The Loser's Booth

by Pickleless

It's Bad to be King.

My story is a little more difficult to explain. Not really because it's harder to tell, but because you two don't really know a thing about changeling life right? I think if I told you how my day went without any context, it might just be a tad confusing.

Then again, I think it would be a little hard to top Mr. Koolaid here.

Now, I'm sure you're all aware of changeling drones. Little dudes that scurry around and do all the grunt work. Pretty much the bottom of the chain. Next along the line are infiltrators, they go into society, steal love, and come back. On the top of the commoner chain here are assassins. Three guesses to what they do. On the royal chain, there are princesses, and Queens. Simple right?

Then there are princes. There is a very good reason you've never met a prince. Or ever heard of one for that matter. The thing that princes do best, that I can say with confidence, is they die. They are very, very good at dying. They are so good at dying, in fact, that a prince could sit around and do nothing, have everyone else feed him, and he would probably fall apart and die in about anywhere between two weeks to a month, if he's lucky.

Needless to say, it sucks to be a prince. If you are born in the hive, and the first words you hear are 'Hello, Prince.' your first thoughts should be 'Maker, shoot me.' In order of the highest nobility. It goes queen, princess, assassin, infiltrator, drone, prince, and king. Becoming a king isn't a step up, it is a step DOWN. If you're a prince and you were crowned a king, that means you screwed up badly, that your name shall be remembered forever, to be hated.

My name is Prince Slumber, and I hate my life.

...

Well, on the bright side, at least I'm not King Pariah.

I like to go by Elmer. Please, I insist. ...No really, please, never call me Prince Slumber, especially the prince part, ever. I don't want to think about it, and I don't like anything that makes me think about it. Which means I really don't like myself at the moment. Although considering how today went, that probably isn't going to change anytime soon. I probably won't like you two either, since you both are going to insist I explain what a prince does, aren't you?

I don't even know why I asked.

So, to put simply, a prince is a really glorified guinea pig. That's pretty much it in a nutshell. Changelings like to change. Our names are CHANGElings. It's not very hard to guess. We change forms, change size, change places, change names, change abilities, change everything. So, it's probably not too surprising we can change our very DNA. It's a very, very slow process, and dangerous. Very, very dangerous process. That's why us princes are here to risk all the danger for you!

Maker, shoot me.

When a queen gets a idea in her head on how to improve changeling life, or she just feels like playing with DNA, she makes a prince. Now you see, What determines a changelings worth is how much energy and resources it consumes to make one. Drones are cheap and can be mass produced. Infiltrators are a step up from that, and assassins are pricey. The higher quality the changeling, the more intelligent and sturdy it is. Princes are the exception to this rule. The amount of energy and resources it takes to make a Prince is about ten times that of a princess.

Princes are generally dumber than a brick. Their bodies are constructed so poorly that some of them just fall apart right at birth. The lack of effort in making them is actually to preserve resources, as we're expensive as all get out. What makes us so expensive is that the queen is altering our DNA as we're being made in the womb. So what you get when you have a changeling poorly put together and has had his DNA screwed with by something that doesn't really know what it's doing? A bunch of dead prince babies.

So, basically, I'm as solid as a wet tissue paper.

Now, having that many dead princes is an incredible waste of resources, so back in the day queens used to put the extra effort in making sure that Princes were sturdy enough to last a year at least. The queens wanted their bits worth, so to speak. Eventually, some queen got the clever idea to try and make a prince that can be turned back into resources after they die. That led to the creation of Prince Recycle. Now, us princes are...sorta, half jelly-ish. Under our fragile shell are mushy organs and chewy bones that are edible. So, if the prince comes out dead, we are now a incredibly strange and nutritious treat that gives back up to 80% of the energy and resources consumed to make us.

So if any of you need a quick energy boost, I make a great snack apparently.

Prince Recycle was the second successful prince. The first being Prince Lock. I would go into detail on what he did but I'm getting side tracked enough as it is. Six Princes down the line and you get me. Lock, Recycle, Consume, Psychic, Capture, Control, Pariah, formerly known as Swap, and then me, Slumber. I received the 'honor' of earning the name Slumber by introducing a whole new way of collecting love.

Basically, I would be hypnotized into believing I truly am whatever pony I'm pretending to be. I would stay as that pony for about 10 years. Then, my hypnosis would bring me back to the hive, and I would give back all the love I collected. The queen would erase any memories I had as the pony I pretended to be. That way, I wouldn't be tempted to stay as said pony when I regained my true self. It was a success. Apparently, I spent the last 10 years as a pegasus mare, got married to a unicorn, had a kid, and then came back to the hive with 10 years worth of love.

That's the difference between the other princes and I. In order to see if I was successful, I had to stay alive long enough. I don't know how much time I have left, to be honest. I escaped the hive half a year ago. I really could kick the bucket any day now. All I wanted to do was live out my last days in peace. Canterlot was the capital of Equestria. Chrysalis already failed to take it down once. What better place to safely live out the rest of my days than the castle?

Then I saw a changeling knock out a guard outside my window, and that's how my morning starts.

Comments

[howard035]

Wait, so in this story Changelings can not only interbreed with ponies, but their offspring look identical to ponies? Fascinating.

[Pickleless]

4344640
"IF KUNO CAN, WE CAN TOOOO~! YAAAAAAAAAAY-"
...
My logic behind it is he had female genitals for 9 whole months. I don't care to think about what would happen if the disguise broke halfway through said 9 months, but all the same...
Elmer's a daddy.
Mommy.
Whatever.

[The almighty bread god]

4344872 gay daddy.

[Wolf Wytch]

4344872 kuno? You mean The Changeling that married pegasus in that series of stories by Anonymous Pegasus?

[Pickleless]

6552026
Yep.