Intriguing... I am intrigued, dood.

EDIT: Please fix that description, dood. SO many errors.

Not bad.

Lunaughty and molestia come on make it happen

Your description grammar is bad and you should feel bad.

4080949
Oh, have no fear, it only gets worse in the story proper.

A few helpful notes:

1) "Not even both Celestia and Luna can" is wrong. "Not even Luna and Celestia can escape the effects of going into heat" would be correct. "even both" followed by two names is almost always going to be wrong.

2) There is referring to a location, such as over there. Their indicates possession. And for clarification, they're means "they are".

3) You do not need a comma between "what, he"

4) Luna is a person. She is not "the Luna", she is just "Luna". She could be the Princess, or Princess Luna, but not the Luna.

5) She has something else in mind for him.

6) If you write a sentence which would end in a period, then follow it up with something like X said, it should end with a comma, not a period.

"Sorry Dusk Shine, can't find anymore."said the purple and green baby dragon with a purple tee and black sweat bands.

The period after the anymore there should be a comma.

7) While I'm on the subject, anymore is equivalent to "any longer" or "nowadays". If you are out of something, it is two words, any more, as in, "I do not have any more ice, because I don't use my freezer to make ice anymore."

8) Lavender Unicorn Syndrome is where you use things other than names to refer to characters for no good reason. This sentence is a great example of this.

9) I would recommend studying up a bit on English grammar, and try to find someone who can look over your writing for you and help you catch grammatical errors like this.

Female are the only ones that can get in heat. Stallions are just drawn in by the hormones of the female.

4080915 Soon but not right now

Looks like alicorn males go into some sort of heat. At the very least, more sensitive to mares heat cycles.

4081135 buck ya

I would like to request Spitfire and if you can write her Zecora on the list of mares for Dusk Shine to have sex with please
Also is Dusk Shine the only R63'd character in this or will there be more?

4081238 Sorry only Trixie and the rest of the mane 6. But the next harem fic I write will have Spitfire in it. Also yes he is the only 63 character in this story

I don't mind the grammar, and those who do need to pull the sticks out of their collective flanks. Good fic by the way. I look forward to reading more in the near future.

4081359 Are you saying that grammar... isn't important?

Your English teacher must do a lot of drinking.

4081700 Nah I just suck at grammar

4081717
Very true. You should probably get an editor if you're going to keep writing.

4081726 I need to find a better editor

4081740
I think there's a group for proofreaders and editors, you might find it if you use the search function. It can find groups just like it finds stories.

This is good, not exactly original, but nothing wrong with that. I definitely can't wait for the next chapter. However, I do agree that you need an editor/proofreader as the quality of this story will undoubtedly go up. I would offer to help myself, but i'm not much of an editor either. However, if you want a proofreader I'd be happy to help you out.

4082024 Sure any help will do

dis gon b gud

mainly because straight dusk shine! these are pretty rare

4084043 oh hahaha! That's just so sad!!!

Well, you now have my attention. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work.

THAT GODDAMN DESCRIPTION!
BWAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!

Couldn't you be a bit more creative than using the name Dusk Shine?

4085483 Don't Worry I'm reediting the whole chapter

Dum-da-dum
thing are going to happen.

Wow, R63 Twilight with Celestia and Luna? That will be really awesome if you actually have the princesses in-character and not the idiotic meme versions of them.

4085483
Why, isn't that the fanon accepted R63 name for Twilight Sparkle?

4087779 Why does everyone use it? Is it really that hard to come up with a name?

4087784
what would you use? theres no reason to not use it, if only in the interest of making things simple

pike looked sadly down at the alicorn, wishing that there was something he could do. Then, as if by magic, an idea popped into his head. The young drake leaned down and wrapped his cool scaly arms around Dusk’s head, doing his best to cool him of. It worked, but only for a few seconds.

Missing the S in Spike

"Selfish? well maybe I should go ask Nurse Red heart to take care of you then."

It is a name heart could have a capital H

“Don’t worry I’m just joshin,” Spike said as he saw the look his brother made.

If you are going to use that term it is spelt joshin' if you don't want to you could just use kidding

Sensing that his balance as now adequate, Dusk allowed Spike to guide him down to the kitchen, where the dragon quickly set about making breakfast. It was a simple meal, just some waffles, but it settled pleasantly in Dusk’s stomach. Well, the first few did. To both brother's surprise Dusk kept eating, tucking away waffle after waffle into the bottomless pit that was once his stomach. Finally, after eating enough to make Pinkie proud, Dusk leaned back with a satisfied smirk.

if this is supposed to be plural and possessive it is brothers'

“Really? can I come?”

Captial C

“Um excuse me,” said Spike to get one of the guards attention, “Why would the Princess send two girls instead of two guy like normal.”
“Spike!” said Dusk immediately shushing his brother.

just forgot to double space this

“Well ok, Spike said still not entirely convinced of his brother safety. “But if you take advantage of Dusk..” his voice trailed off as he idly showed off his claws and fangs.

Forgot to close it with a "

“Calm down Spike.” Dusk said, touched by his brother’s loyalty, “but I’m sure Celestia how total faith in her guard to do this task.”

should be 'has'

No! Not at all! It looks..." sexy, amazing, "slimming," Dusk finished weakly.

close off the italics before the bold part

all the errors I spotted, all in all it reads much better than before, looking forward to the next chapter

4087833 Thank you

4085483 NEVER RULE 63 TWILIGHT MUST ALWAYS BE DUBBED DUSK SHINE. IT IS THE BRONY WAY

One thing you could do when using words to describe one's thoughts is to use italics, it has always worked for me.

Your profile picture... yes just... yes,

it´s a good one,

The grammar and stuff isn't that bad, but maybe have someone read through it before posting Oh, and nice story! I actually haven't read many with Dusk Shine, so this was interesting!

4081549 I'm saying ponies should look over the grammar and rate the fic itself.

Interesting enough to keep my attention. Also, here's two things I noticed.

"For staying with you" Dusk said,smiling to himself.

I think you mean "me," with a comma.

Ever since his ascension Dusk had be learning how to properly manage his new body.

"been" instead of "be," perhaps.

you probably need an alternate universe tag because of twi being gender swapped.

i like where this is going.

really likin how your writing this man. only problem is beside remember equestria girls, it's hard to imagine human like features are like in this story. never really read a story like this with anthro. anyway just likin how this is going man. keep it up

4200404 Thanks man

4200436 just one question: is this gonna be only a series of sex scenes or is there an actual story behind this? doesn't matter for me, i'll still read but just want to have some things cleared up before any confusion.

4200619 Actual story in there

4200641 .................now i really can't wait for the next chapter. it's just astounding how quick you are able to reply. just.......amazing, which begs the childish question, how is that chapter or chapters going?

4200659 That for me to know and you to find out when its done

4200714 you're such a tease

hmmmmmm when is it gonna update????!!!??? pleaz dont be in a month last author who updated his story monthly ended up cancelling his story midway. i beg you, please dont be that guy pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaz