Is this...Equestria?

by Silver Shine

Day 3: Sneaky Night

When the morning arrived, I woke up, but still with the covers on. Guess she just decided not to try today. I went downstairs, seeing Twilight once again reading. I quietly snuck over behind her and tried to startle her, “Morning! What are you reading?” Twilight jumped and turned around from her book to look at me. “Was that really necessary? And it’s just a book. Nothing to do with you and your world or anything. Just like you said.”

“Sorry, I just wanted to have some fun. I didn’t want to make you mad. Oh, but that’s cool. Is it a good one? Or is it just some ordinary book?”

“It’s a good one. Just…Not exactly something to read anytime but when first waking up.” Twilight responded. “It’s about some things I’ve already read. In fact, this book was one I read back in Canterlot.” I looked at the book. “Well, certainly looks good. Is it part of a series or is this it?”

“It’s the second in the trilogy. But like I said, the morning when waking up is really the only time to read something like Chaos Crash. Though I hear the third is better than the first two.” I smiled at her. “Cool. Maybe I should try getting up earlier than you. Oh, and I thought of something we could do this morning. Maybe we could go to the place I awoke in Equestria at. Maybe something of mine could be there.” Twilight nodded and placed the book back on the shelf. We walked out the door, and I brought her to the spot I awoke in two days ago. “Interesting.” She said. “And that strange device right there isn’t from your world?” She pointed to what probably looked to her like a box with lights. I picked it up with my horn, as it became surrounded by a green glow, along with my horn. “That’s something I use to get up in the morning. Well, on school days. Also, if you want to know what it’s called, it’s an alarm clock. Battery power makes it possible to work in Equestria, since there are spares in the storage thing.” She looked around, not seeing anything else out of the ordinary. “Well, let’s get back. Maybe you should set that up to wake up before me. You’re waking up at around 10:30, so it should help you.”

“Right, sorry about that.” I carried the alarm clock back to Twilight’s place and set it down beside the bed. Twilight grabbed a book off the shelf and put it next to the alarm clock. “Twilight, we really don’t need to practice magic right now.”

“Well, we could always find Rainbow Dash and get her to teach you to use those wings right. I can’t, because as you should know if what you say is true, I can’t fly well myself.”

“Why can’t Fluttershy teach me? We met yesterday, and she can fly well enough to teach somepony.”

“Decide. Me and magic or Rainbow Dash and flying?” Twilight just stared at me, waiting for me to answer. I replied, “Neither. Why can’t I just go out myself and do stuff?”

“Because you almost walked away after silently knocking on my door, you’ve been hiding behind me around everypony new, and you avoided everypony on our way to and from where you awoke in Equestria. You probably shouldn’t go alone, and that’s why I go with you. Or bring you with me.” I sighed. “But Twilight, I can handle myself…Probably.”

“No. Now you need to study on magic.” She replied. I responded, “Fine.” I began to read the book, wishing I could go outside. Then again, maybe she was right. Later on once I finished, I noticed that Twilight wasn’t back. She must’ve left while I was studying. Twilight walked in the door, followed by another pony. At first I couldn’t tell who, then I realized it. Then rainbow mane didn’t belong to any other pony. I just waited. Twlight called up to me, “Hey Rapid, you done studying?”

“Yeah.”

“I have somepony with me, and I think she’ll be happy to meet you.”

I walked downstairs and then my guess was confirmed. “Um…Hi, Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey there! Twilight told me about you and I knew I needed to teach you how to fly.” Twilight smiled after Rainbow’s comment. “But Twilight, I already did my magic studying today. And I’m not a kid.” She just smiled and replied, “Well we could always put you in the regular school where Applebloom and her friends go.” I just sighed. “Do you need to do that every time I try to explain something?”

“Yes.” She replied, as Rainbow Dash walked over to me to look at my wings. “Nice wings. So, you can move them, but you don’t know how to fly, right?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure what’s up with that.”

“Well, maybe we should head outside.” I followed her outside, Twilight behind, for her ‘reasons’, and Rainbow began instructing me on how to move my wings properly in flight to keep a steady speed, deceleration, and acceleration. Only a few hours had passed once we were done, and I still couldn’t fly well. Maybe better than Twilight, but that really isn’t saying much. Twilight decided it was time to meet Pinkie, and I followed her to her house. Twilight knocked on the door, and a pink pony with that puffy out-of-control hair swung the door opening, noticing me before Twilight. “New pony!” She said, followed by Twilight putting a hoof on her shoulder. “Pinkie, we don’t need a party.” She put her hoof back down. “But I was just having him meet all of my friends.”

“Yeah. So, uh, I’m Rapid Approach.” Pinkie looked at me, probably trying to look for signs of a party pony. She stepped out of the way for us to come in, and I followed Twilight inside. I just sat down, followed by the other two in the room. “So, do you not like parties or something?” I wasn’t so sure I should answer her. I decided to reply, “You could say that, but I’d word it differently myself.” Twilight decided to cut in before anything else was said. “Pinkie, I was wondering if you knew anypony who knew anypony who knew anypony or something that would know Rapid.”

“Nope.”

“Alright. Well, there’s just one more pony to meet tomorrow. Rapid, let’s head home for now.” I followed Twilight, and on the way back said to her, “You know, you’re not my mom. I don’t have t listen to you. I don’t know why I even do. You don’t need to teach me magic, and I could just say no.”

“Well, if your world is anything like the world through the mirror, then you’d be in school at this point in time anyway. And for if you hadn’t guessed yet, I’m the only pony who’s able to act as a guardian for you. I know my stuff here, Rapid.” I followed her home, and ran upstairs. “I’m gonna get some extra sleep tonight.” I said, lying to her. She replied, “Alright. Well, if you wake up before, I won’t wake up from you getting up.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” I went upstairs and climbed into bed, waiting for Twilight. I waited, and waited, and waited. A few hours passed before she climbed into bed on the other side. “You’re awake.” She said. I replied, “Yeah I am. So?”

“You lied.”

“Yep.”

“Well, I’m going to sleep.”

“Alright.” She climbed into bed, and it took about ten minutes for her to fall asleep. I snuck out of bed and downstairs, and walked out the door quietly. I looked around, and it was a bit dark, but I knew this was the only time I’d be able to do this for a while. I walked in the direction of Fluttershy’s house, and again took about ten minutes to arrive. I knocked on her door, and a tired Fluttershy answered. “Oh, hello. I thought you were staying with Twilight.”

“I was, I just…Wanted to walk and…Er, got lost and found here.”

“Well, you can sleep on the couch for the night if you want. The bed upstairs won’t be big enough.”

“Alright.” I walked inside, and she closed the door, walking upstairs. I climbed onto the couch, and closed my eyes, and soon fell asleep.

Comments

[Silver Shine]

To all who think I'm deleting just to delete:

Nobody likes haters, and especially no more than anyone likes comment deletes.

[Jewbacca]

DO NOT DELETE THIS, OR, IF YOU DO, READ IT FIRST

Well, without even reading the content, I can already discern a couple factors of the typical badfic, and some explanations.

1) Self-insert. Self-insert fics are usually, if not always, frowned upon. We in the community often call such stories, like in this case, power fantasies. These often involve the author in a pony persona being thrown into Equestria, and suddenly they're best friends with everybody. Also, the character [you] would also seem to have no trouble adapting to Equestria, walking on four legs, having no hands, all that.

You also blatantly ignore factors such as family and friends that you suddenly leave behind. And...

OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT-

You did something that will almost ALWAYS get a bad rap.

You took an OC and made them an alicorn. A goddamn alicorn. You know, most of the canonical alicorns all control a certain aspect of life, such as Celestia being in control of the sun, Cadence having powers of love, and even now Twilight's nearly unparalleled abilities with magic, all earn them the right of being an alicorn.

Yours just...appears. Realize that this is practically FiMFic sin when you make an original character with little background an alicorn. Your character also exhibits many behaviors with the Mary Sue/Gary Stu archetype of character creation.

2) Comment deletion.

As much as people like to doubt it, compared to sites like Fanfiction.net and deviantART, FiMFic has one of the more intellectual reviewing communities (Although that's more or less of a stretch, as high and low intelligence seem to balance each other out here). Most of the feedback you get won't be pointless, insulting flaming or overindulging cajoling, whether it's calm and constructive or gruff and critical. People that leave feedback on the story are usually telling it how it is, although additional, less positive feedback may ensue.

I used to write for here but, seeing how I haven't seen the show in so long, I've mostly reduced myself to reviewing, teaching and proofreading. What I give is honestly what I feel, and with my experience on the site what I talk about is aggregated by what has been accepted here as the do's and don'ts of FiMFiction.

See, the thing is, you can't just delete all the slightly-negative comments and mark them as "hate" comments just because you don't like them. Maybe you should listen to them, they can tell you a few things that you can use to better future works.

That's all I'm going to say for now, I'll give the rest of your story a read and give a full review on it when I'm finished.

~Jewbacca, Professional Fanfic Reviewer and Wookie Attorney at Law

[Thunder Quill]

3794323 same with my first story, i hated haters

[The Orthodox Priesthood]

But Twilight, I already did my magic studying today. And I’m not a kid.

Didn't he say he was thirteen? That's still a kid...

[lawefawdawdfsawadsa]

“Nice wings. So, you can move them, but you don’t know how to fly, right?”

None of that whole being laughed at for being an alicorn and cannot fly thing?
*ding*