Chronicles of Rolf-ic
Sweltering heat and unforgiving weather. That’s how most ponies describe the Appleloosan badlands that are untouched by civilization. The only way a creature that is not built for such habitat can get through is if he is at the highest degree of insane. Much like that fellow over there, atop of a big with it’s inventory piled so high it brings a colossus to shame.
…
You mean you don’t see him? I can can see him clear as day. Look over there, do you see him now? He’s the human with the blue hair on a pig for crying out loud! It shouldn’t be that hard to spot.
Now you see him? Great! Anyway, as I was saying…
“Look Wilfred, what barbarian would just their trees of sustenance to just lay waste in this desolate land?” Rolf asked his pack pig Wilfred as they wandered through an apple orchard surrounded by rocks and dead shrubs.
What do you think you’re doing? I was going to give you an amazing introduction rivaled by kings, and you just interrupt me? Typical for kids these days.
“Rolf has no time for poppycock introduction, the Ed boys must be found by the might of the son of a shepherd!” The farmer yelled into the sky as if he was actually talking to someone other than his pig.
You have any idea what we’re doing right now? The fourth wall is basically evaporated because of you. I’m pretty sure none of the other characters in this story could do this. You are probably the worst main character for a chapter I ever worked with. Even Deadpool was better than you with his fourth wall breakage.
“You have squeezed an orange rind in the eye of Rolf!” And with that he started to swing a pitch fork into air mainically.
You don’t scare me buddy! I’m just a figment of your dehydrated imagination.
“Silence, Rolf must brood!” Rolf said as he grabbed a chunk of dirt and started to smell it hoping to get a scent of the three nincompoops that had defiled his friends and his precious cul-de-sac for the last time.
After hours of sniffing dirt Rolf had finally found in the distance a small western town with a large clock tower being the biggest sight so far. “Quiet Wilfred, Intet the Ed boys are sure to flee in an instant, follow Rolf’s posterior silently.” Rolf said towards his pig and voice in his head as he grabbed a cardboard box and put it on and started to sneak into the town. This was made all the more funny as he was actually being serious with this and rammed into quite a few buildings that probably made him hear me all the more better.
“Ed boys! You have broken a celery stalk on the back of a sea urchin for the last time!” Rolf yelled as he jumped out of the box and swung his pitchfork around the town square as various ponies looked at the fool with complete confusion.
“Excuse me partner, but why are you acting more strange than a frog on a pogo stick?” A yellow stallion with burnt orange hair wearing a Stetson hat asked as he walked up towards the crazed man.
“I am looking for three buffoons named Ed, Edd and Eddy” Rolf said in anger as he pulled out a picture showing what his targets looked like.
“Sorry mister I don’t believe I’ve seen those weird looking creatures.” The pony said knowing his help was not useful.
“Curses, now how will I punish them?” The son of a shepard asked himself thinking his trail had gone cold.
Hey buddy they’re about a couple hundred miles that way. Here let me use this cactus to help
“Thank you Intet.” Rolf said as he waved at the cactus, though most think he went fully crazy as he stared at the sun for a few minutes.
“If ya need any help just come back ya hear.” Braeburn yelled as he saw the blue biped walk out of the town.
“Silence! Rolf must hunt.” With that he started to sniff the ground leaving the town with Wilfred following behind him.
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Hahahahaha!!! I can't stop laughing! Rolf just acts too bizarre to take seriously!
Heh, could've been better
Still, nice little 4th wall...thingy
4075624 could you elaborate more please
ED's voice actor died.
4075658 Are you stupid?
4075695 What!? he did, do you want me to lie and say he didn't?
4075644
All I'm saying is that the pacing and timing could be a bit better
Still, a good chapter this is
4075729 Oh ok sorry it wasn't our best in pacing we've gone into a slump for a bit and its been a while writing
4075658
No he didn't. The same person plays Soarin dude. He's still alive.
4075902 Oh shit my bad. my facts are wrong! Every thing i know is a LIE!
4075902 OOh you you know what i was thinking of Ducky's voice actor from land before time who was shot to death in a drunken rage by her father.
Rolf is Danish? cool, never knew that
4077118 Actually Danny, the creator of the show, said he has no country he came from and that he was just a foreigner. All we did was connect the dots to everything about him and BAM!
Still good, love it in fact.
Also nice work with adding a Danish word into there, that's a language actually I barely even know. 
Rolf is by far the funniest character in the show.
4478995 Indeed my good friend
This is hilarious!
I can't wait to read more!
Silence! Rolf must hunt!
Rolf is mostly bizarre and funny. But the only one from Peach Creek hunting the Eds...for now.
rolf might actually be Swedish and mistaken a swed for a daanish or vice versa tends to get one punched
8810301
I was going off from some clues from the episode he attacked Ed while he was dressed in a wolf pelt. A flash back on why Rolf hated wolves and it showed a werewolf wearing wooden clogs so he's probably Dutch, either way he's that crazy foreign guy we love for his insanity
8811588
The episode you're talking about actually implies that Rolf is Norwegian
9103129
You know you might be right. It's been forever since I saw that episode so my memory is a tad fuzzy