The Loser's Booth

by Pickleless

I'm so Happy I Could Kill Myself.

YO, THIS IS THIS YOUR D.J., ELECTRIC KOOLAID!

THIS IS CRAZY, THE MESS THOSE DEMONS MADE!

A LITTLE FILLY IS SCARED FOR HER LIFE.

RUNNING AWAY FROM ALL THIS STRIFE.

BUT NOW THE BUGS ARE LOOKING MY WAY.

FREAKS DON'T KNOW HOW ROUGH I CAN PLAY!

THEY THINK THEY CAN TAKE ON OUR NUMBER ONE PONY?

E.K. IS GONNA TEACH THOSE PHONIES!

The demons that have invaded the veil of reality are out for my blood. To partake in a hedonistic feast of my sweet flesh, fulfilling their sadistic desires to gorge on the bounty my body has to offer! Alone I stand against this darkness. Within the shadows I lie with them, hearing them secreting madness into the heads of all who frolic in the light. Soon, they shall cast their sin upon us all, and everypony shall wail in fear of the darkness around them! But not me! Oho! Not me. By standing in the shadows, I have learned how to see the light the clearest! I can see them... I can SEE them! AND! I can STOP them, oh yes... But I must be quiet. Very, very quiet. And quick, and stealthy. As I stand alone, I must use the tool they use best against them. Stealth, surprise, creeping among darkness...

HEY YOU LITTLE INSECTS I'M RIGHT OVER HERE!

I'M GONNA TEACH YOU DIRTY MONGRELS THE MEANING OF FEAR!

BLAM BLAM MOTHERBUCKER, KEEP YOUR MUZZLE DOWN!

ALREADY HALF OF YOU GONE, NOW LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

HEY A ROYAL GUARD'S SPEAR, DID YOU GET ME THIS?!?

IT'S THE BEST PRESENT EVER, I'M IN TOTAL BLISS!

I'M COMPLETELY CUT UP, BUT THERE'S NO TIME TO REST!

I PROMISED MY DAUGHTER, I WOULD BECOME THE BEST!

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A INVASION, GET OUT OF MY WAY!

BETTER TRY HARDER THE NEXT TIME WE PLAY!

Slowly I bandage my wounds, trying to ignore the gruesome before me. Mutilated bodies of demons lie before me, bleeding a unholy venom green. I managed to slay the foul beasts for now, but there are only more to come. Curse my impatience! The desire to right this wrong shall be my downfall! I cannot do this alone, I am already heavily wounded. Limping, I slowly work my way towards the castle doors. I must warn the guards! I am but one pony, I alone cannot stop this madness, even I am the only sane one in this disturbing warped world we live in. Slowly, I approach the guards. I must stay calm and present my case in the most logical, believable manner.

HEY CELESTIA'S BEST! I GOT A SMALL PROBLEM!

A BUNCH OF DEMONS DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS BUCKING AWESOME!

I JUST PUT A BUNCH OF STUPID BUGS INSIDE OF THEIR GRAVES.

TRUST ME ON THIS GUARD, THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST WAVE!

WHY ARE YOU BACKING AWAY? I SAID I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE!

DON'T TELL ME YOU TWO QUESTION THEIR EXISTENCE!

HEY, PUT DOWN THE SPEAR! I'M NOT THE ENEMY HERE!

WITH ME AROUND GUYS, YOU GOT NOTHING TO FEAR!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THE GUARDS THE CHASING ME DOWN!

THEY WANNA RUN ME OUTTA TOWN!

MAN, THE WHOLE CASTLE'S OUT TO GET ME!

I GUESS FATE'S FEELING GUTSY!

TODAY THINKS IT CAN STOP ELECTRIC KOOLAID?!?

WELL COME AT ME BRO, I'M NOT AFRAID!!!

Stupid incompetent pathetic excuse for the royal guard! Those idiots wouldn't know a threat if it waltz right passed them and kidnapped Princess Celestia! What am I to do? Demons are invading, a little filly is scared and lost, the guards are after, and I didn't get the job! What can I do? I'm just one unicorn against...those monsters! Those monsters and the royal guard! I can't-

...I didn't get the job, how am I ever going to help my ray of light? How did I ever think I could save Canterlot when I can't even save my precious little filly? What am I even doing here? I'm no warrior, I'm a poet! A simple maker of music, not a trained fighter! Let the demons be the castle's problem, I have my own to look out for!

EVIL ONLY WINS WHEN GOOD DOES NOTHING

SO I CAN'T STAND BACK, I'M DOING SOMETHING!

NOW THE SHADOWS SEEM FAST, THEY PUT UP THE GOOD FIGHT

BUT GOOD MOVES FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

I'M GONNA SWALLOW MY FEARS, AND FACE THEM WITH FLAIR!

MARCHING BACK I SEND OUT A SILENT PRAYER!

BUT MY GOD IS A BANANA WHO THINKS THE PICKLE IS LESS.

WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, I'M ON MY OWN I GUESS.

NOW YOU CAN SAY I'M BARMY,

BUT I'M A ONE PONY ARMY!

IT'S DOESN'T MATTER HOW,

YOU CAN'T STOP ME NOW!

CANTERLOT'S COUNTING ON ME, I CAN'T FAIL!

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU ALL, EQUESTRIA PREVAILS!

I need that blasted job. No matter what I must endure, I need that accursed, taunting job. If I have to exorcise a bunch of demons while fighting my way through the royal guards just so Celestia might reconsider hiring me. Then so be it. I shall rescue a little filly, go demon slaying, and take on Canterlot's finest. Why does life hate me so much? Oh the things I do to try and be a good role model for my daughter. Reminds me of my youth...

WITH A SMILE IN HIS EYE

GIVING A GENTLE SIGH

MAKING A JOYFUL QUICK LAUGH

HE ASKED FOR HIS BEHALF

WITH A ATTITUDE FULL OF CHEER

HE SAID SON!

BRING ME ANOTHER BEER!!!

How I hate that disgusting excuse I was sired from. The mongrel just had to had to spend every paycheck on the Cloudsdale races. Never mind rent or food. Luckily our grandparents made sure Mother and I always had enough to eat, bless their souls. Him and those dirty lowborn earth pony scum always harassing my poor mother. Good thing I raised my sunshine away from all of that. Just my darling wife, and my little sunshine. Fate took away my sunflower, but I won't let it take away my ray of-hold on now. what's this?..

HEY DJ PON-3, YOU'RE MY NUMBER ONE IDOL!

AT LEAST WHEN I'M NOT FEELING SUICIDAL.

HOPE YOU NOT HERE FOR THE ADVERTISED JOB!

CAUSE I'M GETTING IT ONCE I BEAT THIS MOB.

SAY PRETTY FILLY, THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET ROUGH.

HOPE YOU CAN PULL YOUR WEIGHT WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH!

HOLD ON, WHAT'S THIS?!? YOU'RE A DEMON TOO!?!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S A LIE AND WHAT IS TRUE!

NOW YOU ALL HAVE ME SURROUNDED BUT YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!

ELECTRIC KOOLAID'S ON FIRE, I'LL SOON BE HOME FREE!

NOW I'M TAKING OUT-OH HEY, I GOT A LETTER!

HOPE IT'S ABOUT MY DAUGHTER GETTING A LOT BETTER!

DEAR ELECTRIC KOOLAID, WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU!..

Re-regret to inform you. We regret. I regret, I uh, I-I can't... We regret to inform you your daughter Second Chance...

---

Electric numbly walked out of the castle, randomly wandering through the town. He stopped. When it was too painful and he was feeling his lowest, he just stopped. Stopped thinking, stopped moving, stopped everything. When he had energy, he would slowly move forward in a random direction.

He always hated his father for drinking his problems away. They say once you become an stallion, you understand your parents more, and can relate to them more as a fellow pony. He never could relate to his Dad. The only thing stallionhood brought was questions. His mother and father loved each other, what led his father to becoming the pony he came to know?

He understands now.

Electric wished for a lot of things, but at this moment. He wished he could buy himself and his old man a drink, sit down with him, and forget about everything else. He wished that he could bond with the stallion his mother fell in love with. Sadly, his old man was no longer around, so Electric did the second best thing. He picked a bar at random and trotted in, stopping only to quickly read it's name.

The Loser's Booth.

Author's Note:

Electric Koolaid is not the most reliable of narrators. Some things that happened to him will be explained through Elmer. So don't stress it.

Comments

[Ephemeral Memory]

I thought this was a comedy when I read the description.

Sticking this in "read later" though cause it seems like an interesting read. :D

[The Letter J]

BUT MY GOD IS A BANANA WHO THINKS THE PICKLE IS LESS.

I'm not sure if he's breaking the fourth wall or just crazy.

[Pickleless]

4262826

Yes.

[Wolf Wytch]

BUT MY GOD IS A BANANA WHO THINKS THE PICKLE IS LESS.

Considering the PMs we sent eachother earlier, i find this quote amusing. Also, fourth wall.

Also, in the wise words of Zecora, "Jiggly duck, what the fuck?"