Tired from my day as a Youtuber and at school, plus a shopping day for games, I go to sleep early. Getting more sleep than ever, I felt so weird when I woke up. I wasn't exhausted, bored, hungry, nothing. So what was I? Well, I found out in a weird way. I went to a lake, and looked at it. And I was a pony. So, what's my new name? WILL I BE HERE FOREVER? Actually, that second one might not be that bad.
(Note: Twilicorn isn't featured as a main character for room for actual mains, but she IS in this. This takes place between Equestria Girls and Princess Twilight, Part 1.)
(Note 2: Ignore the hate comments, please. They'll only lead to more.)
Chapters (4)
It seems good so far! I'm surprised Twilight wasn't so surprised.
Lay off the bold font too. Did you forget to turn it off?
3766343
And for the last fucking time,
USE THE REPLY BUTTON
To all who think I'm deleting just to delete:
Nobody likes haters, and especially no more than anyone likes comment deletes.
DO NOT DELETE THIS, OR, IF YOU DO, READ IT FIRST
Well, without even reading the content, I can already discern a couple factors of the typical badfic, and some explanations.
1) Self-insert. Self-insert fics are usually, if not always, frowned upon. We in the community often call such stories, like in this case, power fantasies. These often involve the author in a pony persona being thrown into Equestria, and suddenly they're best friends with everybody. Also, the character [you] would also seem to have no trouble adapting to Equestria, walking on four legs, having no hands, all that.
You also blatantly ignore factors such as family and friends that you suddenly leave behind. And...
OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT-
You did something that will almost ALWAYS get a bad rap.
You took an OC and made them an alicorn. A goddamn alicorn. You know, most of the canonical alicorns all control a certain aspect of life, such as Celestia being in control of the sun, Cadence having powers of love, and even now Twilight's nearly unparalleled abilities with magic, all earn them the right of being an alicorn.
Yours just...appears. Realize that this is practically FiMFic sin when you make an original character with little background an alicorn. Your character also exhibits many behaviors with the Mary Sue/Gary Stu archetype of character creation.
2) Comment deletion.
As much as people like to doubt it, compared to sites like Fanfiction.net and deviantART, FiMFic has one of the more intellectual reviewing communities (Although that's more or less of a stretch, as high and low intelligence seem to balance each other out here). Most of the feedback you get won't be pointless, insulting flaming or overindulging cajoling, whether it's calm and constructive or gruff and critical. People that leave feedback on the story are usually telling it how it is, although additional, less positive feedback may ensue.
I used to write for here but, seeing how I haven't seen the show in so long, I've mostly reduced myself to reviewing, teaching and proofreading. What I give is honestly what I feel, and with my experience on the site what I talk about is aggregated by what has been accepted here as the do's and don'ts of FiMFiction.
See, the thing is, you can't just delete all the slightly-negative comments and mark them as "hate" comments just because you don't like them. Maybe you should listen to them, they can tell you a few things that you can use to better future works.
That's all I'm going to say for now, I'll give the rest of your story a read and give a full review on it when I'm finished.
~Jewbacca, Professional Fanfic Reviewer and Wookie Attorney at Law
3794323 same with my first story, i hated haters
Didn't he say he was thirteen? That's still a kid...
Dear lord, all these deleted comments.
Anyway, this needs a lot of work. You can fix it, though. I'm not going to specify things. Instead, get a proofreader to help you out.
Best of luck.
Jelly Bean
YAY!!!!i was in this one my guest apperets was awesome orange hooves never failed me once
also i am good at finding things!
good job! :)
Rest in peace, comments. Let angels sing thee to thy sleep.
I have an opinion about this story.
You need help dude...and ALOTTT of storytelling training. Also, you need to be able to take constructive criticism and use it.
Here's the thing, never delete comments unless they're really insulting or something. Just doing so because they hurt your feelings or something is not good enough. People will see the thumbs down, they'll see the deleted comments and if anything will be more inclined to be harsh. You'll attract more negative attention this way than if you just wrote a bad story.
5278091
I do too, but... this story's been dead since January, so I decided not to leave mine.
Comment graveyard...self-insert alicorn OC...Plan 9 and Rage Reviews...not looking good. Not looking good at all.