Bonesaw walked slowly down the sidewalk, on her way back to the house Jack had found for them. Even though she was one of the most wanted criminals on the planet, no one paid her any mind. She wasn’t wearing her apron or her tools so no one paid the blond preadolescent girl any more than a passing glance. Had they looked closely they might have noticed that some of the stains on her clothes and “dirt” in her hair was in fact dried blood, but today was not a day to pay close attention to things in Brockton Bay.
Usually when she was upset she cheered herself up by creating some new and interesting art, but right now she didn’t feel like cheering up. Daddy-Jack was dead. She had asked him for a unicorn and now he was dead. It was strange to think about, how he wouldn’t be there any more. He wouldn’t tell her any more bed time stories about the old days and the original Slaughterhouse Nine. No more patient insightful critiques of her art, no one to give her those small pieces of perfect advice when she was frustrated or down. No more Daddy at all.
She guessed she had, in her head, accepted that some day Jack wouldn’t be there. He was starting to get a little older, a little slower. When she saw that her understanding of biology had told her it was only a matter of time until the day he was just to slow. Her heart hadn’t accepted that though, how could there be a world without Daddy? Why hadn’t he seen, why hadn’t he moved when the bad unicorn had started to get all glowy? She had never seen Jack surprised, but just before the end he was. He looked surprised, and now that strange expression that didn’t belong to Daddy-Jack at all would always be the way she remembered him.
Bonesaw might have gone and seen what had been left of Jack had that place not felt so wrong. Every step closer to the place where Jack had died made her feel worse, worse than she could ever remember feeling. Bad memories that didn’t make any sense. So she had taken off her apron and run away from that place until the awful memories had stopped. Since then she had slowly been wandering back to the house, the others would want to know if Cherish hadn’t told them yet.
She didn’t think they would be a family much longer. Daddy-Jack was the one that had kept them together and made everyone sit down to dinner together. Crawler would try to fight Momma-Siberian and either she would let him and he would die, or she wouldn’t and he would go away and die. He wasn’t as tough as he liked to think he was. Mannequin might stay or he might continue his quest alone. Bonesaw liked him, but he wasn’t much of a sharer. Cherish would stay because she was a naughty sister that thought Daddy-Jack and Bonesaw didn’t know she was trying to slowly brainwash the rest of the family. Daddy-Jack had been so looking forward to surprising her, now he never would.
Without Daddy’s guidance she thought Burnscar would drift away, the heroes would get her, eventually. Shatterbird would leave, Daddy-Jack was the only one she thought was smart and mature enough to talk to. She would make a mess first. It wasn’t fair, she had asked for a unicorn and now her whole family was going to go away. It wasn’t fair at all.
She was so lost in thought she didn’t see the woman in the suit until she was right in front of her. She wasn’t in top mental shape right now, but something about her made Bonesaw uneasy. Before she could formulate her scattered thoughts the woman spoke.
“It’s dangerous out here today. You should be a good girl and get home as quick as you can.” With that the woman stepped past her. By the time Bonesaw’s mind had caught up informing her how strange that encounter was she spun around to find the woman was nowhere to be seen. Quickening her pace she reached the house only a few minutes later. She really wanted a hug, but after looking around the only one home was Cherish. She was laying on the floor next to the living room window, breathing shallowly with a look of fear etched on her face. ‘Hmmm,’ she thought looking down at Cherish. The others must still all be out recruiting their own candidates for the open position in the Nine.
She took one of the oversized white aprons off a hook by the door and ducked her head under the neck loop before walking downstairs to the basement. After they had moved in Jack had given her the basement to use as her artist studio. Body parts hung from a series of hooks along the wall and a couple of industrial shelving units held all of her current stock of electronics. A few uncompleted works stood unmoving in the corner where she had left them earlier and Hatchet Face’s body lay on the big wooden table in the center of the room, breathing through a cobbled together ventilator until she decided what to do with him. She’d been lucky enough to get to him right after Cherish killed him to take his place as part of the Nine.
She really wanted someone to hug right now. Bonesaw’s mind quickly flashed to the image of the cute purple alien unicorn and she braced one arm against the table as a few tears trickled down her face. No she didn’t want that bad unicorn anymore. A thought struck her and she jolted upright. She looked around the room again taking in all the parts she had, she looked at Hatchet Face, and then she turned her eyes upwards towards the ceiling and Cherish laying in a fugue state above. Bonesaw walked over to the shelves and pulled down a toolbox. Some of the other’s candidates would fail, and she could probably convince them to give her the left overs. Momma-Siberian could find her anything special she needed.
She didn’t want the bad unicorn, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t make one. A good one.
I am only superficially familiar with the Worm franchise, but didn't let that deter me and decided to give this story a shot anyway. And wow, am I ever glad I did - this is great stuff you have here! Minus a few errors here and there your writing style is very good - the mental imagery you paint is crisp and precise, with just about the right attention to small detail to inject life in the scene and your portrayal of action is generally good.
What I like especially is your characterization of Twilight though - somewhat obsessive-compulsive, friendly yet somewhat easy to tick off or annoy, prone to panic attacks and yet still not passing up the chance to learn new things. I'd say you have nailed her personality pretty well and I could honestly see the canon Twilight acting this way. Yes, up to and including teleporting away to help her newfound friends in a fight.
Twilight has never been too particularly hesitant about engaging in a conflict when one appears inevitable and her default disposition in a fight is generally proactive. More than that, she is a problem solver and, unwillingness to show off aside, is likely well aware of her own capabilities if forced to apply them in earnest (considering the strength of her TK, that alone is an absurdly potent and infinitely deadly weapon, were she to apply it properly) and more than that, is probably used to be being the best choice around when it comes to dissolving various situations, were they to crop up. With all that in mind, it was all but expected for Twilight to actively involve herself and not wish to be cuddled, when the well-being of those she considers friends is on the line.
Traumatizing as the experience with Jack was, once she has had the time to calm down and think things over, I can't imagine Twilight remaining in some hidey-hole and waiting things out as Slaughterhouse nine rip the city apart in search of her. Yeah, she has been made painfully aware of just how far she will go when pushed over the edge and just how deadly she can be (something that, for all her power, she has never had to wrestle with before) ... but despite how scary the thought of her losing herself again is, I can't imagine her standing aside and watching someone else die for her if she can do something to stop it. She might think she wouldn't be able to live with herself, but I imagine she wouldn't be able to live with herself even more, were she to stand aside and do nothing, or do too little and risk innocents dying anyway over her own indecision.
That aside, Twilight meeting with Celestia in that starry plane of reality was ... interesting. Did she really punch through the veil of realities and had a chat with her mentor, or did she more or less imagine the whole thing? I sort of imagine the real Celestia being more worried about finding out where exactly Twilight has gone (unless she knows that already and is working on it), but at the same time Twilight apparently emerged from the ordeal with Wings on her back ... so chances are she indeed visited the same starry space she did originally during her ascension where she also had (albeit a different) chat with Celestia, and tapped in to the powers of harmony sooner than she did in the show as result. I'm looking towards the next chapter and her reaction to that, heh.
Lastly, what I find very appealing about your work is the emphasis on little cultural differences and cues you slip in to highlight the "similar, yet different" position of Twilight and her human friends. Like how much about clothing and its significance escapes her, but how she is much better at picking up body cues and gestures that even humans themselves don't really notice as much and derive conclusions from those, as that's what ponies look for to enhance social interactions. I also applaud you for realizing just how powerful and versatile a tool matter manipulation can be and actually have Twilight use it - few stories even remember this aspect of her magic and just how much ... and how conveniently ... stuff can be done with it. It honestly makes me crack a grin to see her create a bathtub full of water - because that, despite how bizarre, is the solutions such ability allows you to employ.
Very good stuff so far, eagerly looking towards more.
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Thank you for the in depth comment, compliments, and critiques. I really appreciate it. It has been a bit of a dance to try an write the story so that people from either fandom could enjoy it, and to organically include references to show how the culture is different - glad to hear that I'm at least coming close.
As for The Celestia scene, I would clarify, but spoilers.
I'm about halfway through next chapter, it's a little longer than the ones I have had so far. hopefully to be released this weekend.
The link doesn't really tell me much. You mind telling me more about WORM?
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Hmm, it's like a 1.5 million word story, but to sum up.
Worm is a world that was basically like ours until the mid 80's when normal people started developing superpowers of all kinds. Usually the power develops in the middle of a traumatic event. People with powers are called parahumans, and are fairly rare (a major city of millions will have a few dozen 'capes') in it. Because they are spawned by traumatic events, villains outnumber heroes by about 2:1, but the heroes have banded together in government sponsored organizations all over the world.
Powers come in all sorts of varieties - standard superhero strength and flight, thinker powers that give people super insight or perception, tinker powers that allow people to develop advanced technology, powers that warp space, and everything in between.
It can be a pretty grim place, as even the heroes tend to be a little off in the head. In worm proper Skitter is the main protagonist and it follows her from her "trigger event" where she got her powers onwards. I can't really get into more at the moment without spoiling things in my story or worm proper, but world wide things start going wrong on lots of levels.
I really enjoyed it, but I couldn't think of a setting more in need of the magic of friendship, and thus was this story born.
3830522 And in what chapter does Twilight be badass?
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The end of chapter 4-villians is the point where I felt comfortable adding this story to that group. As the story continues, more scenes of badassedness will accumulate.
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I would say Twilight is being pleasantly competent and proactive through most of the fic, right from the very start. And she definitely has her "badass" moments, but what I appreciate just as much, if not more, is the general proactiveness, savvy and efficient creativity she approaches things with, along with the occasional display of what exactly she is capable of when pushed.
Why hello Contessa. Fancy seeing you here at this point in time. Why are you seemingly using the Path to Victory to set things up so that Bonesaw makes some grotesque unicorn simulacrum?
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... Most of them.
4976132 no kidding. we've gotten to chapter [redacted] and we still don't know exactly what kind of path Contessa had set up.
Another with only two errors I noticed. The childish narrative focus might have helped.
too
others'
Oh, dear. I don't know if the Elements, themselves, could fix her.