I woke up after having a very strange dream. In the dream, there were people around me talking about using me for some kind of fight. However, they decided to have some fun with me first. The next thing I knew, they were walking towards me and I woke up.
I suppose I better let you know who I am. My name is Spike. I live in Equestria. The dream I had, that was about me when I was younger. I thought I got rid of them, but they keep coming back. Those people killed my parents when they kidnapped me. If it wasn’t for Princess Celestia, I would not be here today. I now live with my adopted mother, Twilight Sparkle and her boyfriend Flash Sentry.
Twilight and her family took care of me after they heard what had happened to me. Three years ago, we lived in Canterlot at the library. After the Princess asked Twilight to oversee some things in Ponyville, we left the library and ended up staying in another library. My Mom is crazy on books. She ended up making five friends while we were here, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. After the celebration that Twilight had to oversee was over, we chose to stay here in Ponyville. It was during the summer time so I didn’t have to go to school, which made it better for me. I was walking around the town when someone bumped into me.
“Sorry,” I said. I looked up and saw one of my best friends, Sweetie Belle. Her and her group of friends was the first friends I had when I moved here.
On the first day of school, I was teased relentlessly by a girl named Diamond Tiara and her friend Silver Spoon. Sweetie Belle stood up for me and became my closest friend. A few days later, she introduced me to her other seven friends. The nine of us hung out and just relaxed.
After a month of being in school DT and SS decided to have another go at me. This time, they hit a sore spot by mentioning that I was adopted and my parents were killed. The teacher, Miss Cheerilee, came up and got them to quit, but I was already out of the building running for the lake. I was thinking about jumping in and drowning myself until I heard my name being called. I turned around and saw Sweetie Belle running towards me. We sat down and watched the clouds go by. After a few minutes, she held me. That is when the dam broke. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and just let it out. Sweetie continued to hold me until I stopped. It was that moment is when I began to develop a crush on her. We went back to the school and got there just in time to see DT get a month’s worth of detention.
I also remember when all of us were at the gardens in Canterlot. My friends got into an argument over what a statue represented and had to do a paper. After a few more, we saw one that caught our eyes. This statue had a man on a horse with his sword pointing towards what would be his enemies. He also had a group of what looked like soldiers with him.
“Miss Cheerilee, what is this statue right here,” asked Scootaloo. Scootaloo was one of Sweetie Belle’s friends. She also idolized Rainbow Dash. Miss Cheerilee walked back to us with the rest of the class towards the statue.
“This statue represents many things children,” she began. “This man on the horse is the leader of this group. He became one of the greatest leaders of his country. This is one of his greatest triumph’s during a rebellion against an Emperor that was really cruel.” DT decided to interrupt.
“What’s so special about him that he has to be in this garden? His soldiers look really stupid as well.” She was answered by an unexpected source.
“Because this man represents leadership while his soldiers represent bravery, loyalty, and determination”. Everyone turned around and saw Princess Celestia. The Princess explained everything a bit more before everyone left for home.
I also remember at Twilight’s brother’s wedding. Sweetie and I had a great time dancing together. After the wedding, I finally realized that I had fallen in love with Sweetie Belle. I was just worried because of something. That dream I had, there was something else to it. They put something called Dragon DNA inside of me.
Just then, I was snapped out of my thoughts by Sweetie Belle dragging me to the carnival. When we got there, Sweetie got really excited. Whenever she’s happy, it always seems to rub off onto me and makes me smile. We walked through the carnival holding hands. I was afraid that she would see and let go, but she didn’t. We continued to walk around having fun. We rode the Ferris wheel. When it stopped, Sweetie snuggled up to me. I thought it was a little strange but I didn’t mind one bit. The next place we went to was one of the games. Sweetie caught her eyes on the stuffed dragon so I decided to win it for her. I threw the ball and knocked down the bottles on my first try. After I gave her the dragon, she kissed me on the cheek. After another hour of walking, we came to something that looked different. Princess Luna was operating it.
“Welcome,” she said. Sweetie and I agreed that Luna was our favorite princess besides Cadence. Sweetie looked behind the princess and saw some boats for the ride. “This ride is called the Tunnel of Love.” Sweetie gave me the puppy dog eyes so I agreed to go on the ride with her. We got into a boat and Luna started it up. At first it was dark but then we saw some lights. The tunnel was filled with many romantic things. There were even lights that were in the shape of couples kissing. Like on the Ferris wheel, Sweetie snuggled up to me. This time I put my arm on her shoulder. During the ride, I finally got the courage to tell Sweetie Belle how I felt. The only problem was that I should’ve spoken a few seconds sooner.
“Sweetie/Spike,” we said at the same time. We laughed and decided that I would go first.
“Sweetie, for a while now, I’ve been having these strange feelings and when we danced at the wedding, I finally realized what these feelings were.” I took a deep breath and told her what I wanted to say. “Sweetie, I love you.” I looked at her and saw tears in her eyes. She then grabbed me and hugged me really tight.
“I’ve been feeling the same way Spike,” she said. “I love you too.” When those words left her lips, I felt really happy. We looked at each other and leaned in and kissed. When the ride was over, Applebloom and Scootaloo were waiting on us.
“So you guys are a couple?” asked Applebloom. We both nodded. Scootaloo walked up to me with a piece of paper.
“Twilight wanted you to pick up a few things,” she said. Sweetie decided to help me get the items. Applebloom and Scootaloo also decided to help. As we were leaving the carnival, Sweetie and I held hands. I just couldn’t help but think to myself
‘Best Day Ever!’
A decent start, lets see where this goes.
3880233 Thanks. If there is anything about this that confuses you, let me know. I'm willing to work with everyone on improving.
@Darth Redbeard...
(original) story Description excerpt:
1. Either there is Romance or there isn't. If there is, then you use & let your storytelling show it and have your reader audience judge. Stepping out from behind the literary curtain and say, "No no no! This is how it's supposed to be!", kills reader interest instantly.
If there is not Romance, or if you only have the equivalent of two characters kissing once and that is it ("and then they kissed" blurbs are not romance), then you should not have the tag. Mis-use of story tags, akin false advertisement, is another fatal error to fan-fiction presentment.
{Oh, and I think you meant "no touchie." As opposed to "Touché", which is scoring a decisive hit in verbal &/or swordplay fencing.}
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
2. Telling people not to touch the Dislike button even before your fan-fiction is even read is more likely to have that happen than not.
For finding an Editor & Proofreader(s) here on FiMfiction site itself...
~ a. Looking for Editors
~ b. The Proofreader Group
As the general rule for literary writing, you should only have a single Editor, but you can have multiple Proofreaders.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
3. My (friendly) advice is overhaul your story Description section into something to sell your story to potential readers, not for OOC Author commentary, pleas, &/or demands (that is what in-story Author's Note function is for).
Hope this helps.
3880693 There is romance in the story so I'll have to work on that. Thanks for the advice. I'm also wondering if you would be willing to proofread the story? Need all the advice I can get. And some help on the next chapter.
3880693 Took the Romance button off. After looking at it a bit more, I realized that right now, hardly any at all so I need to work more on this stuff.
Gotta love Spikebelle fics
My only issue is that there are several differences in here than on the show, such as Spike's backstories and how he's a student at the schoolhouse to name a few. Maybe an alternate universe tag would help?
Other than that, I'd like to see where this one's heading.
3909490 Didn't think of that. Sorry. Thanks for the advice. Waiting for someone to edit it. The reason I put that backstory on was so people would understand what was happening. Maybe I should've put Flashback in that part. I'll get to work on it.
Woo! More SpikeBelle (let us crush Button Belle!).
Its a nice start, especially the snuggling on the Ferris wheel, so cute
A couple of things though:
First off is that it feels like your just telling us a lot, much rather than showing e.g 'Scootaloo was one of Sweetie Belle’s friends. She also idolized Rainbow Dash. ' or 'At first it was dark but then we saw some lights. The tunnel was filled with many romantic things.' A little bit more description might help, as sometimes it just feels like I was reading a list much rather than a story.
Second is the whole man on horse statue thing, didn't really understand it, plus; 'The Princess explained everything a bit more before everyone left for home.' That doesn't really help us, the reader, as we don't know what she said. Unless you are planning on explaining that later in which case I am sorry.
Lastly is a personal nitpick, I just don't like it when two characters fall in love after just starting to go out. Just a personal thing and I hold nothing against the story if you go with that direction. I just think love is something you have to work towards.
All in all liked the fic as it seems yopu are going with Spike being a tragic character and I like it; plus you have captured the cuteness really well.
Hope this helped and can't wait for next chapter.
Oh one last thing... Boo! Flash Sentry Boo!
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest
3880938
Put the romance tag back, there is romance here (all that snuggling). Plus I assume there will be more later so yeah... romance all the way!
3917314 Thanks.
I better explain a few things to help.
Thanks for giving me some help on the list type stuff. I'll work on the description more.
The statue is getting ready for a major conflict that will soon appear in Equestria. And the guy on the horse would be my character. Don't be sorry, you had every right to wonder. Freedom of Speech.
I tried to get the whole thing more towards a work in progress style but didn't turn out the way I wanted. I need more practice.
lol on Flash Sentry. I can understand that people are not big fans of him, but everyone has their own opinion. Don't worry.
Just need help on doing Sweetie Belle's view. Any suggestions, I would be glad to hear them.
3917330 I will.
10 dislikes. I'm going to throw someone down a reactor.
nope!
4121490 buck no to that notion my friend
FUCK NO.
NO.
GOD NO.
YOU TAKE THAT BACK.
NO.
I HATE YOU.
*ahem*
Anyway... I can draw this... I assume you want it to be humanized, right? Do I have creative freedom? Though, I guess I have to leave the hair in their normal state so they would be easily identifiable.