Sweet Apple Acres
“Where to, sir?” A cab-stallion nods to Adam as he hops into his cab.
“Sweet Apple Acres.” Adam holds one hoof in the air and holds onto the cab with the other. “Away!” They depart as the background music of the show plays.
I’m in Ponyville, home of Princess and monster cupcakes. But first, I’m off the to the farm to try a rare treat that is only available for a few times a year. The camera freezes on a pile of zap apple’s.The zap apples.
The show takes a moment to montage Sweet Apple Acres and all the ponies buzzing around for food while Adam monologues.
Built from just a wood cabin around a hundred years ago, the Apple Family settled the land granted to them by Princess Celestia herself. In the process, they not only founded the town of Ponyville, but discovered the secrets of the zap apples. A rare apple that grows a few times a year under certain conditions. It is said that the zap apple is so delicious that with one bite, you’ll never want to eat anything else ever again.
The Camera follows Adam around the jamboree. “I’m here now at the annual Zap Apple Jamboree. Where for one weekend, ponies from all over Equestria come together to share, trade, and eat everything and anything zap apple related. Never having had zap apple before, I’m more than eager to hear what the ponies here have to say about these golden apples.”
******************
Mayor Mare beams as she chews on a piece of zap apple brownie.“I moved here because of the zap apples from northern Equestria, and I haven’t regretted it one moment since.”
*************
“Oh, yeah.” Soarin speaks with his mouth full of pie. His teammates try to act like they don’t know him. “We come out here every year between airshows to get some of the good stuff, *yum*.” He digs in deeper.
“Easy, Soarin,” Spitfire says, wiping her teammate's cheeks with a napkin, “or you won’t be getting back into the air anytime soon.”
Soarin rolls his eyes in bliss. “I don’t care.”
*************************
“Yeah,” a group of Cajun ponies cheer, “them zap apples are better than anything we’ve got back in the bayou, ain't that right, boys?”
“Yeah!” the group cheers.
"Oh," one of the Cajun ponies comforts an elderly pony, "don't feel bad, mama. Your foods great, but these are zap apples."
**********************
“Like, yeah,” Diamond Tiara shrugs while she fluffs her hair for the camera. Silver Spoon follows Diamond Tiara's lead. “My daddy has like, a huge investment in the zap apple business, he’s so smart.”
“Oh, like, totally.” Silver Spoon nods in agreement.
“It’s even worth all the trouble of getting your hooves dirty. Isn’t that right, Silver Spoon?”
“Like, totally.” Silver Spoon nods before waving to the camera.
**************
“So, you can only get zap apples here, nowhere else in Equestria?” Adam asks Big Mac as he places some pies down in front of the CMC.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac nods.
“Is there anything else you have to say about zap apples?”
“Eenope.” Big Mac turns his head as he walks off to hand out more pies.
Adam eyes the camera. "A pony of few words. My kind of stallion."
*************************
“So, what are you folks here for?” Adam holds the microphone up to a Derpy, who is circling overhead, drooling on the ponies below.
“Zap apple muffins!” Derpy cheers, oblivious to Adam as she drools on the ponies below. “Muffin, muffins, zap apple muffins!”
“Mom!” Dinky shouts up to her mother as she chases her around. “We're in public!”
“Come down, dear,” Dr. Hooves pleas as he jumps up in an attempt to catch Derpy.
He takes a break to address Adam. "Sorry about her, mate. I love her dearly, but she's hard enough to control with regular muffins." He makes another attempt to bring Derpy down. He misses her by mer centimeters. "Zap apples." he shakes his head. "We tried blindfolding her, but once she smelled the muffins, well..." He chuckles. "Oh, Derpy, I love you so."
Adam dodges another trail of drool. "Although I guess this just shows how good these zap apple treats are?"
"Oh yeah." Hooves jumps up into the air again. "Gotcha!" He cries in delight as his hooves lock onto his marefriend. They don't come down. "I think!" They begin to go higher.
“MUFFINS!”
“HELP!”
“MOMMY!”
"ADAM!"
***************************
“So, what’s this dish called?” Adam leans over Lyra and Noteworthy's cake slices.
“Cinnamon zap apple cake,” Noteworthy says with a nod. “Nothing is too good for my little harp here.”
“Oh, stop it.” Lyra giggles as they nuzzle each other.
“Hey, speaking of...” Adam looks back and forth with sweat rolling down his neck. “Where’s your…”
“Hello, Adam!” Bon-Bon sneaks up on him and bats her eyes.
“Oh, um...” Adam beings to scoot away. “Hello, Ms.-”
“Bon-Bon.” She grins as she places a piece of paper on the table, covering most of it with her hoof. “I don’t suppose you’d be a dear and autograph this for me, your biggest fan, would you?” She holds up a pen and flashes her eyes.
Adam raises an eyebrow before he forces Bon-Bon's hoof off the paper. “This looks a lot like half-signed marriage certificate.”
“Is it now?” Bon-Bon tries to sound innocent while she begins to sweat.
Lyra leans over the table with a smug look on her face. “You do realize I’m using this against you the next time you ridicule me for obsessing over My Little Human?”
Noteworthy eye's widen. “You watch My Little Human?”
Lyra looks up at him, wide-eyed. “Um..." she looks nervously between the camera and her coltfriend. "Maybe...”
************************
"If I'm not visiting my best friend Vinyl," Octavia says, patting Vinyl on the back, "the only reason I'll come to Ponyville is for their zap apples."
"What about that time you came down here just for that rock concert?" Vinyl teases.
"... I have no idea what you're talking about."
*************************
“Cheers!” Rainbow Dash and Berry Punch raise a mug of cider to Adam.
“Yeah...” Adam sighs after a big gulp of cider. “That pretty much sums this town up.”
**************************
"I’m with some of the farm owners to get the low-down on how these tasty apple treats are made. How are you folks doing?”
“Just fine, Adam,” Applejacks replies with a hoof bump. “How's yer stay in Ponyville?”
“Great, thanks for asking." Adam starts rubbing his hooves together. "But how about we get going? What are we making?”
“Well Ah ain't the one to ask.” Applejack motions over to Apple Bloom, who is jumping with joy for being on TV, and Granny Smith, who is fast asleep in her rocking chair. “These are the two yah wanna talk to 'bout making good zap apple treats.”
“Alright then.” Adam begins to drool.
“Come on, Granny,” Apple Bloom taps Granny Smith repeatedly. “We're gonna be on the silver screen!”
Granny Smith jolts awake. “Wha? Soups on! Oh, oh well, are we gonna go, um… pick some zap apples? Mo, we gotta sing to the water?”
“We’ve already harvested the zap apples, Granny.” Apple Bloom helps her out of the chair. “Now we're going to show this stallion how to make zap apple cobbler.”
“Darn tootin'!” Granny Smith swings a leg forward and scratches her hat. “Now, where'd Ah put my cooking hat?”
“Isn’t that it on your head?”
Granny Smith looks up towards her cooking hat. “No.”
***********
We head to the kitchen to make the most famous dish at the Jamboree, zap apple casserole. The camera zooms over a steaming dish of zap apple casserole.
“Now, is the room normally like this?” Adam waves his hoof as they walk into a polka-dotted room with all the chairs and tables turned upside-down.
“Course not, sonny.” Granny Smith pinches his cheeks as Apple Bloom hops up and down on the bellows for the stove. “Magic is just funny that way. I’ve been making zap apple jam and casserole longer than anypony, I should know.”
“Yeah,” Apple Bloom says as she brings over a pie pan, “and now she’s teaching me all she knows.”
“That’s right!” Adam slaps a hoof to his head. “You actually were the pony who discovered the zap apples?”
“You’re darn right there.” Granny grins. “Why it’s quite a story. You see, my father…”
“Um, Granny,” Apple Bloom interrupts, “this is only a thirty-minute special. Ah think the nice stallion just wants us to get to the zap apple cobbler.”
Granny Smith grunts. “Ungrateful youth. It’s a good story.”
“No, no,” Adam insists, “you can tell us the story, I want to hear it. Don't worry, if it get's too long ,we'll edit it out of the final cut and put it in the special features later.”
“Well then!" Granny Smith sits down on an upside-down chair. "Don’t know what cutting has to do with movies, but if you do want to hear the story, all the better. Ah was just a filly…"
****************
“Okay,” Adam says, rubbing his hooves together, “so what’s first?”
“Well, sonny, first, you cut up some zap apples while humming a happy song as you hold your tongue out.” Granny demonstrates by spitting out the smile song.
Adam looks hesitantly towards Apple Bloom.
"Eh." Apple Bloom shrugs. "It's best to just go with it, pony magic and all."
“Alright.” Adam raises any eyebrow and sticks out his tongue while he tries to sing alone.
“Then, you evenly place the zap apples in the pan.” Granny demonstrates once the song is over. “Then you pour the zap apple jam over the apples, another crust, some more jam, and it’s ready to go.”
“Wait a minute.” Adam puts a hoof up. "You don’t put any sugar or caramel in the casserole like other apple dishes?”
“No need to, sonny.” Granny Smith places the casserole in the oven. “These apples are the right amount of sweet. Anything else will just spoil it.”
Adam looks towards the camera. “Well, who am I to argue with a century of wisdom?”
“What was that?” Granny Smith holds up her spoon to Adam.
“Nothing!”
****************
We wait an hour, then the casserole comes out smelling like heaven.
“Oh...” Adam closes his eyes just to breath deeper. After a moment of pure bliss, he looks apologetically towards the camera. “You folks out there, I feel so sorry for you. The rich smell of this thing, it’s just beyond explanation. Forget anything you have ever thought has smelled good and tasty before. This aroma is just a whole other experience."
"It has a sweet, crispy smell that you can actually taste. If I didn't see this thing just come out of the oven, I would just eat it all now. In fact," he says, reaching a hoof out towards the tray, "I don't think I could care about third degree... Ow!" He pulls his hoof back after Granny Smith whacks it away.
"Now, you hold up there while we let it cool." She then grumbles some more as Adam looks back to the camera.
"Yeah, it smells that good. The best way I can explain it is as if the sweetest apples you have smelled were amplified by a trillion." He closes his eyes and bows his head. "I am so sorry for you folks out there.”
We cut up the casserole, drooling even more so as we go along. Then, just as things couldn't get better, we find a little surprise at the bottom of the pan. A flavorful experience that is often too intense for some ponies to handle: a burnt end.
“Now, a lot of ponies think, 'Burnt piece, no good', but that’s not true, correct?”
“You’re darn tootin' it ain't!" Granny Smith says as she digs into her piece. “Some ponies don’t know what they're missing.”
“Yeah!” Apple Bloom jumps up and down for her piece “It’s like, really, really good!”
“Yeah,” Adam explains to the camera, “now, that doesn’t mean you go burn all your baked goods, but this is just the right kind of burnt.” He holds the light-black piece up to the camera. “As you can see, it still has lots of its color. All the burning has done is absorb more of the flavor, and locked it in.” He rolls his eyes as he sniffs the piece. “May I now?"
“But of course.”
Adam goes right into it. Adam chews for a few seconds. Then his faces contracts into an orgasm. He then turns his head from the camera and places a hoof in front of the screen.
“This is a private moment.”
Apple Bloom and Granny Smith laugh their heads off.
After a moment, Adam looks back to camera with a grin that shouldn’t even fit on his face. “Wow. It's, sweet, and spicy, yet, it's able to work, and— oh there is no other way to describe it a good. Now, you’ve all seen me eat lots of good food on this show before, so you all will know what I’m saying when I say that was one of the best thing’s I’ve ever eaten.”
After that flavorful experience, I head out to the benches with the Apple Family for a smorgasbord of pretty much every zap apple item available.
“Okay,” Adam says as he eyes all the food, “so we’ve got zap apple jam and toast, pie, cake, caramel apples, zap apple dumplings, zap apple cobbler, zap apple muffins…”
“Muffins!” Derpy flies in to swipe most of the muffins from the table.
“You come back here now and pay for those, Ditzy!” Applejack chases after her.
Adam looks right back at the camera, trying to act like nothing happened. “And, of course, zap apple cider.” Everypony at the table lifts a mug and drinks up.
“Oh my...” Adam places the mug down to cry “Just when I thought things couldn’t get better with these zap apples, you go and make cider out of it.”
“You going to be alright there, mister?” Apple Bloom raises an eyebrow as she takes another sip of her zap apple juice.
“Oh I will, I will," Adam moans, "but isn't' there a way I can just marry these apples?"
"NO!" Bon-Bon's voice echoes in the background.
**************************************
Coming up, the camera turns to Adam’s sitting next to the gigantic cupcake that is larger than his head, I take on the Pinkie Promise Challenge.
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Awesome, especially the funny Hooves family moments. I can totally see Adam having to take a few extra days to recover from over indulging in Zap apple treats.
is this going to go on after the pinkie promise challenge?
EDIT: whats this a crossover with?
4074505 man vs. food
Acers (should be Acres)
monologes (monologue)
Ponyvile (Ponyville)
I’m more than eager to hear what the ponies here have to say about these golden apple.” (should be an s at the end of apples)
“Yeah,” Sorain digs deeper into his pie while (his) teammates try to act like they don’t know him. (Sorain should be Soarin)
Cajin (Cajun)
“where in public!” (We're in public)
Adam doges another trail of drool. (doges should be dodges)
Lyra’s and Notewrothy’s cake slices. (Noteworthy)
“Just fine Adam.” Applejack replies with a hoof bump. “How’s y’all’s stay in Ponyville?” (Applejack does not need an s at the end, and how's should be how is)
“Great, thanks for asking." Adam starts rubbing his hooves together, "but how about we get going, what we makeing?” (making)
“where gona be on the Silver Screen!” (gonna, and silver screen does not need to be capitalized)
no, we gota sing to the water?” (gotta)
"Yeah, it smell's that good. The best way I can explain it is as if the sweetest apples you have smell were amplified by a trillion." (smell should be extended to ever smelled)
After that flavorful experience, I head out to the benches with the Apple family for a smorgasbord of pretty much every zap apple item availed. (available)
4074740 thanks for the help, and by not disliking because of it
OMFG!!!! BON BON!!!
