her.”
Suddenly frightened, but still angry because I was forced to submit to this witch, I held my hands up. It didn’t really matter, though, since I knew I had nothing to even fight back with. “Alright!” I blurted out. “Alright. Just don’t shoot.” I said.
Satisfied with my submission, she twisted her features into what appeared to be a grin, but looked more like a grimace. “Take him away.” She said to nobody in particular. She turned my daughter’s wheelchair around, disappearing from the balcony.
Confused, I started turning around when something metal connected with the back of my head. I fell to my knees, my eyes struggling to focus on the quickly disappearing form of my daughter. I found it impossible to continue, when a thick blanket of unconsciousness was pulled over my eyes.
~~~
Galloping up the throne room’s majestic staircase, Twilight was relieved to see the Princess still talking to an adviser. She stopped a little ways before the throne, waiting politely.
The Princess and her adviser exchanged bows, finishing their conversation. The Princess’s eyes widened slightly when she noticed Twilight and Spike. “Twilight Sparkle! Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise!” She exclaimed.
Twilight pressed her head up against the Princess’s neck in affection. “Hi, Princess Celestia! It’s been awhile!”
The Princess returned the gesture, then stepped back, looking at Twilight apologetically. “Yes, it has. I’m sorry I couldn’t come and visit; I’ve been so busy lately, especially with the new uprising of the local trolls.” Her gaze turned confused. “So, what brings you here? Spike could’ve just sent a letter, you know.”
Twilight bowed. “I know; I’m sorry, but I thought that this would be of the utmost importance to you, Princess.”
Princess Celestia was suddenly intrigued. “Oh, really? In that case, let’s retire to my study.” She gave a sidelong glance at a nearby Pegasus guard, then added, “We can talk freely there.”
Nodding enthusiastically, Twilight followed the Princess upstairs.
--
Once inside the conference room, and no guards were present, Twilight presented the book to the Princess. “I found this while searching for a book on weeds. It was right next to the book I was looking for, in fact.” Twilight explained.
The Princess opened the book, scanning its contents. “Well, that makes sense. They DO both start with ‘W’, after all.”
After another twenty minutes of reading, the Princess closed the book, a dark expression on her face. “This is very serious news, indeed, Twilight. I’m very glad you brought this book to my attention. Who knows what would happen if this book was found in the wrong hands.”
Twilight nodded. “So, what are we supposed to do with the book?”
The Princess smiled down at Twilight. “Just hang on to it for now. I trust that you’ll take good care of the book while I wrap things up here. I still need to talk to the captain of the castle garrison about this mountain troll problem.”
Twilight frowned. “How am I going to get home with mountain trolls running about? There’s no way I’m going to walk back now.”
Princess Celestia frowned as well. “I’ve got the whole Pegasus guard on alert, as well as every extra guard patrolling the grounds. I can’t really spare any guards to take you home, but you’re welcome to stay in the castle until I can.”
Twilight forced a smile. “Thanks, Princess. Good luck with getting rid of the mountain trolls.”
Princess Celestia bowed to Twilight. “Sorry that I couldn’t get you home; you’re welcome to wander the castle as you please. Just let the guards know I’m allowing you to stay here.”
Nodding as she left, Twilight trotted out of the conference room as two armor-clad guards entered, both looking higher ranked than the basic royal grunt.
She sighed, opening the book again. She was still reading the procedure on creating a portal when Spike ran into her at the top of the steps. “So? What’d the Princess say?”
Twilight shook her head. “We’re not getting home until some ordeal with the local mountain trolls has been resolved. Apparently, it’s getting out of hand. She can’t even spare a couple of guards to pull a cart back to Ponyville.” She explained.
Spike looked down sadly. “Bummer.” He watched as Twilight started reading the procedures again. He suddenly had an idea. “Hey, maybe we can summon someone to help her with the problem; maybe we’ll find someone much more qualified to deal with these mountain trolls, since—”
“Sorry, Spike. I’m not summoning anything from any other worlds. I can’t risk summoning them here and not being able to return them from where they came from.” Twilight said flatly.
Twilight gazed at the book’s cover, her eyes intense. “Princess Celestia has entrusted me with the contents of this book, and I’ve sworn to keep it from falling into the wrong hands.”
Spike took the book from Twilight, flipping through the pages randomly. “Humph. It’s not like anyone can even pull off the feat! Look what is needed here! All of these ingredients and items are really, really rare!”
A small ring fell out between the pages. Twilight barely had time to catch it before it hit the ground. “What the…?” Spike looked back at the book, where a small circle had been cut out of a page to fit the ring.
The ring had a small gate crafted onto the top, a miniature chain supposedly holding the doors closed. The head of a dragon mounted the top, its horns and claws worn from apparent wear and tear.
Spike looked at the ring closely. “What’s that?” He asked.
Twilight levitated the ring with her horn, nodding for Spike to hop on. “Whatever this is, this also needs to be presented to the Princess.”
~~~
I slowly came to, my eyes beginning to adjust to the dimness of the room. A painful throbbing in the back of my throat let me know I was awake and alive. A good sign, I guess. I looked up, but all I could see was a small oval in front of me. A sickly pale glow shone down onto my face through the small opening.
I tried to sit up, but something heavy prevented me from doing so. I turned my head to the side, but all I could see was pitch blackness. What the… I thought.
The light suddenly brightened, causing me to squint. I pulled my arm in front of me, trying to shield my eyes. I gasped when I saw a large drill instead of my hand appear within the oval. I tried to yell out, but all I heard was a loud but low, inhuman moan. And, to my horror, I realized it was coming from my mouth.
I was distracted by the cold female voice again. “I see you are awake, Epsilon.” She said.
Epsilon? Since when did I become her pet? I thought.
I heard a loud clank, and I was suddenly able to sit up. A loud hissing noise accompanied the movement. I sat up slowly, swinging my legs over the side of the assembly counter I was laying on.
I found that balancing was trickier than I thought. I stumbled forward, right into the viewing glass, which cracked under my weight. I finally got a good look at my reflection in the glass.
I was wearing some sort of heavy diving suit, my upper body covered partially by a metal carapace that spread out below my helmet. Two air valves protruded from the helmet, receding to a pair of air tanks mounted on my back. My height had also increased, which I noticed when the top of the air tank nicked the light bulb hanging on a short string above me.
Recoiling in horror, I fell backwards, nearly tripping on the counter. A large rivet gun tumbled from my back, the weight yanking on an air pressure tube that connected to one of the two air tanks.
What the hell did she do to me?! I wondered. Suddenly, I remembered why I had let this happen.
Kate! Where is she?! I thought. I tried to ask the woman, but I could only make those low moaning noises. When she didn’t answer, I shoved the table into the glass, the suit’s hydraulics allowing me to move the heavy table. However, the glass didn’t break. Frustrated, I roared at the top of my lungs. WHERE IS SHE?!
She gave me a disgusted look. “Your daughter will serve me, alongside my daughter, Eleanor. I doubt she’d wish to see you again as a disgusting monster, anyways.” She walked up to the glass, smiling triumphantly. “But you; you will bond with a different girl, and gather my precious ADAM.”
She pressed a button on a nearby console. A beeping could be heard outside, and a bright yellow sludge started pouring in through the back of my helmet. I frantically searched for a way to remove the helmet, but to no avail. The only possibility of getting it open were through a series of bolts holding the helmet to my suit.
“Now, sleep, Epsilon.”
I roared in anger as the sludge enveloped my head, the liquid sliding over my eyes and filling my nose and mouth. Initially, I couldn’t see or hear anything. Suddenly, a wave of relaxation and numbness washed over me, accompanied by another wave of amnesia. Memories escaped my head as the air escaped from my lungs, filling with the sludge. It wasn’t long before the numbness reached my head, and I fell forward, unable to stand any longer.
~~~
Twilight trotted around another corner, searching for the Princess. “Great. Now I’m lost.” She growled.
Spike brought up the rear, still holding the ring. “Aw, don’t feel so bad, Twilight. It’s not like we’ve always lived in places like this. Why don’t we ask a guard for directions?” He asked.
Twilight gave a sidelong glance at a passing noble, and then shook her head. “No, it’s fine. We’ll find her, eventually.” Twilight said.
“What is it with ponies and asking for directions?” Spike asked himself.
Ignoring the dragon, Twilight continued searching the halls for the Princess. “Maybe she’s back at the throne room…?” She wondered out loud.
A sudden tremble shook the entire castle, knocking Spike and Twilight off of their feet. A chandelier tumbled from the ceiling, landing a few feet away from Spike. “Yikes!” He cried, scrambling away from the fallen fixture.
“What was that?!” Twilight said, looking down the hallway from where they came. A low horn sounded outside. Spike perked an ear up. “That doesn’t sound good…” He said. Rushing to a window, Twilight and Spike pressed their faces to the glass, struggling to see outside.
In the courtyard below, a large group of mountain trolls had broken through the opening, batting aside the guards. The horn sounded again, this time from a battlement below the window. “In the name of the Solar Monarchy, CHAARGE!” Cried a Lieutenant. An uproar of numerous stallions rent the air as the two lines clashed.
Twilight winced as a Pegasus guard smashed through a window adjacent to theirs, knocked senseless by a mountain troll’s club. “Come on! We need to find Princess Celestia! She’ll find us a safe place in the castle!!” Twilight advised, levitating Spike and setting him on her back.
She took off in the general direction of the throne room, still unsure if she was even going the right way. The noises of the battle outside began to draw closer, the Pegasi falling back inside the castle.
“You sure you know where you’re going, Twilight?!” Spike asked, looking back occasionally to check for any signs of the battle. “No idea! Just bear with—”
She was cut off when a pair of mountain trolls burst through the double doors at the end of the hall. Although the trolls weren’t much taller than the ponies, they were twice as strong. These two wielded two-handed metal hammers, each one wearing a single loincloth and shoulder strap for their hammer.
They looked at Twilight curiously. A twisted grin appeared on the face of one of the trolls. “Heehee, pwetty mare, c’mere! We ain’t gunna hurtcha!” He said slowly.
The other gripped its metal hammer tightly, raising its lip in a snarl. “Whatcher talkin’ bout, ya lout?! Yew know what we dew with dem’ ponies! Head on a stake n’ all dat!” The other retorted.
The first troll shrugged. “Sounds good t’me. Let’s get ‘er!” They advanced slowly on the two ponies, each wearing a devious grin.
Twilight backed slowly down the hall, looking around for any open door to run to. She spotted a large oaken door to a guest room about a hundred feet away. “Spike,” She whispered out of the corner of her mouth. “When I say ‘now’, can you distract them with a spout of your fire?”
Spike looked confused, but maintained his gaze on the advancing trolls. “But it won’t do anything!” He hissed. Twilight shook her head. “Just do it! All we need is a few seconds to get away. Just follow me after you hit them with the fire.” She replied.
The two trolls were slowly becoming impatient with the “nice and easy” approach. “There t’ain’t nowheres to run, yew stoopid mare! Git over here!!” One roared, reaching out for Twilight. “NOW!” Twilight screamed, stepping back simultaneously. Spike leaped up, spraying a fountain of harmless green fire. The trolls stepped back in shock, waving their arms crazily and dropping their hammers. “Ooh, ooh!! I’m burrrnin’! Me rump’s on fire! Put me out, Jasper!” One wailed, his eyes tightly closed. The other danced about, patting himself down. “Sharrup, Horace, yew numbskull! I’m on fire too! Whoohohahehiie!”
“C’mon, Spike! Let’s go!” Twilight urged, taking off towards the door. Spike followed closely, throwing himself inside the room. Twilight magically shut the door, engaging the numerous locks mounted on the back.
They backed away from the door cautiously. The dialogue of the two trolls outside could barely be heard.
“Oi! Where’d they go?!”
“Maybe they used that magicks stuffs on us, Jasper.”
“Just shut yer trap and help me look, willya?!”
“Maybe they’re in a room…?”
“That’s more loike helpin’. Now start bashin’ down these doors. I’ll get started over ‘ere.”
They heard a loud crash, and a loud scuffling noise next door. “They ain’t in ‘ere.” Came the reply.
Twilight panicked, looking about the room for any way of blocking the door. But the room was bare, save for a small end table and a large bed, which neither of them could move. And it would make too much noise, and they’d be found anyways.
Spike looked to her hopefully. “Twilight! Do something!” He hissed. However, Twilight was still to stricken in fear to respond. She stared dumbly at the door, waiting for the inevitable. She tried to scream, but no noise came out.
Somepony… Anypony… Help… Help! HELP! Her thoughts cried.
~~~
Dr. Lamb noticed Epsilon stir, his fingers twitching slightly. Amused by the similarity to one of her favorite Gothic novels, she turned back to the glass.
The creature stood on its feet, the visor filled with an expressionless yellow mask. However, she didn’t expect it to start glowing. “What…?” She breathed, putting a hand on the glass.
Its body glowed white-hot, the light nearly blinding her. Objects in the room began to levitate, like the metal counter and bits of the floor. An even brighter flash illuminated the room for a second, temporarily rendering Dr. Lamb’s sight useless.
Once the dark spots in her eyes vanished, she noticed that something else had vanished as well. Epsilon.
~~~
The door smashed inwards, a large chunk of it banging Spike into the back wall. Spike’s hand dropped limply, the ring rolling to Twilight’s hooves.
The two trolls barged in, their grins returning to their faces upon seeing Twilight. “Ello’, puppet.” Jasper said happily. Horace brought up the rear, eyeing the ring at Twilight’s hooves. “Weeeell, whatcher got there?” He asked, reaching out to pick up the ring.
Twilight instinctively lashed out, stomping on his hand before he could touch it. “Stay back!” She cried. “I swore to protect this ring in the name of my mentor, Princess Celestia!”
Horace cackled. “Ear’ dat, Jasper? She’s a feisty un’, eh?” Jasper hefted the hammer. “Yep. And yew knows what we dew with the feisty un’s, roight?”
Twilight was too frightened to answer, her hoof kicking the ring a little.
Suddenly, the ring floated upwards, a bright light emanating from behind the gate on it. The chain shattered, and the gate flew open. A brilliant glare caused everybody to cover their eyes, not wanting to be blinded.
There was a shattering noise, and a loud THUD as the glare faded. Twilight winced when a shard of the ring bounced off of her head. She eyed the small shard. It was a piece of the gate shaped onto the ring.
But what was the thud noise…?
She looked up, nearly yelling out at what she saw. A tall, robotic biped was standing in front of her, posed in a low stance. A large drill was mounted on one of its hands, while the other was covered in a heavy glove. Two large tanks sat on its back, while a strange device was set over the back. It looked something like a crossbow, but the string and bow were replaced by a short barrel and two iron rods that served as a sort of aiming reference.
The trolls were completely awestruck. “Whuzzat?!” Jasper exclaimed, taking a step back. “Some kinda metal monkey! Yeek!”
Horace snorted. “Quit yer yappin’, Jasper. We’ve got the weapons, ‘member?” He twirled the hammer skillfully, charging forward. “Yew picked the wrong troll t’mess w—” He was cut off when the creature slammed its fist dead center into his face. He tumbled backwards, spitting out broken teeth. “Ach, Jathper! ‘Elp me ou’ ‘ere!” Horace whined.
Jasper roared, swinging the battle hammer above his head. The creature caught the hammer in midswing, grunting from the effort of stopping it. The large drill on its arm started up, making a loud buzzing noise. It shoved the drill right into Jasper’s ribs, disemboweling the troll. Gurgling loudly, Jasper tumbled to the side lifelessly.
Horace recoiled in horror. “Aggh! Yew animal! Gedaway from me!” Horace scrambled to his feet and ran out the door.
Twilight was completely shocked and traumatized, staring dumbly at Jasper’s corpse. She nearly screamed when the creature turned around to face her, its drill still dripping blood. “H-h-help…” She stuttered weakly.
The creature took a step towards her, reaching for her. “N-no! You’re not going to get me!” Twilight cried, galloping out of the room. She charged down the hall, almost running into Princess Celestia.
“Princess! It’s you!” She exclaimed. The Princess looked worried. “Twilight! I’ve been searching for you this whole time! The trolls are currently in a rout, but I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
Twilight buried her muzzle into the Princess’s wing. “Princess… I-it got Spike!” She sobbed.
The Princess was suddenly on guard. “A troll?!” She asked.
“N-no! Something else!” Twilight cried. She looked back, her eyes widening as the creature emerged, carrying Spike.
However, she was surprised to see it carefully cradling Spike in its enormous hand. “Wha…?” Twilight started. The creature slowly lumbered towards Twilight. A guard stepped forward, his jaw set. However, the Princess stopped him. “Wait.” She whispered.
The creature stooped to one knee, offering the baby dragon to Twilight. Without hesitation, she levitated Spike to her back. The creature backed off, straightening up to its full height of eight feet.
The Princess nearly gasped when Twilight stepped forward, looking into the yellow visor. “Thank you.” Twilight said. “You saved me, and Spike. I didn’t think we’d make it back there.”
The creature simply stood there, as if it didn’t understand her words. Unfazed, she continued. “And, I’m also sorry that I ran away from you when you were only trying to help. I was just… afraid. I just didn’t know if you were going to do the same to me as you did to—”
The creature cut her off by kneeling again, this time, simply resting its massive hand on her head. “Oof…” Twilight grunted, although smiling simultaneously. Twilight was surprised how comforting and gentle the creature was. She opened one eye. "Can you forgive me?
It hummed gently, eventually standing on two feet again.
"I'll take that as a yes." Twilight said, giggling lightly.
"What the hay is going on..?" A guard muttered under his breath.
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This story almost makes me wish that I was a little girl in trouble.
Almost.
Interesting, another BigDaddyGoesToEquestria sort of story (Can't get enough of those
). And it's not bad!
I only have this tiny pet peeve. Double/triple exclamation marks not only do not make grammatical sense (CHAARGE!!!), they are also not really useful. They just take up space.
This:
Some kinda metal monkey!!
Has the same effect as this:
Some kinda metal monkey!
...Only it's grammatically right.
What has she done to me...?
What has she done to me??
Anyway, the plot is solid so far (No, that was not meant to be punny), characters are reacting in a real fashion and besides that little pet peeve, I have little to complain here. Great job.
Now, onto the second chapter...
404138
Fixed the unnecessary punctuation. Thanks for pointing that out!
A wonderful crossover of Bioshock. I've beaten the game about a year ago! T'was good fun
Also, I couldn't help but notice a small 101 Dalmations reference in the chapter. Nice
404618 if this found itself in the wrong HANDS
community.imaginefx.com/forums/storage/41/102243/trolls%208%20small.jpg
^= This how they look?
I couldn't help but go "D'awwww" when I read the part where Epsilon put his hand on Twilight's head. Can't wait to read the second chapter when I finish this comment!
Kinda image those trolls talk like "Us Orkses from Waaaagh!hammer, ey?"
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100726153024/dow/images/f/f4/Dow2_ork_slugga_boyz_portrait.png
A bioshock and My little pony is awesome!
Equestria is not actually a Monarchy, which means it has a single ruler. It's a Diarchy, two Princesses.
Other than that tiny detail, really loving this! Hope it comes off hiatus soon.
Can I get a pic of the ring?
404138 extra exclamation marks are for levels of exclamation unperceivable with only one, but I gotta agree with you on the uselessness of the multiple question marks. And as for the grammar, well, as the girl of Camp Kenan love to say
Translation: most people don't give a crap about grammar. Whatever feels/sounds/looks right is what they'll say and write.
404010 nothings worth being small, weak, and helpless is it?