19
I had never seen an orange before. Not even a picture. I wasn’t raised in some cushy vault, I’m a child of the wastes. I knew how to handle a rifle before I was ten. When d’you get yours? Oh come on, a B.B Gun does not count. You can barely kill radroaches with one of those things! Bet you found that out the hard way, huh?
After Celestia kindly explained what an orange was, how to eat it and guided him through the process of how to peel it, The Courier found the fruit much to his liking. A lifetime of hunting his own food had very nearly made him a pure carnivore, his diet supplemented with the occasional banana yucca or Nevada agave fruit. For him, fresh farmed fruit was a luxury, one that had to be sacrificed for survival’s sake. He had told her that, in between mouthfuls, and the princess had responded by informing him that during his stay here it would be the other way around.
“No meat,” he repeated calmly. “Huh. That’s... gonna take some getting used to.”
“I have nothing against those who need to eat meat to live, Thomas,” Celestia explained serenely. “I just worry about what the staff might do in their panic when they hear that the one responsible for hospitalising three guardsponies is a predator.”
“I understand that, just my experience with food that wasn’t meat is usually two-century old ‘food’ so processed you’re better off eating the box it came in,” he said, not happy with the memories this topic was bringing up. “I swear, if I see one box of Fancy Lads Snack Cakes, I’ll kick someone.”
“You won’t need to worry about that,” Celestis said, wondering how bad something had to be to trigger such a response. “All the food in the castle is prepared fresh.”
“Okay then,” he said, his enthusiasm returning. “Sounds better than the situation at Camp McCarran, then. The cooks were stuck using preserved foods for years,” he explained when he noticed Celestia’s odd look. “Morale was pretty much non-existent.”
The Courier left the medical bay at ten thirty, according to the Pip-Boy’s clock, to retrieve his weapons and other confiscated equipment. He was accompanied by the same guard that had checked him for a concussion earlier, Defib.
“Ow. Ow. Ow.” Every step was punctuated with a complaint. “Never again. Ow.”
“You could just stay in bed,” Defib suggested. The stallion had been chosen to act as the Courier’s guide/attendant during his stay. He wouldn’t have minded if it weren’t for the fact that the Courier happened to be the worst patient ever. “Hay, you probably should.”
“I hunted down a man after he tried to put me in an early grave,” the human spat back. “Two holes in my brain didn’t stop me. No fucking way these bruises will.”
“Two holes in your...” The pegasus’ voice trailed off. “Probably explains a few things,” he muttered. “Maybe I can help. What hurts the most?” he asked, partly out of a desire to help, partly because he didn’t like the idea of being around the human all day if all he did was complain.
“Everything,” he replied smartly. “Give me a few days, I’ll be fine.”
“A few days?” the stallion repeated, unbelieving. “You showed me the bruising on your arm, if the rest of your body looks anything like that, you’re looking at a few weeks!” Defib finished by jabbing the Courier’s left knee with a hoof. “And that knee, you’ll be lucky if the swelling’s gone down by the end of the week.”
Thomas was leaning over and massaging the wound, trying to keep his breathing steady. “I promised not to kill while I was here, but I sure as hell won’t lose any sleep if I break your nose,” he muttered darkly.
“Not happening,” Defib replied with a smile, rubbing his forehooves together until they started crackling. The Courier stared at the blue and yellow lightning that engulfed the stallion’s hooves.
“So that’s how...” he muttered, a little wary. “Keep that away from me, getting electrocuted hurts.”
“It can’t hurt that much, the shock Thunder Struck gave you in that fight should have kept you down,” Defib commented, dispelling the sparks. “There’s no way you should have gotten back up.”
“The amount of metal in me, I’m more surprised that it didn’t kill me,” he muttered darkly.
“Metal?” the pegasus asked.
“There’s probably ten pounds of shrapnel inside me that I never had pulled out,” the Courier replied conversationally, exaggerating the possible extent of his past injuries just to see what reaction he would get.
“There is no way that is possible without you having lost a leg or something to gangrene,” Defib said angrily, disappointing the human. “Not to mention the possible damage to your internal organs.”
The Courier rolled his eyes. “Couldn’t you have at least pretended to be a little shocked?”
“You refuse to cooperate with common sense, why should I pander to you?” the guard shot back acidly.
The Courier ignored this and kept on walking. The pegasus hovered after him, doing his best not to look too much at the strange metal thing on his arm. “You wanna know what this is, don’t you?” he asked as they entered the castle proper.
“I admit, that has been puzzling me as well.” They both turned to see Princess Luna, the Courier’s weapons floating behind her.
“Your Highness,” Defib said reverently as he dipped into a bow.
“My guns!” Thomas exclaimed happily, earning himself a glare from the guard and a smile from the alicorn. “I was starting to feel vulnerable.”
“Are things truly so bad that being constantly armed is necessary?” Luna asked as she floated the weapons over, sounding worried.
“Depends where you go. Stick close to the cities, you’re usually okay. Out in the wilderness, though...” He shrugged. “Uh, could you...?”
“Oh, of course,” Luna replied hastily, setting the guns down on the floor. “Remember, Thomas, our arrangement was that they be kept non-operational,” she gently reminded.
“I know,” the man replied as he pulled the magazine off his submachine gun and tucked into his duster. He continued to do the same with the rest of his weapons, moving incredibly fast and efficiently. “There. Now they’re just fancy clubs.”
“Come with me,” Luna instructed, turning tail. “I have information regarding the theft.”
You would not believe how happy I was to hear that. Being there was nice, but I wanted to get back. No place like home, and all that crap. Besides, I hadn’t played poker in a week and I was worried I could lose my touch.
Of course, there are two sides to every coin.
Luna’s explanation ended with them in her room, the scene of the crime. The Courier sat on the foot of her bed, Defib looked around, having never been in the room before, and Luna stared at the chest that had been broken into.
“It wasn’t a pony?” The Courier did not like where this conversation was going.
“No, the magic signature does not match.”
“You can pick that kind of thing up?”
“Usually it’s the kind of thing that would be obvious. But whoever is responsible went to great lengths to throw us off the trail.”
“Could it be the griffons, your highness?” Defib asked, running through everything he had heard again.
Luna seemed to ponder this for a moment. “No, those who can use magic are kept close to the ruling caste. There is little chance that one with the skills needed was in Canterlot.”
“Could a unicorn have, I dunno, disguised their magic? Is that even possible?” Thomas could not believe that he was seriously asking these questions. His only experience with magic a week ago were the stories he’d find in Tæles of Chivalrie magazines. Now here he was talking about a thief who used magic alongside a talking pony that could manipulate electricity and what he suspected to be a physical goddess. How things changed.
“The skill needed to do such a thing is rare. The only ones that could reliably pull that off are myself, my sister and her student. And Twilight Sparkle has far too much respect to even think of stealing,” Luna finished. “Guard, do you have any ideas?”
“What was it they stole?” Defib asked. “A weapon, or...?”
“It’s something called the Transportalponder. A device that acts as a... I suppose ‘beacon’ is the right word, for a device that then teleports me to a predetermined point,” he explained. “Somehow, it malfunctioned and dropped me into that forest. As for why they stole it?” He shrugged. “Maybe they thought it was a weapon. Even if it was, it’s not gonna do them much good, I broke it.”
Defib thought about that for a moment. “If they think they stole a weapon, then we should be looking at those who view Equestria negatively. The Diamond Dogs, or the Changelings.”
“Changelings?”
“Shapeshifters that feed off of positive emotions,” Luna explained. “We know there are no Diamond Dogs within the city, but you raise a good point. Changelings...” the princess mused. “There could very well be one among the staff. We need to investigate this further.”
Author’s Notes:
Okay, this took longer than I would have liked.
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Why is it always the usual suspects? Can't it just be somepony who wants to get a look at new technology and doesn't want to wait?
819230
For all you know, it isn't the usual suspects.
819232
I think it is either another human or one of those brain jars from the think tank.
yay new chaper :D i also started to read your other story's and they are awesome lol
Courier logic: INTERROGATION OF DEATH! YOU WILL FEEL NO LOVE FROM THIS MAN!
He'll have the entire castle scared shitless by the time it's over.
Spy check!
i.imgur.com/dFv3r.jpg
I've just realized that he's talking to Vault dweller 101
the plot thickens
819320 Me in a nutshell...
819320
Hudda Hudda Huh!
Now I have the image of the courier running around Canterlot Castle flaming ponies with a flamethrower.
lol shit gets real Dis gon b gud
819320
Maybe not...
img.ponibooru.org/_images/a05f61a76cf1be7b79b6d6b875f6b2c3/35794%20-%20pinkie_pie%20spy%20Steam_Avatar%20tf2%20water_marked_tough_luck_guys%20your_eternal_reward.png
819385
Rarity is the spy. Pinkie is the pyro.
819271
Hell, I bet they would be hurt by standing near him. He probably radiates anti-love or something.
819320 monday
Blue Balls?
If there is a Changeling, than I bet Thomas would just stomp it like the bug it is.
I imagine a scene from the machinima series "Spriggs" is going to fit in here:
"Computer, fire high-explosive rounds."
"Okay... Fire armor piercing rounds."
"Regular rounds..."
"Nerf rounds?"
"Damn it, Triple M, did you even load it yet?"
"God Damn It Willy! I haven't fixed it yet, why would I load it?!"
"Oh well... guess I'm gonna have to ram 'em."
[Scene: Willy is driving an M808 Main Battle Scorpion-class tank, trying to kill Spriggs. Mechanic Triple M is hanging on the back for dear life.]
Willy: "That's it, the truce is off you sun of a bitch. I'm coming at you like a baby making machine. Balls-to-the-wall!"
*turns to look at the computer*
Willy:
Computer: "Ammo count: 0"
Willy:
Computer: "Rounds Depleted."
Willy:
Computer: "Nope."
Willy:
Computer: "Zilch."
Willy:
*Triple M begins to smash at the back panel of the tank.*
Triple M:
*Willy sighs.*
Willy:
819444 Same way of workings as griffin the griffin
819372
That made me lol!
BAHAHAHA!!!!
With this background music!
Heh, ten pounds of shrapnel. That probably doesn't include his heart, spine, and whatever other implants he may have installed. Plus, the elite riot gear seems to include a lot more metal parts than the other types too.
819232 my bet is that twilight or one of the princesses hid it so he must stay a bit more!
819433
Proving that Rarity is a good enough spy to have a good Pinkie disguise.
819232
Actually I'm going with the classical, it was the butler! I think its a fair shot with the comedy of this fic.
....... Ulysses. He found a way there....
And he's going to take Thomas home again, on that long, lonesome road.
819444 OOOOOOHH, I'd love to see that!
Great chapter as usual my friend.
I always enjoy the fascination the ponies have with the Courier, wheather it be how hard he is to kill or how hard his home is.
Looking forward to seeing who the theif is.
dl.dropbox.com/u/12875849/reactions/huddahudda.jpg
I get a feeling of elation every single time this updates.
820325
Is that a euphamism for death?
820708
I think it's a reference to the DLC Ulysses is from, it's called The Lonesome Road, and I *think* someone in game said: long, lonesome road.
^ all is speculative, I never played that one. Haven't gotten around to the download.
My guess as to who stole it: Applejack with the help of Twilight.
Don't ask why, I just do.
Oh yea! Getting FANCY!
Yeah, it was totally Twilight. She's taken either to try and figure out how it works, or to keep him from going back to the wasteland in a misguided attempt to protect him. As for her having respect for this kind of thing, we already know that she doesn't really. Whenever she gets an idea in her head, she acts on it, whether it's good or not.
this is an awesome fic
WE DEMAND MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!
817647 The delector shields still had their limits. An M82 would tear a hole in a shield. Also, there is no such thing as too close for most assault rifles. Ever heard of point blank? What about SMG's, handguns, and shotguns? I also forgot about artillery. (Mortars, howitzers, that kinda stuff.) Not much training? Try saying that to the last guy who was killed by a US soldier armed with a KA-BAR combat knife.
820963 Twilight, put the interesting lightningey thing down before the nice man makes you.
I find the NCR love...disturbing. House and Caesar for life!
So I've been reading this story since the morning and I wub it! You deserve a Twilight Sparkle:
My hope is that the changelings use it to escape to the wasteland, then finding no love there, starve to death.
The Changelings will be poisoned by the Courier's anti-love field.
821864 Imagine that a BoS scribe wearing T-51b armor and armed with a ballistic fist just punched you in the face. Now realize you aren't imagining it, and that there are bits of your head on the moon.
822238 Or a Courier with a YCS/186 Guass rifle and the Meltdown perk. Same result.
822339 You really didn't understand what I meant, did you? (Veronica punching him in the face with a ballistic fist while wearing T-51b power armor. Mr. House and Caesar have you blow up the BoS bunker.)
821618 Even if I'm right, it probably won't come to that. Despite stealing the transportalponder, I'm certain Twilight would only have his best interests at heart. But there's a good chance that it isn't Twilight in any event.
819611
Oh god man,
You brought me back some good memories by quoting that.
I think I know, like, the lines of the first 5 episodes off by heart.
SPRRIHIHIGGGS, DIE YOU SON OF A B-*ratatatatatata*
819320exactly, just, exactly. i applaud you sir.
...I have no witty comments to give. Good job, update soon. That is all.
819733 Somebody shoud animate it
I almost feel sorry for what ever gets in The Couriers way to get home.
819232 I took it. hahaha. now to hide it under his bed
tf2wiki.net/w/images/thumb/b/be/Sapper_IMG.png/250px-Sapper_IMG.png
inb4 this is on the tele-trans-thingy.