Breaking Free

by Nrdygrl

Sorrow and Joy

Chapter Twelve

"Sorrow and Joy"

It was said, a tear held a thousand emotions and a thousand words of sorrow, despite its small, inadequate state that dropped so silently and gently, disappearing in only seconds. Celestia almost wondered how many she had cried that day. She wasn't even sure how many hours they had poured from her eyes. She hadn't even really seen the waiting room; for the last couple hours her face was still buried in her mother's wing. Her eyes had remained closed, so she was in a world of darkness and sorrow. She would occasionally feel the comforting sensations of the feathers on her face and the warmth of Solina's soft fur around her. Celestia was certain she was so exhausted from crying, she had fallen asleep a few times. The tears still never ceased, though. She kept on crying even in her sleep. Finally, though, after she felt as if her eyes were swollen and completely raw, not able to shed anymore tears, she lifted her face, opened her eyes, and light seeped in. She blinked to adjust to it and gazed up at her mother. Solina looked down at her sympathetically. She stroked Celestia's pink mane out of her wet face with her hoof.

"I...I can't believe he's...gone..." Celestia said, her voice cracking into a barely audible whisper. Solina nodded and looked down at her with glossy eyes. There was a short silence. "I thought about marrying him, you know," Celestia continued. "Everything would've been wonderful. We could've...gotten...married...and..." Her voice failed her and she felt a couple more tears find their way out of her eyes.

"Shhh..." her mother whispered, embracing her. "I know...I know...shhh..." Celestia pulled herself away and glanced over at Luna and her father; both had sorrow in their eyes. She felt like Dream Catcher had just been ripped from her arms. He was gone. He was never coming back. This wasn't just a bad dream she would wake up from and forget. This was real. Things couldn't be changed. The past could not be altered. He was dead. Gone. Forever and ever. She couldn't accept it. She didn't feel as if she ever would. And now, here she was, holding on to a thread of hope. Discord.

She wouldn't lose him too. She couldn't. She'd rather die than be left alone like that. Celestia would rather die. She wondered how she could even think something so dark. So deep. But that is what she was feeling in this moment. She, a creature of Order...would die in an instant if it meant a creature of Chaos could live. She told herself she was mad. Delusional. Crazed. In a state of such shock and sorrow, she wasn't thinking straight. It would be impossible anyways. Besides, she had to have faith. The doctors were working. They were fixing him. They would make everything better. It was at that moment that the door opened and a unicorn doctor entered the room slowly. All four faces looked eagerly up at him. His face was very pale. Very grim.

'He's just serious...' Celestia told herself. 'Discord's okay. He has to be...HAS to be...' The doctor opened his mouth and rolled his tongue very slowly, trying to get the words out. Every second was like an eternity, waiting for the words to come out. At last, the dead silence in the room was penetrated by the most sickening, crushing, devastating sentence ever.

"Your majesties...should come say your final goodbyes; he doesn't have long...." Celestia felt her heart drop into her stomach and smash into a million pieces. The words reverberated inside her skull over and over again. She couldn't believe it. It wasn't true. She couldn't lose him. First Dream, who was already so very dear to her to begin with, and now...HE...her... What was he to her? Everything. He made her laugh, was always kind, so very generous, honest, and loyal. Now, in this moment time felt like it stopped. As swollen as her eyes felt from crying, somehow they filled back up with tears. She stood stiff as stone and stared ahead, no emotion really showing on her face. She felt frozen. In fact, she didn't even really notice when the doctor went back into the room. She fell into a daze when she felt her mother gently wrap her wing around her so they could enter the room. She glanced over at a sobbing Luna, who was being comforted by her father.

The doors opened, and, before she knew it, Celestia was in the room filled with doctors and equipment. She wondered if her legs even moved when she walked. Her knees were so weak, she could hardly feel them. It was the longest walk of her life as she approached the bed and the creature in the bed. Half way there, she felt her knees just give out. She practically collapsed on the floor and wept. Tears didn't come, but she whimpered and shook all over. She didn't even get a good look at him and it was too much to take. The doctors had done their best to patch him up, but he still looked so awful. Was it even him?! The irony of it all...he looked more discordant than he normally did. Celestia felt her mother and father rush to both sides of her to assist her back up. She heard them speaking gently to her, but nothing they said registered. She somehow got to her feet again and lifted her face up. Luna had not hesitated. She was already at Discord's bedside, crying and wrapping her hooves around his arm.

"Do you want to stay here right now?" Orion asked. Celestia nodded. Her parents approached the bed to join Luna. Last words. And would he even hear them? He was unconscious. Almost dead. Barely clinging to the thread of life. Luna, in her innocence, seemed confident that Discord could hear her.

"Dis...I know you have to leave. But...I don't want you to. I wish you could stay here with us forever. Please...don't go. You're the bestest friend ever..." said Luna. She sniffled, blinked back more tears, leaned in, and gave him a tiny, sweet kiss on his nose. Celestia felt her mind shut down. What could she say? She wanted to say exactly want Luna said, but she knew that it wasn't right. Her sister was still young, it was so natural for her to simply beg him to live. She, on the other hoof, was older. She knew better. But it wasn't fair. As immature as she felt it was to think these things, it just WASN'T. So much anger filled her heart in this moment. She was angry at herself. If she had just insisted in going with the two to the peak... Maybe nopony would've gotten hurt. Two precious lives wouldn't have ended so abruptly. Her world wouldn't have turned upside down. Solina and Orion were speaking to Discord now.

"We loved having you here with us..." Celestia heard her mother say.

"Everything changed when you came, because you added so much," said Orion. "We'll miss you, Discord." After this, they turned to look at Celestia. No. She couldn't. She wasn't ready. This was too soon. Everything was happening so fast. Before she could stop herself, she walked over to the bed. She was still in a daze. Nothing made sense. And her legs were still so numb and wobbly. She could feel her lips trembling and her red eyes aching from the new film of tears spreading over them. The world was spinning all around her. Everything in the background melted away. There was such a dead silence, she briefly wondered if everypony else in the room disappeared. This of course was illogical, but she wasn't using logic at this point. Everything was...chaotic. Oh, the irony.

Celestia only saw the creature resting peacefully before her now. She stood still right next to him. Her violet eyes didn't even look straight at him at first. She couldn't bear it. This was how she'd remember him. The last time she'd see him. Like this. The very thought turned her stomach upside down. And when he was gone...did she even have anything to remember him by? Would she only have this memory of here and now? Thinking of this made her chest ache in anxiety. He'd be gone. He'd vanish. And leave the biggest dent in her life. A hole in her heart. Heart.

She gasped and cried out a little in sudden realization. The heart! She still had that! In a flash, she teleported to her room in the castle for a split second. She spotted the paper sticking out of her book bag. Celestia levitated it to her and clutched it in her hooves like it was the greatest treasure she could ever posses. In another flash, she appeared in the same spot in the hospital room again. She took a deep breath and shifted her eyes to look at Discord again. She gently placed the paper beside him on the pillow and broke down. She dropped to her knees and wept over him. Every emotion filled her by the moment. Knots filled her stomach and a warmth she never experienced before filled her chest. Then, the words came. She poured out everything she felt and didn't hold back.

"Don't leave me..." she whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so...so sorry. You were so good to me. How much you cared for me and...were always there. Always by my side. And I always overlooked it. And...and...to think...it took something like THIS to make me realize how wrong I was. How amazing you are. I'd give anything to dance in chocolate rain again..." She chuckled slightly when she said this. "I'd give anything to fix this. Just know you mean...so much to me. Don't leave me, Discord. I....I always..." Now her voice failed.

The words wouldn't come now. What was she trying to say? What was she feeling? It was something she never thought she felt. In the end, her actions spoke louder than her words. She leaned down and wrapped her hooves around his head. She rubbed his face gently with her nose. More tears somehow came, but they were different. They were warm with raw emotion. The pain was so much deeper now. It kept on stabbing her in the chest. Her face grew hot and her heart started beating rapidly with the intensity of this moment. A moment that would never come again. Ever again. She let her eyelids fall shut and pressed her lips against his cheek.

It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. More tears fell as she kissed him desperately over and over again. Somehow it felt right. But why? She lifted her eyelids slightly as her face hovered over his lips. She swallowed hard and trembled as realization hit her. What was this now? It was turning into something else entirely, with even the thought crossing her mind of...kissing his lips. The shock was unbearable, and she almost backed off. Then, suddenly, she saw Discord's eyes flutter open. She gasped and opened her mouth slightly in an attempt to speak. No words came. Tears still flowed down her face. When she looked at him again, she saw a very faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. She managed a sad smile too, amidst the genuine sorrow and grief she was feeling.

'Just kiss him...' she thought. 'One last moment. One last thing to share with him.' She had to. Just had to. And she did. She quickly leaned down, closed her eyes, and pressed her lips against his. She could feel his heart beating fast along with her own. Celestia was overwhelmed. She pulled away after only a few seconds. Why did it feel so right? It wasn't supposed to. She felt as if she were betraying Dream, even though he was gone. It was against everything she originally felt. He was her friend. Friend. Nothing more.

But deep inside her...a small flame was growing. And it added to the pain. It made it that much more difficult. Already, Discord's eyes were losing their color. His face was growing cold. Celestia felt his paw touch her cheek gently. She put her hoof on it and breathed in deeply. The end was near now. She felt his spirit fading away. His breath ceased. His eyes fell shut and his paw slowly dropped until it fell, lifelessly onto the bed. She could no longer feel the beating of his heart. Celestia dropped her hooves onto the ground and slowly backed away, shaking like a leave. A unicorn doctor approached Discord and examined him. She used magic to see an x-ray-vision image of his chest.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness," she said. "He's gone." Celestia almost dropped to her knees again. All she heard was sobs all around her. The world closed in all around her. All of a sudden, she had an epiphany. Magic. Could it possibly bring him back? She whirled around and turned to her mother.

"Use your spell," she begged. Heal him! You can..."

"We already tried, Tia," her mother said gently. "The healing spells just weren't strong enough..."

"I'll...I'll heal him, then!" Celestia replied desperately. She started hyperventilating. She breathed hysterically, especially when the doctors were starting to pull the sheet over his head. "No! Stop! STOP!" she yelled. The doctors stared wide-eyed at her and obeyed her, dropping the sheet where it was. Celestia tried rushing back over to the bed, but her father put a magic force field in front of her to stop her. "I CAN HEAL HIM!" she screamed.

"Celestia!" said Orion a bit sternly. "Calm yourself."

"I WON'T!" she shouted defiantly. "I need to bring him back! I won't let him leave!"

"If we couldn't heal him, you certainly won't be able to, Tia," said Solina gently. Celestia hung her head when she realized this and stopped resisting her father's magic. The force field disappeared. Celestia started to cry again and sat down on the floor. "Dear," said her mother. "We're all in a state of grief. But there's nothing we can do. It's out of our hooves now. The best thing you can do is let him go."

"I....I can't...." Celestia replied, shaking some more. Luna came over to her to comfort her.

"Tia..." she said gently. It was only one word, but Celestia knew her sister was acting a lot more mature than she was right now. It was a way to say, "mother's right." And she was. But it was unacceptable. Celestia felt a wave of emotion come over her and three words slipped out. They were words that she never thought she'd say, but somehow her heart was speaking and not her mind. And they passed her lips before she could stop them.

"I LOVE HIM...." There was absolute, dead silence in the room. If a pin was dropped, it would've been loud. Celestia gasped a breath of air in complete, utter shock of what she just said. What was she thinking?! Why did she say that?! It...wasn't true...was it? Was that the flame developing inside her? Was that the very reason why she kissed him? Why she felt such guilt in it? It was against everything she always thought. What about Dream? What did she feel for him?! She thought that was love, but was it really? Did she really love Discord this whole time? Was she in denial? It was so confusing. Either way, why did she even announce it to her family? She hung her head to avoid the eyes staring at her.

"He's my friend..." she whispered as a recovery. Even if it was true, they couldn't know. SHE didn't even want to know. What did it matter? Her mother was right. He was gone and it was too late to save him.

"I know, dear..." said Solina gently. She, Orion, and Luna gathered around Celestia to comfort her. Then, she had another idea. She made her horn glow bright.

"Star Swirl!" she called out. "Please...help him!" Star Swirl did not appear, but his voice echoed in her mind.

"I cannot, child," he replied gently. "I had evaluated the situation and I knew there was nothing I could do."

"But you are so powerful," said Celestia pleadingly. "There must be a spell. There must be a way!"

"You have a strong heart, Princess," Star Swirl replied. "But you cannot put your faith in me. You must depend on yourself. There is a spell I have only witnessed once in my practice. It can bring Discord back, but the chances of it working are slim." A vision filled Celestia's mind. It showed a female unicorn using her magic on a dead colt. After the spell was cast, he came back to life. After the vision faded, Celestia knew what she needed to do.

"Do you think it will it work?" she asked hopefully.

"Do you, Princess?" Star Swirl replied.

"I have faith..." she replied. "I must hold on to one last hope. It's all I have now."

"You must have more than faith. I sense you have conflicting emotions deep within you, child. You must accept what you have ignored. You have love...the right power within you. Focus on that and it very well could bring him back and heal all wounds."

"I'll do it," she said confidently walking back over to the bed. The others in the room looked on, wondering what was going to happen. Celestia stopped at the foot of the bed. The vision made everything clear to her. And she promised herself she would make it work. She would beat the odds. She would bring him back. She took a deep breath and made her horn glow bright. She leaned her head forward, pointing her horn right over his chest. She breathed deeply again and poked her horn right into his chest. She heard Luna shriek a little in the background. The warmth in her horn increased and sparks flew off it. She closed her eyes and pleaded inside her head for it to work. She felt her stomach turning around and around. Her heart thudded in her chest. She held her breath, trying to force more magic into his heart, just even to make it beat again. She just needed him to breathe. To make the journey back to her.

But, as it would seem, Star Swirl was right. It wasn't working. Faith couldn't bring him back. Love could. But, what kind of love? He didn't specify. Either way, she loved him. He meant so much to her. Tears overflowed from her eyes as her strength started failing. No. She wouldn't quit. She wouldn't. She wouldn’t lose him. She backed up, lifting her horn out from his chest, and raised it high. It glowed so bright, the whole room was lit. It produced such a strong electric current; Celestia could feel it surging through her. It didn't hurt, though. Something was happening. She could feel it. It was working. She stretched out her wings. The current rebounded off them and covered Discord. She couldn't see much of what was happening now. There were so many colored bolts and lights flashing before her eyes. Then, one big ball of light appeared in the air, flashed and then just disappeared. She immediately felt relief. Had she really done it? Celestia approached the side of the bed and gazed down at Discord. Much to her amazement, he looked completely healed. Not a scratch anywhere. He looked like his normal self. She almost broke down crying again when his eyes fluttered back open and he breathed in deeply.

"He's alive!" she cried out, the most unspeakable joy filling her by the moment. Everypony rushed over to him in complete shock and happiness. Discord's eyes were fixed on Celestia. He smiled at her.

"You healed me..." he said softly. Celestia nodded and embraced him again. She kissed him on the cheek some more. He didn't say anything. Just smiled. "Don't you...EVER...leave me again," she said chuckling a little. In the midst of this blissful moment, she heard Star Swirl's voice again.

"You have done so well, Princess," he said. "But beware. His heart is rejuvenated, softened, and warmed by this spell, but a heart now this tender can easily break and become harder than stone. Watch that flame of darkness closely. It could grow. Beware."

"I will," Celestia whispered in reply. It didn't matter. As long as Discord was here with her, everything was all right. Here in his arms she felt the warmth returning to her chest. Her heart was light in this moment. She had him to cling to, even amidst these storms. She would miss Dream. He would stay in her heart, but at least she knew Discord would always be there for her. Always. And now...in this wonderful moment, more realizations hit her. The warmth grew even more inside her.

"You're the most amazing person...and...the most beautiful thing I will ever lay eyes on," she whispered, crying even more. And the flame grew too.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author’s Note: I’m not crying. Romance just stings my eyes. :}

Comments

[Razvan563]

Despite it came after a very sad chapter, this one took me by surprise the conflicting emotios and the warm feeling that they felt amazingly done.

[Dark Colt Sabata]

Fooooreshadowing~!