The Loser's Booth

by Pickleless

Why

Okay, don't freak out! The average unicorn doesn't know combat magic-what is she charging up, WHAT ARE YOU DOING-

ZAAAAAAAAP!

"WHY?!?" I screamed, barely dodging in time. "WHY DO YOU KNOW LETHAL MAGIC?!?"

DJ PON-3 decided to answer with another blast of magic. To be specific, this blast of magic would focus less on tearing through me, and more on decaying my bones and rupturing my major blood vessels. Unicorns are scary dude! I change back into my natural form and gave her the saddest puppy eyes only a small child could make.

"I'M NOT EVIL I DON'T WANT TROUBLE I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET YOU AWAY FROM DANGER I'M JUST A LITTLE COLT PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!"

DJ PON-3 raised an eyebrow, and then cast a more subtle spell. "Alright, if you're so innocent, then talk, who are you?!?"

"I am a small, innocent, lovable child." Her horn blinked red. "I-I am a small, lovable child." Her horn blinked red again, "I am a small child?" Blinked red. "...I am small." Blinked green.

The irritated musician scowled. "Your name, changeling!"

"Oh. I'm Elmer." Her horn blinked red. Oh come on! "...My name is Prince Slumber." Green.

"You're a prince?"

"The one and only." I snark. Her horn blinks red, I wince.

"How many are princes are there? What are you here for?!? What were you trying to do to me!?!" The DJ snarled.

"In order you asked; There are eight princes-" Horn blinks red. "-seven princes and one king. Only two princes are currently alive today. I came here to run away from my hive. Sadly, my hive decided to invade canterlot again right as I ran away from it. I was trying to make you get away from the castle and make the townsfolk evacuate."

"...Are you still loyal to your hive?"

"I bear loyalty to no one." Her horn blinks red. Wait, what? "I bear no loyalty to Queen Chrysalis or her hive." Her horn blinks green.

"Wait, do you feel loyalty towards ponies?"

"Of course not." Her horn blinks red.

...Her horn blinks red?

"I...I don't know." I whisper. Her horn blinks green.

DJ PON3's horn stops glowing and she looks at me curiously. I flinch as she walks up and plops down right next to me. Suddenly both her hooves slap me on the face as she grabs me roughly and raises her shades. Vibrant pink eyes stare at me intensely. Trying my best not to freak out or wince, I pray she doesn't decide to zap me on the spot.

"...Yep!" She says

"Yep?"

"Yahuh."

"Yahuh."

"Yeah."

"...Yeeeeah?" This is getting stupid.

"Yep."

"Um." I blink. "Okay, cool. So uh...can I go now?"

"Yeah, let's go!"

"Great, It was-what."

"The name's Vinyl Scratch!" She said, making a strange pose. "Alright Prince, let's go!"

"Don't call me prince!" I snap. "And what you do you mean let's go?!? Go where?"

"To the castle!"

"And do what exactly?"

"Stop the changelings, duh!" Vinyl exclaimed, skipping off towards the castle.

She isn't serious is she?

...

Oh Frost she's serious!

"You're a civilian!" I yelled, "I just recently saw a group of changelings easily murder a royal guard! What makes you think you'll do any better?!?"

"I'm a DJ, duh."

My brain stops for a second. "Wha-how does-no, what? No! It doesn't work that way! I don't..."

---

"I AM THE VICIOUS MOST DELICIOUS FLANK STOMPING MUSICIAN!"

"Koolaid-"

"NOW YOU ALL SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN AND GET READY TO LISTEN!"

"Koolaid!"

"WE DJ'S MAKE A QUICK BEAT, GIVE A SLOW BEATING!

"Electric Koolaid!!!"

"FOOLS ARE SO-"

"KOOOOOLAAAAAAAID!!!"

"Yes Elmer dear?"

"May I continue please?"

"Oh, my apologies."

"Right, so-"

---

"You're a Disc Jockey! At this point I'm not questioning your ability to fight, but WHY can you fight?!?"

Vinyl stares at me for a couple seconds. "What's a Disc Jockey?"

Slowly, I crawl into a ball and rock back and forth. No, this can't be happening. This is totally ruining... I don't have a plan, that's right, I never had the chance to stop and think. I don't think anypony has done any thinking today, or changeling for that matter. Okay, okay, calm down. That's fine, look at this way. You're not failing because you can't handle the situation, you're failing because you haven't bothered to handle the situation yet. That's fine, just make a plan now-

"Enough sitting around!" Scratch exclaimed, "Let's go-"

"NO!" I screamed! Enough is enough! "I'M TIRED OF SCREWING AROUND AND WATCHING EVERYPONY DIE! WHY CAN'T WE JUST DO SOMETHING SMART FOR ONCE LIKE GO TELL CELESTIA THAT CHANGELINGS HAVE INVADED HER KINGDOM?!?"

"Good idea! Let's go!"

"..."

WHY DIDN'T I GO DO THAT FROM THE START?!?

"No, you're going back to town, I don't need any help telling Celestia that changelings invaded her kingdom?"

"Oh really? Okay little guy, what are you going to do if a changeling finds you out and tries to stop you?"

"Run?"

"And there goes Equestria." Vinyl snorts. "You don't seem very good at fighting little dude, or dealing with other ponies for that matter."

"You're a frikin DISC JOCKEY! What makes you good at fighting?"

"I don't know what that is, but I'm a DJ dude! All DJs are wicked at fighting!"

"That is absolutely ridiculous-"

I wasn't able to finish that sentence, as Johnson jumped out from behind Vinyl.

"DON'T WORRY ELMER BABY! I'VE GOT YOUR-AAAAUUUUUGH!!!"

Johnson never got to finish that sentence, or anything else for that matter. As Vinyl stabbed him through the throat with a large knife. Johnson gurgled on his own blood, and then went limp. Vinyl calmly wiped off her knife, and pocketed it; with a smile on her face the whole time.

"WHHHHHHHYYY?!?!?"

"Why what?" Vinyl frowned.

"N-no, NO! Why! WHY! WHHHYY! WHY! WHY! NO WHY! NO! NOOOO!!! NOOOHOOHOHOOO!!! WHHHHYYYY!!! WHY! Why! Why... W-...why...why...why...why..." I curled up into a ball.

"...You okay little dude?"

"Whyyyy...whhhyyyyy..."

Vinyl winced and rubbed her shoulder. With a sigh, she trotted up and picked me up with her fore-hooves, hugging me gently.

"Hug it out man." She quietly said. "Hug it out."

"W-whhhyy...whhhhyyy...why...why..."

"Come on Slumber, pull it together."

"Why..."

"Dude, Changeling invasion, come on!"

"Why-"

Vinyl smacked me across the face, hard. Hard enough to rip my cheek open.

"Woah!!! Sorry!"

"It's okay, I needed that..."

"Wow dude," Vinyl said, Giving me stern look. "You're like a total marshmallow."

"Thank you Vinyl, I was unaware."

I sat there a continued to sulk, trying to pull myself together.

"Do you...do you want me to hug you again?" She quietly said, I shook my head. "Do you want me to mix you up some wicked beats?" I shook my head. "Do you want to go tell Celestia that terrorists are invading her kingdom?" I paused for a second, and nodded my head. "Okay," Vinyl gave me a smile and put a reassuring hoof on my back. "Let's go tell Celestia terrorists are invading her kingdom!"

Why...why...why...why...

...

Okay.

Okay, okay. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm just with a psychopathic Disc Jockey that knows lethal magic and likes to stab ponies. I'm probably fine, she's giving off a faint aura of love. Just because she's horrifying doesn't mean she's not a pony... I'm moving again, screw Canterlot. There has to be someplace in this world that isn't crazy. Someplace like...like Ponyville. Yeah, Ponyville. It's close enough to canterlot that it probably gets help in case anything goes wrong, yet is a small, secluded enough town that nothing crazy ever happens. I'm sure nothing bad ever happens in that town. Seriously, what's the worst that could happen there?

Focus Elmer, that has yet to come. We can think about what hole I'm going to hide after I prevent the changeling apocalypse. I look over to my 'partner'... DJ my butt, what kinda DJ carries a big, sharp knife around wherever she goes-

---

Quietly, I felt a part of my soul die as I watched my former husband pull a knife out of his ridiculous jacket.

"...Mr.Koolaid," Second speaks up, "I'm afraid I already know the answer, but pray tell, why are you carrying a large, sharp knife?"

"I LIKE TO STAB PONIES! I LIKE TO STAB PONIES BECAUSE IT'S MY JOB!!!"

"You..." Please don't say it. "But you..." Please PLEASE don't say it. "You're a disc jockey..."

"Ah yes, about that, what exactly IS a disc jockey?"

I felt a comforting small hoof stroke my back as I slammed my head against the table over and over.

"Compose yourself Elmer, you have made it through today alive, I'm sure this is nothing in comparison." Second gives me a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Thanks Sssccc-eles."

"Are you alright?"

"Don't worry about it, we're getting off track. So then-"

---

"So Vinyl, you said you were hired for a job here?"

"That's right! I played at Ponyville the night Nightmare Moon turned back into princess Luna. Both the princesses liked my work so much, they hire me whenever they have big party going on in canterlot!"

"So you were at the right place at the right time huh?"

"Pffff! Yeah right!" Vinyl stops and glares at me. "If that's all it took to get the attention of the princesses, then anypony could work for them. It was my skill that swept them off their hooves!"

"A-ah, sorry..." She must take her job very seriously.

"Don't sweat it kid."

...Having her along might come in handy, actually. First things first. I change back into my pony form, Rusty Socket. Vinyl raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. What, did she just expect me to walk around the castle in my natural form?!?

"Vinyl, I have an idea."

"Huh?" Great, she was wearing headphones.

"Vinyl, You're going to meet up with the princess so she can hire you for the Summer Sun Celebration right?"

"More or less yeah."

"Then I can just claim I'm escorting you! Boom, problem solved!"

"...Was there a problem getting to her to begin with?"

...Well now I feel stupid.

"W-well, either way, looks like things are going to be-"

Vinyl and I stopped and stared at Vinyl standing before us.

What.

As I opened my mouth to ask what's going on, the other Vinyl shot my Vinyl with a bright green magical blast. Oh crap. I dived towards the left of me, not because I saw something coming at me, but because I KNOW they're going to be attacking me too. I guessed right, as four changelings just dived towards the spot I was standing at. Crap, I'm made of wet tissue paper and a butterfly could beat me in hoof-wrestling! What am I gonna do?!?

"SLUMBER! GET OUT OF HERE!" Vinyl yelled, stabbing a changeling while shooting a hole through another's chest.

"But-" Woah! Where did they get the shovels from?!? And why-

"You have to warn the princess!" Vinyl bucked the fake D.J. in the face, "Go!"

I hate to leave her, but she's right. Hiding behind a pillar, I switched back into my natural form. When the changelings that were hounding me jumped around the pillar, I took a stance of attack, looking confused.

"Where did he go?!?" I yelled.

"Quick, spread out, don't let him escape!" The apparent leader of the four changelings said.

I rushed back into the battlefield, only to turn around and rush down the hall. Once I was a distance away, I put my disguise back on, I wouldn't want the guards killing me-Oh come on.

Waltzing up to me in the most annoying, arrogant manner was the changeling decoy pretending to be the little filly. What is he doing in here anyway?!? Suppressing a groan, I waited for the little nuisance to take it's sweet time trotting up to me.

"I'm ready, take me to Luna!" The decoy barked out.

I blinked, Luna, why Luna? "Yes, of course sir!" I quickly replied. "My apologies sir, but in case you haven't heard, my horn has been damaged. I'm stuck in this form." Please don't call me out on this. "I'm afraid I haven't been able to hear the sweet voice of my glorious queen all day. What is the current plan?"

"It is time for Luna to join us. Soon, she will be under our control." He sneered. "When the summer sun celebration comes, we will be prepared."

Shoot, Luna! "What does Luna have do with our plans for the celebration?" Crap, how I can save her?!?

"Nothing, really." Celestia dismissed with a hoofwave, "It simply would be unwise to have the Alicorn of the night roam free during the party." Great, they're not complete idiots.

Okay, okay, so they're after all the alicorns. Wonderful. Have they gotten Celestia yet? Oh Frost no I don't know what we'd do if-wait, no, relax. They were trying to make a fake her just hours ago. Due to the failure and chaos, they might have put off Celestia until a later time. I tried to remember who else was attending the Canterlot Summer Sun Celebration. If I remember right...

"And what of Twilight Sparkle?" Please let her be free still. The filly and I entered the left wing, I looked for a room to stuff this dipstick in.

The fake filly barely flinched "She won't suspect a thing! We have everything under control. Now stop asking so many questions! There are still a few ponies around this castle!" He snorted.

Yeah I've heard enough. "Sorry friend. This the end of the line." I growled.

Focusing on the little bit of love Vinyl gave me, I shot a stun beam on him. He went down...surprisingly easy. He also didn't switch back, which is strange considering being a filly isn't useful for fighting. Confused, I hit him with a spell more focused on ripping off disguises. No dice, still a filly.

"Are you the real deal?!? Aw crap..." She was the real deal, the whole frikin time! "I was tricked a stupid little filly!"
` "NOW YOU ALL HAVE ME SURROUNDED BUT YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!"

"Shoot!" I yelled.

Oh crap, Vinyl! That sociopathic unicorn clown is going to murder her! Ohhhh man! Give me a break! I run out towards Vinyl...only to run back in.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?!? Just...just stay there! I'll be right back!" I yell at the Filly, who obviously won't stay put once she can move.

This is stupid, this is stupid, this is all so stupid. I am dead, she's dead, were all dead. Canterlot's dead. The changelings are dead, everypony-

"ELECTRIC KOOLAID'S ON FIRE, I'LL SOON BE HOME FREE!"

What kind of loser names their kid Electric Koolaid?!? I come in to see a changeling get thrown across the wall. Vinyl seems to be the only one left standing. See him about to smack her with the wide arc of a spear, I rush towards them screaming. Vinyl slashed open and!..switches back to her changeling form. It was the fake. Where is the real Vinyl-Oh Frost he's after me MAKER PLEASE NO-

"NOW I'M TAKING OUT-OH HEY, I GOT A LETTER!"

A strange grey mare with loopy eyes is handing him a letter. With a smile, she gives him a happy wave...and me too? With a peppy twirl, she just turns around and leaves. ...Never mind all the dead bodies surrounding her I guess. How did she even get in here-

"HOPE IT'S ABOUT MY DAUGHTER GETTING A LOT BETTER! DEAR ELECTRIC KOOLAID, WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU!.." Re-regret to inform you. We regret. I regret, I uh, I-I can't... We regret to inform you your daughter Second Chance..." The strange unicorn breaks into tears and drops his letter. Curiosity and bewilderment overran my sense of respect for privacy. I picked up the letter.

Dear Electric Koolaid, we regret to inform you your daughter Second Chance has passed away peacefully in her sleep. This evening at 5:35 PM she her heart unfortunately shut down due to medicinal overdose. Please contact the Morticians at magical frequency 167935.89 and a priest for her funeral arrangements.

Our Sincere Condolences,
Gold Pill.

Oh...Oh man, that's rough. I put a hoof on the guy's shoulder. ...I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. The Unicorn shrugged off my hoof and slowly started limping out of the castle.

...

That was strange, and depressing. Mostly strange for me.

Vinyl was nowhere in sight, all the changelings are dead or have run away, and I'm sitting here undisguised with my hoof in my mouth. Sighing, I put back on my disguise. I don't know where Vinyl is, but informing Celestia was definitely a step in the right direction to fixing all of this. Surprisingly, for once, nothing stopped me on my way to the throne room. As I approached it, I nodded towards the guards and trotted through the large golden doors.

Saying Celestia looked stressed was an understatement. Court was closed today due to the preparation for the Summer Sun Celebration. Thank the Maker too, I don't know what would happen is this castle was bustling with ponies. I walk up to the throne and clear my throat. Celestia raises her and finally notices me. Odd, usually she's so alert.

"Rusty Socket, what can I do for you?" Celestia gave me a strained smile.

"Your highness, I bring terrible news! Changelings are invading the castle!"

Celestia frowned. "And you are sure of this?"

"Yes! I saw them myself! We are all in terrible danger!"

"Where are these changelings, you speak of?" Celestia snapped.

What? "Y-your highness, you can't honestly expect me to-"

"To what? Back up your word?!?" Celestia raised her voice.

What is happening here?!? "Princess please! I have no reason to lie-"

"And I see no truth in your statement! If there's a changeling here, show me one!"

...Well, this is it, it's been a fun ride. I enjoyed the time I stayed in Canterlot up until this point, might as well regard it fondly.

I change back into my natural form.

"My name is Prince Slumber, I used to be part of Chrysalis' hive. Now I want nothing to with it. Sadly, mother has a bone to pick with you Celestia. I'm afraid changelings have invaded your castle once more."

Celestia stared at me, blinking uncomprehendingly. Slowly, laughter filled the room. A laugh I recognized. One that I was very familiar with. One, that filled my heart with terror and confusion. No, it couldn't be. Celestia's eyes drooped and her head went limp. From behind the throne, through a small doorway, a changeling I never wanted to meet again walked out. It was Chrysalis, my mother.

"Ohhhhhh Slumber, this was too EASY!"

"What." I quietly said.

"Oh I'm sure you must be so confused by now, poor thing..." Mother shook her head. "Foal, you NEVER ran away from the hive! Abandoning the hive and living in Canterlot Castle was your new sleeper identity!"

"What." I said a little louder.

"Every night as you went to sleep, you snuck out of your bed and went to infiltrator to give us information on the affairs of Canterlot. We never would of come up with the Summer Sun Celebration plan if it wasn't for you, Slumber."

"Why?"

"Why what, foal?"

"So, all of this struggle was just an act?" I choked out. "Just so if i got caught, Celestia wouldn't suspect anything?"

"Yes, that was PART of the reason why!"

"Why? Why else would you do this to me?"

"When King Pariah nearly killed me all those years ago I never forgot!" Chrysalis spat. "You damn princes have a mind of your own! Our hive would have never had to worry about love again, and for what?!?"

"Ponies aren't just meal! The magic of friendship is real! We are more than just heartless predators! Ponies and Changelings can have true harmony!" Chrysalis said in a mocking tone. " I had the body of Celestia! The power of the goddess, and somehow, that hunk of junk was able to stop me! ME! HIS OWN MOTHER!" Chrysalis sneered "You damn brats... Already I could tell, from the time you stayed in Equestria you'd gone soft... You were just another Pariah!"

"You... You did all this, just to make me suffer?.. Out of some petty revenge against my older brother?" I sobbed. I can't believe this...

"How does it feel?" Chrysalis gave me a malicious grin. "How does it feel to have everything you believe in crushed? Destroyed? have it does feel to know your nothing? Less than nothing, a toy?" Chrysalis leaned in close to me. "That feeling you give off. That feeling of absolute despair. Right as I brake the hypnosis on a pony, before I kill them, THAT is the feeling I love most in the world!"

"You're...you're a monster..." I fell to my knees. Tears leaking out. "You're a complete monster!"

"And you're nothing but a tool I had to put up with using." Chrysalis sneered. "Run, run as far and as fast you can. Because tonight? When you go to sleep? You'll come right back to me, and when I break your hypnosis, I will RELISH in your absolute hatred, fear, and pain before I eat you!"

Sputtering, unable to see clearly from all the tears in my eyes, I shakily rose, turned, and ran. I ran, and ran, and ran as far as I could... I don't know if anypony saw me, I didn't care. It was night now, and I was in some back alley, crying my eyes out.

Blankly, I looked around and saw the small filly from the castle, and a changeling stalking her. In anger, more from what chrysalis did to me than what he was going to do to her, I pounced on the changeling and smashed my hooves against his face. I don't know how long I did that for, or when he fainted, but there I was, standing over a comatose changeling as he bled out. Numbly, I stood up and looked around. As I saw a run-down bar, the first thought I had was threatening them for alcohol, and it was a thought that appealed to me the more and more I thought about it. Quietly, I read the name of the establishment as I trotted in.

The Loser Booth.

Author's Note:

Why.

Comments

[The almighty bread god]

well this story has fucked my mind multiple times......

[The almighty bread god]