Patch Day

by unknown2

Buggy Game

Well, that was a fun Dota match. Too bad I don’t have enough time for another…

Let’s see, TF2 or WoT? Well, I think I’ll spare my teammates from my GibusVision n00biness and play some WoT, and see what the new patch has to offer.

Alright, time to grind the T-54 to get the good turret and why are there three tier X tanks in my garage? Since when has WarGaming been generous enough to give out tier Xs as gifts? Well, time to give these things a try. Let’s just hope that my matches aren’t clogged with noobs from tier V testing out their new tier X gift tanks. Maybe this was not such a smart move on WG’s part.

Oh good, we are on Sand River. At least it’s not Campinovka.

“Domination.” Never heard of it. Some new game mode perhaps? Oh hey, everyone else is a tier X gift tank as well! So WG haven’t lost their minds yet. Still, the strategy at tier IX and X is very different from the strategy at tier V, and I’m not sure everyone is familiar with it here.

Well I can live with a new game mode where everyone is equal and there are no big power discrepancies. Maybe I should play this instead of normal matchmaking. Cons: can’t stomp people 2 tiers below me. Pros: won’t end up being in a tier VII against tier IX. Seems reasonable. And no artillery! How about I actually play it before judging?

A flag in the center, some green circles on the other side of the map, some red circles near our spawn, and what I assume are some sort of repair posts? Since when has WoT allowed for HP regen? Or maybe they just fix modules.

“What do we do here?”

“Get flag to green, don’t let flag near red”

Good, I was right. Well, off we go. Let’s see what this Frenchie can do. 30 seconds to reload a 4 clip autoloader. It’s fair I guess. But will I be able to kill anything with this clip? Guess I’ll find out soon enough. Flags coming up, and there is the enemy. First shot bounces of course. And the second one flies just above the turret. Sure, why not RNG. Then again, I should not be shooting an merican tank in the turret. Alright, finally, penetration in the side. 400 or so damage. And since 400*4 gives us less damage than any full hp tank in this game mode, I guess I should not try to 1v1 people too much. Oh hey, turrets jammed. Of course, this thing has barely any armor and a huge turret. It’s what I get for staying in the open. And now the track is destroyed, with the tank soon to follow. It’s what I deserve I suppose.

Choose a new tank? This mode has respawn? I don’t know if I should be excited or outraged. I think I’ll go with excited, since it’s in an optional game mode. This time I think I should use the Russian medium. If it’s anything like the T-62A, I’m going to have fun.

That red flag is getting awfully close to the red circle on the minimap. Better go defend.

Well that was definitely a fun match. Sure, we lost, and I got completely annihilated by people who seem to know what they are doing, but it was fun. The respawn and flag mechanics made that pretty unique, and the fact that I am guaranteed to be matched against similar tanks is a relief. I think I’ll play this mode a bit more. Maybe if I don’t suck this time, I won’t have to spend so much money repairing everything.

Oh good, got time for one more match.

Hmmm,

Canterlot.

Where have I heard that before? And where did this fantasy castle map come from? I don’t remember seeing any fantasy castles in the list of maps, it doesn’t look like something WG would create for their tank game, and they don’t support community created maps. So, where did it come from? Why do I get the feeling I asked these questions before?

So it’s an urban map. That’s great I guess. The giant dome in the sky is nice touch. Some sort of black things are just outside the dome. Birds maybe?

What’s with the horses in armor? Why are they gathering around our tanks with spears? Why are their heads and eyes so cartoonishly large? Why would WarGaming waste so much resources modelling and animating these things? Why is my déjà vu intensifying? So many questions.

“Anyone know what this is supposed to be?”

Sorry dankrecker45, I have no idea either.

Then again, spears aren’t going to do anything to our tanks, so they might as well be giant decorations.

And here we go. I love how the dome shatters just as the pre-match clock hits zero. Doesn’t make much sense but it looks nice I guess. I hope those green meteors don’t crash my FPS rate though. Can I disable them? Ah, never mind, the FPS hasn’t gone down.

Well, the meteors are crashing. Guess that makes them meteorites. Good thing that one crashed a little bit in front of me, I don’t want to find out how much damage they do.

…Wut?

What’s with the insect thing that crawling out of the crater? Looks like some sort of xenomorph that took a horse for its host during the face hugger stage.

Eh, who cares? It’s just a weird cosmetic.

Huh, since when has WarGaming added roadkill to the game? I’m pretty sure that adding gore to a game that only lists “mechanical violence” in its ESRB rating is not allowed. Oh well, their problem not mine.

Alright flag should be around these few corners. But why haven’t I seen anyone from the other team though? Now that I think about it, I shouldn’t be by myself. Then again, everyone else is off forming a lemming train at a corner of the map. Hopefully the other team is doing the same.

So the xenomorphs have a group of armored horses stuck in some sticky substance, and the flag is in the center of the group. Oh well, more roadkill I guess. Still a bit suspicious that no one else is here.

And there goes my track. I really should have seen that ambush coming. Then again, what kind of pubbies have the coordination and patience to set up an ambush like that. Probably a platoon. Wait, are platoons even allowed in this game mode? Maybe.

Oh well, there goes the ammo rack. Apparently the roadkill method in the horses will activate upon coming in contact with a decapitated tank turret as well. That’s nice to know I guess.

Ok, this life I want to be the US heavy tank. Let’s see what my so called team has been up to this whole time.

Huh, so apparently the xenomorphs have clogged up the tank tracks with their green goo. Well it explains why the lemming train is going so slowly, but it does not excuse the train’s existence in the first place. Might as well join it. At least the bug horses can be killed with a well-placed shot. Still, they have numbers, our slow reload speed, and RNG on their side. And the person who “designed” this map’s PvE came up with the GENIUS idea of making them small, maneuverable, and flying. Seriously, how am I supposed to take them out with a tank cannon. At least let us use machine guns or something. No, wait, that would destroy my FPS. Never mind.

Of course, while the lemming train slowly chugs along, the other team gets the flag to their capture point or whatever it is called and rack up enough points to win the game. Ugh, imbalanced map is imbalanced.

Hey, at least when the round ends, there is some sort of pink explosion from the tower in the background. Gotta love how it sends those buggy bastards flying. Very cathartic. Pity I wasn’t the one who made the explosion.

Oh well, more credits to pay up.

Now I get why Canterlot sounds familiar! It’s a horse pun on Camelot. Took me long enough to get that joke.

Nope, Déjà vu hasn’t gone away yet. Oh well, time to go to dinner.

Author's Note:

Well, finally got motivated enough by the new patch to write a new chapter. Sorry it took so long.

Comments

[Zaralann]

Very good!