Dissociative
By Strawberry Jelly
Chapter 1 - Morning Surprise
Morning in Ponyville was always a treat if you were to awaken early enough to watch it. The way that the sun's rays shined over the Everfree would always strike the castle of the two sisters in just the right way that it would create one of the most beautiful sights that one could ever behold. While it was common for most ponies to sleep through this wonder of the world, today was a little different.
There was one mare watching Princess Celestia's work with drooping eyes and a sleepy smile. Her soft fur rustled in the morning breeze and her lips casually sipped at the coffee she held in her hoof. It was these beautiful mornings that made her want to do nothing more than spread her wings and take flight.
The only problem was that she was trapped in the body of an Earth Pony. Her normally blond mane was now dyed a dark raspberry color, her coat that was meant to be ivory was instead a bright pink, and the worst part of this was how her indigo eyes were replaced by a deep blue that reminded her of the ocean.
“The greatest prank ever played was me being put into this body,” She giggled a little, trying to turn her dysphoria into a joke; just like she tried to make anything that upset her.
With that, she opened the pink diary that she had sitting in front of her and read over what plans Pinkie had promised her friends today;
Dear Whom it may concern,
Okay, so we celebrated Bon Bon's birthday with a wild party today, so sorry if you woke up with a hangover. Dashie also invited us out to go pranking at noon, so I really hope you get to come out and play, Surprise! I heard that you two are already halfway down the list, so I'll have to throw you both a halfway-there party. I really hope I can tell you in person, but you know how weird this co-consciousness thing can be.
By the way, Pinkamena, you really need to stop being so grumpy all of the time. Don't say things like that to Mr. Cake, it's really rude and you could get us fired! I know you don't like it when ponies ignore you, but please try to control your anger; I'll even bake you some muffins if you do.
D, thank you for spending time with Pound and Pumpkin yesterday, they really do enjoy it when you play with them. It's also good to see that you're getting better at drawing, too. Just do us a favor and try to not leave crayons and colored pencils all over.
Also, Inkie, please don't go around spreading rumors that I don't like chocolate chip cookies anymore. Twilight actually asked me if I preferred oatmeal! I mean, oatmeal?! Are you crazy?
Oh, and if it ends up being me tomorrow, then make sure that you read over that prank book just in case. You don't want Dashie to start doubting Surprise's pranking abilities.
Pinkie Out
P.S. Make sure to pick up Maud from the train station at four! She's going to be visiting for spring break!
A smile was brought to Surprise's lips as she reread that first paragraph again, and then turning to the post script, “Looks like I get to be in control for one of the best days!”
With that, she stood up and bounded back into the bedroom to brush the tangles out of her mane. It's such a common misconception that her mane was untamed, but it actually was unbelievably well taken care of. She brushed it almost every chance she got, making sure to leave the luscious curls that she trademarked, while keeping it silky soft.
If only she could convince Pinkamena to do the same thing; that mare was so callous to things that she insisted were too 'feminine'.
Like personal hygiene.
Not that she didn't take baths, but she would just let her mane drip dry and flop into whatever style it was feeling that day. She also had this thing against brushing out clumps and mats, even ones in her coat. It was just a good thing that she wasn't in control all that often, or else the party planner of Ponyville would look pretty unattractive; absolutely great for business.
“Let's see, who's the next pony on the list?” Surprise pulled out a scroll from behind the vanity mirror she was staring into and popped it open. “Okay, so... Lyra, check. Bon Bon, check. Ohhh, it's the day to prank Twilight!”
The prankster mare looked over at the clock excitedly before realizing that she had a whole five hours before she was scheduled to head over to Rainbow Dash's house. What in Equestria was she going to do for a full five hours?
“Maybe I could go visit Applejack. I could go for a nice mug of cider,” She pondered, “Or maybe an apple crepe. I really want a crepe now that I think about it.”
Her mouth was already watering at the idea of the delectable treat. She absolutely adored those fruit and cream filled pastries like Rarity loved fashion. With that, she pulled on her saddlebags and checked for her bits, pranking tools, and of course her faithful Groucho Trots glasses. She never left home without them.
Out the door went the town's premier prankster pony extraordinaire with a wide grin and a bounce in her step. She was in the best of moods already, and so far her day could only get better. Crepes for breakfast, pranking with Dashie at noon, and then seeing her long-lost sister again after so long. She hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Maud the last time she was in town, but apparently Inkie had a blast bringing their friends and Maud together.
She bounded cheerfully down the dusty dirt road of Sweet Apple Acres, kicking up a cloud behind her with each hop. It had actually been a while since she had visited Applejack herself; usually it's Pinkie that goes out to the orchard.
Applejack stood out in the west fields, bucking apples out of trees already. With that knowledge, Surprise crouched as best she could to the ground and crawled up out behind the farmer, avoiding being seen. It was perfect; there was no way that AJ would expect to see anybody at the farm this early, let alone a wayward Pinkie.
“Surprise!” She squealed out, firing confetti from her saddlebags in all directions.
“Gah!” AJ collapsed face first into the grass, completely missing the tree that she was about to kick. She lay frozen solid with her hind legs extended into the air for a good 5 seconds before finally realizing what had just happened, “Pinkie! Don't scare me like that!”
Surprise on the other hand was giggling wildly and smiled at her friend, “Oh come on, it was totally a good one!”
Applejack's firm expression faded quickly into one of slight humor, “Alright, I'll admit that y'all got me. What are 'ya even doin' here this early?”
“Crepes!” Surprise half-shouted, barely able to contain her excitement for the delicious treats.
“Come again?"
“I was wanting to see if you'd like to make crepes with me!” She explained, wrapping a hoof around her friend's withers with her grin only widening.
The farmer just raised a single brow and shook her head, “Sorry Pinkie, but Ah got at least fourty more trees to buck before we can do anything like that.”
“But... What if I help you?” Her faltering smile returned hopefully, “It'd get the job done faster!”
Her friend shook her head however, “Nah, Ah can't ask y'all ta help me with mah work. Why don't 'ya go and help Granny Smith with Breakfast 'n' we can see about makin' crepes for dessert?”
Surprise puffed her cheeks out and nodded, “Fine, but only if we can make those super stuffed ones like last time!”
“... We'll see,” Applejack shuddered at the very idea. The last time they made super stuffed crepes, it ended up having literally five apples sliced into it. FIVE! She couldn't even eat half of the sugary treat. Honestly, she wasn't even sure how Pinkie managed to stuff five apples, ice cream, AND whipped cream into it.
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” Surprise giggled and bounded off towards the Apple Family home. Honestly, Surprise had adapted to being a part of the Apple Family faster than any of the others had, save maybe Pinkie Pie herself.
“Ah, there y'all are!” An elderly voice called from the ktichen, “Git 'n' here Applebloom and help me!”
“Surprise, it's Pinkie!” Surprise poked her head into the kitchen with wide eyes and an even wider grin, “I'm here to bake pie and eat apples, and I'm all out of apples.”
“Why, hi there silly filly! C'mon in 'n' help us bake,” Granny Smith grinned, “Applebloom aint gonna come help us, so Ah could use all the help Ah can.”
“You got it!” Surprise grinned and jumped over in front of the stove, “What's first?”
~~~
“This is... good?” Granny Smith looked over the abomination of a pie that Pinkie had just baked. For a baker, that mare was unbelievably inconsistent with quality. There were some days where she could bake and come out with the best food that the old mare ever had, and there were days like this where she was lucky to have not bit into ash.
“Thank you!” Surprise giggled and took a bite out of her own pie, her pupils dilating into tiny dots in shock from the pie. How was it this nasty? She didn't put that much pudding into it! Wait, was she supposed to put the pudding in the pie before or after it was baked?
Casually she swallowed the most disgusting abomination to baked goods ever created. Surprise nodded halfheartedly, stifling the oncoming desire to vomit, “D-Delicious.”
“Y-Y'all could say that,” Granny Smith said nervously, “Say, d-do 'ya wanna go sit down in the living room with some cider and take a break?”
Surprise got the hint and nodded slowly, “S-Sure...”
“Honestly, how can Pinkie and D both be amazing bakers and none of the talent seeps through to me?” Surprise lamented to herself, “I never seem to get any better either, no matter how hard I try...”
Her ears folded back and her eyes closed, drawing in a deep breath and opening her eyes with a smile returning to her face. She couldn't let it ruin her day; no matter how inferior she felt as a cook. She still had to go and prank Twilight with Dashie! In fact, why should she wait?
Jumping up from the couch, she bounded towards the door and called back to Granny Smith, “I'm heading out, I forgot to do something!”
With that half-baked excuse, she broke into a full gallop towards Rainbow Dash's cloud house, stopping dead in her tracks as she felt a cold chill break out over her spine. Slowly she closed her eyes once again, sitting down on her flank and taking another nervous breath.
“Not now, D... We're about to go pranking,” Surprise said aloud and shook her head, “No, it's my turn to play today.”
“Please, please pleaaaase?” D squealed excitedly, “I wanna see Maud too!”
“Maud's not even going to be here for another few hours,” Surprise protested.
“I'll cook you crepes if you let me,” D said flatly, tapping her non-physical hoof impatiently, wanting out to spend time with Dashie as well.
“How many crepes are we talking here?” Surprise raised her brow, showing a little interest in the filly's offer.
“Uhm, like six?” D grinned and made the motions of a Pinkie Promise.
“Seven and you got a deal, but you'll also owe-” Surprise was cut off by the sound of a familiar voice.
“Pinkie, who are you talking to?”
No. No no no. Please no. Surprise was pulled forcefully back to reality. Slowly she turned her head to see one Twilight Sparkle standing behind her with a deeply concerned expression, “Nopony, j-just thinking out loud.”
She took a step forward, offering Pinkie a slight frown, “A-Are you sure?”
“It's nothing, I promise,” Surprise took a panicked step back, taking a shaky breath in fear. Why did Twilight have to be there at that exact moment? Why did she have to hear that conversation? What was she going to say if she knew?! Pinkie would have to move back to the rock farm to escape! Surprise didn't want that at all; she was happy here in Ponyville.
“Do you Pinkie Promise?” Twilight frowned, not really too sure about what she had just walked in on, but was starting to worry that there was something deeply wrong with Pinkie. She had honestly caught her talking to herself like this several times in the past; it's just that she finally decided that enough was enough.
“I... I can't,” Surprise shook her head, “Please Twilight...”
“Pinkie...” Twilight offered her friend a gentle hoof on her shoulder.
“I can't...” She lowered her ears to her head and closed her eyes again.
“Just please w-”
“I said no!” Her voice cut Twilight off. Pinkamena glowered at the lavender alicorn before turning and storming off. Quietly she huffed to herself as she headed to nowhere in particular, “Never expect a prankster to say what needs to be said.”
I gotta ask, do you know what the cause of DID is? If not, it's basically the childhood form of PTSD. An extreme response to an extreme situation, basically I don't want to be here take me away and let somebody else deal with the pain. I'm wondering because you put the trigger warning in the description and I'm curious know how dark this is going to get. Right now it's very light and fanciful but I suspect that's going to change.
I did some research in my textbooks after finishing the story to see how accurately you understood the disorder. So far it's mostly complete, except in most situations the original personality (who I'm assuming is Pinkie though it would make sense if she's not) is unaware of the other alters. In fact, they're usually not even the ones that get treatment, it's the host personality. Though I gotta give bonus points for the accurate switch and not making it a long and drawn out thing.
I want to know where you learned about how the altars interact with each other? All my research turned up nothing but very misleading and most likely wrong information.
4141975 What I remember from some psychology classes I took (granted, like five years ago, so I might misremember or be wrong entirely) is that the alters are usually unaware of each other in the sense that they can communicate directly.But they can be mentally aware of each other if they're told they exist by someone else, say, Maud. That's why Pinkie writes the journal to herself, because she can't directly talk to the others. If that's the case then the interaction between Surprise and D shouldn't really happen at all. However, this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about, and I have two theories about her based on this chapter.
Either A: The original personality is unable to communicate with the others directly, and that's why she writes herself a note. Then the original is Pinkie. She's aware of what her other personalities are based on because of ponies like Maud who are aware of the situation, reactions from other ponies after they interact with an alter, and from having all of them keep a journal.
Or.
B: The original personality is the ONLY one able to communicate directly with any of the others. In that case, D would be the original, and Pinkie is just another alter, and the host personality. Although come to think of it, Pinkamena knew Surprise was out, so would that make Surprise the original? And she just feels like she should have been born a pegasus? hmmm.
And as to how she got it, she was raised on a rock farm where "there was no talking, there was no smiling, there were only rocks." Pinkie (or whichever is the original) might have wanted a way to escape from that, a way out of a dreary existence sought by a child who was unable to take care of herself enough to leave, and that's where personality one was born. Otherwise, maybe Pinkie was fine with life on the rock farm, until the Sonic Rainboom. The sheer joy she felt from it was irreconcilable to her life up to that point, and trying to fit it in was impossible so her personality split and Pinkie was born.
So we've got: Pinkie, who loves parties, her friends, and baking.Surprise, a pegasus in an earth pony body who loves pranks. D, a filly version who is also good at baking. Inkie, an unknown right now, but if I had to guess, the original personality who grew up on the rock farm. And Pinkamena, the angry personality who deals with stress in Pinkie's life.
4141975
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Alrighty, so DiD isn't necessarily caused by severe trauma; correlation doesn't always imply one always causes the other. That being said, this story is going to get particularly dark at some points, which is why the trigger warning is in place.
Personalities can talk to each other though; this is usually due to "co-consciousness", which is usually what causes psychotic symptoms in DiD patients. Namely hearing voices and occasionally having visual hallucinations. While it's not common for patients to realize that they have alters, they can sometimes; after all, they aren't necessarily stupid and can put two and two together. Although, they usually don't realize how many alters there just might be and may only believe there is one or two alters lingering.
Co-Consciousness also has the benefits of helping with the whole amnesia problems; although it's hard for a patient to actually get that down. The levels of co-consciousness tend to fluctuate rather wildly depending on the moods of the members of the system. There are days where they can literally all see what a personality is doing and communicate with them, and there are days where they remember absolutely nothing about what the others may have done. Usually it's the latter; it takes years of therapy to truly get co-consciousness to work more often than just an occasional fluke.
Normally I wouldn't say this, but the anonymity that the internet gives me let's me say this without fear of rebuttal. I personally have been diagnosed with DiD a little over a year ago, and before then I had been treated for Borderline Personality Disorder by a few therapists over the years before someone finally decided what was going on in my head.
That being said, I'm purposely avoiding writing down my own triggers in this story (well, what I know are triggers). To be honest, I am drawing a little on experience with how the alters interact with one another; namely the note writing to keep tabs on what each other has been doing. I only know of four total personalities, including the host; which before therapy, I believed it was only two. I'd explain a little more about each personality, but I don't want to upset anyone in case they'd prefer not to mentioned.
Also, the original personality in DiD tends to be non-existent anymore; or rather, doesn't exist in the same way. Most people see DiD as a room of mirrors, with each mirror representing an alter. More realistically, it's like a single mirror that you punch and it cracks. Alters, including the host, are all parts of the big picture. It's honestly an idea that has kept me awake at night; knowing that I might not be who I'm supposed to be. Each alter and the host all have independent memories; some may be true, while others may be false.
The alters don't even necessarily have to be human; they can see themselves as an animal or even some kind of extraterrestrial or humanoid creature (not that I'm saying that's my case, but it's a thing apparently). They also have their own gender, age, race, and ideals; for all intents and purposes, they've had their own lives in their memory and have had their own problems in life.
I'll admit that I don't know everything about the condition, but I am trying to write the story partially as a vent (not that any of the characters resemble me or my alters), and partially just to show a more accurate depiction of the disorder. Although, I may dramatize is a little, but believe me when I say only a little.
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4141975 OK look, you gentlemen obviously have an above average knowledge/experience with mental disorders and i personally find most mental disorders fascinating but have very little knowledge of them.
Now i can completely understand if anyone does not wish to divulge any information on the topic as it is understandably a very sensitive subject but if one or all of you are willing i was hoping to get some questions answered if it's not to much trouble.
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If you'd like, you can PM me and I'll answer what all I'm comfortable with. I'm not sure how much help I'd be though ><;
4143862 I think pinkie has multiply personality disorder.
I like this
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One would assume
4144809 she's has to have multiple personality disorder, there's no other reasonable answer, well, I guess she could have been possessed. But who would want to share a mind with Pinkie, she's cool and all, but sharing the same crazy thoughts with her would just be too much for me.
BTW, I'm thinking about writing a story were Pinkie hits her head and forgets she a crazy party pony, got any tips?
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Dissociative Identity Disorder is multiple personalities Just that DiD is the official medical name.
Also, the best tip I would suggest is study amnesia either in text books or reliable online sources. Learn what the side effects are; also, make sure to think about what you want Pinkie to act like without her memory; will it be how she was on the rock farm? Will it be a completely different style of thinking?
Make sure to include plenty of character interaction; like how all of her friends would be worried, but they would react in different ways to it. Twilight might try to find out a way to fix it through psychology or magic; Rainbow Dash would probably make her do things that they've done in the past (like pranking; although the altered Pinkie may not even enjoy peanking)... Basically, just write it with how amnesia really would effect both Pinkie and those around her. Would she forget how to bake? Would she have that same amazing memory and be able to remember names?
I personally am not able to give any facts about blunt force trauma-induced amnesia would be, but I would definitely suggest doing your research before even starting on the story.
4144884 thanks a bunch.
I don't have DiD or anything like that, but sometimes I like to practice having multiple "channels" or streams of thought at the same time. I often converse with myself in my mind, sometimes with two others (for a total of 3) if I want a more complex conversation to breakdown an idea. I've discovered that I can have three voices and a music track all going at the same time, but it is difficult to maintain as it's taxing on the mind.
The music stream is special. It's like it's own medium, separate from voices, and is sometimes difficult to turn off. I can turn off all the voices just fine, but music not so much. And I can have two songs playing at once, but that precludes other voices. It's like there just isn't enough bandwidth.
In addition to all that, there's also at least two layers of subconsciousness which I've been able to access. They're the "quiet voices" I'll call them, because it's not so much voices as pure thought - Ideas, emotions, feelings, concepts, all expressed as they just are. Pure existence of thought which words fail to describe. I find that concept particularly intriguing.
You talked in a comment above about how memories can be
fracturedindependent among personalities. I sort of know what that's like. As much as anyone without the condition can, I suppose. As a mental exercise (when I was really bored), I played a game of chess with myself by splitting my consciousness in two and switching each turn. I'd stratgize and plan my moves for one side, make a move, then switch to the other and completely block out the memory of all that and repeat the process. Before I started, to make it all more interesting I picked a side to win. That was "my" side, as it were. Funny thing is, I lost. Oh well!Because I find this all so interesting, I will now read this story. Hoping that it's good!
Ohhhh my. I like this. I like this a LOT.
Can't really say more than that, because there's too much that could happen with this. I hope you have something good planned ;)
Interesting....when I think "dissociative", I immediately think about dissociative hallucinogens like ketamine or phencyclidine. You a psyche major, aintcha', man?
I like it.
It's well written, grammatically, so far. Good premise and execution. As long as the plot and characterization holds up in chapters to come, you've got yourself a winner. Feature box material.
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I admit that I was worried that the cover art would put that idea in people's heads at first glance. Honestly though, I'm actually thinking of commissioning someone to make a proper cover art. This story is one that actually feels strangely important to me.
But no, I'm not planning on making another psycho Pinkie story; gods know that there's enough of those littering this sight.
I personally try to avoid those stories though; they kind of can be a little offensive if they try to pull the whole 'split personalities' card.
I'm intrigued
Soon has despair grasped the anxious ones.
Surely, without a light to guide them
will you split away
and fall into blackness...
We shall read on.
So it's not only a fun concept, but it's also well written and quite addictive even after first chapter. I can't wait to see where this is going. Onwards!
4141975 to be fair, the story in cutie mark chronicles is very indicative of a mental break.
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Well color me enlightened! Learn something new everyday I guess, I didn't even know what DiD was until I read this!
Time for some research
"One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."
I dunno why I put that there, I just like that quote. Anywho, great story! I shall read on eagerly!
Well, so far this is interesting. It's nice to see a story explore DID in Pinkie rather then the typical "Pinkie with an evil alter ego" idea.
As for whether it's a legitimate take on DID, I'm not sure. I've met two people with DID, both showing it in different ways, so I'm not sure what the truth of the matter is.
I have a friend(s) who have DID, they are all aware that the others exist, they've keep each other up to date with a log book system, for many years now. I have to admit that seeing a "switch" the first few times was... unsettling, but you get used to it. . It can be odd at times, but they're all my friends, wouldn't trade 'em for the world.
Oh she's just like me fr fr♡