Summary:
To Fluttershy, it always came back in that black room.
*
“Why do you feel guilty?”
She stared into your eyes, awaiting an answer. You chewed on your lower lip and opted to study the painting behind her. It was a common home-among-the-clouds piece-- a typical attempt to induce some semblance of comfort in a place where ponies talk about the uncomfortable. You looked away and stared at your forehooves pawing at the floor.
“I hurt other ponies.”
“Besides that one time with your best friends?”
You swallowed and gave a small nod, still not looking up. Your long mane fell over your face and you took comfort in the illusion of being hidden from view. Your eyes burned as you struggled to swim through your memories.
“I’m always... I don’t remember much of my foalhood, but even back then... I vaguely remember telling somepony off then crying about it afterwards because I felt so horrible for hurting that pony’s feelings.”
She didn’t say anything to that, so you raised your head to gaze at her. She studied you like the fascinating specimen you were, occasionally jotting down a few notes. You watched her watching you watch her.
“What are you thinking about right now?”
“In my mind, I have this, um, place. It used to be a desert. Before that, a forest. Right now, it’s just a room. A black room.”
“Tell me about this black room.” She scribbled a bit more on her notepad. “What’s it like? What happens there?”
Just like that, you found yourself inside the black room.
“Empty,” you said to the nothingness.
“Empty,” another voice echoed behind you. You shot to the air and sharply turned to the intruder. She had your long pink mane on her head, your yellow coat on her body, and your butterflies on her flank. But the way she sneered at your sudden flight told you who she was.
“New Fluttershy.”
Your mouth barely moved when you whispered it, but the words echoed all around the room, growing louder with each iteration. New Fluttershy. New Fluttershy. New Fluttershy. You dropped to the ground and cowered to the farthest corner you could find. You shoved hooves into your ears and even closed your eyes for good measure, but nothing you did blocked out the sound. It continued to increase in volume, hammering down on you until you could no longer decipher the words from the noise.
“Stop,” you whimpered. “Please, make it stop.”
It felt like something sucked away every sound, and the silence that followed left your ears ringing.
“No!”
You felt your body leave the ground. Somepony was holding your face between her hooves and lifting you in the air. Whoever it was shook you violently until you opened your eyes and looked at her. It was the other Fluttershy. Her features twisted into a smile as cold as the Crystal Tundra, and you felt like you were thrown there with nothing but your pelt against the harsh weather.
“I hate you.”
“You can’t erase me.”
One Fluttershy let go, and one Fluttershy fell. But which was the real Fluttershy, and which one the fake?
“I can never forgive anypony who hurts my friends!” you cried out to your tormentor. But nopony was there, and you continued to fall. Your wings had firmly locked to your sides and wouldn’t budge no matter how many times you pleaded for them to spread and let you fly. So you did the only thing you could as you plummeted-- shut your eyes and brace yourself for impact.
“Fluttershy, that’s enough.”
Your eyes flew open and you found yourself back in your therapist’s office, hooves firmly on the ground. She was smiling gently at you, a box of tissues at hoof. You took one, dabbed your cheeks, then blew your nose.
“Same time next week?”
That was better than a lot of stories. I mean, that actually enthralled me. Usually I can't stand to read the shit that occupies the norm of fimfiction, but for once I actually enjoyed a story from here. And yes, it does fall under repression, she hid those emotions and feelings from herself for so long and now she has been face to face with those lost emotions. This is a perfect example of Repression and I believe this has the chance to win the competition considering how well it was written. We shall see what happens since I haven't read the other stories yet.
In other words, well done.
4195273 Wow. I just... Wow. Thank you so very much for that comment. I never expected... Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
4195514
You should expand on this, I assure you it would be feature box gold.
Maybe turn the fluttershy story into its own and expand upon it?
4195523 I'll think about it. Thank you.
Jerry Cantrell - Psychotic Break
You have a good grasp on grammar, so good job. I didn't notice any errors when I read it.
As for the concept of this short itself, I have to say it's interesting. I don't think I've ever read a story that takes this approach to Fluttershy and New Fluttershy. It isn't, however, completely original, as this type of thing is common with Pinkie and Pinkamena.
As for the writing itself, it's good. Like I said before, you have a good grasp on grammar. The writing is quite good and Fluttershy is in character. However, the second-person perspective doesn't really do it any favours, especially when this one line seems to switch to third-person.
You'd probably have been better off if this was written in the first-person perspective. That's much better for examining a character's psychological state, as you see into their mind. With second-person, the reader is supposed to feel like the character, therefore their thoughts are their own.
On to the next short.