Lost, in the heat of battle. (tf2, Anthro mlp crossover)

by heavy weapons brony

OH,...CANADA! (Editied)

Soldier ducked into the dumpster trying to guess what the Canadians were planning. In the middle of the town was a fair like event with games and food and everyone having a good time. It sickened Soldier to the core this Hippie love fest was going to lead to America's demise he could feel it!

Then the loud speaker crackled to life as a female voice spoke " Hello and welcome to Ponyville 123rd Annual Heat Season fair!, The start of this fair marks the start of Heat season!!! this is it girls! we gave the boys fair chance! Happy Hunting!"

the loud speaker turned off as a collection of Cheers erupted from the crowd. Soldier witnessed all the hippies pull out ropes, chains, tasers and other weapons only meant to incapacitate as they started to spread out.

Soldier panicked and hopped out of the Dumpster and slowly made his way back the way he came, he snuck through the alleyways Soldier had just made it back to the tree line when something tapped his Shoulder, Soldier whipped around with his shotgun ready.

"HI" said the most pinkest thing Soldier had ever laid eyes on.

it was a female dressed in a Yellow tee shirt and a blue skirt, but most hippyish of all, she was barefoot. She stood about 5.9 but add another 8 inches just for her haircut, the poofy bright pink haircut cut Soldier right down to his patriotic hippie hating core.

"Your new here i can tell! Wanna know how?,.... you haven't run!" Before Soldier could react a comically huge butterfly net swooped over her head and captured Soldier.

"Yeah,... in places like Canterlot they may reduce heat with magic but here in Ponyville we do things a little more old fashioned" the Pink Hippie moved in nose to nose with Soldier and gave him a face that displayed what she meant about old fashioned.

Rape, she meant rape.

"Don't worry we'll be gentle,... though probably not!" the Pink Hippie said as she dragged Soldier "Oh worst comes to worst Twilight has a spell that will put your pelvis back right as rain,.....once we're done" The hippie snickered as Soldier's mind raced to decode what she said to him, and only through careful analysis and noticeable patterns in the Hippies speech he came to this conclusion.

"*Gasp! Your after my gum!!" Soldier yelled as he began to Panic in the net

"What?" the pink one turned around and asked as two ounces of buckshot slammed against her face.

the Hippie's body landed on the ground with a thud as Soldier fought with the net and freed himself.

Soldier Freed himself and got up to examine the Hippie's body to see what damage he'd done and to see if she had any soup on her. The damage was light, these hippies where very dense, literally so dense their bodies stopped bullets but the force was enough to knock them out. Great stuck in a world of bulletproof colorful horse Hippies and probably Wizards,....definitely Canada.

Soldier got ready to leave when he looked up to the town to see a mass of multi colored pony hippies standing at the edge of town and looking down at Soldier.

“Probably shouldn'ave have fired that shogun so close to such a populated area” Soldier thought to himself.

(Soldier has alerted the whored! Frickin cheese it man!)

About two seconds later.

Soldier ran for his life through the forest, his uniform was ripped and tattered from the brief moment when the crowd of Canadian hippies caught up with him. His shotgun was long empty after firing every round into the crowd. then after hours of running through the forest he broke through the tree line and saw.

That he made a complete circle and was now in the center of Ponyville.

"NUTS!" Soldier yelled as he looked for a place to hide. The good thing about the situation was all the Hippies ran after him and were now searching the woods and the town was completely empty. Soldier scanned the area and ducked into a nearby store.

He locked the door and breathed heavily.

Soldier looked around the store to find it was to sell clothing, Dresses and suits hung from rows and across the room was a collection of ribbons, cloth, and a sewing machine in front of a large window to the outside. "Who is iiiit?" Asked a female in a singsong tone. Soldier quickly lifted the top of a nearby wooden crate, he found that it was only half full of buttons so he ducked inside and put the lid overtop. "Whooooo is in,....my,..house?" Soldier found a crack in the crate and witnessed white colored Canadian with long swirly hair dressed satin robe and a thin, almost see through blouse descend the staircase.

She looked around the room, then she noticed a smell, she drunk deeply through her nostrils "A stallion, ooo! and i was planning to stay all by myself during heat yet some good samaritan has come to help a lady in her time of need' She said in a defenceless tone. Soldier watched intently through the crack in the wooden box, then his skin started to itch, then an unexplainable force pushed him through the lid of the box.

"Gotcha!" The Hippie said, as a light blue arora surrounded Soldier and hovering him in the air. "Now Darling, you must be new in town, Unlucky you didn't run, i don't like going fast but since you're here,

"There ain't gonna be no brakes" The Hippie cackled as soldier got his finger around the shotguns trigger.

*click

"Nuts" Soldier said as the hippie used her wizard powers to carry it away.

"Now darling as harsh as this is, lets make it pleasant" the hippie said as the magic Fored Soldier to the floor with a thud, then undid his belts and his uniform top slipped off his head.

As the Hippie got closer and started to Unbutton a already revieling of her own clothing Soldier got his hand in the Mann.co spytech bag and grabbed the first thing with a trigger.

*BANG!*BANG!

Two shots rang out in quick succession as the white colored Hippie flew out of the big window to the outside, the magic fell and Soldier lifted his hand a saw the Force-a-Nature. Soldier jumped up grabbed his belts and ran out the front door as the Hippie Yelled "Uncouth Ruffian!"

(what the hell Rarity? you about raped the guy)

Author's Note:

Okay i little less randomness and i little less words, im no too happy with this chapter

anyway if i bother to write more i will definitly tone up the randomness (i mean it)

this is the fastest growing fic i have, (please check out my otherwork, Its very lonely.)

tell me what you think

follow if you like!

Comments

[OoooyVeeeeey]

OH NO!!!! TELL ME THAT SOLDIER AT LEAST BROUGHT SOME OF PYRO'S FLAMETHROWERS!!!!

[heavy weapons brony]

3892157 those are the most OP weapons in the game of coarse he has some

[heavy weapons brony]

3893230 they have no idea how poweful im getting or how random this fic is getting!!!!

[fasterninja]

will the other members of tf2 join in or will it just be solider cause i like to see scout in this

[heavy weapons brony]

just soldier for now but......mmmm we'll see how bored i get once this is done + dear fans updates will probbably be a bit slower due to the fact i finally found a job

[WorldWalker128]

"*Gasp! Your after my gum!!"

You've got an * mark next to the " mark. but that's not what this quoting is about.

I thought "What???" and then read lower, to read that Pinkie's response was the same. I lol'd.

“Probably shouldn'ave have fired that shogun so close to such a populated area” Soldier thought to himself.

[That_guy_over_there]

I.Fucking.LOVE THIS!

[DrCool]

4558377 MY GAWD, SOLY, DON'T SHTAP SHOOTING! FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!!11!!!!!!111!

[DrCool]

4558377

[Chad]

I like this but, why da ponies get hurt? I hope they don't die or get hurt too bad.

[Emerald Harp]

Well, that escalated.

[Xy zzy the Xenopony]

Force-a-Nature most op weapon, ftw!!!!!

[Commissar Derpy Hooves]

I can imagine when solly shoots pinkie that it has the audio from pulp fiction when marvin gets headshoted.